My two-year old son is usually a very sweet child and gets along all kids, but he hits, throws, and bangs his toys on furniture A LOT! He is usually laughing (not fussy)when he does it, so I am wondering if this is a sign of aggression or just normal behavior? Anyone else experience this?? My husband and I have spanked him before on a few occasions and have decided that it may be the reason...everything we read says that spanking is ineffective and only makes them more aggressive... We also have a 9 month old daughter that he is only occasionally aggressive towards. He did the banging on furniture before she arrived. We scold him and put him in time out, but are really just concerned that this is going to end up getting worse. I don't believe there is anything at all wrong with him physically or mentally, just that it is an act of aggression, maybe out of frustration. He is a smart kid, knows his abc's can count to 20, knows shapes and colors, and can read a little, also sings a lot of songs, so I know he is okay. We are trying to find ways for him to channel his emotions constructively. This may sound silly, but there is a punching bag toy that we thought of getting him and directing him towards that when he "acts out", but is that only encouraging him to be more aggressive? Any advice is greatly appreciated!!
No, a punching bag is acceptable. You say he is not angry when he does this, so it sounds like he is experimenting. A punching bag will also teach him what is acceptable to bang or hit. Maybe even a drum/drum set, xylophone, or tamborine & music. Go old school with a pot or plastic bowl and a wooden/plastic spoon. Definitely FIRMLY set the boundaries of what is ok to "bang on" and what is not.
I agree with the others who said to try redirecting the behavior to more acceptable things. Like drums, xylophone for hitting, balls or beanbags for throwing. You can emphasize that toys are not for throwing, and then you can consistently give him or the toy a time out. It's probably just a stage where he's finding out what he can do, and hopefully he'll move on to something else. In older kids, though, the laughter when intentionally misbehaving, or smiling when being scolded can be a sign of a behavior disorder.
Hi L.,
It sounds like you have a wonderfully normal little guy who is now experimenting with the many things he can do to a toy!
As with any behavior you want to address, I suggest you and your hubby get a plan, choose a time when you and your son will be home for several days in a row and get the plan going.
A word or two such as, "Gentle!" and demonstrating what is okay could be a first try. If he doesn't adjust after a few tries, consider putting the toy in view and high up out of reach. Tell your son he can have the toy back when he is ready to play gently with it. Another option would be to put your son time out, but you will have other times you might wish to do this and you don't really have to in this instance.
The reason for being home several days running is to give him ample opportuniities to learn how to treat his toys (and your furniture) gently in a short period of time. This reinforces the concept really well.
REMEMBER to catch him being gentle with his toys and tell him something like, "You really are being gentle with those toys!" You might also praise his success a bit in front of another adult when he can hear it.
Good luck!
Parent Coach J. B
our son 20 months has done this. we have a cane/walking stick, that he plays with but as soon as he hits the tv, us anything hes not suppose to we tell him no in a stern voice and take it away. usually all we have to say is time out and he straightens right up. he also loves his drums, and drum sticks. i would encourage him to play with a set. as long as he isnt agressive towards people. if he is again tell him no and give him a time out. as far as spanking..both my husband and myself were spanked. neither of us feel as if we were abused. i was told to go to my room and then i was talked to about my behavior then i got a spanking...some times three in a row. it was used for times when either i wasnt listening, causing danger, or being mean to other people. i rarely got spanked but it was loud and clear. i have spanked my son...slaped his diaper with the same force you would give a high five with and it dosent hurt him physically but it really hurts his feelings but he learns...again i have only done this a few times and it was when he was in danger and would not obey us.
I have seen on two different tv shows within a week that
punishment at the time of the offense has little or no
value. One specialist said, "It's like trying to teach
someone to swim when they are already drowning". It is like a detatchment and an unteachable moment. I thought
that was, at least, interesting. He said, far more effective is praising a child when he is doing something
right. (This is a time for building a parent/child relationship needed to get the best results for the trying
times.) The best teachable moment is when they are being
praised and acknowledged for their efforts of change.
When an offense occurs, your voice and your facial expression is enough to let them know it is unacceptable behavior. My take from it was that you remove the object of offense, a toy (or a cane), let them know it is unacceptable and why. Parents walk away with detatched emotions so the child does not see that (he) can push
your buttons or get your attention, albeit negative.
ANY improvement in one's behavior, however small, should
be acknowledged. Sometimes it is hard to see that improvement and you have to make one up, just so they
can see/feel what praise is like. We never forget to
punish, but often we forget to acknowledge. Let us not!
He's a boy! Let him be a boy as long as he understands the limits of not destroying anything and can stop once you say no to something. I personally think my generation and younger are raising little boys to act like little girls and then we wonder why men are having trouble acting like men should. soapbox, I know... But, girls and boys are different. I let my boys play with dolls and barbies and boys naturally play with them differently, banging them around and everything. My in-laws were so worried that they would turn out like girls because I let them play with dolls, ha! My boys are boys and I don't have to instill that in them, I just have to teach them how to behave. Boys are naturally more aggressive than girls, and it should be that way. We expect men to rise up and protect us, don't we? Then, let them learn how.
I would say this is normal behavior. First it makes lots of noise and little kids love to make noise. The other thing is, it gets your attention. Kids crave attention, whether good or bad. It sounds like this is a hot button for you and he may know it. If you don't like him banging on stuff you might try redirecting him to things that are ok to bang on, like pots or plastic containers.
Normal.
They are toddlers who can't verbally communicate everything so they act everything out through play and physical activity.
You are going to have to really watch him with your baby. I'm almost embarrassed to admit this but my youngest daughter was/is a bit aggressive. She was a biter at two and she is VERY rough with our dog so I have to watch that and she's three now.
I think the punching bag is good idea. He definitely needs things to wear him out. I don't think you can fight it.
You could have a child who is just one bundle of energy and he needs a way to release it.
Does he play outside or do you take him to the park? Does he engage in play dates? Depending on where he is on the age scale - he may be old enough to get into some toddler sports (pee wee ball, tae kwon do, etc).
Sounds like he would leave the furniture alone if he had another source to redirect his bursts of energy.
