Can You Tell a Doctor No?

I highly recommend that you read the book "How To Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor" by Dr. Mendelsohn. He's very reassuring and, as a pediatrician, he believes that mothers know much more about their children than any doctor could.

That said, I have never tried to say "no" directly to a doctor... though I have taken a prescription and not filled it before. I usually smile and nod and say "okay" and if I don't feel that myself or my child need the medication I simply don't get it. Parents do have the right to have the final say. However, some doctors can sometimes get very defensive and even nasty when they are questioned.

This is one of the reasons my family doesn't go see a doctor at all between regular check-ups. If I were you, I would discuss this doctor's behavior with your son's regular doctor. His attitude and actions were totally uncalled for.

As far as your son's flat feet go - my husband had completely flat feet. He started going barefoot everywhere and now he has low arches. It's something you might want to look into since it's totally free and risk-free as well :)

http://www.barefooters.org/faq/09.html

Best wishes!
~B.

I think that you probably know your child better than anyone. If you don't see the need to push daily meds into the child, then you at least deserve a respectful explanation on why the doctor might disagree with you.

But, if you don't agree, and they're insisiting, I'd get a second opinion, and maybe a third.

Also, if the doctor is not working WITH you, but is simply ordering you around, I'd consider getting a new doctor. There is no reason to get bullied and end up feeling that way. You and the doctor should be a team. The doctor should be able to hear you saying, "he has been doing great with his asthma".

Maybe the doctor could have slowed down and actually told you why he believed this medicine was necessary, you know? And not issued intimidating threats like, "you're putting your child in danger". That's just un-called for!

I firmly believe that there should be trust and respect between doctor and patient, and it should be a 2 way street!! Otherwise, you won't feel comfortable being as honest as you need to be, or asking all the questions you need to.

You absolutely have the right. We have a Patient's Bill of Rights to protect us. I'd make sure I pointed that out to this a$$ as I was walking OUT the door never to return.

If memory serves Claritin was in the news just last week or maybe 2 ago about being linked to an increased risk of suicides. A friend of mine called to tell me because a pediatrician hospitalist suggested it for my 4 y/o DD. My DD has extreme chemical sensitivites and can't take Benadryl (allergic to the dyes and/or artifical colors).

I'm wondering if I know this doc. He sounds like someone I used to work with. Part of a practice of 4 doc's. I have a note in my kids chart that this yahoo is not to see them at ANY time for ANY reason.

Stand your ground! No one knows your children like you do.

I believe like you that yes our society is over medicated but asthma is a life-long disease of the lungs, it doesn't get grown out of no matter how long in between attacks you go. I myself was diagnosed with asthma at about 9yrs old and over the last 21yrs have never been hospitalized and I have gone over 4yrs between attacks, you just never know what/how or when one will be triggered. The doctor is just trying to save your son the stress of not knowing and do preventative maintence to keep him healthy. I am on advair, singulair and combivent and because of the preventions I have stayed hospitalization-free. Try not to stress and if you feel he's wrong please do research on how many people die each year from asthma uncontrolled.

First, I would contact your son's regular doctor and tell him/her about this horrendous experience. Hand write a letter to the administrator/manager of the practice outlying your concerns in a fair, non-emotional, matter of fact manner. Remind them that you are a client, and they are a business and you have a RIGHT to take business elswhere and will do so. They cannot refuse to send his medical records--you have rights.

Then, I would find a new doctor. There are some family doctors who actually are MDs that have a strong leaning towards naturopathy. Research in your area, post a request on this list for recommendations in your area.

I'm sorry to hear your husband wasn't supportive. That probably just exacerbated your frustrated feelings. Perhaps you and your husband can talk about it when emotions aren't running so high.

It's so hard to not be passionate and overemotional when it comes to our kids' health! It sounds like this turkey of a doctor just flat-out refused to hear your concerns and your son's history. Imagine all the other families who have been overprescribed unnecessary meds because of him. WHat an a$$.

I don't know anything about asthma so I can't speak to that but it sounds like your doc got into a power struggle with you. You want to be comfortable with your doctor and be able to question what they are telling you. I've decided not to get antibiotics in the past, etc. for my son and my doctor was fine with it. He respects my feelings and also makes it clear when something is necessary when I ask questions. Sounds like it's time for a new doctor. It might make you feel better to get a 2nd opinion and hopefully that doctor will be able to spend time with you to explain anything they believe is needed, etc. so you don't feel bullied. Good luck!

You absolutely have the right to tell your doctor NO. I'd take your son back to his "regular" doctor and get a 2nd opinion or to the NP that you were thinking of taking him to anyway. And YES YOU CAN outgrow asthma. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to "pre medicate" your son. I refuse to do it as well. I personally think it's making our children immune to not only medications but also viruses and diseases. I one hundred percent agree with you! Get your 2nd opinion and don't medicate your son until YOU feel it is needed. We as mothers have that instinct about our children and how dare a doctor question our skills without even knowing us and how we raise our children.
I'm sorry i'm just frustrated for you!
Blessings,
W.

want to see other responses

C.- I fully believe that what you did was the best thing. It is very frustrating that your husband didn't support you though. I am a mother of 2 and I am an RN. I firmly beleive that parents and patients in general know themselves better then anyone else. When a patient is telling me something is wrong and there is no evidence that I can find to match; that doesn't mean there isn't anything happening. Doctors are not gods and they don't know everything. The doctor was probably just offering everything possible because of the liability issues. But you have every right to refuse and make the final decisions. There is no reason a doctor should be bullying you in to having your child take medications. It's your child not his and you can use good judgement when something does arise if it does as you told the doctor. I am very sorry you had the experience you did. I think that you need to find a new doctor quite frankly. He sounds like he didn't spend much time with you and you've rarely seen him anyways- I would be upset and frustrated too. I think you did everything right and have nothing to be ashamed of. I just think that seeing another doctor is a good idea- second opinions are never a bad idea! You stand strong!

You need a new doctor. I think it's really important to have a doctor that "in sync" with your lifestyle and beliefs. You can take one condition (allergies, asthma, a cough, an infection, whatever) and if you saw 10 doctors you'd probably get 6 or 7 different ways to treat that condition. Most doctors will allow you to have an "interview" appointment so that you can meet them and ask question... get a feel for them. You might consider gathering a few names of doctors that are covered by your insurance and interview them. Ask your friends in your area who they see or you could even ask the question here. It might be a lot of work, but your relationship with your doctor should be a good one... and potentially a very long one. If you should ever need to visit the doctor more than once a year all the hard work of finding a good doctor would be more than worth it.

It sounds to me like you listened to what the Doctor said and responded in a very polite manner. I believe that as a parent you must be the one to know what is going on with your kids. Doctors try to sum up everything about children is their 10 to 15 mins of time spent. And Going in and out of the room like you described seems to be the common way to deal with people. And although they are educated and needed, they really don't LISTEN to the parents once they have made up thier mind. (Almost like they are the almighty and what they say is law!!) It does sound like this particualar dr. did bully you, making threats would not make me feel at all comfortable. Sorry that this happened to you.

You can tell your doctor no if you want but as a lifetime asthma sufferer you might want to consider that it is a life threatening illness. If your doctor thinks your son needs medication for it you should listen. He can listen to your son's chest with a stethescope. You don't need to exhibit symptoms to be at risk for an attack. You can decide about allergy treatment since it is over the counter and some people suffer more than others. I say no to my doctors all the time but please reconsider the asthma treatment.

Wow C., I am sorry for your experience, that's really unfortunate! I think you can definitely tell a doctor 'no' and even though I love my pediatrician, I do prefer to make my own judgments about some things and especially the pre-medicate sort of situation you are talking about. I think your son is probably old enough to know if he feels he needs to be taking something for his asthma and definitely discussing it with him should be taken into consideration. If you have never stressed taking medications in the past, most likely it's not something he'd be interested in. Now that's not to say you can't take the medication and put it in your cupboard and forget about it. At least you have it if he DOES need it. I would have been totally offended by the doctor's comment and if he wasn't a family doctor and someone who knew my son well (which it sounds like he was not), I'd probably move on to another doctor. It just doesn't sound like a good situation.

I had a situation with my child a month ago where we took her into urgent care because she had thrown up some tylenol we had given her for a fever. We thought ear infections again so did not hesitate to go to urgent care. The doctor checked her out and said no ear infections but it could be croup! I don't know where he got that. Anyhow, he gave her a tylenol suppository and wanted to give her a steroid for the "croup" and I told him I'd rather not give her steroids. He did give me the syringe, in case it did end up appearing like croup but it's just sitting in our medicine cabinet. I just don't think unnecessary medication is healthy. It sounds like your son has his asthma under control - he would certainly be the one who knows best how he feels and whether he thinks he needs anything...

Still, your doctor should not have gone off on you. Ugh.. I'm really sorry that you had that situation.

A.

Oh yes of course. I've worked with doctors for years and often they honestly feel they are doing what's best for thier patient, but there are definitely those who just want people to do what they say and not ask any questions. Then they get into a power struggle with the patient or patient's family members then it becomes all about "My way or the Highway".
Take your son to a naturopath or a more experienced doctor. This person was just trying to push you around.

Oh and a good, confident, experienced doctor does not mind being told No thank you by a patient. Especially about something so minor as Claritin. What an ass.