Bully from Last Year in Son's Class...

Updated on October 30, 2012
T.M. asks from Tampa, FL
11 answers

I may have posted about this one before. There was a bully in my son's kindergarten class last year. I brought it to the teacher's attention and was pretty much blown off. This child physically assaulted at least 2 other kids in the class before he was switched to another class. I did have a meeting with the Prinicipal over the summer in which I brought this up. I put her on notice that if they were put in the same class this year and the same problems continued, then I would be in her office complaining. She agreed that the two kids would be separated. (She knew EXACTLY who I was talking about when I said the other kid's name),

They were not initially placed in the same class and I was relieved. Fast forward to now when they had to consolidate some classes. I found out today that this child was placed in my son's class about 2 weeks ago. I am livid. I don't know if I should say anything to the Prinicipal or not...I feel that she gave me some assurances over the summer and did the exact opposite of what she said. I have informed my son's teacher of all the problems from last year and to please let me know if they start up again.

What is the best and most professional way of handling this?

ETA: I know that I originally put that the class was consolidated,but I really do not know that that was the case. There is a "consolidation" that happens at the 20 day mark of school. Looking back at the calendar, that would have been about Mid September. After thinking about it and looking at the calendar, it looks like this child was NOT moved due to a consolidation. That leads me to suspect that maybe the child was moved for some other reason. The teacher did say something along the lines of that he was put with her because she is strict.

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So What Happened?

This child had to be moved to another class the last month or two of school last year because he literally harmed TWO kids that I know of...Hopefully, he has outgrown this behavior, but I am sure not happy that my son is in a class with him now.

What I am most angry about is that I brought this to the Principal's attention (again) over the summer and she promised that they would not be in the same class this year. I feel that she outright lied to me and went back on her word. That is NOT OK.

UPDATE: I talked to the Principal and she readily admitted her mistake. She had forgotten that I had talked to her over the Summer and just went by the numbers. She said that the child was not moved due to any bullying concern or problem with other children. We have agreed to monitor the situation. I have already talked to the teacher and asked her to watch the behavior between the two boys. The Principal will also talk to her. The Principal was very clear that if there was an incident, it would not be my son that would have to change classes.

Featured Answers

J.O.

answers from Boise on

Don't jump the gun, a lot could happen in a year. The child may have outgrown some of his previous issues. But at the first sign of trouble, head right down.

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L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

You wrote "I put her on notice that if they were put in the same class this year and the same problems continued, then I would be in her office complaining."

If there have been no problems then I suggest a wait and see approach and the best and most professional.

Talk to your son. You have already spoken with the teacher. Everyone is on notice - you know the school knows to watch this child because of last years' incidents.

Since you have no idea what precipitated last years behavior you really do not know if the child will act out in that way again.

4 moms found this helpful

S.S.

answers from Rochester on

I would not say or do anything now. Time has passed, and they may get along fine. The other has had time to mature. Kindergarteners are more prone to hitting each other than first graders, who have a LITTLE experience with effective communicating under their belts.

2 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Home school.
There are no bullies there, right?
If not, what's the deal, you expect this so called bully to be exposed to other kids, in other classes, just not YOUR kid, in HIS class?
Do your son, and yourself, a favor. Teach him how to stand up for himself. Make sure he has a great group of friends so the "bully" isn't even an issue :(

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Since it took you 2 weeks to discover that this child is in your child's class I would take it as a good sign that perhaps this 1st grader has matured since kindergarten and will not be a bully this year. How about giving him the benefit of the doubt. This child had to be placed some where. I would not talk to the Principal to state your displeasure with his placement. If there is a bullying incident well then that would be the time for another conversation.

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A.B.

answers from Dallas on

If it's a public school, the child has to be put in a class somewhere. There are a limited number of teachers and sessions of first grade. There are also class size guidelines to manage. If this is such a significant issue, private school or home school are options. Otherwise, it's been two weeks, and your child has apparently not been bullied. Kids grow up, change, get help for their issues, etc....seems pretty harsh for a grown-up to write off a kid at 5-6 years old.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

You're right, this is NOT okay.

I would write a letter to the teacher, copy to the principal and school district superintendent letting them know that you are not okay with this and that if this child hurts your child even ONE TIME this year, you will seek legal counsel. They are ON NOTICE (use those words - legal) that this child is violent and it i their responsibility to protect all of the other children. They had BETTER be taking that responsibility seriously.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

I agree with the people saying that the child might have matured; it took two weeks for you to hear he was in the class, so apparently there have been no incidents yet; and your son needs to be taught skills to deal with this himself (work on role-playing with him where you are the bully and he has to come up with ways to handle it that do not involve hitting back because....then your son will be the one in trouble, even if he is just defending himself).

I would add for future reference, though it won't help right now: When there are kids who truly are in conflict with your child, put it in writing that you do not want them in your son's class the next year. Our school has a system where you can write the principal a letter in the late spring confidentially identifying children whom you believe should not be placed with your child (and children whom you believe would be good to have with your child). Be warned that principals and teachers cannot ever guarantee placements, but having something in writing does allow you to go back, show it to the principal again, and say, "I did request explicitly that Jimmy not be in my son's class this year" and start a dialogue around that. Note that I say "a dialogue" because no school administrator or teacher can guarantee any parent any placement, in a public school.

It sounds as if the school did honor your request that this boy not be with your son, which is good, but had to consolidate classes (budget? Class size problems? Probably both) and they did end up together. That is out of your control, and not something they are going to change because the boys had issues last year, frankly.

I think you have done the "best and most professional" things already by alerting the teacher of the previous problems. Back that up by giving your son the training to deal with bullies on his own. But I would add -- don't do it in terms of "Jimmy is in your class, oh no, you had better be ready to deal with him because he's trouble, you know." That sets up your son to fear him and to be jumpy around him and expect the worst. I would instead work with your son generically: "You know, let's talk about ways to tell a kid to leave you alone if someone's bugging you." But not naming Jimmy. For all you know, he has changed a lot, or there will be a totally different kid this year who is more trouble than he ever was last year, or nothing may happen at all, with anyone.

Don't forget to involve the school counselor if things do heat up. The counselor should be in the classrooms anyway, doing "counseling lessons" for the entire class at least monthly -- if not, why isn't that part of his or her job? It is here in our schools. Those lessons often focus on ways to handle conflict and bullying and are generic enough that they don't single out specific kids but give all the kids tools for defending themselves and involving adults when needed.

Kids can change. The boy who was bugging my daughter and many other kids in her class last year did improve by spring. My daughter learned a lot about standing up for herself over the year (his issues were not really bullying and never, ever physical, though; he was more annoying and distracting than bullyish). I and other parents knew through the school grapevine that he was getting some form of counseling or therapy outside school so we knew his parents were working on things. I did not end up doing a letter asking that he not be in my child's class this year, which I'd considered earlier last year. He is in her class and it's fine so far; she knows all his quirks now and says that he's much better than last year.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Of course you should talk with the principal. She may not even know this boy is now in your class. This sort of situation involves many people.

I also suggest that you be willing to wait and see how this works out. Yes, talk with the principal to clarify communication but accept that this boy may have matured/learned and is no longer a bully.

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

Sounds like they had no where else to put him-see what happens-lay low for now-and document everything. good luck!

☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Even though the boy may have matured I would still let the principal know that you are aware that the boys are now in the same class and you are not happy. Principals have to deal with stuff like this all day long. It's simple human nature that she'll deal the parents who aren't going to leave her alone first.
Should an actual problem arise you don't want her to think you are easily brushed off.

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