Child Support Question - Lees Summit,MO

It seems as though this girl obviously has problems and sending her back to a mother that you say doesn't want her won't help her any.
Child supprt should be the least of your worries.
I would contact the mental health department or the department of juvenille services to see what they can do to help you with intervening before her behavior gets more out of control.
I know it's gone on a long time and your family is tired, but one more person not wanting her will only make her anger and acting out worse.
That's just my opinion.
I'm not in your shoes and I don't have any answers, but surely there is help beyond giving her to a mother who has already had her visitation rights taken away from her. That would be like pouring gasoline onto a fire.
Kids really can get themselves turned around. It takes lots of work and patience though.
If you feel you can't give her what she needs or she is harming the rest of your family, look into other options.
Seek help for her. Not just another place for her to go.

I wish you the best.

I absolutely sympathize with your situation and I know it is very hard for you and your family. I am not judging your decision to send her back to her mom's but I just wanted to suggest an alternative or two. Have you considered placing her in a group home where she will get counseling and other types of therapy? If she is getting in trouble with the law have you looked into what consequences she may face through the juvenile justice system? Maybe a few months in juvenile detention might not be such a bad thing for her. I know it is difficult, I've been through some of this with my own child when he was only 7, however I'm sure not to the extent you are dealing with it. The most important thing to remember is to be firm (don't bail her out of her situation) but yet make sure she knows you will always be there to support her. I told my son that if he ever has to go to court or do community service I will go with him but I will not be doing the talking or the work for him. Good luck to you and your family. Just remember, this will pass and you have the opportunity now to make a positive impact on this child's life no matter where she lives.

I'm confused...You said that her mom's visits got taken away. How can you send her back to someone that has been deemed unfit for parenthood? Will the court approve this? And the big question is can you really feel right about sending her back with a mom that is so obviously not ready to be a mom? I know you guys want her to see and appreciate what she has living with you, but she probably will not be able to grasp this concept until she is close to adulthood. Sometimes this is the hard part of parenting. We have to protect our children, even if it seems unbearable to do so. As for the child support question, it is up to the custodial parent whether to pursue a child support order. And as far as you not being able to pay, I can assure you that you are spending much more with the child living with you. She has a right to be supported by both parents, even if they do not live together. I would call your courthouse and find out about the child support guidelines set for your state. I know this is a frustrating situation, but you truly have to do what is right for your stepfaughter, even when she has caused so much trouble for your family.

K.

There are websites where you can get legal advice for free. I used one of those sites once, and got my question answered.
The child support may not be as much as you might think anyway...if you consider how much you spend on food/clothes/phone/mileage for her already, maybe it would end up being about the same as you already spend, except she just wouldn't be living with you.
I sympathize with a child knowing she isn't wanted (by either parent) but at the same time, we have an impossible teen (stepson to me) who just moved out to live with his grandmother, and I'm reading your request and thinking...Gosh...if he had moved years ago, it actually would have saved me a lot of tears and stress, which is such a sad thing to say, but he contributed so much just grief to our lives for a past few years and was so selfish...so I understand your perspective as well.

Yes, you'll have to pay child support. The fact that you didn't apply for support when you were entitled to it doesn't preclude her mother from applying for support now.

The amount of support will be calculated based on her income, your income and the number of people in your family. It will be something you can afford, although it might not be an amount that's totally comfortable. (remember though, that you'll no longer have the daughter living at your house, so you will no longer be paying her expenses there).

Sorry I don't have better news for you. Also, just for future reference, support and visitation are kind of separate issues. Yes, support changes based on visitation (but less visitation means, MORE support) but support is based on visitation, not vise versa... in other words, the biological mom wouldn't have been allowed to adjust the visitation schedule (or start one) in response to having to pay child support. You file for support based on the existing custody arrangement.

Good luck with this. Ultimately, it's about doing what's best for your stepdaughter and your family. The money will work itself out.

T.

Yes, you will be required to pay child support. I don't know what the laws are in your state regarding the lack of an order for her mother to pay when she lived with you, but if she goes to her mother's, her mother can and will get a child support order based on your family's and her incomes.

You should talk to a lawyer. There may be an issue with sending her to a person the courts said was unfit to care for her.

And yes, you can be eligible for child support, basically almost none of which will probably be spent on the child besides food. Decide you're okay with that before you proceed.

Obviously you've been through the ringer, so this may be redundant, but if you haven't gotten her counseling, someone probably should.

.

Shane B makes a really good point in contacting juvenile sevices. My mom works in a crisis shelter for teens who's parent's need a break from their unruley children. Here it's called vantage point. Perhaps there is something like that where you live.
Also she does need a huge dose of reality check. Perhaps if you could show her of examples of other people who needed reality checks when they were younger and never got one. People who are going nowhere fast, that kind of thing. Make her volunteer at a food bank, or serve food to the homeless. I hear a lot of kids get a dose of reality there. Not saying that she'll be homeless if she goes to her mom's or if she stay's with you, but to hear their stories and such.
Maybe if you can somehow swing counseling, or her school can suggest some place to go for it. She needs help fast. I'm sorry you are going through this and hope things get better for you!

google your local legal aid society, generally by county, you don't mention your step daughter 's specific problems...........i hope you and her mother will remember where she lives is what's best for HER, what SHE needs is the most important issue, good luck, especially to HER...you may be broke right now (aren't we all) but she only gets ONE childhood, maybe you can decide to be the ADULT in her life who makes it a GOOD one, only got a couple years left....maybe it's you who'll make the DIFFERENCE