Child Not Attached to Mom

Maybe he is comfortable knowing that you are not going to leave him. You always come back at the end of the day and he knows it. But Dad leaves for a good amount of time and he is not comfortable with that so he clings to him in hopes of keeping him close.

Kids go through phases; sometimes they are attached to one parent and shun the other, but be assured he still needs you!! My kids are teenagers and we have been through it all! There were times when my husband felt discouraged because they wanted me...then times when we were both discouraged because they were attached to their nanny! There were also many times when i felt left out because they completely bonded to their dad. My son once had to write his life story for a school assignment; the whole thing was about how great his dad is!! The thing is, WE have to be the adult; allow them to go through these normal phases and try to keep your spirits up. Continue to be there and love your child, spend as much time with him as you can, especially one on one time without your husband there, also spend time as a family. Time is the key! If you feel bad, talk to your husband privately or share your feelings with a friend or relative. Try not to let the child see that your feelings are hurt. For one, it makes them feel guilty about something that is a normal part of growing up....but most importantly, it gives a child a sense of control over a parent, which is not something you want to encourage. Kids need to know that someone is in charge....it gives them a sense of security. If you have already let him see that your feelings were hurt, don't worry...all damage can be undone; just try to send a consistent message from now on that you will always love him even when he isn't acting that way towards you, and that you are in control of your emotions.

Also, if possible, please take a look at your work situation... I know this is a delicate issue, but speaking from my own experience, I worked more than full time when my kids were very small. We had a full time nanny because my husband and I were working such crazy hours. Then i had a neck injury and went on disability, so I was home with my kids. I was really amazed at the difference it made in our relationship. I always said the nanny could do it better than I could anyway (taking care of kids, house, etc.), which may be true! But although my kids have messy rooms, my husband and I were able to impart our values to our children in a way we just couldn't when I was working. It is hard to explain, but quality time is not a substitute for quantity time. It is the little things....driving them to school and activities, etc...that provide these little teachable moments; opportunities that only present themselves when you spend a lot of time together. If you can look into some other options, even if it involves your husband getting a better paying job so you can stay home, or moving to a less expensive area, or doing without some things...it is a major lifestyle change that nobody likes to think about, but the results may be well worth the sacrifice. I had a great career as a doctor, but when i became a mom, my kids became the priority. And you know what? The 18 years until they grow up and are on their own actually goes by pretty fast. And then I will have plenty of time for my own pursuits, whatever those may be. I am just very grateful for the time I have had with my children!

Rest Assured-it's a stage. He will love you as deeply as he gets older! He's daddys' boy because he notices that dad is gone a lot. He knows you are there for him! Please just keep hugging and loving him. He will love you back in his own time! He's too young to know any better. I totally understand your feelings; and they are real, but please try to remember-he sees' you daily; and he is comfortable enough with your love, as to not make a big fuss. You ARE His Stability Every Single Day! God bless & guide you always!
Truly,
Kathy N.

I think Lisa M hit the nail on the head. He sounds like he is very secure in knowing that you will be there regardless, so he's comfortable just playing on his own. If he needs you, he knows you're going to be there. They all come into this world with their own little personalities. As another mom stated, his dad is gone longer, so he will cling to him when he's home because he is less secure when he'll be around again. Our jobs, as parents, is to get them ready for life outside of our protection. They will become independent and you've gotten a great start on your boy. Keep interacting and playing with him. Get him to "help" around the house. Picking up laundry and putting it into the basket, etc. Turn on some music and dance together. Show him that you can be animated and excited about being with him. Have fun with it. But find some peace in the fact that he is so sure of your unconditional love, that he is able to be independently happy.

This is a tough one...let's start with daddy: the boy misses that bond and perhaps is biding the time before dad comes home. He may be aloof because he gets the affection at school, or that he's so secure when he's with you that he doesn't have any need for "separation anxiety" or attachment/clingy-ness.
Please don't be hurt by the situation. Before long, situations shift. They always do.

Do you have a special dinner time together?
How can he help you? Set the table, help prepare some easy items...stir the sauce, tear lettuce, put ice in the cups, anything easy/age-appropriate that gets the two of you together at YOUR special time.
How's bedtime. Do you read a story? Let him pick the book. Ask him to create a special hug and kiss for mommy. (where's my special hug?) It's a game that he is partaking in. Now, you have two bonding times that are special.
Otherwise, he sounds like an independent little guy.

And lucky you, you can go to the bathroom and take a shower without some little one crying and knocking on the door all day...
Blessings

Hi T.! I can understand how sad that must feel...but like the other moms said, it surely is a phase. I am wondering, since you obviously have your hands full, how much "quality" time you and he are getting at home. I am not saying that in any negative way. I can just imagine, with working, and then having hubby gone, that you have A LOT to do, as far as all the cooking, housework, etc. I grew up with a mom that kept a perfectly clean house, and cooked delicious meals, but I was always sad that she didn't sit on the floor and just play with me. Now when my parents come to visit my daughter, my dad sits on the floor, and just focuses on playing, and although I beg my mom to stop, she just can't help but clean the kitchen, or whatever needs picking up, while she is here. Therefore, my daughter just totally gravitates towards my dad. She sometimes will only talk to him on the phone, not my mom..and it hurts my moms feelings so much. Kids that age can't understand the sacrifice of all we do "behind the scenes". I have no idea if that resonates with you, but if so, maybe take the housework down a notch, and just get down on the floor and get silly with him. If I am way off, then please take no offense...and again, it surely is a phase.
A. :)

I PROMISE YOU it will change!!!! My son did the SAME thing to me and it really hurt my feelings as well... We are there a lot more than others and they are bored of us. He wanted my husband ALL THE TIME and would turn away from me. If he wanted to be hold it was by my husband, if he was crying he wanted daddy to hold him, bath time he wanted daddy to do it,etc. I know it seems crazy but think of it as a break because it's definitely going to switch.... My son wants me 24/7 now and sometimes I wish I had that break again....
Promise, Promise, Promise it WILL change.. It's just a phase he's going through...
My son is 2.5 now and I think it was around 1.5 that he was turning away from me...
Don't take it personal... :0)

I have one daughter that is exactly this way and one that drops everything and runs screaming mommy, mommy when I walk in even I was gone for an hour. Kids are all different. He loves you and trusts that you will return for him.

T.,

You said it yourself.... active and independent. You are the constant in his life - the sure thing. Take it as a HUGE compliment from a 15 month old. Also remember that things change rapidly and - if you have another - they are all different.

My kids all went through the "daddy's baby" stage. Especially because daddy seems like this hero that comes and goes and you never know when he will leave again, so you better stick to him like glue. Have faith that the comfort he has at daycare shows that you are raising a child who is secure and confidant and completely comfortable with your love and knows you will be there when he needs you. Maybe you can start something that he loves that only you two do together, the zoo, the park swings, painting, making cookies, something. Give him little kisses and hugs and tell him you love him, read to him while he falls asleep. No child is going to shove you out of the room and insist on going to sleep. These are little things he will always long for. He is a strong, confidant child, that's all. And he misses his daddy and is worried that he's going to leave. Many parents think that since their kids cry for them they are not happy in daycare, but actually they are overwhelmed with emotion and are so worried their parents are going to leave again, they freak out when they are dropped off and picked up, but during the day when the parents aren't there, they are all happy little ones. He obviously has an environment and teachers that meet his needs.

I know how really sad this makes you feel. Ask his day care about the things the really enjoys doing while he's there. What are his favourite songs or books, or games. Watch how his dad plays with him. Does he like to rough and tumble, or gentle play. Try to do the things he likes and he'll think you're fun too. Spend as much time as you can with him when you are with him. And tell him how much fun he is and how much you like playing with him. When you pick him up, you show him how really excited you are to see him.