I need some advice....I'm worried about my niece and nephew (my brothers kids). Mainly my niece. My brother and ex-sister-n-law fight alot infront of the kids and play a lot of games with the kids. They both keep getting back together and breaking up and keep moving around so the kids never sleep in one bed at either persons house for more than 6 months at a time. The only stability the children they have is my mom,my sister & me. I quit working to be home with my boys and to help with my niece and nephew. My niece will be 8 in May and my nephew is 5. My neice was was born with mitro valve prolapse. Her health has not been priority for both parents only when me or my family push them into taking the kids in. My neice hadn't been to the dr for her shots since she was 2 so when she registered for school my brother and I had to take her to the fire department for their annual vaccines and to get her caught up. My niece thought I was the most horrible person at that time. Everytime there is fighting my niece will all of a sudden become very ill and will start vomitting. She misses alot of school and both parents are very close to losing their jobs because of being home with her. I try to keep her home with me but she cries for her parents. It's killing me to see the kids go through these games. She's a very emotional person and is an emotional eater. She's a alot larger than most of the little girls in her age group so she does get teased alot. She has very little friends. This poor little girl is to young to be going through these problems with her parents. My nephew is a lot stronger he just ignores everything and plays by himself or watches TV when the fighting is going on. He is the opposite of his sister he doesn't eat and is under weight. What do I do. I have tried talking to my brother and I try to remind him how precious children are and that they are god's gift and we should cherish them but he just blows me off and tells me not to worry about things he's a big boy and these are his kids. My brother is 10 years older than me and we aren't as close as me and my sister. I worry about the kids and I hate to totally cut them out of my life. But I can't keep standing back and watching these kids keep getting messed up. He is a very good father he has them everyday after work and practicaly every weekend. I'm so hurt and so is my family. There is no talking to either parent....HELP do I secretly try to get my neice some help or do I just walk away????
I would like to thank everyone who responded to my letter. Everyone is right I am the children's voice I need to speak up for them. I can't hold back anymore and I can't walk away. I love those children more than anything and I can't continue to see them hurt. You are all very nice people with such great advice. I will take all of this and I will do the right thing. Thank you again!!!!
You are a great person for trying to help the situation. If you can handle it I would stay around. At the kids school there are Psychologist that they can go to. Then if there is anything to be done maybe the School Psychologist can talk to the parents or at least comfort the children. If the daughter talks to someone at the school about her medical condition maybe they can get something done. That way you won't be blamed. Good Luck
My opinion, do some research and find out what you would or could do, if you were to take action. Don't jump in blind, it will be worse for her in the long run. Knowing that you care does more than you know, even more than she knows. If you are her only solid family member stay close. Once you have some ideas find a non-offensive way to approach your brother with your ideas. If he is completely opposed to helping, or allowing you to help, there is a bigger problem. It is sooo hard when it comes to family and kids, but ultimately it is the children that matter most. What your brother sees as imposing or inappropriate now, may be just what he thanks you for later. Good luck.
Absolutely DO NOT give up on helping those kids!!! They are victims, and you need to be their advocate! Yes, you are having a hard time with this, but they are LIVING IT... God has you in their lives for a reason! Have faith, pray hard, and always be the stability they need, since their parents don't seem to have the parenting tools to do it.
Be there for those kids. They need you! I wish my sister was as involved with my kids as you are! Stand up for them, they are your family, they need someone to protect them.
C., I'm sorry that I don't have any actual advice. Your situation is overwhelming. I just want you to know that I will be praying for you to find a way through this situation. And I will pray for your brother, sister-in-law and the kids too.
M.
HI there, C..
I don't know the extent to the fighting of which you are talking about, but if there is violence in the home, then this is a reportable offense to child protective services. I realize that this may seem like an extreme measure to take,but if the children's health and wellbeing is jeopardized by aggressive behavior, and the parents are not considering counseling, or splitting up, then they are exposing their children to an extremely detrimental environment and all options need to be considered. Best wishes to you and your family.
T
Hi, Frist of all theres only so much you can do. If he says these are his kids and he such a big boy then take resposbility for your childern. Im sure he is a good dad but right now from what I just read neither one of them are being a good parent by fighting in front of the kids playing these on agian off agian games. See if you can talk to the kids school counsler about this and go from there that way she can talk to them and you wont be in the middle. My parents didnt divorce until i was older and let me tel you that on agian off agian stuff played into my own personall life. I wish you luck your a great aunt!
This used to work w/my brother and it's not the most pleasant tactic. He would never listen to me, so we would get in an argument and I would tell him EVERYTHING I was thinking. Don't hold back anything. Make sure the kids aren't around. Tell him that he is ruining their lives, his child is overwieght, one is underwiegth and he walks around like he doesn't care, etc, etc. He will get mad, yell back, but then later when he looks at his children he will start to remember some of the things you said. It seems like that is the only thing left to do.
Hello C.,
I am saddened by your story. Please do not take offense however, I cannot say I agree with your assessment that he is good Dad. I am one of those children who parents fought all the time in front of my brother and I. I was a very sick child till I was about 11 and the only time my parents paid attention is when I started turning blue because I could not breathe. I still 46 years later cannot not handle people yelling around me or at me. I hide and avoid all conflict.
My "mother" I use that word loosely finally divorce my father because he abused her and us, but she left us with him to raise. I am sorry but I still hear the fighting and I still overeat when ever conflict or stress is involved.
I have dated 11 men in my life, and married two of them and I realized I married someone and dated all men just like my Dad and I was becoming just like my "mother". I left my husband that day and took my children and never went back and I stayed alone for nearly 17 years till I could choose someone that would not treat me that way.I can promise you this I made sure that my daughter would never be abused and would fight in front of the children. My daughter has been a Mom since she was 16 and Kody just turned 14 and never has she or her x husband had a fight in front of the kids, never.
These kids need a voice, their parents are not willing to speak for them according to your letter. You must speak for them. Your niece in her condition should not put on weight. Your nephew needs to be healthy. It is time for you to call child protectives service. Abuse is not the only reason to call them. They need help and the ball is in your court now. If you were not truly and honestly worried about them you would nothave come and talk to us.
Please maybe you think at my age I should be over most issues and yes I went to therapy and I can deal with all things but yelling and conflict but I still remember the fights like it was yesterday, I cannot make that pain disappear. I have learn a better way to deal with it.
Stop the cycle for your neice and nephew now. Stop the cycle. Yes your brother is grown up and yes they are his children but it seems like he is not taking a grown up approach to fatherhood. It seems more like you and your other family members are taking the grown up approach to raising these childen. Never give up on the kids, never give up your brother but get him pointed in the right direction.
M.
