Co Worker Doesn't like Me

Updated on April 14, 2012
J.G. asks from Minneapolis, MN
11 answers

I work with all women and for some reason one of my co workers doesn't like me (I am pretty sure). I interact with her more so than anyone else so I need to figure out how to get along better with her. She is a gossip and once I told her to stop telling me gossip and since then she has been different towards me. I wasn't rude about it, I just explained that I don't think she should be telling me other people's private information. I don't have problems with anyone else at work so I know its not me. I do understand that not everyone will like me, but I need some advice on how to shake off her rude behavior everyday. How do you ladies handle it when one of your coworkers treats you like they are constantly annoyed with you and always seem to point out your errors and make you look stupid for it. She doesn't handle confrontation well (obviously since confronting her about gossiping pissed her off) so that is not an option right now....hopefully in the future!

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S.G.

answers from Rapid City on

Well, it isn't easy when you are feeling disliked by a fellow worker but if you understand why she is like that, it may help. She tells gossip as a way of bonding, sharing "secrets" even though she shouldn't be sharing other's secrets. So she was trying to befriend you and her way probably works with a lot of the other women so when it didn't work with you and you called her on the gossiping, she no longer knows if you like her so she has a guard up. You aren't wrong in telling her you don't lke gossip, reprimending her on her gossiping probably belittled her in her eyes. No one likes to be belittled any more then listening to gossip. I wouldn't bring up the gossip part again but I would ask her out to coffee or lunch and show her how to carry on conversations that doesn't include gossip about others. If she brings up some gossip, just change the subject instead of pointing out that she is gossiping. Best way to keep someone from talking about others is to start asking them about themselves.

1 mom found this helpful

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Although it's nice if co-workers get along and like each other - it's not a requirement.
Just be professional, treat her with respect with regard to how well she performs her job and expect the same from her.
If she points out an error, thank her for catching it, then try not to make that same mistake again.
If she makes a mistake, return the favor and point it out as politely as possible.
Find something you can discuss with her that isn't gossipy - weather and traffic are usually pretty neutral topics.
You can achieve a certain detente - a cool regard - without all out office warfare breaking out.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.F.

answers from New York on

Be the most pleasant, sweet person you can be and don't take her being an @ss personal. It's not personal she just has problems and you won't share in her gossippy ways to your credit so don't take her seriouslty. We all make mistakes, just try to do the best you can at your job and let her poor karma work itself out for her detriment.

2 moms found this helpful
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K..

answers from Phoenix on

You can't really ever win with people like that, because they are unhappy & insecure. Confronting her doesn't sound like it would be very effective.

I agree, be the better person. It will just make her look childish & it will keep your good reputation in tact.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Just ignore her.
And, keep professional about it, in front of others. That way, they will know it is the other woman's problem/issues.

I am sure, everyone must know, this woman is icky. Anyway.

She does not have to like you.
But it is an office, thus YOU be professional.
So that, your stance in the office, in not tainted.

Or, if it gets really bad and this woman is 'targeting' you, then you talk to HR about it.
Then at that point, you would have to be, DOCUMENTING everything.
To prove, your case.

But personality differences just exist.
You do your job and try not to let it get personal.
At least you stated your boundaries to her.
Now she knows, you stand up for yourself.
Leave it at that.
Unless, she harasses you or makes other trouble to you, in the office that may undermine you.
Then you keep documenting this... and talk to your HR person.

Again, she does not have to like you.
And you don't have to like her.
This is an office.

IF she is a higher-up, and you are her subordinate, then well, her treating you this way, is inappropriate. Again, talk to HR.
But if she is the same level position as you... then you are her equal.

Just ignore her.
And keep a professional image in the office, especially in front of others WHEN this woman, mistreats you... in front of others.
You CAN 'correct' her diplomatically, in front of others... doing it in a professional non-personal manner. That way, the other co-workers, will know that it is not 'you'... who is an idiot, but her.

1 mom found this helpful

A.!.

answers from Detroit on

AWSOME FOR YOU!!!!!! Consider her rudeness a blessing that she will not bring that foolish high school mess to you, smile at her and keep it moving. WE NEED TO TELL MORE OF THE GOSSIPERS TO MIND THIER OWN BUSINESS.

1 mom found this helpful

T.M.

answers from College Station on

I have worked in the same office for over 20 years and have worked with several different women. Unfortunately, No matter where you go there is always going to be someone like that ! Do your job to the best of your ability, be yourself and don't EVER let anybody or anything take that away from you ! Yes, It can be VERY hurtful because you are left wondering what in the world you could have done to make that person be that way towards you. Been there done that many times ! ...but alot of times it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with what YOU did!...the other person is the one with the problem...i.e..insecurity or jealousy for whatever reason. Pretty sad! Consider it THEIR LOSS ! I sure do because I am a very loyal person to my friends and family. Just treat everyone else like I want to be treated (that is the way it should be!) but some people do not reciprocate.
I agree with alot of the other answers too !!...Give yourself a cavity when dealing with that person. Keeps them wondering ! ...lol!
The Very Best Of Luck To You !

1 mom found this helpful

M.S.

answers from Omaha on

Don't even worry about her. You can't control how other's react. You said your peace and if she wants to be immature about it then that's on her. You embarrassed her and she's trying to get you back by being passive aggressive. That's not your concern. Do your job and move on. Someone said thank her for catching your error's and don't let it bother you. People like that are always looking to steal someone elses joy. Smile, keep it professional and don't care one way or another. Don't let her accomplish her goal of making you miserable. Also, chances are, everyone else knows what she's about. She pretty much already looks like a fool. Move on and just be happy : )

1 mom found this helpful
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K.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

when my coworkers act childish like that...i simply ignore them-one of them is just a bully-hes perfect does everything right-everyone else is a screw up blah blah blah...hes thrown me under the bus one to many times...so i just completely ignore those who annoy me-i work on this property theres only 5 of us...and 2 of my coworkers are just constantly like that...i just walk away while their babbling on like idiots..ive tried the talk it out,confrontation,full blow fites,defending myself and its all been worthless-so when i walk away an simply ignore them-they know ive had enuff-and usually straighten up for a day or 2-these are 50+ yr old men acting like this-sad...

1 mom found this helpful
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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

I wouldn't worry about it. There is nothing you can do about it anyway. Some people will go out of their way to find something to be pissy about. Smile at her and move on.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.K.

answers from New York on

I know this post is quite old, but I was looking for someone in a similar situation to my own. I started a new job this year, also mainly women and there is someone who has taken a dislike to me too. Although I have some theories, I don't really know the reason for her behavior. It would be easy to just ignore her, but she seems to have been doing a lot of gossiping about me to other people at work who have been there a lot longer than me. I am not part of their click and I feel she is trying to block me from becoming friendly with the others. To make matters worse, her daughter is also a coworker so I feel that no matter what I say, it will be misunderstood and repeated and possibly make the situation worse. Since we do have to interact I am polite and try to stay focused on my work. I am trying to build friendships one at a time. I have made one friend who has the same relationship with her. We are both pretty easy going and non confrontational so she probably feels she can get away with it. I think it's some kind of a power trip.

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