I have been married for almost four years and I have a 2yr old little princess. My husband and I get alone off and on. He was in the Navy but just recently got out. During his first tour overseas. I found out that he had an online web page stating that he was not married but “in a relationship” looking for someone to have fun with. When I confronted him with this and a number of other emails from him to other women stating that he was a single father looking for a good woman, all he can say was he don’t know why he did it. Now, up until them I thought our relationship was fine. After that we have had a big issue with trust. Everything we try to build the trust back he does something to destroy it. Now we have moved back home, and I am not sure if I want to continue this relationship when I can’t trust him. I don’t know if he was just talking to these women or if it was something else, but I feel like this move can be a new beginning for me. He sees it as a new beginning for us but I’m not sure how long that is going to last before he mess up again. What should I do?
I went through the same thing with my husband while he was in the navy and deployed over seas. The websites stating he was single and emails to other women. When I asked him about all of it, he said he didn't know why. He has now been out for almost two years and everything is fine without any trust issues. I seriously just think it's because of being away from their families makes them feel like they are single. I hope this helps you.
get out! you couldn't trust him to begin with why do you think it's any different now? get out, and be glad for the fresh start.
oh my gosh sis open your eyes if he's done it once he will do it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i told my daughter her husband was cheatting on her and she didnt believe me until she caught him in the ACT!!!!!!!!!!!! then he admitted to it. he's been married 3 times since they divorced.
I personally would have probably left him after the first time he messed up. I know it is easier to say that then it is to be in that position. I would think that maybe give it a try and go to counseling but if you just aren't feeling comfortable with it then it is just going to cause problems in the marriage and make it bad for everyone.
Dear K. M -
A bad marriage is bad for everyone involved, including your little girl. It is important for her to continue to have her Dad in her life, but not to see him mistreat her Mom. The only thing is that being a single Mom is tough, it makes you vulnerable and unfortunately easy prey for those looking to take advantage, so you have to be doubly strong. You'd have to ask yourself if you are ready to take that on. Would your husband be willing to go to counseling and explore why he feels the need to cheat? For your daughter's sake it might be worth a shot, but don't let the situation continue the way it is -- you and your daughter deserve a man and a father who is dedicated to both of you.
I hope this helps,
R.
K.,
I deal with this delema all the time in my job. The only advise that anyone can give you is to make up your own mind on what YOU want to do. Literally write down the pros and cons and go from there. No one but you can decide to stay or leave. Sounds like you have a heavy decision to make.
I was in a similar situation and caught my X cheating red handed. For me, that was it. I took our 1 year-old (at the time) and never looked back -- except for child support and I got a very good lawyer for that.
Good luck. Neither way you go will it be easy. Think of what you are teaching your daughter for when she gets into such situations when she is older.
S.
I don't want to get all religious on you BUT bottom line is that IF you truely love this man and you are committed to do whatever it takes to make it work...then pray about your relationship and pray for your husband DAILY. God works wonders!!! He blesses those who talk to him with a committed and loving heart.
My DH and I went through this for the first 2 1/2 years. His was only ads and talking online. I knew his passwords and would check on everything and caught him. We went through a lot of heart to hearts. It took a while but I finally got to the root of problem. There were a couple times that I had to help him relate to how I felt by doing some of the same things. We had a lot of fights but things have been much better for more than a year and a half now. I try to do more of the things that he wants that was what he felt like he was missing out on. Being a military dependent makes the situation that much harder. Not many in the civy world can truely understand the dificulties. It's not easy to just pick up and leave because there are no family around to support you. I would say if you truly love him and want it to work the first thing is to talk about it. Counseling can help. If he worries about retribution on the job because of going to counseling you can request it for yourself. If it is offered off base you can bring him with you and it's part of your medical records and not his. HTH
He needs mental help! He has no clue what he is doing. I can not even imagine the lies he is telling himself. There is absolutely no good reason for his behavior. If he doesn't seek help for his emotional disorder, what ever it might be, kick him out! Your daughter does not need to be exposed to all that dishonesty and lieing. How selfish can a man get? Good Luck and God Bless you and your "princess".
K.,
Much as I hate to say it, you and your daughter would be better off without him. My ex husband did the same kind of thing. We had alot of issues because of what he did. He went up for a court martial, and there were 13 confirmed affairs in less than 5 years. And each and every one of the women reported that he told them he was a single father. Heck he even took my oldest son to the zoo with one of them the day after I had given birth to our youngest son.
He can tell you that all he did is talk to the women, but you'll never really know. I couldn't be in a relationship that had no trust. So I left and believe me my children and I are MUCH better off.
Good luck to you K.!
J.
All I can tell you is IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE IT WORK. If BOTH of you are willing, then there is HOPE. I have been in a marriage like this, but my husband of 14 years was NOT willing to change - Good luck to you both. PRAY and PRAY HARD and LISTEN to what HE tells you! :)
I was in the same situation about a year ago. I know that everyone says they would leave if that ever happened to them but it easier said than done when you have kids. I have a question for you has he changed the web page to tell the truth that he is married? If he has than its a step in the right direction. the best advice I can give you is to talk it out I mean really get everything off your chest and his as well. It might help him to "remember" why he did it. After that just take it one day at a time. Don't expect trust to come that easy that quick it will take time. Maybe he just wanted to see if other people found him interesting but that is no excuse. Good luck to you
Hi K.,
I really think you guys should seek some professional counseling. You need to be able to trust him for your relationship to work. Maybe there is an underlying issue that you don't know about that ya'll can work out in therapy. Praying together as a couple/family also brings you closer together. Good luck to you. I hope everything works out.
*hugs*
I would seek out a therapist if you can but in the end it's up to you whether or not you want to continue in this marriage.
A relationship without trust is not a true relationship. It is up to HIM to rebuild that trust.
