My ex refuses to pay child support. We don't have a court ruling yet but we will soon. anyway, he has no expenses (live rent free), he pays for his cell phone, a family member pays for his car. he collects unemployment and works. He hasn't contributed anything in 4 months. I am totally maxed out. Literally. I have to borrow to make the mortgage; i tried to sell for a year, I am going to have to foreclose. My job still pays his benefits bc he is dragging out the divorce.
My complaint is that he gets to see our child every weekend except for when he cancels and doesn't have gas $. On one hand I don't want to keep my daughter from her dad; on the other hand he does nothing for her. He called me in April and told me his plan was to make me go broke and suffer as much as possible so that I would be stressed and want to give up custody. he said if that didn't work he would just not pay and not work.
What is annoying to me he is collecting three sources of income and has nothing to show for it. Nothing. So it makes me wonder what is he spending his money on; the state doesn't care. Unless he gets arrested high or breaking the law with our child with him, they still want to give him every other weekend?
DOes anyone know, is there a point when the state says I don't have to give him custody because he wont pay? Am I just being a jaded witch?
I have no advice to offer regarding custody, but if he is collecting unemployment and working other jobs, you can report him to the state. Call the department that handles the unemployment and let them know what is going on. They'll put a stop to it.
Child support has nothing to do with custody and visitation. He's not paying for the privilege to spend time with his daughter. He's her father regardless of whether he pays child support. He might be a crappy ex-husband, but can still be a good father. Therefore, the state will never tell you, "Oh gee, he's not paying child support? Then he can't see his kid." That just won't happen unless he can be proven to be an unfit parent. Finances don't make someone unfit. Their behavior and mental state makes them unfit.
What he needs to realize is that the money he's supposed to pay for child support is NOT your money... it's money that belongs to his daughter and is intended for her care. Your financial issues aren't his concern unless he's also supposed to be paying you alimony.
If he's collecting unemployment and working, that ought to be reported although if he's working under the table that might be hard to prove. If he's working legally then the state will be able to garnish his wages.
I can't speak for the support part. That really sucks, but it is a separate issue. He sucks. I just want to stress that no matter what he is NOT doing for her, he is her parent and has just as much right to her as you do. Sorry, but--as my favorite lady Judge Judy would say--"you picked 'im". This is the person you chose to be your child's other parent. Even if he doesn't do it the way you would do it or the way that you think he should do it, you granted him the right to do it HIS way when you agreed to have his baby.
Sorry if I repeat, I haven't read the other responses...
But no. There isn't a point where him not paying will make the courts say he gets no visitation. The two are not related in the eyes of the court. Additionally, the two items (support and visitation) are not YOUR rights, but your child's rights. So if you were to not allow visitation, then not only is your CHILD being cheated out of his/her rights to support from Dad, he/she is ALSO being cheated out of visitation with Dad BY YOU. They are the CHILD's rights, not yours and not Dad's, despite how people refer to them in common conversation.
I wouldn't worry about the custody issue, the court WILL NOT give him custody unless you can be proven unfit... and that is extremely hard to prove. Please document everything, his income sources, cancelling visitation at the last minute, who helps him financially and so on. You take care of your child and let that be your focus. The court will still award you child support regardless of his employment status. If he thinks he's going to not work so he doesn't have to pay, it doesn't work that way. Not sure about NJ but several states will suspend you drivers license for not paying support, and it can be deducted from his unemployment payments. Focus on your child, his actions are only hurting him. Keep your head up!
Not sure if things are different in NJ than PA. But after my daughter's father refused to pay(it actually will benefit you that he refuses, because you can say that in court and they will attach it to any pay he gets), the court ordered him to, garnishing his wages. Then he quit his job, but found out he would still have to pay something so he went on disability so the state had to pay the support for him while he worked under the table. I could have pursued the fact that he was working under the table and gotten more, but he went to so much trouble to get out of it, and i was getting something for my daughter, so i didn't bother. But if it is like here in PA, he will have to pay no matter what. The issue I see is that the court has made a ruling on visitation but not support, and that confuses me. I would have your attorney file immediately for support.
Hi, Phoenix:
What is the law in NJ on child support? Does your city have a Child Support Enforcement office? Who handles the child support in the court system, Civil, or Juvenile and Domestics.
Find out the resources in your area.
It is not about your ex. Don't worry about his abusive words or he will control your thoughts. Get your thoughts together and move forward. Let the courts decide if he is broke or not, that's not your job.
Keep the faith to do what is right for your children's sake.
Thank yourself for being a caring mom.
All the Best.
D.
Why has your lawyer not filed for an emergency order for child support? This is a VERY easy fix and the fact that you have gone on for 4 months with no support order is confusing.
Initially when you file there should have been a temporary order for BOTH visitation and child support. If not, you need to find out from his lawyer what the issue is.
Actually - and I know you don't want to hear this..... If he's not been ordered to pay child support it's not really in his legal best interest to do yes (yes, it speaks to his character and him being a big turd...) but legally, if you guys haven't worked the state calculator and you're just pulling a figure out of your a$$..... then that sets a precedent. So, when you go to court if he's been paying $200/mo and you've been accepting it then when either one of you finds out he should have been paying more or less you can argue that you had a verbal agreement for that amount of money and there is no reason to adjust it.
So - get to court and get a temporary order. immediately.
