Child Visitation - Houston,TX

My advice is to cut your losses and get this creep out of your child's life. He will never act as a father. He has proven that to you. Ask him to relinquish his parental rights so he will not have to pay child support. Yes, you'll have to support your son 100%, but you're going to have to support him anyway. This way you won't be spending thousands of dollars in attorney's fees and having your sweet son dragged back and forth through the court system. Believe me when I say that this will be much less heartache than deaing with this man for life.

Saying you want your son to know his father... do you really? Do you really want his heart to be broken by a man who will make a lifetime of broken promises? Saying a child needs a mother and a father is dreaming at this point. What he needs is a loving mother and a loving father. He does not have a loving father. He is lucky to have you. Concentrate on building the home you want to raise your child in and stop using that energy trying to force someone to be what he has proven that he will never be. You can teach him to grow up into a responsible loving man. He will not get that from his bio-father.

It's possible he could get supervised visitation but only with child support (and be sure you get that taken out of his paycheck and sent to you rather than relying on him to send checks. I doubt there would be much in the way of unsupervised since he doesn't know the child. My guess is that this is a power play of some sort, and I wonder if there's something involving the other kids? Sounds fishy to me. But my guess is he won't show up for much visitation anyway. There absolutely must be a "no-out-of-state" order so he can't take the kid anywhere far away. And his apartment would have to be inspected by the court (or photos provided) showing a crib, changing area, supply of diapers, and so on, with some proof that it's his place and not a friend's. I betcha that doesn't happen. I went through that with a friend, and her husband at least had lived in their home until the kids were 2 and 4.

I don't think you mean the Attorney General - don't you mean the attorney or a court magistrate or someone similar? Maybe Texas is radically different from Massachusetts but it's a very odd thing for the AG to get involved in. Do you have good legal representation? And have documentation of whatever visits he turned down, including the blood donation but more if possible.

He does have the legal right to see his child but not to traumatize the child, and he has to prove that he's competent to be in the company of a little kids he's never met.

Unless the child is in the states custody your child will not get supervised visitation. If you ask for it and get it then you will have to pay out of pocket for the person's time to supervise him.

They will not pay for you to do this, you will have to pay.

I suggest you just bide your time and let him take you to court. If you are working and have the proper stuff like a home with utilities, food in the cabinets, all the normal stuff that parents have to do when they have children you really should not have anything to worry about.

I do think he's setting this up to at least ask for joint custody. I would say no just because the child does not know him but would make sure that the child had every opportunity to see his father and have a relationship with him.

I think that his actions thus far have not been very good but sometimes it takes time for guys to realize they are dads and start acting like it.

My ex's wife grew him up to be a wonderful adult man with compassion and the ability to hold down a decent job. She did such a good job with him.

Maybe your ex's new wife is one of those who will be able to raise this man up to be a decent human being.

You need to ask a lawyer what you should expect for your state. My friend had a similar situation and the first step was establishing paternity and then CS and visitation. They worked up from short visits to weekends with the father. Since he has 5 other kids he doesn't support, his behavior should not be surprising.

Im not sure how your laws are in TX but I would document everything. When you go to court, have your lawyer be prepared to tell the judge all these things pertaining to your baby who had open heart surgery, he refused etc....It is possible that he may get supervised visits. But I would hope the judge would see what an unfit father he is. Best wishes!

No way should you settle for anything less than full custody with very limited visitation. If the dad ends up not showing up, then go back to court and stop the visitation rights. I totally understand your feelings about protecting your son. Good luck!

Talk with your attorney to find out the best way to approach this. Paternity will have to be established before visitation is granted, and you should work on getting a court order for support once you have that. I don't necessarily know how a judge would view your ex's actions (or lack thereof), since he could say he didn't know the child was his, etc., but whatever you can have your attorney introduce to back up his or her request for monitored visits you should.

If it's the State taking him to court, then it's just for child support unless your attorney has filed papers to establish visitation.

I think you will probably be sent to mediation for custody and visitation issues. Hopefully you will be able to make the mediator understand that your child has health issues and will also understand that there has to be a period of time for your son to get to know his father before he goes for any lengthy visits. I have a feeling they will start out with maybe 2 - 3 hour visitations and increase the time as the child gets older and becomes more familiar with his father.

Just be very careful how you say things to the mediator. I have seen them go south real fast when they think a mom is bad-mouthing a dad or not giving the dad a fair shake.

Every child needs a mother and father - No.
Every child needs a parent/parents who love and care for them and will always make them feel loved and supported - Yes.

If this is his SIXTH child and he has been a dead beat dad to all the rest, why do you think he will change if you try and force him this time?

I'm sorry, but I really think you are setting your child up for heartbreak.

Did you file for aid from the State? Because the State doesn't want to pay any more than they have to. They want the fathers to foot the bill of child support, and rightly so. That's why they encourage you to make good faith efforts in filing for child support. If he's the one who questions paternity, the court will pay for it until you prove he's the father and then he (typically) has to reimburse the court for the paternity fee costs.

Now... once he's proven in court with the paternity paperwork to be the father he'll probably owe back child support. The court will decide how much he owes your son. The child support will have nothing to do with custody.

He might get only supervised visits once or twice a week for a few hours. He might get entire weekends once a month. This will all get worked out in court, but his history will definitely be a factor. I don't know how much his child support of his other children will play into it. My understanding is that it doesn't necessarily, but can depend on the state. Each child he has is entitled to child support and the court can even try to garnish his wages, but if he doesn't work if he gets paid under the table or is sneaky in other ways he may try to wiggle out of it. It seems likely since he's supposedly not paying on any of his other children.

If the court orders visitation and he wants to enforce it, he's entitled to visitation even if he doesn't pay child support because of the fact that they're two issues independent of each other. Does he even visit with his other children?

The biggest tip my lawyer friends offer up: Answer ONLY the questions that the judge asks you. Don't speak to your child's father, only speak to the judge and your lawyer. Be respectful at all times. Be early. Don't rise to any bait your child's father throws at you. Don't let him get you upset in court.

Sometimes you just wish they would stay away. I'm betting this is the new wifey pushing him to do this. Either way, you are going to end up letting him have unsupervised visitation.

He is his father and as long as he wants to be involved and is not a threat, the courts will not only allow it, they will push for it.

You can ask for a build up of visits. Meet in a neutral place where father and son can get to know each other, with you there but more in the background, before he just takes him. At this age, thankfully, they don't have quite the stranger danger impulse they get around 1 1/2-2yrs old. It is going to be hard, but for your sons benefit, help him get to know his dad. It will make the transition to when he takes him for a full day and more easier on your boy.

Get him fully up to speed on his heart condition. Give him medical reports or get info from the internet to let him read that explain what happened and what needs to happen to keep him healthy.

Child support and child visitation do not go hand in hand. Just because someone doesn't pay doesn't mean they don't get to see their child. But, along w/ visitation, I'm sure your attorney will demand that support be started. Make it through state set up withdrawls, not just waiting for him to send a check. Get half daycare costs if you can and half medical bills. Make him carry your son on his insurance.

Be forewarned. He could go to court and lie. He could say you denied him visitation all this time.

Stay calm for your son. When you are forced to let him have visitation, do everything in your power to make it good for your son. It will be hard, but it will be better for him in the end if you two can get along.

Prepare yourself. If he wants it, he will most likely get 50/50 or something close.

Wow N.,
Reading some of these responses are a bit harsh. It is true that you made choices to have this child and bring him into this world. What a gift. Do you have an attorney? Go straight to him and show him the text you got from the new wife and plans to make your life Hell. Honestly if it was me, I would ask the father of the year to just sign his rights away and get this guy out of your life. It doesn't sound like he is ever going to be the father you are wanting him to be. By doing this, that gives you full control and in the event you meet somebody down the road you will have some options. Also, ask your attorney how much child support you would get because the more children the less amount you will receive. He has six kids so it may not even be worth the heartache.

Also, what I think the threat from new wife means, is that they are going to take every opportunity with visitation to keep you away from your son. Be ready for missed christmas or thanksgiving. My ex used this to hurt me, however it really hurt my child, when he got out of bed to see what Santa brought him and he had nothing. Not so much as a toy soldier. Of course I took care of him when he got home but he has never forgotten and to this day my son thinks that it was because he was bad and not deserving. Pick your battles wisely and the best of luck to you.

Well, she's right. When you try to force someone to be a parent--especially someone who has made it clear that he does not wish to be a parent, over and over and over again--then you are choosing to give your child a parent who does not want him, and all that that entails. That's what you're looking at.

I'm glad that you are happy with your life choices because this is your doing. Unless he has been exhibiting drastically different behavior, you knew what you were getting into, and you CHOSE to make that man parent to your child. Well, YOU PICKED HIM.

You can't have it both ways--well, you SHOULDN'T be able to have it both ways. It's unreasonable for you to pull rank (your body, your choice) and have a baby that only you want to have and then try to hold the other party responsible. And then try to dictate the terms of that responsibility. I don't know how or if the government will ever catch up to this, but I wish that there were something in place to keep would-be fathers from having to parent (even if only financially) children whom they'd made it clear that they did not want. Those women should not be allowed to go after them for child support. Maybe that will make some women think a little bit longer and harder about their "choices". If we women stop having babies with them, then maybe there will be a shortage of these children who have to feel the brunt of being unwanted and manipulated. So many women (not saying you, but maybe) fall back on the certainty of child support payments. What man would be pleased with that? If you totalled your car after a couple of months and still had five years to pay on it, how bitter would you be every month, to pay for something that you can't enjoy? Imagine that magnified for having to be responsible for a child you never wanted. I don't think that he is a jerk just because he didn't want a baby with you. Did you seek child support before or after you learned that your baby was ill? If I were that guy, I'd feel steamrolled and might be very bitter. Yeah, maybe his new wife is telling him that he might as well spend time with the kid--the sooner the better--since he can't get away from him. Because you chose him as your child's other parent, you have no right to keep him from it. Sorry.

Yes, there is a good chance that he will be ordered to pay child support and get visitation. In the eyes of most courts your son has a right to get to know his father, even if you don't approve.

However since past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior, I don't think you need to worry about him making use of his visitation too much ( or paying child support for that matter).

Good luck.