Camp for Grandaughter

Updated on June 29, 2012
J.B. asks from Calistoga, CA
5 answers

I have sent my grandaughter to Christian camp every year. She has to stay in church, get good grades & stay out of trouble. My husband felt like this is to much. We go out & have fun all the time, I have taken his family out to eat, way to much & quit. I have brought his mother food & clothes. I have broughten his daughter, coats, shoes, clothes & Christmass & Birthday presents. He says I use the word I to much, but I am loving & have done these things. My grandaughter helps me to earn money & I don't feel that he is being fair about this. The money comes out of my account, not his. He was hurt because I didn't tell him these plans ahead of time. My grandaughter has cleaned up behind his daughter, because she wasn't trained to. His daughter now lives with her mother 100% of the time because of problems that both her & mom caused.

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So What Happened?

I loved all your advice. A lot has been going on with both girls. My husbands baby mama kept puting his daughter up to spying on us & lying to the point that we had to let her mom have her back. We had her for two years & I do love her, but everytime she came over, she didn't have clothes etc. So we kept (me) buying her clothes, shoes & coats. She never said thank you & didn't want squeekie (my grnadaughter) around her dad. Her mom over endulges her with trips & forth grade limo service to her birthday party. We took her camping & she doesn't like it. I raised squeekie for six years, during the day & most weekends. I took everyones advice. Fathers day we picked up Mayah my husbands daughter & went to church & took her out to dinner & had a fun day.

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answers from Charlotte on

It sounds like he is jealous of the attention you are paying to others. Tell him that just because you show love to others doesn't mean that you don't love him. Tell him that you have been good to his family, and that he needs to let go of the jealousy.

I would not talk so much about what you do for them, since he doesn't like it. Just enjoy what you are doing, but don't go overboard. Maybe he is worried about the money and retirement.

Big costs like camp, however, are something that perhaps you need to mention to him so that you are both making a decision. Look at it from the other side - if he spent that much money on anything, wouldn't you want him to talk about it with you first?

Anyway, you can show love without spending a lot of money. Maybe THAT'S what is really bothering him.

Good luck,

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answers from Dothan on

I think by reading your post, which was a little disjointed that this is what is really happening (forgive me if I misread)...your daughter-in-law is a loser who has a great daughter who loves you & her mother & is a great kid...your husband always has (and more than likely always will-you just can't change that :( ) made excuses for her behavior...your husband is hurt that you aren't sharing plans you made with your grandaughter & money you spent without consulting him...if this is correct, then tell him that you are sorry you didn't tell him, but that you thought he would already know since this is something you do every summer for your (and HIS) grangirl, tell him, 'you know how hard she works keeping up her grades & being responsible throughout the school year'...don't do this in anger because then the resentment builds towards the one person who does NOT deserve it, who is blameless in the situation, the grandaughter...then smile & start packing her things & get her on her way to camp! Maybe your husband would like to be invited to take her with you to the camp for the drop off & pick up (?) that way he would feel as if he were a part of the decision.

Happy summer to you & your wonderful grandaughter!

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answers from Washington DC on

I got lost reading all your information...did you have a question because I couldn't figure out what it was.

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answers from Springfield on

What part bothers him - that you do something for your granddaughter, that he feels you do more for her than for his daughter, that you didn't tell him you were going to do this for your granddaughter or that everyone knows it only comes from you and not the two of you? If you are able to determine which part of this is upsetting him, you will be able to respond better.

Maybe he feels like his daughter doesn't get as much as your granddaughter, maybe he didn't realize you were doing this at all and feels as though you were making decisions without him. Possibly his pride is hurt because it's your (not his) money and not "our" (both of you) money.

Try to get at the heart of what's bothering him. This will be very good for the two of you long term.

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answers from Miami on

I'd tell him that your sorry if he was offended. You were not trying to keei anything from him. I'd say My granddaughter hs been such a help to me and really has helped me collect some of this money. It just would not be right for me not to reward her this way. Then let it go and do not keep bringing it up If he does say honey I'm sorry I'm doing what I feel is right in God's eyes I'm sorry if you do not see it my way. Kiss him on the cheek and walk away. All you can do.

1 mom found this helpful
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