Can't Get First Grade Son to Stop Making Gun Motions

I think I would let the school be the enforcer on this when it happens at school. So if he does it at school and they take his recess for a day, then when he gets home, I'd just reiterate that as long as he keeps doing it, he will be continuing to get in trouble at school. I wouldn't "double trouble" him at home for it other than to just keep stating that if he keeps doing it, he will keep losing X at school.

Good luck!

disclosure- i don't own a gun, am very pro the 2nd amendment and also pro sensible gun control.

i've got 5 brothers and 2 sons and was immersed in homeschool groups and co-ops while raising my boys, and there is barely a boy in all those hordes who DIDN'T shoot finger guns.

zero tolerance is stupid, and the hysterical focus on kids playing cowboy or soldier or super hero does more harm than good.

your son isn't being disrespectful by playing finger guns. he's being a kid.

my guess is that between you and the school you've turned it into such a big thing that he can't NOT think about it, and being a very young human, having it in the forefront of his brain makes it very hard to resist.

if society would react sensibly to this issue maybe we could avoid all the hysteria. like, make logical and calm distinctions between kids playing and kids being violent.

my reaction would be non-reaction beyond 'you're going to get in trouble at school if you keep it up. since you're aware of this, i'm not bailing you out. whatever punishment the school doles out, we're backing up. you've been warned.'

khairete
S.

He's six...I know adults who struggle with impulse control, don't you? :) Realistic expectations are important.

I'm not sure why "I'm going to shoot a rifle" is totally inappropriate. I wonder if it wasn't such a big deal if he would continue to do it. He's using his imagination. The likelihood of him turning into a violent person because he used his fingers and made gun noises is a bit of a reach I think.

I have a friend who made guns taboo for her son and he made them out of sticks in the yard. It was horrible as far as she was concerned. I don't understand that thinking, but I recognize as moms we are trying to do what we think is best for our kids.

We used to have those old silver guns that actually made the popping sound when we pulled the trigger and smelled like sulfur. I have fond memories of all of us in the neighborhood acting out scenes from Little House on the Prairie and Bonanza or making our own games up (I know I'm dating myself). All of us are productive, well adjusted adults.

I agree with those who say to let the school discipline when there's an infraction at school around this. He's a boy and I've not been around any young boy who hasn't used their hands/fingers as guns in play. I think it's very normal. Keep being consistent and redirect him and he will get it eventually.

Maybe he will be a police officer someday or be in the military. He's only six...

Oh my gosh - this is totally normal! We are an anti gun household and I remember when our son did this starting at age 3ish. He didn't even know the word for gun at first. He would pick up a stick and say, watch out for my "pew-er". pew! pew! pew! The trick, mama, is to ignore it. He's not being disrespectful. Don't give timeouts. You are giving him negative attention for it. Don't even worry about it so much. If you make something forbidden it becomes VERY INTERESTING. It's really not a big deal. Little boys from the beginning of time have this kind of fascination. Just ignore it. My son is 13 now. I promise...your son will outgrow this phase.

He sounds like a 1st grade boy to me. Honestly, he sounds a lot like my 11 year old at that age. He's in 5th grade now, and he's matured quite a bit. He's still a bit of a class clown (that's really his personality), but he's come a long way towards learning when and where he needs to tone it down. School is one of those places.

I agree that you have to let the school address behaviors at school. It's hard because, as his mom, it's normal to feel a sense of responsibility for misbehavior. Several people told me that when my son was in 1st grade, and I had trouble believing it. But at that age, you are not really going to be able to have an affect on how he behaves at school.

Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about making gun motions at home. I know that in our society we've really made a big deal about that and having zero tolerance, but really, he's just playing. Maybe if you just let it go he would lose interest in it. It's kind of like saying a bad word. Sometimes its easier to get your child to stop saying it by not giving it any attention. If you laugh (because it's cute) or get really mad, they might be motivated to say it more.

I wouldn't do a time out for this. I'd probably say 'We don't do that so you need to stop' every single time. Time outs aren't working. Resist the impulse to over explain this kind of stuff. I've found that you get 2 sentences with a kid before they start to tune you out. The longer you explain thinking your are imparting your wisdom the more they are only hearing blah blah blah.

I'd let school handle anything that happens at school however they choose to handle it. If it means losing recess or having to not do an activity with his classmates then its up to them to decide how to address this situation. You can't punish at home for things that happen at school because with a adhd kid their brain doesn't put it together that this punishment is for something that happened 6 hrs ago.

I have one that sounds similar to this with respect to impulse control. He had a fantastic K teacher to made up a "secret signal" for him (a one finger touch on his shoulder as she walked by). If he started one doing a distracting behavior, she would give him the secret signal to remind him to stop. No punishments, no calling him out in front of the class, no giving him a bunch of attention, just a silent reminder. It worked really well.

All his teachers have also learned quickly who he can sit next to, and who he should not sit next - I think that is really common.

At home, we don't make a huge deal about it because honestly, I think the lack of impulse control is mostly a maturity issue. I will tell him to please stop when he does it, but nothing beyond that. It has gotten better each year and so I'm just waiting it out.

Some kids have to learn the hard way. I'd say your "time outs" are not conveying the lesson. It's going to take more than a few minutes sitting in a chair. I would full out ground him the next time. For me, that means he goes to his room as soon as he comes home from school and he literally sits on his bed doing absolutely NOTHING for the rest of the day. Or, if you want him to do something, write a sentence about his infraction and make him copy/write it 25 times. That's a LOT for a six year old. You have to interrupt his day in order to get your message across because he really doesn't probably care about anything else.

It's typical for boys to like to make gun motions, regardless of what their parents model. I think you should calmly redirect him at home, and at school they can implement whatever consequences they like. MANY boys, in particular, struggle with focusing, staying quiet, and talking in school (I'm a teacher). You don't need to worry that this means there's something terribly wrong with your child.

Support the school in whatever consequences they impose, and otherwise don't worry about it.

What is inappropriate about saying “I’m going to shoot a rifle”? It sounds like your 1st grader has a good imagination and is totally normal. If the school’s “zero tolerance” policy includes no hand gestures of a gun well I have to question where their common sense has gone. Absolutely ridiculous!

It's getting him an awful lot of attention.

Keep his hands busy.
My husband has a book he got as a child
"String Figures and How to Make them".
You learn Cat's Cradle and lots of others.
Playing with marbles, Legos, Lincoln Logs, clay, finger paints, sidewalk chalk, coloring, cutting out shapes of construction paper with safety scissors, lacing boards, etc - are all things that are great for his small motor development and will help him when he learns to write.
If he's holding something - his fingers will be too busy to get into trouble.

I truly can't imagine kids not being able to play innocent games like this. Guns are NOT bad things. People who are crazy or mentally ill or out for revenge are going to hurt people with anything they can find. They can google how to make a bomb easier than finding a black market or a gangster that will sell them an illegal gun.

I have to tell you that ADHD actually DOES manifest itself in kids being able to hyper focus on what they are interested in. You need to discuss this with his ped...

I agree with the poster who says he's getting a lot of attention for this. The posters who fuss about the schools and zero tolerance for this aren't helping. When the school suspends him for flaunting the rules 20 times over, you'll have that to deal with. What will you do? Put together a plan with the ped and stick to it.

sounds like you have a normal first grade boy. nothing in your description of him sounds out of the ordinary. ignore the finger guns,this too shall pass