Cheating Husband That Results in a Child

How awful. I was cheated on too, I know the shock and betrayal. Let yourself feel bad at this time, but keep in mind that life has more joy in store for you. You can marry again and have more children. Your soon-to-be ex messed things up real bad for you and your daughter -- her life will be complicated because of him. But you can be a great mom to her and go on to make a new family too. Try to remember that good things do lie ahead for you. But allow yourself to grieve too. It's ok for you to feel heartbroken at this time. Just don't ever take it out on that child -- keep the blame focused on the cheater. Hang in there; better times are in store for you.

All I know is... when my Dad died years ago... my Mom attended a "grief support" group. No, and it is NOT only for people who had someone die... it was for anyone experiencing a "loss" of some kind... and my Mom said there were many people there who were going through a divorce as well. Or people who are grieving for something... or someone.

Perhaps, a grief support group might help.
And my Mom, found many good friends this way as well, within this group of people.

take care,
Susan

Hi T.T.,

I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I left my first husband many years ago because he was a jerk. Don't worry, T.T., what goes around, comes around. He will get his down the line. Congratulations on filing for divorce--you've just taken that very first step toward happiness and freedom. My advice to you is that now, you need to get your head and heart on straight, and make better choices for you and your child. I went through a nasty divorce and now years later, I'm so grateful that I divorced him. I built a career and a life for me and my child without her dad; and later on I remarried eight years later to a wonderful man and started to add to my family. I learned to set my standards higher and my life has been very successful. I also encourage you to surround yourself with the love and support of friends and family, get your head and heart on straight (don't go back to him), and be the best mom you can be. MAKE BETTER CHOICES and SET HIGHER STANDARDS--that's the key:) Take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. YOU CAN DO IT:) It may be tough at times, but no pain, no gain. I know it's hard to stop loving him, but you need to love yourself more and let him go. The courts will set up a parenting order for your child. I would also get some counseling for extra support. Life is short--YOU DESERVE BETTER! Finally, set your standards higher--you and your daughter both, deserve a happy, healthy life without lies and drama. The ball is in your court girl:)

Good luck,

M.

Hi TT, my sister went through this. She was married for 25 years when doctors told her she was sick with Lupus. She had the mask on her face and was constantly in physical pain. She finally shared with the family her husband had been cheating for the last 3 years and she was planning to divorce him.

During her plan to divorce him, the other woman became pregnant. Here is what I told my sister.

I said to her it was her business if she chose to forgive him and go back to him, but she had children of her own to support and she would have to divorce him. Under no circumstances was this child her financial responsibility, even if she stayed with him. Being married to him, welfare, or the DA's office can come after her income for child support because they will see it as one income.

I gave her the money and she divorced him that week. She had to file bankruptcy to divorce him because it is awfully expensive to have two woman and they were in deep debt. The baby was born and taken from the mother because it was a drug baby. She never regained her rights to the baby and neither did he. That baby is gone.

If that wasn't enough, the two had a second baby and she had that baby outside the hospital so they couldn't take it from her. The two split up and she kept the baby for the first 2.5 years. He remarried someone else and one day she brought the baby over for him to watch and she never came back. He and his new wife now raise that baby. This baby is now surrounded by family and loved.

As for my sister, she remarried too, but I think too soon. I think she found someone to make her feel better and she married him. She didn't have Lupus, but her nerves made her sick. The cheating that went on was with several different woman, not the same one for the three years she was aware of his affairs.

He hurt his three children. The two younger ones went through the worst of it, as they were still in the house. The youngest boy never really learned how to deal with it and didn't complete school. Hopefully, some day he will learn that life is in his own hands and he owns the choices he makes.

With that, I must say, move on with your life. Your life with him is over. He moved on long ago.

HUGS to ya XXX.

Go to www.divorcecare.com There are groups all over the place and its free

if you haven't found it yet... go to http://www.survivinginfidelity.com

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Try to look at it now as he is her problem not yours!!! Remember sometimes how you got a man is how you can also loose a man. Now she has to worry every time his sorry A$$ walks outside the door. .A man like that is selfish, egotistical, and just not capable of loving anyone but themselves. I say you are better off even though you do not see it that way right now. Try to focus on moving forward, do not dwell on what could have been. Try to live with the reality that he denied you the right to another child so he could go plant his seed elsewhere. You never would be able to trust him again and probably if you look back there may have been things you did ignore about his behavior. I always tell my kids (they are both grown) if someone can not bring joy, and happiness into your life then walk away from the beginning. Do not talk yourself into anyone, or ever settle. The expression if it walks like a duck its a duck applies here. Focus on your daughter and starting a new happy life for you. Give yourself time, when you do begin to date again keep your eyes open and do not settle for anything other then the best. I was a single mother and remarried over 20 years ago to a wonderful man. He accepted and loved my son who was 3 years old as his own and we have a daughter together. I told him from the beginning my son comes first. I was not about to bring nonsense into my household again, I would have rather been alone. I went to counseling to help me get through, and it really helped. I also did some group therapy and that was the best remedy for me. To see women that were so much worse off then I was made me realize first, I was not alone, and second I could make it through. You can do this, it may take time for all of the emotions to pass. Allow yourself to feel them, heal, and move on. Your internal voice will help you just keep saying I can get through this and I deserve better because I am a good person. Good luck!!

Be grateful you discovered the truth when you did. My ex-husband maintained an affair for so many years he has a complete other family, the oldest a daughter who was already 12 years old by the time I learned of his hidden life, and a son named after him who is a couple of years younger. He and I have a boy not named after his father because "that is not done in his father's culture" or so he said. I am the first, and to my knowledge, have been the only legal wife. That fact changes nothing about the pain of betrayal. I would have much preferred to have learned the truth when I was 40 than when i was 52!! I've never been one to ask for jewelry, cars, even vacations. Instead, my money and money that should have been spent on our little family, went to his mom, his brothers, and it seems, his other children and the mother of his other children. Oh yeah, she is a former employee of his. It was only after he had been wiped up for a number of years, never trying to do anything more with his life than be a taxi driver.... working nights to drive strippers/prostitutes, still having sex with me albeit infrequently.....I did catch some serious STDs from him. Gosh, i'm rambling here. sorry. my point is that only after he quit making money, only after the price of gas went up so high, only after my dying mother bought him a new taxi.....only after all that ....and after he ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt did him bother to tell me he has two other children. I always have said it is better to suffer the injustice than to commit the injustice. It's true, he is is the one who has to live with his miserable life but so do I, so does our son, so does his bastard children. The pain of the betrayal is nearly unbearable. I think i would be happy if it had only been a woman or if i had known about the first other kid from the beginning. Learning he lied day and night for more than a decade makes for a very difficult recovery, especially at my age. So, how to overcome this situation is your question. . . I know it sounds extreme but i do take some comfort in knowing I was not married to a mass murderer. It is hard, however, to come to terms with how stupid I have been. I go forward because that is what we must do in life. Anti-depressants seem to help a little.

Updated

Be grateful you discovered the truth when you did. My ex-husband maintained an affair for so many years he has a complete other family, the oldest a daughter who was already 12 years old by the time I learned of his hidden life, and a son named after him who is a couple of years younger. He and I have a boy not named after his father because "that is not done in his father's culture" or so he said. I am the first, and to my knowledge, have been the only legal wife. That fact changes nothing about the pain of betrayal. I would have much preferred to have learned the truth when I was 40 than when i was 52!! I've never been one to ask for jewelry, cars, even vacations. Instead, my money and money that should have been spent on our little family, went to his mom, his brothers, and it seems, his other children and the mother of his other children. Oh yeah, she is a former employee of his. It was only after he had been wiped up for a number of years, never trying to do anything more with his life than be a taxi driver.... working nights to drive strippers/prostitutes, still having sex with me albeit infrequently.....I did catch some serious STDs from him. Gosh, i'm rambling here. sorry. my point is that only after he quit making money, only after the price of gas went up so high, only after my dying mother bought him a new taxi.....only after all that ....and after he ran up hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt did him bother to tell me he has two other children. I always have said it is better to suffer the injustice than to commit the injustice. It's true, he is is the one who has to live with his miserable life but so do I, so does our son, so does his bastard children. The pain of the betrayal is nearly unbearable. I think i would be happy if it had only been a woman or if i had known about the first other kid from the beginning. Learning he lied day and night for more than a decade makes for a very difficult recovery, especially at my age. So, how to overcome this situation is your question. . . I know it sounds extreme but i do take some comfort in knowing I was not married to a mass murderer. It is hard, however, to come to terms with how stupid I have been. I go forward because that is what we must do in life. Anti-depressants seem to help a little.