Can't Agree with Hubby on Third Child...

You could suggest 6 months of no birth control and whatever happens.. happens. I've heard of this "option" being used before! Good luck.

I don't know how much credibility you will put to this, but it makes sense to me....Dr. Phil (yes this is the time for a laugh and eye roll!!) says it takes two yeses or one no. That's that.

Regardless of what you two "decide" will happen, even if you are on the craziest good of birth controls; you will be blessed with what you are meant to be blessed with. Why worry, stress and argue about it? Que Sera Sera :)

Hi J.,

Good relationships fall apart all the time for this very reason. Relationships are very fragile and I firmly believe that there are 1001+ way that can cause them to fall apart. You have 2 healthy, happy children and, hopefully you married your husband because you love, respect and admire him, not because he can provide you with 3 or more babies. Show him that he is still the man that you fell in love with by respecting his wishes and appreciating all that you have right now: Your 2 beautiful children and your loving husband. Maybe at some point in the future your husband will change his mind -- possibly when your youngest gets a little older and more independent or after your husband gets a raise or promotion -- or maybe not.

I am sure that you are old enough by now to realize that not every feeling that you have can, will or should be fullfilled. That's just life and the acceptance of this is what helps brings peace to your life. Don't ruin the beauty of what what you have now by pining for something that just isn't in the cards at this time or possibly ever. I'm sure that you will agree that no man, woman or child should ever be made to be a parent when they don't want to be -- this includes your husband. Your husband has been honest about what his capabilities and desires are at this time. Please respect it and just enjoy what you have already. As a wise woman once pointed out to me: "If you are not grateful for what you have, you will have nothing." Don't waste your time and energy pining away for something that just isn't in the cards for you at this time. Be grateful for loving husband that you have right now two great children. You really owe it to these two children to maintain your focus on them and what you don't have, and also to keep your marriage intact by respecting the fact that your husband has his own desires and timing.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, if that's how it appears to be, but I hate to see another relationship run aground before it's time. Please love your husband, be respectful of his boundaries and appreciate what you have.

Take care,

L.

I know you are looking for advice on how to make your husband understand how strongly you feel, but have you considered trying to understand how he is trying to feel. This isn't like getting another pet that only one person has to deal with. This is something that WILL effect the whole family. This may not what you want to hear, but I say your husband wins, for now. You don't want to bring a child into this world that your husband may feel some resentment towards. This would definitely take away from the "quality of life". It may not be just the financial part for him, it could be all of it. He may not have the energy to handle three young children. Granted your two are well-behaved, but they are still young and things can change. Plus there is no guarantee how what your third child will be like. Why don't you shelve the idea for a few years, (yes I said a few years) until your first two are older can care for themselves a little more, plus it gives your husband time to "miss" having children in the house and all the fun that comes with them. Okay, so you may be telling yourself that you want all your babies to "grow up together". But nobody gets everything they want. Think of waiting as a compromise. Just because you wait, shouldn't mean your child doesn't have a great life. My sister and I are six years apart and we wouldn't have it any other way.

unfortunately there is no way to compromise here. One of you will not get what you want either way. As far as finding a way to convince your husband, I can't see it. Perhaps you could include your sister's kids in your activities and feel the pleasures of having a larger family that way.

Hi J.,
I hope with time and patience you can both come to being really happy with either two or three children. But I think the key here is waiting and not bringing it up again for some time. Your husband is the reason that you have these two wonderful children, and his wishes need to be acknowledged and respected. I was in a womens' circle with a very gifted teacher who had been leading circles (womens' and mens') for more than 30 years and she heard every life story a few times over. She always reminded us that from her direct experience men are wired to think of the long-term overall care of their families and not to belittle their financial fears or decisions made from that perspective. If this would overwhelm him right now, then I would trust him. Maybe in another year it will be a different story.
Happy Thanksgiving!
blessings,
S.

I think whoever does NOT want another child wins the argument... there is no compromise here, either you have another or you don't. Having another child when one parent doesn't want to is just too selfish, if you're going to have more then you both have to WANT to. Otherwise you have brought a child into the family that isn't totally wanted, and that child will be deprived of all the love and attention it deserves. You can't "convince" your husband, if he gives in just to appease you then that isn't fair to the child. Although YOU may want more, it just may not be what's right for your family as a whole, and your first obligation is to the two children you ahve already and the husband that you created them with. Making sure your marraige stays strong and healthy is of utmost importance to your two children so they can grow up safe and secure. So maybe if you just let it go (don't harbor resentment and make him "pay" emotionally by being angry at him), and you go along with your wonderful life things will change with time. Maybe you can revisit this in another year or so, but probably the more you badger and try to convince him the more resistant he will be because he will feel like you are trying to bully him into having another baby. I know how hard stepping back can be when you are so emotionally charged about something, but just try it... and put lots and lots of effort into building your marriage, just for the sake of your marriage, not for the sake of another baby - and things will work out the way they are meant to. On a personal note, I would like to have one more child, but my husband and I sat down and talked about it and have decided that (like you husband feels) our two children are all we can handle financially now and in the future because we DO honestly want to be able to vacation with our kids and give them special luxuries such as trips to Disneyland - it's nice to think that if we had another kid I would be happy to give that all up, but in reality I would then be trying to stretch our budget to do those things with three! I had to be very honest with myself about what I want for my kids, not for me, and make a LOGICAL decision of the head, not the heart. I hope this helps you find peace with YOUSELF, whatever decision you make, and your family stays happy and healthy now and in the future.
K.

Just relax and let it go a while. He could change his mind down the road. Until then, it will have to be a no as much as you want it to be a yes. This is a big step and needs the full support of both people. Be grateful for your kids and throw all of your "just one more" thoughts into them and that little something yoy think your missing will be fulfilled. My hubby and I were content with our boy and girl so I had my tubes tied, now 6 years later he wishes we had #3. Too late for us, but if you ease off and don't nag, he will probably surprise once your little ones are older.

The important thing is to be sure that you don't move forward with anything unless you two are in perfect agreement. If you are Christians, I suggest you two put this to prayer until you are both at peace over whatever decision you make. If not, perhaps seeing a counselor will help you two each say what's on your heart without interference from the other. Since your children are so young. Perhaps you could at least start off in agreeing that maybe it's too soon to totally take it off of the table. If he never agrees, I believe you should find it in yourself to let it go.

I feel for you. We're expecting our second born, so we aren't there yet. There were 3 kids in my family, which was wonderful! But my hubby is an only child. It was a bit of a struggle for him to move onto the second. He wanted more kids, but he was worried about cheating our son out of extra attention and love. But, I reminded him that he always said he wished he had brothers and sisters, because he was so lonely. We're taking it one kid at a time with God's help.

My best to you!
M.

My cousin has a theory about having more kids. "It's just another potato and carrot in the pot". Really it's not that much different than having two. I just had a third baby a year ago and the only thing is now I have the expense of diapers (my girls are in elementary school). I saw that your kids are still really little. Maybe if you let the littlest one get a bit older and wait until the economy is more stable to bring it up. If it's a financial concern, that might help make him feel more at ease with the idea. Happy Thanksgiving!

~V

J.,

I can tell you honestly that my son was 4 and a half before my husband felt he was even ready to THINK about another child. He was really really happy with just our boy and though I felt that we were missing something and that I was ready for another he was not. So here we are a year later and TTC.

The thing is you can't have a baby on your own, it takes both of you and both of you have to be on board about it before it can happen. Sure unplanned things happen and you deal with them then. However I have to agree with dropping the subject for a time. You are moving from infants to toddler and preschooler now and it's an adjustment. Make the adjustment, and then in 6 months try talking to him again if you feel you are really ready. Just be ready to listen more then you talk, hear his concerns and be compassionate, then if the answer is still no, drop it.

Just remember that guys are the hunters, the caretakers so to speak, and so they feel that adding another child will mess up the dynamic of their comfy household, or that it's another person to care for. Your husband might feel like mine that he could not emotionally care for another child the way he does the ones he has now. He might come around in a year or two. Give him time. Enjoy your kids, and try to not dwell on it.

Also if you can look up on here, I had posted about "talking" my husband into adoption. I got some great advice on that post that helped me a lot in our conversations.

This is tough on both of you! What you see as unnecessary worry and materialism, he sees as being a good provider. What he sees as you pushing to get your way, you see as explaining your feelings. You're both likely to become more and more unhappy if you each approach this from the viewpoint of, "Why can't he/she see it my way?"

There's no hurry, no deadline you have to meet. Take a few years and see how circumstances are for your family.

As a former foster parent, I'm going to suggest that you consider becoming foster parents. It will satisfy your mommy needs, but will make your husband breathe easier because it won't be permanent, and you'll recive financial help. It might also help alleviate any fears he has that a third child will mean that someone is always a "third wheel" and getting left out. It will let you both see what it's like to have 3 kids in the house.

I have 4 kids, with a rather large age gap between my middle 2. It actually made for fewer arguments and flare-ups between the older 2 kids to have another child in the house. They were used to seeing everything in the world as either belonging to one or the other of them, whether it was toys or parents or love, and having that third child opened their eyes a bit. By the time #4 arrived, we were all pros.

I grew up in a single income household with 4 kids, and money was tight. As an adult, I now see that if my dad had relaxed a bit, we would have been more comfortable. For instance, he refused to buy used clothes or toys or furniture. "If it wasn't good enough for somebody else, it isn't good enough for me," he'd say. That meant that I quite often owned only 1 pair of pants. It's tough to go to school in the same clothes day after day, and a much more obvious way to label someone as "poor" than if I'd had clean things every day, no matter where they came from (and who would know where we bought them, anyway?)

Now that I'm the parent in a 4 child, single income household myself, I know that one of the reasons we CAN and DO afford things like Disneyland, summer camp and dance lessons (and college) is because we're very careful and not extravagant in what we spend. And used stuff is great with me! Kids will almost always outgrow clothes before they wear them out. We also have beautiful, matched furniture that we couldn't have afforded new.

Still, one size does not fit all, familywise. You won't "miss out" if your family is now complete. Just don't feel pressured to decide, or have your husband decide, right now.

Hi, J.,

I will not tell you what to do. I will just share my experience as a financial analyst, teacher and woman who struggled to create my only two living children.

After experiencing a couple of years of extremely expensive, invasive, high-tech fertility treatment and two miscarriages and observing infertile or subfertile friends and relatives repeatedly and unsuccessfully try to bear children, I am extremely grateful to have conceived and carried to term two healthy children (two boys). I would have liked to have had a girl, but I am not going to try for one because trying would involve great expense and pain, would add a notable financial burden to my family, and probably negatively impact the world, which with a current population of six billion people, is probably overly-crowded.

More is not always merrier. I came from a family of two parents and two kids. My husband came from a family of two parents and five kids. My husbands' parents had approximately the same amount of education as my parents, yet my sister and I were given much more both as children as adults. We got to take more lessons, did not have to work for room and board as undergraduates, and received a substantial amount of money when we got married. My husband did not have these luxuries. My husband has never complained, but he, our children and I most likely would have been in better financial shape if his parents had not had so many children. Financial studies have shown that quality of life of a famly drops noticeably when people have a third child.

If you really want to have a third child, one way to make your case more compelling to your husband is to create a child care plan and a financial plan to show your husband. The child care plan would explain in detail who would take care of the additional child and how the child would be cared for; the financial plan would be a spreadsheet showing projected costs of basic care, tuition (if possible), and luxury items, such as trips to Disney Land, with the cost of inflation figured into the plan.

Another thing you might consider is working with a psychologist or psychotherapist to figure out exactly what you feel is missing from your life. If you figure that out, you can more clearly communicate to your husband what you want.

Good luck to you and your family in deciding.

Sincerely,
Lynne E

It sounds like you have an amazing family! How lucky you are to have so much to be thankful for. My husband and I stopped at one and feel like we have an abundance of joy in our lives and I don't regret our decision for a moment. One of the contributing factors to our decision was our planet. Our planet is struggling to accommodate all the people. When families have 3, 4, and 5 kids the planet suffers. All those babies grow up to need, you name it...from diapers to cars and everything in between. Multiply that stuff by how many kids you have and that's the strain on the world. It's not about the stuff and it's not about the money it takes to buy the stuff but it's inevitable that our kids end up with the stuff. So, if you can, take a look around at your beautiful family and your supportive husband and your amazing planet and be grateful for all your blessings. Good luck.

Yours are still really babies, so he feels contented. He just may change his mind when they are older and the baby days are gone. Don't give up or most important don't let him do anything he could regret to prevent any future pregnances.

I'v been through this. My husband didn't think i should have any more, and he had one by a previous marriage. So he had himself fixed so to speak. Anyway many years later when the kids were older he regretted it and wished we could have had one more. Good luck

What does "quality of life" really mean? I think kids love having brothers and sisters to grow up with and not material things that can be bought and thrown away. Children are a blessing to have not toys, cars or things money can buy. I have five children and two of my girls where surprises. But let me tell you they are the best and I can not imagine our family or our life with out them. It's sad when people label kids as a "burden" and not a blessing. When you look back on your life you'll be glad you had another child (or more) and you are right, quality of life is the love you give your children not what you can get them, that's empty. He needs to get over his childhood and really listen to you. Life is short and family is all you really have. Your kids will thank you later for your time and effort you spent into raising a loving family. They won't remember toys or what kind of car you drove, they could care less. Good luck and well wishes to you and your family.

I had two adorable and very well behaved boys and then had our third boy. This one was very hard to raise, he had a mind of his own and a very strong will and constantly challenged us.

My advice is to honor your husband, the one who says no, and wait at least one year to bring the subject up again. By then, you may have a different idea as to having a third child
or not. At any rate, having a 4.5 yr old and a 2 yr old will be easier and your husband may see that he wants another.

You know, other women have already said it & it is true! The third child is ALWAYS left out. My girls are 2 years apart and although they have their arguments, etc. at times, they are very close and have a great relationship. Our son came along unexpectedly and wow! He is a wonderful little boy. I love him so incredibly much and am very grateful for his unexpected "appearance"....but I feel bad that he doesn't have a brother or another sibling that he can be as close to...the girls are great with him but they rather play by themselves most of the time. We seriously tried for the fourth (three years)---hoping that we would have a brother for him and they would be close like our girls. Didn't happen and our son is now four so the age difference wouldn't be as good.

I should say that we did get pregnant but we lost it and my son now still asks for "matthew" to come back. It's sad and he still talks about it every night.

Really think about it and talk your husband again in a year or so. Good Luck to you and may God bless you!!

... it seems like a real impasse.
Does it REALLY have to be "decided" NOW?
Depending on how old you are or by "when" you want another baby... why can't you perhaps "wait" a bit? Your youngest is only 1 year old. Maybe by then, in time, your Hubby might be more open to it. Or not. But, it seems like such a pressure to have to have another baby now, that he probably feels so pressured about it. And even if you both did try to have another baby, it wouldn't be much "fun" for him...since he'd be doing it grudgingly.

No matter what, the financial feasibility of another child does weigh heavily on a Man. Sure, you are working too...but men, their brains are different and they are wired differently. He is thinking of things, from a different perspective, which, is fine. He has a right to his feelings too.

Also, every spouse will have different "ideals" of how many kids, or what quality of life, or how they will spend on their kids, or just life "dreams" about their family. So, a compromise has to be made. Yes, "quality" is also about HOW you spend time with your kids and not only "spending" ability on your kids or "ability" to take them to Disney Land or trips etc. BUT... the "reality" of not being able to do so, or "not" being able to go on trips, or "not" being able to have "enough" money for children will weight heavily on the working Parents too... and the increasing "bills" and debts too. So, it all has to be taken into consideration. Although, yes, all Parent(s) will make it, and "survive" no matter what with whatever financial ability they have or not. But, the level of "stress" or feelings of "inability" to PROVIDE for one's children and family and wife, ARE plausible and valid, and IS an element into considering IF having more children is the best or not. After all, we all can't be Angelina Jolie with her endless desire to keep having more kids... and she does have the money and hired help to do it all.

As for you, was this a sudden yearning to have 3 kids...or did you feel this way all along throughout your marriage? Have you both ever talked about it before, even before having your first child? So, for him, maybe this is such a "new" sudden development that is put on the table... and he can't digest the idea yet.

You have made your case to him... beyond forcing it, I don't know that you can make him change his mind, unless he just does it because he sees no other way to deal with it and so he just "agrees" with you to make the crusade for a 3rd child go away.

You said you feel like something is "missing" from your family....so I would on your part, REALLY think about that in yourself. WHAT exactly is "missing" for you? And how do you REALLY know that a 3rd child will satisfy that in you? For "some" women, just being pregnant or the idea of being pregnant is something they "miss." Some women just LOVE being pregnant and miss that when they are not. It may or may not apply to you... but think about it.

All I know is, the feeling of "missing" something in your family... may or may not be due to "wanting" another baby. So, I would really find out, why you feel this way. Then, discuss it with Hubby.

It would make no sense, to try and have another baby now, when there is no consensus about it between you and your Husband. Having another child is a big decision, if it is "planned." And, your Husband's concerns about being able to "afford" another child is valid.

I'm not siding with you or him... but just trying to see what the other variables are here... that are contributing to the whole situation. Maybe, your sister being pregnant is bringing up a yearning for you too, about having another baby?

Well, all the best. But in any event... it can't be forced and has to be decided upon by both spouses equitably.

Take care,
Susan

Oh my gosh, that is exactly how I felt when my boys were 3 and 5. I really felt like I wasn't "done" having babies. My husband was 8 years older than me and he said that he felt that he was too old. I told him "in 18 years you will still be too young to retire, so this will give us something to do". He still waivered. The decision was taken out of our hands when I became pregnant with our third; my only unplanned pregnancy. My two boys were planned down to what month we would have them. My daughter was conceived around the time of the L.A. riots and I was unable to get to the pharmacy to pick up my birth control pills. My husband was an incredible father to our third child, spending more time with her than he was able to spend with the older two. God knew that his time on earth would be short, he passed away a couple of years ago. However, he spent more time with her in 13 years than most fathers spend in a lifetime. The only thing I can say about another child is that 2 was easier than 1 and 3 was harder than 2. If I could have had another one right after her, I would have. With 3, there is always "odd man out". The cost of another baby never came in to the picture and never mattered. It wasn't a big enough financial jump to even matter. Good luck to you.

When one partner says no on this particular issue, it is a no. Be happy with what you have, and stop thinking about it. Your family is complete. If your husband changes his mind a few years down the road, terrific. Do not try to coerce him. When the teen years hit - and they do pack a punch - you will be thrilled that you only have two. :0) Right now you are in the fun and easy stage of parenthood. You really do not know what you are asking for by wanting another child. Enjoy your children and your husband. Be content.
Mom of 4 - 26, 23, 22, and 9.

I went through this about 30 years ago, I wanted 4 he didn't even want a third child, we had 2 already, so we compromised on 3. I also felt I needed one more child and as it turns out the last one is the one that my husband is most attached to. They both are very hands on mechanically, they call each other about opinions and suggestions as to how to fix this and that and my husband always seems a little sadder when the youngest one leaves. So all in all it turned out well. Just ask him not to close up completely and to keep the option of a third child open.

My first two children are 2 years apart and when it came time for us to have the third there's almost a four year gap. She's 1 now and I actually love this gap. I was the one not ready for another child while my second was a toddler at all. Once he entered the preschool phase I started softening about a third child. I was grateful my husband didn't hound me sooner about it. The topic would come up from time to time and it would just overwhelm me and cloud me with some frustration. Then suddenly that passed and when the topic came up I was warming back up to the idea. I feel like God has His timing and He's going to do whatever needs done to make that timing happen. Sometimes the method is by making one person resistant. I kind of feel like when it's time to have another child God will do the kicking.

On the topic of expressing deep feelings and convictions with spouses that disagree - I have a story:
My husband's always been very passionate about homeschooling. He had a terrible public school experience and has always wanted our children to be homeschooled. I had a great experience growing up and had a very involved mother where he did not. My feelings on the topic have always been that every child is different and what might be right for one is not necessarily right for another. Anyway, I started homeschooling my oldest for the kindergarten year (agreeing that all day school is too much for that age - we have no choice for 1/2 day in my area). We began and after the first quarter I'd started really feeling this was not right. My husband wouldn't hear it. Then time continued and the 3 year old started acting out (being neglected daily for a while during our lessons). He also became her little shadow and was refusing to do anything with out her. What happened to autonomy? These manifestations in his behavior really concerned me. My husband wasn't happy about these behavioral changes but he still didn't think we should join the public school system. Anyway, about the second week of December that year, we were both up early in the morning for some reason (I would usually sleep till after he left). I was feeling super frustrated about the situation and had researched a few local schools and was ready to call their offices. We hadn't been praying together well like we used to and tension had been mounting. Well the timing was just right that morning and he asked if we could pray together. He asked if I would say it. Usually when I'm in a similar mood to that I would usually refuse and he would say it, but I just had a strong feeling to accept. That morning I spilled my guts to God in that prayer in front of my husband! I think I went on for over 10 minutes! I was very specific about the behaviors of each child and what I was so concerned about. I was in sincere tears and by the end told God that I felt it was right for her to go to a specific school. I closed and my husband was so quiet. He hugged me and then simply said. Go ahead and call the school. Then he left because now he was running late. I was shocked! It was an amazing reaction to a simple prayer. Why didn't I think of that on my own months ago? (more importantly why hadn't we been humbly and sincerely praying about these little issues all along?) He even called me later in the day and confirmed that he'd really meant it and asked if I'd called yet! She was able to be assigned a teacher the next week. She attended the classes holiday party and then started school in January. I loved her teacher and she absolutely love, love, loved her friends and being able to go to school every day. She's a social butterfly. I'm not so sure what my son will need yet, so we're still trying to figure him out. But anyway, keep that open relationship with God and each other. With Him anything is possible and He knows more that any of us can about our futures and what is right for us.

Good luck.
E.

Do not tell him until you say surprice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As tough as it may seem to hold off, please don't create a situation where he has to be upset/pissed off that you are pregnant. Maybe it's fair that he doesn't want another child to raise it's an 18-30 year job!! Be happy with the two wonderful kids you have, be pleasant and love him and the kids the most you can. He has a say in this too.
Deb

Maybe go a counsler? They will be the unpartial judge ? Good luck :-)

My husband was always unsure and leaned towards not having a third child. We decided to not talk about it for awhile since we were in the thick of toddlerhood with two boys close in ages. I think that was good for us. How can you know you want another one when you are not sleeping, right?

Well, I brought the topic up when we were out to a nice dinner one night. I told my husband that I would regret not having another child the rest of my life. I meant it and he knew it. He felt that I wanted it that badly then we should go for it and I don't think he didn't want to be the reason for my regrets. I didn't feel that it was an unfair statement made to make him feel guilty. It was my true heart and I think that came through when I was talking with him.

We looked at how we want our family to look when they are all grown up. We had to look past diapers, potty training, sleepless nights, etc. I think how great it will be in our golden years when we are surrounded by our children and many grandchildren. My hubby always envisioned three to but was nervous to go back to the beginning since our children will be four and six years apart.

We prayed about it and decided to go for number three! We are due in March with our third boy!

K.

Hi Jamie,
I have 3 children and 4 step children.
I wanted the third child so very badly!
My husband at the time did not want another child. He did agree to go ahead and "let" me have the third.
He said he knew I wanted a third child more than he didn't...so he gave in.
I had always wanted a big family. I came from a family with one sibling and both parents. No cousins, no grand parents,
because all the family lived back east and our little group was the only one in CA.
What is your motivation for wanting the third?
What if your third pregnancy results in twins or a disabled child? Can you financially handle that possibility?
The journey of parenthood is amazing and fun and stressful and busy!
My suggestion is for you to wait. Don't beg or nag or trick your husband. You have a precious little one year old and your feelings of nurture are strong, obviously.
My third child was born with Poland Syndrome. He is missing fingers on his right hand and his right major pectoral muscle.
My first two children were (and are) smart, fun, outgoing, social, well behaved.
My third child was (and is) behaviorally challenged, angry, mean, hurtful. (He is 23 years old now and still has problems...no job, can't live at home, won't go to school...no medical insurance...sigh) His dad supports him. I won't, he needs to work.
I am not telling you this to say this could happen to your child! I am telling you this because you don't know what the future will hold.
I suggest keep talking about it. Think it over and weigh all the possibilities. If your husband is against it, maybe there is a reason down the road that will reveal itself in time.
With our economy so messed up, I recommend waiting for it to improve while you and your Honey talk this over seriously.
No one can make this decision for you. This is deeply personal. Parenting is so rewarding but a huge responsibility that lasts far longer than 18 years!!
I am a preschool teacher. There are MANY families I have worked with who have 3 children and it has been wonderful for them.
You are correct in focusing on the nurturing and family time being the most important in "Quality care" however, basic needs are #1. Love, food, shelter, clothing. Your husband is right about the financial part. (I hardly think Disneyland is #1) What are your priorities for the children you do have now? Will any of these priorities be compromised if a third child comes into the picture? Be honest with yourself.
A third child will affect the space you live in, the car you drive, the groceries (I fed many teenagers, whew!), family vacations, babysitting costs, preschool costs, private school costs(? if a priority), alone quality time with your Honey, and it will impact your budget in other ways, too. The things I mentioned here are only a few instances where you will be affected. There are sports costs, extra curricular activity fees, and of course TIME you will spend running around with them.
What if you return to work out of necessity one day? ( I am only making the assumption you are at home with the kids right now.) What if that changes?
My son in law lost his job two months ago. Now they lost their home...they moved in with us. My daughter was already working full time and they have 2 children. Two incomes were needed for them to make it. There is no work in my son in law's industry right now....mmmmm.

Scary times!
I'd wait.....

Good luck decidng!
Best wishes and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!!
C. K

Lets look at this with the current way the world is today and not the fact disneyland might not be an option by having three kids..
the past..

the past there was cheaper ways of raising kids.. lots of jobs.. babies were born less likely to have autism, or any other condition.. the schools had plenty of teachers and plenty of room to learn.. college was affordable.. kids went to church listened to their parents and stayed away from drugs..

today & the future, one out of 15 kids are born with autism, the cost to raise a child is 1.5 million dollars, the schools are so crowded , plus barely enough funds to add extra programs for the kids, kids today average grades are c's, unless you earn over 100,000 a yr the chance to go to a decent collgege is slim. Today kids watch to much tv, play to much electronic games and play on the computer instead of out door learning and exercise, both parents have to work, leaving the kid alone to much often getting into trouble.

With two kids at least one kid has at least one parent paying attention to them, having three one gets left out.. I know us women can give plenty of love to each kid, today you could afford three kids, but the way things look, in order to give two kids everything you have to pay a lot, medical dental, education, clothing, housing, this is just the basic...

I am not on any ones side, just pointing out a few things

I would give it about five years before you have a third kid. Then your current kids will be in school and you can really think if you want another one. If the answer is "no" at that time, ask your spouse if he is really ready to say "no" and go get a vasectomy. Sometimes that decision really brings home the issue of this is final. It puts a spin on it. After I had number three (surprise) I went and had my tubes tied. That was for my health (another pregnancy might have killed me) and because I just had to be sure. Give yourself some time unless age is an issue. If you are approaching forty then all bets are off. You would have to do it now. Early forties are better than late forties.

I have 3 kids and of course love them all.

3 is a big step from 2. Personally, I would not recommend it. everything does get harder-what type of car you can drive, vacations- rooms accomodate 4. Plus, you will be outnumbered. Since your husband is against it, I think you should be thankful for your 2 healthy kids.

I say definitely don't have a third if he's that against it. If you did, and then every time you're short on money, etc., he would be bitter and "blame" it on you for wanting the third child. We have two and my husband also wanted a third, but I said it would be just too hard financially, and the stress level too. Most of my friends that have three or more, it's much harder on them because they are outnumbered, and they are very often overwhelmed. When they are all into sports, and all their sports are at the same time, you and your husband can only go to two of their games. That's only a minor thing, but it's something to think about. I'm often overwhelmed with two, and I always think that I'm so glad I don't have more children, but some people can handle the stress and financial impact of more children. I'm sure it's very h*** o* you since you want another one, but it might be very h*** o* your marriage if you do, and since you say you have two well behaved children, what if the third is the total opposite? It could happen.

Certainly been there...we disagreed to the point of my husband getting a vasechtomy against my wishes nearly three years ago. It was brutal on the marriage, and still pops up occasionally. For the most part I have recovered, but the feelings of resentment I had toward him for deciding my reproductive future really took its toll. He had his feelings, I had mine. Someone was going to win, someone was going to lose. (And I do not normally look at life that way.) Since then I've watched friends get pregnant and have babies, and it's been extremely difficult every time. It stinks. I would still like another child, and every time my period is even the slightest bit late I feel a glimmer of hope inside of me...only to be disappointed. My point is, please, please, figure out a way to work it out and get on the same page about this. Hear him out, respect his feelings, figure out if for you it's that you really want another child or if you're mourning the fact your babies are growing up and that part of your life is over. Take the financial aspect into consideration. I am a stay at home mom and the weight of supporting our family falls solely on my husband. That is a heavy burden to bear, even in the best of circumstances. In the end, I could have just "accidentally" gotten pregnant before he had his surgery, but I couldn't do that to him...it did not feel right. So we have gone on, I have struggled, and though it's not completely over, I am today much better than I was and am grateful for the two beautiful, wonderful children I have and the amazing life I am able to lead.
Best of luck to you.