Christmas Issue I Have

Don't make him wait; it's Christmas. Although, at this age, he really doesn't know too much and hasn't been exposed to a family's ways at the holidays.

I love to buy my son lots of gifts but when they are little, they don't know from zero to lots. I have actually trimmed my buying. You don't realize how quickly you accumilate things.

If you son is up, then have him open up a few and maybe save a couple for later. I always have my son open up a couple at a time. It's to stimulating and he loves to play with what he opens.

This can be a tough one, for sure.....I have a couple of ideas? Do you guys do stockings? If so, then maybe have your son open his stocking up when he wakes up, and let him play with that until he waits for his stepbrother to arrive, then have them both open up their big gifts together. Or maybe let your son open up one gift on Christmas Eve (we do that) and then have him wait to do the rest on Christmas Day when everyone is together. Or, since the kids are close in age, let your son open all his gifts up that are different from his stepbrothers, but then have them open up all the things that are for the both of them, like matching pj's or the games, or the shared stuff? I hope this helps. My daughter is 16 now, but I left her Dad when she was 10 mos old, and have been with my second husband since she was 3. My ex remarried someone with 2 daughters a bit older than mine. We bit the bullet and decided the celebrate the Holidays all together. Me, my ex, his new wife, my new hubby, the grandparents (that could handle it) and the stepkids. For Christmas, we celebrate Christmas Eve with my Dad (he can't handle the whole disfunctional Ex thing) and then Christmas morning, we open all our private gifts to each other before they get there, then when the Ex and such arrive, we give them the stuff from us, and open the stuff from them. That way it dosent get uncomfortable....It was hard in the beginning, but we did it for the kids. Now my ex has moved up to NC, and we actually drive up there and stay with them and still celebrate the Holidays with them. Hope this helps?

L., I get you, I totally do. I am not in the exact same boat, but we have our own christmas challenges. My husbnad's family and my family all have different traditions and ideas of what our christmas should look like. Once we had kids, we had to make some choices. We now have "christmas" with my mom a few weeks early. That way grandma gets the kids all to herself. We then do another Christmas the weekend before at my husband's family. He has a divorced brother who only gets the kids on the 26th or later, so we made Christmas happen the week before, crazy ex-wife can't argue with that. We would then do our own family Christmas how ever we wanted. We now do our own family Christmas OUT OF THE COUNTRY! It is so much better!LOL!

Here's the thing to remember, Christmas is not about opening presents its about time together, it is a season. You can make Christmas anything you want. If it is about opening presents all together, then do it on the 26th or the 23rd, or any ohter day you can all be together. If santa's presents are an issue, then they will be there when the kids get back. Everyone gets to open their present when they get home. That way they are the center of attention when they get their santa gift.

L., thisis your life, you can stress over it or you can work with it. You have an wonderful set up. You and your husband get some almost alone time with each child, how lucky are they. The kids get their extended families and are blessed by that. You and your husband are not rushed. You can enjoy the season at your own pace. Let go of what you think it "should be" and accept what is. You have a blended family, unless you move 5000 miles away, you will share your kids during the holidays. You decide the atmosphere, you decide whether you will be tense or relaxed. You decide how your kids will view Christmas, either it will be a horrible experience for everyone, or you take the lead and show how simply it can flow.

I'd love to know what you decide.

B. H, B.A.:.B.Ed
Family Coach

L.,

You are right that it isn't fair to keep one child waiting for another to arrive to open presents. My oldest son lives with his father (my ex-husband) and my 2 youngest sons live with my husband (second) and I and I would never dream of making them wait to open their gifts. My oldest spends Christmas Eve with his dad and step-mom doing their thing and I go to get him first thing Christmas morning because they are usually up until 2 or 3 am because of their traditions. But I allow my youngest boys to open their gifts and then my oldest son arrives at the house and opens his gifts. There is no reason to deprive the children that are there of the joy of the morning. If your husband has issues with it, explain to him that it would be like telling those kids there are cookies downstairs for them. But when you get downstairs and see that they have eaten them they get punished for it after they were told they were allowed to have them. It's not fair.

Good luck.

S.

I think you already received some great advice from the other readers. I agree with them all. I know your children love each other and if you were to say "why don't we wait to open together, I don't believe they would mind". I can't say it any better except to not allow it to overtake the reason for the season. Togetherness and family, mutual unity over seperation. I am sure your sons would look at it with a feeling of pride to know that they are loved so much that everyone waited to be together with the element of surprise than opening presents at different times and then sitting through and watching others. Maybe you can plan something with the family. Start a tradition or maybe go out to breakfast to distract from the wait.
All the best to you and yours. God Bless

Hi L., I'm not in the same boat, but I can see your point (and your husband's as well)
How about a compromise, and allow each child to open 1 gift until the entire family is together? The 11 month old will be happy just playing with the wrapping paper!

Dear L.,
Good Morning! It is my opinion that you are right in this matter! Your son has a specific time frame, your step son does not. Therefore I think your husband should talk to his ex;( it is called respect) and arrange a definite time frame- like the same as yours. Or the children should be allowed to open the gifts for them immediately upon arriving home! Christmas dinner is done as a family unit; and provides an chance for both children to express the holiday joys as well as your husband & yourself! I hope that some how this helps you and your husband find a compromise with a very joyful ending for all the children and yourselves! Happy Holidays and may God bless you all...
Sincerely,
Kathy N. & Family

Hi L.,
I've been meaning to call you but just seems like I'm so busy(sometimes I wonder). I'm trying to get back to working. I was pondering your request and it has its pros/cons on both sides. This is something you and your husband would need to compromise. Nothing is written in stone as long as you both agree. Some ideas-maybe every other year your stepson could be with you guys in the morning instead of waiting for him. It is nice to open gifts as a family but I also side with you on not having the kids wait so they can wake up and open the gifts. You know we use to open them up X-mas eve at midnight. I am also married to a man who was previously married, so I try to be flexible with the holidays. My son is only 18mo so he doesn't know what he's missing yet. We always have Xmas breakfast at my mom's in Orlando, so we always try to alternate holidays. I hope to speak with you soon. I really don't have anyone down here and in Tampa right now visiting my friend, needed to get away. Best wishes.

I really think that Christmas is ABOUT family. I would totally have your sons wait until thier brother is their. I think to solve the issue though, you can have the two at home open ONE gift each first thing in the morning. OR you can fill stockings for them with lots of little things and then they can open their stockings, but wait on the big Christmas gifts until you are all together. This is what I would do.

Dear L.,

We all have issues with blending our families at holidays. I find it very interesting how focused your conflict is on the opening of the gifts and not on the attending of church service. If your 7 year old and your step-son attend church with their families on Christmas Eve, then your tradition could become that you and your husband and baby go to church in the morning. Honestly, a 10 month old has no idea about Christmas or when it is...my almost 3 year old thought Halloween was the day we went trick-or-treating at Publix, the weekend before Friday, 10/31!!

I understand that you are anticipating that your 10 month old will eventually be 5 and will be super excited to open his gifts, but his understanding of Christmas and your family traditions will be what YOU and your husband teach him. So maybe instead of teasing your children about making them wait, you all get up and have breakfast and attend church (the real reason for Christmas) and then come home to await the brothers' arrival and your present opening.

Another idea with your husband's ex is to have your husband tell her that your family will be attending an 11:30 church service and he would appreciate having his son home in time to attend. Perhaps she would be more reasonable about setting a time that he returns home then.

Please pray about this situation and remember that you are the adult and it is up to you to teach your children that Christmas is about the birth of Christ and not about all the toys they are lucky enough to receive.

Peace be with you, C.

I see your husbands point, his son might be home last and have to sit in the corner and open his gifts all by himself? If these boys are going to grow up a family it makes sense to do things as a family.