Change of Plans

Updated on February 23, 2012
J.L. asks from Brainerd, MN
20 answers

I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have a 10 month old and were planning on waiting another year before trying. Of course, what's done is done but I'm a bit anxious about having kids this close together. The oldest will not even be 1.5 years old! I know plenty of people have had babies closer than that, but for me it's a bit overwhelming. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I believe that God's timing is perfect, but I guess I'm still not feeling that it's perfect right now.

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answers from Dover on

Let me start by saying congratulations & that I commend you for not freaking out.

I found out I was pregnant with my youngest when my oldest was 10 months old, as well, so you're in good company. ;)

I'm not going to lie & say it'll be easy-peasy, but I will tell you that you absolutely CAN do this & it likely won't be nearly as bad as you're thinking it will. I had my kids do a lot of milestones together to simplify my own life such as potty training, for instance. That meant that my oldest was a little late & my youngest was a little early, but it worked for us.

Now they're 12 1/2 & 11 years old (next week) & while they are certainly not the best of friends at this stage, I'd not have it any other way. They're close enough in age to be going through a lot of the same issues at the same time & share some friends, but far enough away from each other (2 years difference in school) to be able to do their own things & have their own clear-cut identies.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress about it. You're in the situation now & it'll all work out just fine!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Indianapolis on

My friends boys are 16 months apart and they are very close. It was easy for her because the youngest tried to do whatever the oldest did. He potty trained early and was pretty independent. They are 22 and 21 now and still have a very close relationship. You will be ok. You may feel overwhelmed at first but seeing how close they are with each other will make things better. Congratulations.

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answers from Dallas on

My children are 20 months apart, and I love it. I think having them close together is wonderful.

My children are three and two now they are really sweet together. I dont think my oldest feels jealous, because I dont think that he ever remembered being the only child.

My daughter watches everything her big brother does, and then does it after him - its really like follow the leader. She potty trained with him, and does "chores" like him. Anything he does, she does.

I saw my son walk up to my daughter on the playground the other day, stand next to her, and absentmindedly brush her hair out of her face. Another time he chided some kids running by her on the playground "Be careful! She is just a baby sister!"

The first few months are hard, but you get into a routine and figure things out and then it all seems really normal. My husband worked nights, and I was terrified about trying to feed two children and put them both in bed by myself, but it all sort of worked out. Your 10 month old will be ALOT more independent in 9 months and you will figure out some sort of system for everything.

I also cant imagine getting to the point when the oldest was two or three and you are starting to get your life back, and then going back to newborn stage and starting all over.

I think you will LOVE it.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Omaha on

My kids are 16.5 months apart. It took my husband and I almost a year to get pregnant with my son, so after he was 6 months old we started trying again and were pregnant only two months later! My husband was a little freaked at first, but I was over the moon! For us, the second child seemed so much easier since we knew what to expect having been through pregnancy, labor and delivery and those first few months living with a newborn. My son was only 16.5 months when we brought his sister home, so he really didn't understand what was going on-only that this new little person would be in our lives now too. I put him to work immediately. He loved doing little tasks for me like taking the trash to the trash can, or getting me a diaper, desitin, putting pillows on the bed, picking up clothes, putting them in the hamper or dryer, etc. Not only did it really help me out when I had my hands full with the baby, it gave him a sense of purpose and made him feel special. My kids have never been jealous of each other and I think that had a lot to do with it. Just take each day as it comes. Your routine will change some, but not drastically. Another thing I had to do was establish a schedule. Before the baby came, my son napped every day from 1-3 like clockwork, but afterward his routine was thrown off a bit. I set up a schedule for us that worked great. We usually awoke around 7am, both kids were given some milk and were changed. I did some cleaning up and made beds. I usually tried to shower at night or in the morning before my husband left for work to get that out of the way. We would eat breakfast around 8, take a stroller ride and play in the backyard (weather permitting). Play music, watch a show on tv, playtime. We would eat lunch and to encourage my son's naptime I gave him a bath directly after lunch. I would put my daughter in a bouncy seat or carseat and bathe him. It was enough to relax him. I would give him some milk while I fed her and usually they both fell asleep right after. As they got older we would often take a car ride to encourage afternoon nap. Our schedule was flexible enough to add in a playdate or other activity outside of the home when we wanted, but there was enough structure there to maintain a sense of order. Now that my kids are 3 and 4 years old, I absolutely love that they are so close in age. They are such great playmates and share so well. When you feel overwhelmed just stop and ask God for patience and His guidance. He will always show you the way! Good luck to you and congrats on your preganancy!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Richmond on

It's soooo easy having babies close together. You don't have to pack up, then drag out all the 'baby gear'... potty training you can probably knock out in one fail swoop... my girls are 21 months apart and were raised like twins. CAKE WALK!! Don't psyche yourself out, it's easy!!

Then 7 years after my 2nd, came our 3rd. It's... awful. Most people intentionally put that kind of space between kids, but I'm kicking myself for doing it, just because I forgot how HARD the baby thing is! And for some reason, 2 at the same time was easier than 1. My son is not as independent or well behaved as the first two, not by a long shot (and I don't think it's completely because he's a boy and the first two were girls).

MY POINT IS, people survive having twins, triplets, and more.... you'll get through this :) One of my girlfriends had twins, then a single baby, and said the twins were easier (and her twins are boys, the singleton is a girl)...

YOU CAN DO THIS! Don't over think it, just roll with it, you'll do just fine!!


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cumberland on

It's for the best-I had 5 in 7.7 yrs-and loved having them close together!


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Biloxi on

I have a girlfriend who purposefully had her 4 - yes 4 - children very close together - I think the most time between any of them is 14 months. The youngest is now 3 years old. Her house is a loving jumble of children, and toys, and musical instruments, and is joyous and fun. Her children have structure and manners and all that is nice. And she and her husband are still sane.

It is very doable !!!

Congratulations on your soon to be new addition.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sheboygan on

My twins were 7 months old when I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't ideal for me, but it's been alright. It was stressful at first, mostly because the twins weren't getting as much attention as they were used to once the baby was born. The best advice I can give you is to accept help when you need it, and try to rest when you can. Having children close in age can be a blessing most day, and a curse on others!
Good luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

If I'd not lost my last baby my babies would have been 22m apart. I was so looking forward to having two close together as my second youngest just turned 6. Once when we were fostering I had two 1 year olds and a 2 year old. It was a LOT of work, but also a lot of fun.
A baby carrier that you can wear is a huge help!! Your hands will be free to help your toddler. When people ask you what you need say diapers. You'll be amazed at how many diapers you go through.
Enjoy. :) They won't be babies for as long as you think. Try to enjoy it even on the rough days. When I had a lot of little ones I used to spend time at the end of the day writing something down that was good for the day. Sometimes I had to stretch like, hubby brought dinner home. LOL But other days I would get to writing and remember so many good things I would fill up the page.
Oh and before baby comes you might want to spend some time freezing some easy meals. Come up with a list of things you might want help with and then when someone asks, "What can I do to help?" Either have them look at the list or just ask them to do something off the list.
Congratulations!! :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

Mine are 19 months apart, and I LOVE it now. The first 6 months or so were a little difficult, but nothing drastic, just an adjustment to our routine, as it is with a new baby no matter when you have him or her. After that it became significantly easier. Now that my son is 3 and my daughter is almost 2 1/2, it is almost like raising them as twins. My son still gets to do his "big boy" stuff on his own, but he loves teaching Maddy to do things. They play together all of the time, most of the time nicely. They are very good about sharing, and helping each other. My favorite is when I take my daughter to go pick up J after school and she runs to him and gives him a big hug and says "Hi Jackson, I missed you! How was your day?" We make sure to have special date time with each of them separately, at least a few times a month. They are the best of friends, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from St. Cloud on

Our children are EXACTLY 18 months apart. Our son was 18 months old the day we had his sister. The first few years are tough years as sleep deprivation is the norm, but I LOVE that they are so close in age. Even being different sexes, I find that they truly are great friends to each other...caring towards each other and watching each other's backs. They are 11 and almost 10. I feel blessed that they are close in age and in their hearts.



answers from Des Moines on

It's not going to be the easiest thing in the world at times, but since it is what it is-- think of the huge plus. Your children will be super-close to each other emotionally. My brother, sisters and I were all 4 years apart. We were never close, and still really aren't...

Another thing- you still have a lot of baby items. Therefore, you won't be as financially burdened to buy things you may have sold off (like the highchair, swings, etc). If you don't cloth diaper, it could be expensive for a bit with two children in diapers, but it won't be for long if your second will be around 19 months when #2 is born.

Children are a blessing, and I think you'll end up enjoying see how close the two children will be.



answers from Minneapolis on

Pray for acceptance, and pray to have the trust that God will see you through it.



answers from Cincinnati on

Two of my boys are 12.5 mos apart and the other two are 21 mos apart. I love how close in age they are. The first year will be a blur, but after that it is great. They are built in playmates and as other people said, you get all the baby stuff (diapers, no sleep, etc) out of the way all at once instead of having to start all over again. I am pregnant again and my only regret is that there will be a large age gap between my now youngest (almost 4 years) and this baby.
Just as an FYI, my stepson is 3.5 years older than my oldest and the fighting between him and the younger ones and just the younger ones is about the same. They just fight over different stuff.



answers from Tulsa on

I wish I had gotten pregnant again that soon. Every family I know with kids this close has close kids. And you get the diapers, sleepless nights, and such over.



answers from Minneapolis on

I'm in the midst of this situation right now! Our 2nd child was 9 months old when I found out I was pregnant. We weren't planning on a 3rd child OR having kids so close together (my first 2 kids are 3 years apart)! But I have a 22-month-old and a 5-month-old and we're figuring it out as we go. I hope you have a helpful, supportive husband because that's what is helping me to stay sane amidst all the craziness! Best of luck to you, and I know that God will never give you anything you can't handle.



answers from Green Bay on

Awww, Congratulations!! What a blessing! I can imagine the surprise you are feeling ;-) Just focus on the positives of having them so close! It will be overwhelming, but I'm sure you'll get in a groove after a few months. My brother & I are 1.5 years apart & we had the most fun growing up. My mom said she cried when she found out she was pregnant again so soon, as I was a very colicky baby. However my brother was a breeze for her. Once they are old enough, it will be nice for them to have each other to play with. I wanted mine closer but they are 2 years, 3 months apart. Big sister is a help, but I have to entertain her with older activities and try to entertain a baby too. I couldn't believe how much of the baby stuff I forgot with #2, I didn't think I would after 2 years. It will be fresh in your mind, you'll be a pro! ;-) On the bright side, you also have several months to get used to the idea! And yes, God's timing is to be trusted! Congrats again!


answers from Columbia on

My oldest was 9 months old when I got pregnant with my second. They are now (naturally) 18 months apart.

I know it can seem overwhelming, but DO NOT WORRY! It will all work out beautifully.

My boys are now 9 and 10 years old...and the very best of friends.

It was tough, leading a toddler by the hand and carrying a carseat with a newborn. And OH, MY...all those diapers! But both of my boys were potty trained within a one year period...and I hardly had to buy anything new for the second child. The hand-me-down timeframe works out perfectly!

Bottom line is that, even though it seems overwhelming at the moment, trust me...this is the best way you can imagine. It will all be okay.



answers from Dallas on

my son was only a month older than yours in now when my daughter was born. THey are just over 11 months apart and while the first few months were a little stressful now that they are 2 and 3 they are best friends.Only words of wisdom really would be to make sure you have a set routine with your oldest that incorporates time for the new baby (easier said than done i know). Just remember that the older child needs structure and one on one time with each parent so that they dont feel "replaced" or "ignored" once they baby arrives.



answers from Bismarck on

I know it may not have been in your plans with this timing, but God is in control.
I have friends and a sister with kids 10-15 months apart. the ? of how will we do this or survive is normal.Those first months may be difficult but you can get through. The kids will be close and hopefully good friends.

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