Can't Put Newborn Down

Updated on May 27, 2008
C.F. asks from Aurora, CO
9 answers

I just had a little girl a bit over two weeks ago. She is wonderful and mostly easy going. However, she must be held at all times or she cries. The one exception is when she is in her cradle swing. I try and put her down to in her bed, which is a co-sleeper, but within 10 minutes she wakes up and cries. Almost the minute I pick her up she stops crying and goes back to sleep. I have lost great deal sleep over this. I don't think its right to let her cry, as people keep telling me to do. I need some constructive advise from all you sage mommies.

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M.H.

answers from Denver on

I know everyone says not to do this, but my daughter slept so much better on her tummy as a newborn (and actually still sleeps on her tummy.) She went from waking up every hour to sleeping 4-5 hours at a time. It was such a relief to us. We were not so concerned about SIDS, because we had read about SIDS being realated to off-gassing from mattresses. http://www.babysake.com/

The website above has info, and a place to order mattress covers.

Also, the ergo baby carrier works great with babies through toddlers--up to 40 pounds. I carry my 2 year old in it all the time, and it is the only one that is actually comfortable.

Good luck!

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A.T.

answers from Denver on

Hi there C., congratulations!
The first thing that comes to mind is cry it out might work with older babies but I think 2 weeks is too young. The second thing is a sling, I loved using it around the house. My daughter just curled up in it and slept it was a super useful tool when she was that young. The Maya Sling was my fave.
Good luck, and GOOD JOB MAMA!

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R.W.

answers from Denver on

It's a hard thing to do, but stick with it. She's very little and will eventually grow out of it. I agree with the swaddling advice. That helped a bunch with our kids for several months. We also used the swing. I was worried they would get addicted to it, but they did grow out of it eventually and in the meantime we were able to sleep. Our co-sleeper went virtually unused for several months in favor of the swing, bouncy seat, or our bed. But once we were able to get them to sleep, we slowly transitioned to the co-sleeper and now all is well.

Also think about a sling or baby wrap to carry her while giving you free hands to do things around the house.

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M.K.

answers from San Diego on

Congratulations for your new addition! My 8 month old son did the same thing. Since he is our first, I would have him sleep on top of me while lying on the couch or the recliner. Until I talked to my ped who said she had one of her kids sleep in a bouncy chair at night. She said it's not really safe, but it worked! We didn't have a bouncy chair, so used the next best thing...his carrier. He slept great! He slept in the carrier next to our bed for about a month and a half, then I transitioned him to the play yard next to our bed for about a week. Now he sleeps in his crib. During the day, I used a bjorn and he slept in it while I did things around the house. Don't worry, it does get better and before you know it, you'll be like me thinking "I was in the same boat!"

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J.G.

answers from Denver on

Congratulations on your baby. I'm sure you're doing a great job. The sleepiness just compounds the natural and perpetual state of second-guessing, constant worrying and confusion that comes with motherhood. You need to trust your instincts and find your way.

I am (apparently) in the minority of most mommy's out there in that I do believe it is critical to set the stage very early for the baby to learn to sleep on their own. Swaddling tightly is key for the first few weeks. And I would make sure that baby gets a really good burp before you put her down. And if you're feeding her, and then she's falling asleep and you're laying her down ... she's probably suffering from reflux/gas. If she wakes up screaming after ten minutes... that's my best guess. I'd make sure she's stays up (and awake preferably) for at least 20 minutes after eating b4 laying her down.

The other bit of advice I'd offer is a book with a sleep/parenting method called BABYWISE. It is full with sound advice on how to train you and your baby to have natural sleep patterns. I've used it with both of my girls and they both slept through the night consistently by week 8. I've had several friends with the same experience as well.

Read it. Sort through all the advice. And find your own way. Babies thrive with a confident mommy. Find you're own way and your confidence will come!! Good luck to you & baby!

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A.J.

answers from Denver on

Congratulations on your new addition? Have you checked to see if she maybe has gas? You didn't mention if you were breastfeeding or bottle feeding, but I know with my second son, he would only sleep sitting up, or in my arms. I felt really bad at first, sometimes I would let him sleep in his bouncer chair just to get some sleep. I changed his formula eventually, and it did help. She may be lactose intolerent, or just have plain old gas, or she just may want to be held, it is weird, I have four kids, and each one of them was completely different. Don't worry though, you can't spoil an newborn.

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J.N.

answers from Denver on

Most "experts" don't recommend letting them cry it out until at least 4 months. Right now your responding to her is building trust. My daughter wouldn't sleep by herself for 11 weeks. She just needed to be close. So I let her sleep next to me and then during the day would keep trying to get her to go to sleep on her own for naps. For some reason around 12 weeks she was just ready, and started sleeping on her own both for naps and at night. Your baby knows what she needs right now, and it is to be close to you. She spent a long time in utero listening to your heart beat, breathing, voice, etc. Being near you now helps regulate her systems and comforts her. Do you have a sling to use during the day? There are some studies that show that babies carried around more during the day sleep better on their own at night. At such a young age it is not about wants but about needs, so I would just follow her cues and know that this stage will pass.

Good luck!

J. (mom to Zach, 2 years, and Talia, 6 months)

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H.W.

answers from Denver on

Hi C.,

It is tough when you are not getting enough sleep! You are doing a great job just coming to others for support during this difficult transition. Two things that come to mind:

1. Have you tried sleeping with your daughter? Does she do any better - meaning does she sleep longer when with you? If so, she may just feel the need to be with people right now. Sleeping with mom provides protection from SIDS, as baby regulates breathing to mom's breathing. It may be your daughter's way of protecting herself right now.

2. If she doesn't sleep more than 10 minutes even with you lying down, then I'd talk with your doctor about the possibility of reflux. A baby not being able to lay flat, and in this case, being okay in the swing which has her slightly upright, can be a signal of reflux. Kiddos don't always have excessive spit ups - there is also silent reflux, which means that the stomach acid rises out of the stomach into the esophogus, but then goes back down. There are a variety of things to do if that is the case: breastmilk, probiotics, putting a 4x4 under the head end of the cosleeper, babywearing (I, too, LOVE my Ergo carrier), continued swing sleeping, and last resort is the prescription meds.

For the time being, could you move the swing into your room so that you and your husband can start to catch up a little on missed sleep? We bought the Amby baby hammock for our son's reflux/sleep issues.

Good luck!
H.

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K.E.

answers from Denver on

Hang in there, I can feel your pain. My little girl was the same way. She was over two months before I could get her to sleep on her own. I slept sitting up on the couch holding her a lot of times. Dont feel bad if she has to spend sleeping time in her swing. Mine lived in hers. She spent many nights swinging so I could get some sleep. I found with my little girl that she liked to feel bundled up, so if I could swaddle her tight and keep the blankets tucked tight she slept better. She also hated lying flat on her back, so we put towels under the mattress to get her propped up a bit. We also found that she slept better on her side so we got a baby wedge. She was a finicky little thing. The other saving thing for me was a Snuguli. It let me move around and have free hand, but she was happy because she was being held. I hope some of these might help. Its so hard having a little one that needs to be held all the time. Good luck and best of wishes.

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