Choosing Extracurricular Activities for Your Child

When my kids were that little we signed up for park district stuff first and then went into the "real" dojo type places etc. park district soccer, basketball,cheerleading etc. they get the beginning basics. they learn to participate and they have fun. as opposed to going straight into an all business type thing. the only other thing I would suggest to you is that you need to not be sitting where he can see you while at lessons. my granddaughter started ballet at 3 they had the parents sit outside the room where there was a 2 way mirror. we could see them but they could not see us. the little girls who's moms insisted on sitting in the back of the room didn't listen, ran to mommy every 3 minutes disrupted the class etc. just a thought. soccer is great as an option at that age. lots of running, learning to follow rules, be part of a team. something to start now though is the rule that if we pay for something we finish it.

He is still very young. Young kids often need to try several things out before you really invest in it. You might feel like you're wasting money until they find their niche, but how else will you know what he really likes or is good at?

When my oldest was a preschooler she tried gymnastics, dance, soccer and softball. She liked all of it, but was definitely most talented in softball. Since all of these things are time consuming and expensive, I had to guide her towards what I thought would be best. We stuck with softball and she's about to start her sixth season playing it. She is also playing basketball for her school this year for the first time. At first she didn't know what to do, and wasn't very good, but she has improved so much. Since she's improved, enjoys it, and it's good exercise, I'm willing to pay for her to do it again next year.

I think it shouldn't always be only up to the kid. I think it's a parent's job to guide their kids in the right direction. My 7 yr old son did t ball for the first time last year. He liked it and was good at it. He told me he'd like to try soccer this year. I was willing to let him try, but since it's both fall and spring, I told him he wouldn't be able to do baseball. I told him that it would be a shame since he's so good at baseball. He decided to stick with baseball. My daughter has occasionally mentioned she would like to get back into dance or gymnastics. I know that she wasn't very talented in those areas, and I think it would be a waste of time and money so I just remind her that she'd have to give up sports, and I remind her about what a talented softball player she is. That's usually enough to get her refocused.

So, it's a lot of trial and error in the beginning, then you see their talents start to develop and take it from there.

At four, I wouldn't sign them up for anything expensive. My daughter wanted to take ballet at that age after seeing "The Nutcracker." I knew that she had no idea how hard ballet really was, so I signed her up for classes through our Parks Commission, which cost much less than a studio and had no contract.
The only thing I ever signed her up for that wasn't her idea was swimming lessons. I didn't care if she wasn't Esther Williams, I just wanted her to know how to not drown if she fell in the river.
Every other activity she was involved in was HER idea, something she SPECIFICALLY asked for, and she knew that if she didn't like it, she didn't have to keep doing it. EC activities, whether it's sports, arts, or anything else, are supposed to be fun. If you have to drag a resisting, crying kid to an activity that is supposed to be fun, it's time to rethink the activity.

I don't choose extracurriculars for my children. I may offer info on something I know is available, but the choice is theirs.

Your son is only a preschooler, which means changeable and fickle. As he gets older, he will express interests. Whenever possible when he is young, do a trial period to test it out.

Karate is fine...so long as there is not a contract. He's way too young to make a long term commitment, so if this isn't a month-to-month, don't do it. If you can't stand the thought that he might lose interest in a month or two, don't do it.

i would never pay so much money for an activity for a child this tiny that it would hurt if he quit. no way does a 3 year old have the maturity to understand what he wants to pursue. this is an age to strew the path with opportunities and let him sample and move on.
almost all sports have opportunities for you to take him and watch, and then play with it at home. or very low cost intro classes.
at this age it's ALL about interest level. forcing a kid to continue an activity because one is considering one's pocketbook (and i'm so glad to see you're not one of these) does not serve a child well.
few 3 year olds have even a slight grasp of team concept. i certainly wouldn't go there, except in situations that are solely JFF.
find ways to let him do karate, fencing, pony rides, swimming, t-ball, board games, butterfly hunting, gardening, sand sculpture, jumprope, rock-climbing and so forth, in little bite-sized mouthfuls and age-appropriate settings.
let him flit from flower to flower for a few years yet!
khairete
S.

Morning
My son isn't that into some sports either. This includes Karate.. He was about 7 or 8 at the time and we thought since many were doing, we'd give it a try... The first lesson was ok.... but he NEVER loved it like some.. We kept him in for about 6 more lessons and then he'd had enough...
I didn't mind.. hey, it's not for everyone

Prior he did sign up for school basketball and while he did finish out the season, he made it clear, he wouldn't be going back :) so we didn't push him..

He just likes other things... He plays the accordion, likes chess and is currently attending a culinary program two days a week at the Y...

With baseball signups at school, he had NO interest, nor with soccer.. although does like volleyball , but they didn't have it for boys:(

He does like group sports such as dodge and kickball.. apart from that stuff, he'd rather hang out at a cafe and discuss politics... :) this at 11.. but it's just who he is.. and I LOVE it!

So don't worry about your son... sports aren't the only thing that build confidence... coming from a loving home definitely helps that and you are VERY loving as I can tell from your post..

Do this.. see IF when you sign him up for something IF there first class can be free OR at least just pay for one.. GOOD teachers and coaches know that some kids need to try someone out first to see IF they like it.. There should be nothing wrong with allowing a kid to see if a sport is for them..
I think you'll know in the first one or two lessons if a sport/class is right for your son.. As he grows, just keep trying out different things... something will click..

Good luck

I didn't start my son on any activity till he was in 2nd grade and 8 yrs old.
He could listen, pay attention and follow instructions at that age much better than if he had been any younger.
At 4 he was growing and getting use to pre-school.
Then he was learning kindergarten and first grade information - learning to read and write - I wanted him to have unstructured play time.
He was just ready at 8 to start an activity and he loves taewkondo.
He's still taking it (he's 14 now) and he'll be testing for his 3rd Don level black belt in March.
When he started middle school he began playing clarinet and he's also active in band.
I feel 2 activities are plenty for him.
Different kids are ready at different ages and you know your child best.
I feel badly for a kid when I see them fussing or crying over something that's suppose to be fun but they just aren't ready for it and their parent forces them into it anyway.
There are no hard fast rules about this.

I have a now 21 year old son. When he started Kindergarten he was 4 turning 5 and his newly met best friend was playing soccer so he wanted to join. It was too late (sign ups were in May and this was September). So when he was 5 and baseball sign-ups came, he wanted to join. I told him "ok but you are in it for the season". He joined and loved it. He has since done a sport every season. That is his thing. Our rule was no more than one sport per season and once we register you, you ARE committed for that season, session, year (whatever the case was). He also did Scouts since Tiger Cubs (through Eagle). It was his choice and request and our decision if we could make it work (and we always did).

My daughter is 6 and has no desire to join sports at this time so she hasn't signed up for anything. She did do two different summer dance classes (one last year and one the year before). She enjoyed it but she wasn't ready to be committed beyond that one session. She would just assume read a book or draw.

My point being that even when they say they want to do something, as the parent you have to be in tune with if they really want it or just want it at the moment. You have to know your child.

he's 4! Let him be free & easy....there's plenty of time for organized activities later in life. :)

instead look for play groups & a preschool that's "hands-on" in their curriculum.

honest disclaimer: my older son did attend a play group & take swim lessons at the Y, all before age 3. It was the only outlet available at that time (25 years ago). After we moved to a small town, my younger son attended Story Time at our local library, & began preschool at age 3....just for socialization skills. Both sons began organized sports at KG age, with Scouts beginning in 1st grade.

I asked them before I enrolled them in anything. If they really wanted to do it then I might spend the money. If they didn't seem to really be paying attention I wouldn't have continued. At this age I favoured drop in programs at theYMCA. They could go and try different things, have fun, get some exercise, but not be obligated to go every week. Of course swim lessons were madatory for safety, whether they liked it or not.

As a mom of an only (he's five and in half-day kindergarten) my criteria is simple:
A. Is my child interested on his own?
B. Is there enough time to do this activity without taking away from his down-time/family time?

Last summer we were watching the Olympics and Kiddo was interested in the gymnastics, and said "I want to do that", so we enrolled him in a basic tumbling class through our local Parks and Rec. We went for 5 of the seven or so sessions; it was summer and blazing hot on two of the days. (We are a one-car family and walk everywhere-- it wasn't worth an hour of 101 degree heat to do gymnastics in for an hour in an unairconditioned building.)

Now, I really factor in interest, travel time and the time of day a class is held. I guess I'm in the minority-- but I don't think that if he doesn't get involved in 'his' activity by this age, his life will be ruined. He loves art, sports are just an emerging interest for now. We are considering an after-school art class for him in a couple months or so, because this is something he is constantly engaged in at home and shows a desire to do. When he starts to actively ask, then we'll know he's ready to keep up a commitment for any sort of lessons or sports. Perhaps it is old-fashioned, but I want to let Kiddo drive the train on anything he has to do above and beyond school, because that is pretty much a daily drag for him. (I'm not sure it's anything beyond just wanting to be home and play, FWIW)

Just my two cents.

I have not signed my DD up for anything long-term yet. I think that having him finish a short cycle of classes is a way for him to know whether he likes it or not. My SD did a number of things - riding, ice skating...and if she liked it well enough, we signed up for one more session. If she was meh, we stopped.

Not sure, but it is possible that I may have been the mom you mentioned, as I've commented on martial arts for my son several times. I totally understand your feelings of not wanting to "mess up"...how do you encourage without pushing too hard, how do activities get chosen, etc. You sound like a good mom who's trying to navigate all the "stuff" society is feeding us. I just want to say that first, every child is different, different families have different values, expectations, financial or time constraints, and every child has a different experience, temperment, maturity level, desire to draw from, so I don't think many "blanket" statements on what you should or should not do will be right. We can only say what works for us and our families.

I started my oldest son in gymnastics when he was 3 years old for a couple reasons: it was the only AFFORDABLE thing for 3 year olds to do, I was in my third trimester of a high risk pregnancy and not able to play as much as I'd like with him, was concerned about how he'd feel when the baby came and wanted something that was "just for him" to make him feel special and look forward to. It was 2 days/week, and we pulled him out after the 5th class because although he was keen to go and play, he wasn't interested in standing on the line, waiting his turn, and he couldn't for the life of him understand why they'd leave the trampolene and move on to something that wasn't as exciting, like walking on a board. Fail. We weren't angry with him, and the coaches were remarkably patient, but we realized he just wasn't mature enough to WANT to follow directions. He'd be just as happy if we bought a little floor trampolene for the living room, ya know? So instead, I put him in a 2 day/week mother's day out program (his "school") and he felt very big and happy to go to that. We also went to Bible study once a week and he liked going to his class at church while I was in mine. That gave him some social time, helped him be independent and understand that mommy always comes back, which helped his confidence grow because instead of worrying about me he knew he could forget about me a few minutes and go explore.

We put him in swim lessons that summer at the local recreation center. At that age, it's like 1 teacher to 3 or 4 students, and he did fine. When he was 4 years old, we realized that he was very active, loved to balance and loved to be tested on balancing, loved to "fight" with his daddy, a few little things that made us think he might be naturally good at martial arts. I shopped a bunch of schools (I was looking for style, watching and listening to the teachers, watching their students---because while a teacher can be on his best behavior and put on a show for a new parent, the students won't change). The quoon (school) I chose, I honestly disliked the sifu (but I wasn't looking for a friend, I was looking for a good teacher), but I really respect what a great teacher he was for my son and loved the discipline, tradition, confidence, and desire to grow that he instilled in my son. My son did awesome, thrived, loved Hung Gar Kung Fu. What we did: first, I showed him the old version of Karate Kid because Mr Miagi is very preachy about not fighting for fun or to be mean, but really pushing that it is for defense. I said "Would you be interested in this?" and he was. I shopped a few schools, then let him visit the 2 that I preferred. We agreed on the one he went to, which he started at 4 years, 4 months old. He would come home and practice everything he did in class again at home. He'd lead mom and dad in the work out: he'd say "You the Joseph, I the Sifu (teacher)" and he'd lead us through the warmups, the drills, and then whatever he was learning at the time. We're very proud of him, how good he was, how much he grew, and how he applied it in real life scenarios a few times. We loved watching his posture change as he gained confidence, how he'd introduce himself to a new child or adult, all kinds of things. I can't say enough about how wonderful it was for him, something he loved going to for 2 years, 2 and later 3 times a week (until we moved away). But that was him. I did see some kids that tried it, did ok, and then dropped out. I did see one little boy who was a little less mature and had some behavior issues at first, was sloppy for a little bit, and then he started doing well with it. That little boy's dad was deployed and he was in it because the mother had several children and needed help with discipline, and we did watch him blossom and improve. Another little girl wanted to join, but then when he signed her up for that first month, she refused to go out on the floor and refused to leave her dad, she'd lay down. He was embarassed, but the sifu told him to just leave her alone: no pushing too hard, and no coddling either. The last couple minutes she did come out. The next time, it only took her 20 minutes to go to the mat. By the end of the month, she was doing well, and later became my son's greatest competitor and good friend. It took some pushing. I became friends with her dad and he said he'd paid for the first month, and she was going to come that one month, and if she didn't take to it then he'd take her out. I agree that's what needs to be done. Don't sign a commitment contract for more than 1 month until you know if your child likes something, even if it was their idea to try it out. If it's not your child's idea, then maybe just do it at home first and see if an interest develops.

When Joseph was 4 1/2yrs old, he joined a soccer team. It was fun, it was FUNNY, but it was a bit of a mess. He didn't really learn much but he made a really good friend that he's had for years. We didn't go expecting him to become a prodigy and allow us to retire early since he'd be a World Cup star, we went because he said he wanted to. We didn't bother for 2 years after that though, and did other activities like horseback riding lessons, Awanas Bible club, swim lessons every summer (that's not a choice but a happy matter of fact, like school--something we "get to do, starting __ ") stuff like that. Now that he's 6, he wants to do soccer again so we signed him up for the spring season starting in March. We'll see what he does. But we also strive to just provide opportunities to see other things and have a little "taste" of it: the library, the recreation center, different events or places that have activities so he can experience different things, and develop interests wherever he sees fit.

My youngest is 3. We've found through visits to the galleries, museums, etc that he isn't much for paintings but takes a keen interest in the sculptures. We signed up for a free family art class once a month at a rec center, which we found through the library calendar, where we get to make art together as a family (fibers, clays, stuff like that). He has an amazing sense of balance and how to maintain his footing, a lot of both upper and lower body strength, and loves to "fight" with his daddy, is very natural in moving out of awkward positions when wrestling around with his brother, so we think when he turns 4 he'd love wrestling or a baby version of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. He loves his Awanas club at church. We also attend a lot of free music events because he loves music. He really enjoys kindermusik as well (while his big brother, at age 5, seemed awkward and self conscious with it, so he just did the introductory class and didn't join up). We just provide opportunities for them to find interests, and then watch them and help them follow their bliss. I know this is ridiculously long, but hope it can help a little in showing examples of what we put our kids in and why, and how.....and that, in my opinion, once they show an interest and want to do something, and we join it, they need to actually try it for a few sessions (a month max) before leaving it. After giving it a good attempt, if they don't like it, give him some time and try something else.

My daughter is now 5. I started her in gymnastics at 3, because it was once a week and it was good for her to have a chance to get out of the house and do something physical that would burn off some energy. If she really hated it I wouldn't have continued but she loves it. She's still doing the gymnastics and this year she told me she wanted to take dance too. In between, we've also done some soccer (not a competitive team, just learning skills), and I've done swim lessons because I think knowing how to swim is essential. At these ages, I think it's more about giving them a chance to burn some energy, and figure out what they really like. Some kids get really into it, and some don't. My daughter is the type that loves everything and wants to do everything. Your little guy might just not be interested in participating and maybe as he gets older he'll be more mature and better able to handle a structured activity. I wouldn't spend any more money on the karate at this point if he really isn't enjoying it. If he's in preschool full-time, that's probably enough for him. I would wait until he's more like 5 or 6 before trying to get him interested in karate or soccer or something else again. Or try swim lessons, since in my book that's a more valuable skill than knowing how to kick a soccer ball around. Or see if he tells you what he wants to do - that's what happened with my daughter and dance.

Ask him what he woukd like to do and go from there.

My 3.5 yr old is currently doing dance and gymnastics. She's also done swim lessons and cheerleading. When she's a little older, we'll start her on piano and golf, and she's expressed an interest in starting martial arts of some sort.

Most of the activities run on a monthly basis or 8 week cycle. We usually start with the free trial day that they offer. If she has fun (and she usually does), we sign her up for one month/session. Some things are seasonal (like swim) so that determines time/length of the activity.

A lot of the activities are extras that they offer at the daycare, so I'm grateful for that. And there ARE days she doesn't want to go to her scheduled activity (outside of daycare). I tell her that she made a commitment to go and that she has to follow through on it. We talk about WHY she doesn't want to go. I still take her to the activity, and once she's there, she participates.

I don't think it's anything to be nervous about. Just try it out, and see how he feels. Since you are close, having conversations about what he thinks about the activities should be relatively painless. :) Hope you and your kiddo have fun!

Both my kids are in martial arts...son started at three (a couple weeks before he turned four)...and my daughter has grown up in the studio since before she could walk, she would so warm up with his class from the age of two until around four when I actually enrolled her.

My kids really don't have a choice about extra activities....my husband is a big big big martial arts supporter and believes that it is one of the few extras that will stay with out kids and help with their safety (along with swimming).

So now my son has been enrolled for five years and my daughter around two years...and they have no choice, they go two to three times a week...sometimes they are glad to go some times they whine about going and sometimes they don't want to go at all....but they go.

It has helped my son greatly...and I continue to see that he is a better student and has more discipline than he might otherwise.

I have sat through many many classes when my son rolled around didn't pay attention, did many many push ups as correction for not listening or following directions.

He is now working on his black belt...he might have it by age nine or nine and a half. He teaches other younger students and some older, but less experienced.

It has been good and I am glad we pushed though...but it isn't for everyone or every family...for us...martial arts and swimming are non-negotiables...other families have other things that are important.

When we sign up for something I take them and boot them out. They go. They don't get to choose. I choose. Once a class is paid for they just go. If they don't participate that's on them.

But I can say that the moms that do this have kids that may occasionally have a bad night but the moms still take them to class and then they leave, or go to the parent area.

My granddaughter is a prime example. Our kids dance teacher is one of those that say make the kids come. They need it for the basis that it gives them for most every sport or activity they may choose to do.

So when my granddaughter decided to "not" go to dance class I just took her by the hand and we went to the room and I turned around and left her there. She was fine after a couple of minutes. She now says she is so glad I made her go. She loves dance now and is starting to show a lot of improvement.

I trust this dance teacher because every one of her senior girls that try out for scholarships and have any talent in dance at all, they all get full rides to college. One even made a major cheer squad right out of high school, the very very very first time she tried out. Because she had a dance background plus some gymnastics she outdid every trick every other girl there did. She was almost the highest rated person of all the team.

So I know that if a child is having issues over going to class for something like this you need to give it an honest try. Letting them go a couple of times then dropping them out because they say they don't want to go that night....well, they need to go as long as they are enrolled. You don't have to re-enroll them but you do need to teach them about making choices.

If he was screaming and fighting you while you were taking him to class them I would still make him go that night but probably talk to the coach/teacher and ask them what they thought. Would it get better or was it better to drop it now.

I don't know anything about karate but I would imagine it's pretty repetitive and boring. Ballet is like that. I can't stand to watch their warm ups either. It's 15 minutes too long.....but the kids like it once they decide the like ballet.

Did you sign a contract? Often, with martial arts, there is a one year contract. Encourage him to go (and do other extracurriculars that they may offer throughout the year) until your contract is nearing its end. Then ask him if there is something else he would like to try. You don't have to re-enroll him. He can try soccer. Or baseball. Or whatever. You can always go back to the martial arts later if he misses it or tries a few other sports and he doesn't enjoy them.
The nice thing about sports at his age, is that they mostly run for about 3 months (sometimes less) and then they are done for the year. So he could just about try everything and if nothing fits, he has at least tried them.

There is also gymnastics that boys can do.
Let him try lots of things. But just because you enrolled him in karate now, doesn't mean that he has to always stick to karate and not try other things.