Child Rivalry

I have 2 boys (2.5 and 4.5 years old) and I read a book called "Siblings without rivalry" that I thought was helpful. My 2 year old was very jealous when the baby was born, but as time goes by, they get along better and better. They still fight often, but they are also really good friends, and have so much fun together.

Hey,

My two girls are 24 months apart.The best thing i did was buy my first her own baby she could take care of before the baby came. When I needed to change or feed she would do the same with her baby it was so sweet and she accepted the baby really well. We actually have more problems now than we did then they are 3 1/2 and 18 months now because they both want the same toys so never turn down any second hand toys you maybe offered or get given as a gift even if you have one of them now.... a spare one later is a life saver!

Sal x

I have a 2 year old girl and I'm pregnant with another girl. I already tell her that this new baby is going to be her best friend and it's going to be so great to have a sister to hang around with. I tell all my kids that they're are friends to the end, friends may come and go, but brothers and sisters are forever.

You have some great advice already! It's good to be aware that this can happen but try not to let your own fears burden you so much. The great thing about being a parent, is that you have a very strong influence, and you're there from the start. Before you even have the baby, you can buy a book and read it with your older son. We had "I'm a Big Brother Now" http://www.tourvacationstogo.com/adventures_by_disney.cfm...
It teaches the older one that there will be a new family member, but emphasizes that he is still important and plays an important role. Mine loved to "help" with things when the baby was born, even simple things, like hold the bottle while I burp the baby, or grab me a diaper, or go get the wipes, etc. It builds self-esteem and shows him how being the big kid has its advantages. He seems so young to you, but you'll be surprised at how many things he really can help with. After he does, give him lots of praise, "What a great job! (Insert baby name here) is so lucky to have such a great brother to help take care of him! And Mommy and Daddy are lucky too to have such a great helper!" I also tell my sons frequently, "This is your best friend forever." In fact, before bed every night, they both throw their arms up in the air and yell, "Brothers! Brothers! Brothers!" You'll see, it can really be a great thing. Someone to always play with in the house (good for Mom too!)Even though they won't always get along, if you tell them often enough that they're best friends forever and it's their jobs to take care of each other, they will believe it!
Lastly, make sure to carve out some one-on-one time with him. I used to even read books to him sometimes when the baby nursed. When the baby napped, we would color, and on the weekends, he would help Dad wash the car....things like that.

Anyway, lots of luck to you! If you believe they can be best buds, they'll believe it too.

I just want to say that it is NORMAL for small children to have periods of seeming regression where they want to be a baby again. If we are nurturing during these times it gives them the confidence to be able to be a big kid. They just need to know they can always come back and be your baby. Once they know, they move on. Good luck and God bless!

Hi B. Just continue showing your 2 years plenty of attention and let him help out as much as possible with the new baby. and you never leave a child that young with a baby whether their jealous of them or not. Also tell him about the baby. I think that everything will workout just fine.

They may like each other, they may not... one may be competitive, the other laid back. The best thing that you can learn as a parent is to NEVER pit one child AGAINST the other, saying things like... "Wow, Johnny throws a ball better than you" or "you are really the smart one" or why didn't you get an A, like Johnny. " Just remember to encourage your kids to be the best that they can be ("i.e. Wow... you did a great job doing... such and such....") The best competition is against themselves. Comparing them to others or labeling them (even if the label is positive - your sibling will hear this!) will create that rivalry. Encouraging siblings to celebrate each other's victories and your victories, is important, too. Everyone has their own strengths! Make sure your kids hear you and your husband encourage each other. Getting the sibling involved in his brother's care is perfect!

So, take a step back. Personally, one of the best gifts that you can ever give a child is a sibling. Worrying about something that may never happen isn't as productive as making sure that you are offering your child positive reinforcement and guidance.

Good luck to you.

Hey B.,

I think at this point that you are putting the cart before the horse so to speak. There is no reason to automatically assume that your children will be rivals! My own brother and I are 14 months apart and we have always been very close, even though we are complete opposites in every way =) Growing up, my parents always told us that we would always have each other and to treat each other as best friends. They said friends will come and go, and someday even they (my parent's) wouldn't be around, but I would always have my brother. Him and I were taught to be a team and look out for the other one, stick up for each other. Sure, it wasn't always a brady bunch episode and we had our fights, but in the end we always came back together. My parent's encouraged us to hang out together and never favored one of us. If my brother got something, so did I. We shared a bedroom until we were 14 and I think that made us work together and learn to compromise. We couldn't decorate anything in our room without both of us agreeing to it. It we couldn't agree, then nothing was done. We learned quickly that the only way to get something done, was to work together. If I wanted to have a friend spend the night, I would have to make a trade off with my brother so he would willingly sleep out on the couch. All this really taught us teamwork. Your kids are young, so alot of this won't matter for a few years yet, but don't worry. You are the mom and you set the tone. If you act all guilty and worried about how the kids will treat each other, than they will be rivals. Act and talk as though there is no other way that to be kind and respectful to one another and your boys will know this is the only way. Be firm and consistent. Talk to your son now about how he will have a brother and he will need to look out for him. If you foster a sense of teamwork between the boys, they will follow suit.

Hi B. M.,
Don't worry about it...it will get better with time. My children are two years apart, and they go back and forth when it comes to fighting. One moment they love each other, and the next moment they hate each other. They protect each other alot to. Just make sure you emphasize that we are a loving family ,and there is enough room for everybody. Teaching them faith through movies, books and activities will help with this as time progresses.

Hang in there!

I haven't read your responses so sorry if this is a repeat, but help your son "hold" the baby. My son wasn't much older and we let him sit in the chair and hold the baby (my hands/ chair helping to actually hold baby.) Also, let him help with the things he can. ie: getting the baby's blankie or binky, getting you the wipes or a diaper, helping throw the diaper away when you're done changing it, talking to the baby,showing baby a rattle (now even though baby won't care and as baby gets older), helping mommy sing songs to baby/ read stories with baby. My son brings me the baby's carseat when we are going somewhere. We taght my son how to play nice with the baby. And maybe your son will surprise you. My son was fascinated with the baby and we had NO jelousy issues at all (yet). Good Luck and Congrats!