Child Not Invited to Close Friends Daughters Party

You don't say that your child is sad...you say that YOU are??!

Your daughter would likely be at sea in a group of 6-year-olds she doesn't know, and they likely wouldn't have much interest in her, particularly if the birthday child is a boy. At this stage girls have cooties.

I'm sure that you don't expect to be invited to all of your acquaintances' events, and you shouldn't expect your daughter to be invited to all of her friends' parties. Sometimes a party is just for a particular group of people - coworkers, or neighbors, or family. The birthday party may just be for the child's classmates, of which your daughter is not one.

I think the 6 year old probably invited other 6 year olds from her class. I have two girls (6 and 4) and since last year I pretty much stay out of who the older one wants to invite to her birthday party. It's not MY party after all. Even my very best friend in the world (whose kids are younger) has not been invited to my daughter's parties - and it's not an issue! Personally, I'd look at it as one less gift to buy. Keep up the friendship you have with the mom, but let go of the idea that your daughter has to always be friends with her daughter. Things change as they grow :)

C., Is your daughter upset about this also? Having
"big girl" friends when you go to kindergarten may make the other little girl feel that she is too old for a 4 yo at her party. Has her mom mentioned anything? Did you say anything to the mom...in a kind, roundabout way?
If the little girl did not want her there, would you really want her there either?
Things like this have happened with my two boys before, and I
use it as an object lesson about life. Life is not fair. Life sometimes hurts. Sometimes people make decisions that hurt others, either intentionally or not. Is the hurt big enough for your daughter that she doesn't really want to pursue this friendship anymore? Or are you mainly the one hurt? I found with my two that I was often more offended than they were, so I learned to feel them out first, and respond accordingly.
If they weren't really hurt, I let it go. They were the ones that missed the party, not me. When their birthday time came around, we decided then if we wanted to reciprocate the slight, or maybe they weren't as close then anyway, or maybe
they really wanted to invite that child.
Just some thoughts from a mom who has been there....

Id be a little upset as well. Perhaps she just had a small family gathering? Perhaps she had her party at school? Perhaps she let her pick who came and she chose friends from school. But it still would have been nice if the mom included your daughter if they really are that close. Has she mentioned it?

Hi C.,

Call your friend and ask her what was the reason your child was not invited to the party.

Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

C.
Most of the response are correct and it is understandable. My suggestion to you is just send a gift to the child and your respects. The suggestion of having a day with the mom and child and ur child would be great give her a call and make a date with them. It soes sound that you are upset the child does even know the difference i would guess. Do you aand the child see the family on a regular basis? I would just send your respects

Take care

While it is a good life lesson that things change, if the relationship was as you describe it, this would be something that would seem inexcuseable to me. The least she could have done was call & explain, my child is in school now, new friends, something but I'm with you, ouch. I think I would remember this & not hold a grudge but sheild my own child from any more hurt feelings if I could prevent them. I am sorry and I'm sure your little girl is splendid. My own family excludes my kids from everything because I'm pretty much the "black sheep" and their feelings translate to my children which is immature & selfish so I avoid them. My boy is 8, my daughter is 5 and the kids in questions are their own cousins! I stopped letting it bother me but it is hard when the kids ask the tough questions. I hope it works out.

C. ~

I,personally, would feel quite offended if someone called me and asked why their child was not invited to one of my children's parties. And if you make an issue of this with your child, you are teaching her poor manners. Really, think about it. It's common sense. MOST of the other responses have expressed it quite well. Be polite. Let it go.

Best Wishes ~ K.

Hi C.,

Most importantly your daughter will pick up on your emotions and it will too make her sad. If your daughters ask questions just tell her that some friendships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It's okay, and it would be
important to for you and your daughter to have a "girl day" the day of the party. Maybe she won't feel that she's left out but she's having a S. mother/daughter day with her mom. It will make you feel S. too, also you may even want to still get your friends daughter a little gift. Not because you owe anyone anything but to be the bigger person and not allow yourself to take it too personally. Don't try to figure people out, just be the adult and wish them well and keep moving forward. Life is too short to stay stuck on one thing for too long. Maybe this is a good time to make new friends... :-) Best Wishes! OH! I must say that your feelings are valid there may come a time when you can address this with your friend or it may be best to leave it alone and move forward.

Perhaps to prevent this from happening again, don't let the child who is not invited know that there is going to be a party in the first place.

If it is a "very close" friend of your's, then you should be able to ask why your daughter wasn't invited just to clear things up- it may just end up being a very understandable reason... who knows?

I agree with the first response. It seems you are 'sad' that your child is not included, there is no mention of how your child feels. It can be difficult to realize our children's circles of friends are changing and that not everyone circle will include everyone. As a mother of four, birthday parties are very expensive and if the child chooses to have the party at an establishment of some sort there are size limits on the number of kids that can be invited or the price jumps. I hate paying hundreds of dollars for a b-day party. I allow my kids to choose which friends they invite to their party, this can be very difficult for them as well. I explain to them that we are not able to invite everyone we know, you must choose only X number of all your friends. Some times we invite a certain group of kids, classmates, scout troop, church, neighbors. This is a great lesson in life, for both you and your children, we have several circles of friends and not all of them overlap, this doesn't mean that you are any less of a friend, you just don't fit into that circle.

Good Luck, I'm sure you will realize this as your children get older and they develop different groups of friends and you have to plan a party at Chuck E Cheese, Ice Skating Rink, Pump it Up, Princess Dress-up Party etc. It can be $200plus!

I have two daughters turning 4 and 6 this month and next.

Our close family friends with children will be invited to our 4 yr olds party. However, the 6yr old wanted to invite her entire class -- so we gave her a choice between her class (21 kids) or a smaller number from class and also including the family friends. She chose her entire class.

I've already told our friends that the older one is having a class only party and everyone is ok with it. I personally think they were relived they didn't have to attend another function.

You could always ask to take the birthday girl and your daughter out together for a little celebration of their own.

Hi, C..

It sounds like you are such a loving and caring mother. I think it is important that you do not express your disappointment/sadness to your daughter.

It is quite normal to have social gatherings and not invite all friends. Imagine if you were hosting a dinner party... you have 8 seats at the table... you cannot invite all your friends.. no matter how close they are to you. I am sure that your friends would not be offended, and likewise you would not be offended if the situation were reverse. You would also want to invite friends to the table who have common interests, etc.

The 6 year old and her family may have opted to only invite classmates, or just family, or just a certain number of people. Whatever the reason, it should not have any bearing on friendship between your daughters. Also, friendships progress through different stages... I am guessing that the 6 year old is excited to be a big kids school, etc. As wonderful as your 4 year old my be, it sounds like the kids might just have different groups of friends right now and that's ok. That will change again soon enough.

E.T.

I've had this happen in the reverse...since my child started school she wasn't included in her homeschooled friend's party.

I just called the mom and suggested that we take the birthday girl out to lunch instead just the girls(with the parents of course) kinda like a private party. I got to talk with the mom and she didn't have to share her friend with others at a big party and got to play with her friend. BY the end of the "party" I got to share how it felt not being included anymore because my daughter went to school and I found out that my daughter only talked about her new friends all the time and it grated on the other's nerves and made her feel like she was second fiddle...communication is always key to any relationship and not stewing about anything. TALK to her! There may be a simple reason for it - it is better to talk it over than to sit and blow things out of proportion in your head.

Hope this helped.

I agree not to let this get between your friendship with the mother or between the girls. There are any number of reasons to not invite a friends' child to your child's party. Your family can still give the girl a little something from all of you later.

If you haven't noticed it yet with your 10 yr old, you'll find that girls in particular seem to have very flexible friendships. They'll love each other one day, hate each other the next, and forget why they were angry a few weeks later. Try not to get too hung up on any one friendship unless it poses a real problem for your children (bad influence, etc.).

That's a hard one C.. Our little girl's feelings are what we mom's are very protective about. I would double check to make sure that it wasn't some kind of mistake. Then I would call your friend and ask about it. Is your four year old aware of the party? (It would be easier for your little girl if she didn't know.) Maybe your friend planned a party that wouldn't be appropriate for your little girl. A quick conversation may clear it all up.
Also, this is a great opportunity for your little girl to focus on her other friends her age.
I hope this has been helpful for you.
Good luck!