Considering to Leave from My Husband

I'm not a psychologist, but I have had marriage difficulties in the past. I don't know the details of your situation, but it would be good to really think about why you aren't happy and look at yourself first to see if there is anything you could do to work on your end of the marriage. It is a commitment that shouldn't be taken lightly, but I do understand when things are miserable, too. I recommend seeing a marriage counselor. Hopefully he would go to. I wouldn't just skip out on him. That will haunt you the rest of your life. Things might be worked out and with both of you working hard, your marriage might be saved and be great.

Unless you are afraid that he will hurt you I think you at least owe it to him to tell him before you go.

Good luck!

Getting out of a marriage is not always the 'happy ending' that it looks like. It sounds as if he doesn't even realize how unhappy you are. Men are very bad about this. If there's not a big fight going on, they seem to think that EVERYTHING is 'OK' even when the wife is thoroughly dissatisfied!

Here are some factors to consider:
> Is he kind to you? (Or does he often purposely say things that hurt your feelings? Or does he EVER physically hit or hurt you?)
> Is he a good provider? (Or does he not work? Or does he spend the family money without agreement from you as to what it should be spent for?)
> Is he faithful to you? (Or does he have affairs? Or does he flirt with other women?)
> Is he a decent person? (Or does he have addictions? Or is he dishonest -- does he lie, cheat, or steal?)
> Is he trusting of you? (Or is he controlling of your time, activities, friendships, finances, etc? Or does he accuse you of things you don't even do?)

If you answered all the first questions of each set with 'Yes', then you should probably try to learn/find some ways to be happier within yourself, to express your feelings to him, to bring out his emotions and romantic side, and get closer to him.

If he's NOT kind & faithful to you, a good provider, and/or a decent, trustworthy and trusting person in general, you should probably find your way out of the relationship.

Hi, K.,

Unless the rules have changed, YES you can just leave without being charged with anything since the two of you do not have children. You may have to come back to deal with the equitable distribution of shared assets but not if you are so desperate that you only want your freedom and nothing else. If you move out of state and have no intention of fighting him over anything, you could handle petitioning for divorce on your own through the area's court clerk. You can also (if you do not know where he is.... wink ) post an ad in his nearby area informing him that you have petitioned for divorce and the date the divorce proceedings will commence. He will have either 30 or 45 days to respond (sorry it's been awhile i can't recall which one it is) If he does not respond,or, show up, he loses his chance to complain later.

The best of luck to you,
B.

K.,

I'm going to be a little preachy with you. Marriage is work. It takes both of you to make a marriage work. Most people who divorce can't come to reality when the fireworks and lovey dovey part of marriage has dwindled. Marriage isn't a fairy tale, it is a life long commitment that you should've thought about before you said "I do". That committment means you stick by each other through "better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do you part". How long have you been married? Are you wanting to divorce because you are not residing in your home state and you miss your family? Has your husband mistreated, abused, or cheated on you? Does he work to support you and him so you can have a place to live and food on the table? And what a coward you are to think you could just leave him without an explanation. He deserves at least an explanation from you, face-to-face, if you are going to leave him. Most people who leave without saying anything do so because they know their spouse will work on the problem and the one leaving does't want to "work" on it. Again, marriage is work. It's not a wedding which is what I think some people confuse with marriage. As far as how to divorce and how to proceed I think you should seek legal counsel for advice. They would be able to tell you what you need to do.

.

K.,

I am not going to judge you or your situation as I am divorced myself now for 10 years. However, I stayed separated a year before I filed. We tried the counselor thing and it just did not work for us. We are still able to have a good realtionship very cordial. I get along wonderfully with his family and we are often a family functions together and he is remarried, we do not have children together but he has always been in my daughter's life from infancy. What I do suggesst to you is not to run away that is very cowardly and unfair to a man you proclaimed to love or loved. You thought enough of him to marry him think enough of him to tell him you want to leave. I think just from the basic information you have listed that your marrriage may be saved. It seems that communication is alot of the problem here. You can feel very lonely in a marriage if you do not communicate. Do you think that your husband knows there is even a problem? The one thing I will say is that another person can not make you happy and should not be repsonsible for your happiness that is too much for anyone and the same rule applies for you being responsible for another person's happiness. However, you should want to do all you can to make a person you love not be sad and assist in any way you can to help them find the joy in life. Marriage is hard work and people forget that. Teeth and tongue fall out sometimes. If you do not understand the root of your unhappiness and leave you may have alot of regrets years later, realizing that you walked away from a good man. Getting with someone else will also not make you happy, it may be fun for a while but I always say the grass in another's person's yard may look greener but it needs to be mowed to, you know the weeds you are dealing with to keep yours maintained you never know what you will have to deal with to maintain another's. Life is short but it's the longest thing you will ever do. God loves you, and he often brings people in your life that are sturdy and not exciting, but who also loves you and would be there for you through thick and thin. Is your husband a root or a leaf. Leaf people fall off based on seasons, rooots hold you in place, feed you, nurture you. Pray about your situation, be proactive about finding a solution other than running.

Hi K., Have you considered talking to a marriage counselor? If you go to church, is there someone there you can talk to? Before you leave, you should be able to say that you have tryed everything, maybe you have already. What are your reasons for wanting to end your marriage?

K., if your husband is a good man,than i would tell him that i am not happy with your marriage and would like a divorce. Yes you can be divorce in another state.

Good luck cc

I would not walk out without telling him as property could be at stake. Also each state is different about divorce. In NC you have to live separately for a year before you are granted the divorce. I am not certain if you have to live in state, however. You could google for divorce information. I have written on this topic before with websites so check my responses on Mamasource. Also, I would save up enough money and even hide some (not in a bank account & not in your house-maybe with a trusted friend) if you haven't been doing this already. If you are interested in getting half of everything, make copies of financials so you have them for the attorney. You may need them anyway. Take care of you. And yes, try marriage counseling to save the marriage if possible. I have been through rough patches where I thought of leaving, but we are still together. Marriage isn't a fairy tale and it isn't easy, so you need to work at it if possible (and if violence isn't involved).

Are you not happy in your marriage, or are you not happy in you? Is your husband violent, mean, hateful?? Why did you marry him? Has that all changed? That being said, there is nothing worse than be unhappy, anywhere. He must see it and feel your frustration. With no children, if counceling is not a consideration, go. Dont wait and make it more miserable for everyone. Go and let life start rebuilding for both of you. Yes, if you go back to where you were, or anywhere, after 6 months, you can file in your state of residence. Good luck and God Bless.

Consider talking to a counselor to see if leaving it what you really want, and if it is then talk to an attorney to find out the best way to proceed. If money is an issue, there are typically free services available. Call the United Way, Salvation Army or your local health department to point you in the right direction. Good luck!

You are the only one who can decide if you should stay married. I would try to talk to him about it to see if he can respond and change in a way that might surprise you. However, since you don't have children to consider, I don't think you should feel guilty about getting a divorce if you are not happy. Life is too short to spend a lot of time in a situation that isn't happy, and nobody else telling you to suck it up because marriage is hard has to be married to your husband, so you should try to the extent that you think best to work on your marriage, but if it comes to you just not being happy with this person then by all means do what is best for you. Since you don't have children it should be easier to get a divorce. If you live in NC you need a separation agreement before either of you moves out if you have mutual property, or the person moving out gives up their rights to that property. So, if you don't have much in the way of assets just leave, but if you have mutual property you need to ask him if he'll sign a separation agreement. If he won't, you have to get a lawyer to get a judge to issue a separation agreement, and that can take a few months while you have to stay living with him. In any event, once you have separated you can move to another state and once you have lived there long enough for that state to consider you a resident you can file for divorce under their laws. I am a paralegal and going through a divorce, but I'm not a lawyer so you should consider getting a consultation with a lawyer. Often a consultation is free or a smallish fee.

Double check with a lawyer to make sure "abandonment" does not apply to any of your shared property like a house.

I would talk to him, unless you are in some sort danger. He may feel the same way.

Splitting is hard, even when both parties want it & there are no children.

Good luck

P

I think you have to file in the state you reside in but I am not sure. You can easily call an attorney to ask, even the legal assistant should know. I also would not leave w/ out telling him. You wouldn't want him to do that to you. It is going to be hard and he may put up a fight which will make it harder but if you truly, TRULY are done with the marriage, you owe it to him AND TO YOURSELF to do it maturely. You sit him down and tell him that it is not working out the way you thought it would. Tell him that you are not happy and for that reason, he surely isn't happy either. You can file the divorce and then move back to your home state but you will have to come back here to sign papers, go to court, etc I would wait to move until it is final. I would take at least a couple of weeks to really think about this and make sure it is what you want. Maybe even take a vacation alone or with a girlfriend. Go visit family and have a lot of quiet alone time to think about this. Think about if you can make it on your own, financially too. Don't stay married for money, just be prepared before you end it. You should not stay married if you are not happy.

Talk to family, friends, a lawyer/mediator if needed, somebody to get some idea what your going to do. You also need to sit him down and tell him as well. If your afraid then do it with someone else with you. Family is really good. Think about your reasons really hard before doing this. Are you positive this is what you want? Why? Are you just in a slump? Is it something he said/did/won't do/won't say? Do you feel like you feel out of love? I have been there too and it takes alot of work to work it out even though sometimes it still fails at least you tried. God Bless.

Get a book " Love and Respect" by Dr Emerson Eggerichs.........you will be amazed.....saved our marriage
L.

Are you sure that is what you want? To leave? With no children it isn't that hard to do. If you are afraid of him for some reason, wait until he goes to work and pack some things away. When you are ready to go, just write a note and wish him well. It doesn't matter where you got married or what state you live in. When you are apart, your free to file divorce,taxes, claims or anything else-anywhere you live as long as you have changed your address legally. If you move to a different state you just need to change your address at the postoffice and the drivier's license beurea.don't worry about what he does. Start life over. New life, new start and a new home. Your home state may give you more family support or friends you've known for awhile, but maybe haven't seen lately. If you are separated you can file for a divorce where ever you live. If you are separate for 3-6 months and neither one tries to contact each other, you can get a divorce easy.
'no fault".maybe, something better is waiting in your home state. Lol.