Cell Phone Battle with 14 Y/o How Should I Handle?

Then find something else you can control. Like taking all the cords and cables to his video game system. Or charging him per infraction. Or getting rid of the phone entirely.

I would sell the phone. Now, THAT might get his attention. Look he is 14 and doing whatever he wants with no care in the world. I hated this age. GRRRRR!!!

Tough love is in order. Did he get suspended from school? I would think so since he got into a fight at school. I don't know if you work, but if not, I would drive him to school, I would pick him up from school and not allow anyone over or him to contact anyone. Make his life miserable.

I would first take the phone away for good. He doesn't need one. If he misses the bus and needs a ride then the school can call you. If he is in sports and needs to be picked up or something and your not already there he can borrow a friends.. obviously he has enough willing to let him us their phones.

Then I would take everything away. He doesn't need tv, computer, ipods, game systems.. anything "extra". He can spend the next month in his room with nothing but some books or art supplies. When out of his room should only be for bathroom use, eating and extra chores.

I'm sorry but we forget that going back to basics works the best. Its not mean or cruel to do this to any child of any age... we survived it, didn't we?! They don't need any "extras" they are a privilege... not a right. When they can't behave to earn those privileges they need to go back to their rights... food, shelter, clothing..

Prepare yourself, its going to be a long couple of weeks... to a month ( or longer if needs be) but if your going to teach him anything about respect it will be well worth it and pay off for the years ahead you have coming with him.

You can't ground him from other people's stuff!! Good lord! You are just setting yourself up for failure with that one. You need to come up with a punishment you can actually control or you have no authority it is just words.

You need to back off and figure out why he got into the fight in the first place and base the punishment on that. Pretty sure he wasn't fighting over a cell phone, ya know?

K., why does he have a phone? What is in it for YOU? What is the need (not the want)?

If he truly doesn't need one, turn it back in to the store. What he is doing, flaunting your discipline, means that he should not own one. If you DON'T do this, he will really have NO consequence.

His friends will get tired of him borrowing their phone for the next year. He will finally be sorry for having screwed up. Right now he has nothing to be sorry for because he is having his cake and eating it too - he is borrowing others' phones, only getting fussed at by you, and waiting to get his own phone back. It's a win/win for him. You need to take the win/win away.

Why kids think they HAVE to have a cell phone and why parents actually fall for it, I don't know. Before cell phones were popular, kids didn't have them.

Your son is not mature enough or responsible enough to own a cell phone. You need to show him what happens when he abuses a privilege.
If you don't, you'll be going through more of this over and over...

Dawn

I'm always curious about the punishments people think up -- I'm really bad at the whole "logical consequences" thing, so I'm wondering if there is a connection between the fight and the cell phone. Obviously, now, I think he should not get the cell phone back until he can buy and pay for his own, as a consequence for disobeying your punishment, but I'm curious what the logical punishment for a fight should be -- this is not to criticize at all, because I don't have any idea what it should be. But I'm not seeing the relationship between the phone and the fight. I'm thinking give the phone to a battered women's shelter -- make him deliver it -- to see what solving problems physically can do to someone. But his problem seems bigger than a cell phone if he is so unaffected by your discipline.

Here's the first thing...you can not control what goes on at school. You may have taken his phone, but limiting his usage of others is not really possible. All you will do is breed resentment on his part, irritate other people and kids, and drive yourself batty.

First rule of punishment is to recognize that there are variables beyond your control. It's just the way it is.

Is he to come straight home after school? What happens once he is home? You say he didn't mind working, well then that means he wasn't working hard enough. When home, if he isn't doing school work he should be working. Not watching tv or anything else, and if you don't have enough work for him to do...loan him out to family or a friend who has needed something done but not enough time to do it.

Control what you can control. Leave everything else alone, make your point without stepping on others toes.

How does he expect to earn his phone back if he dosent even respect his grounding? This to me sounds like he is too big for his britches. He got physical altercation at school (lack of respect, self controll, ablity to know what was best to solve the issue) then he did not respect you when you told him he wasnt suppose to use a cell phone. Do you have these phones with you? Is he taking them from other kids? I cannot imagine a kid handing over a phone for him to take with him???? I would let him know how angery you are and dissapointed in his lack of respect for other people. Then put that kid to work, pull weeds, volunteer at a food bank. Take him to a farmer friend for him to move hay or some type of sweat. Does he have any contact with a male figure? It might help to have a male guide him a bit here.

For every cell phone you caught him on. Add a day without his. I would also strip his life of any electronics.

For my teenagers the ultimate punishment is losing computer/internet access. Yes, they can still get on at someone else's house or school but they sure aren't very happy being cut off like that once they get home.
If your son is a video game player taking away his controllers is another way to get his attention and let him know you are serious.

I was told that whenever you deal out consequences....make sure that you can control the consequence. I think it it fine to take away his phone - then if he has to beg and borrow...so be it. Still a consequence in my mind.

You could also consider changing the future consequence for future bad behavior....having him stay inside, do extra chores at home, take away TV and computure (all electronics from home), have him volunteeri at a soup kitchen or food bank, or have him stand at the mall opening the door for people for a few hours on a saturday afternoon. Just a few ideas that came to my mind right off the bat.

Good luck.

Keep going-you're on a roll!

wow. his phone should be trashed not J. taken away!

although i'd probably have done the same thing at 14. i never got in any trouble but take away my contact from my "true love" (i say that with sarcasm I married and dirvoced him) when i was 14 and i wouldve lied, cheated, and robbed someone to talk to him. that kind of obsession with a boy/girlfriend is what teens are made of. passion at its purest...mixed with idiocy and little reason....oh how we look back on those extreme feelings of love and miss them though. I sure dont miss those extreme feelings of depression that are often innermixxed with it.
Honestly I'd probably fill his time with volunteering at some organization and give back the phone after a week

You need to find a new tool to use as punishment. This one clearly isn't working. There will always be somene willing to let him use their phone, and you can't confiscate other kids' phones.

What else does he value?

Obviously this is not an item that grounding him from is working. It's like telling him he can't look at a book while he's grounded. It's everywhere we look. Even a stranger will let a person use their phone if they make it sound important enough.

Since he's surrounded by phones that seems to be the one thing he can have unlimited access to.

I would say it's more likely to have an impact if every day he has to hand over his phone at the door. That way he can't make calls at home or visit with friends in the evenings. BUT he can still chat and do other stuff online so that isn't even a punishment anymore.

My suggestion would be find a different punishment, the cell phone thing isn't working and your losing the battle. Restrict something you can control, like games, tv or computer time. Good luck.