Bulling at School

Updated on March 29, 2010
E.P. asks from Mc Kenzie, TN
12 answers

My 7yr old daughter is having trouble with some bullies at school. She is being made fun of for her hair, wearing glasses, what she chooses to eat,and her clothes. She is also being called dumb and stupid by these 2 kids and she makes mostly A's and B's. I don't know what to do. I have only talked with her not the school or Teacher yet, (she wants to take care of it). However this is getting to the point that she is becoming somewhat depressed and it is getting harder and harder to make her believe that she is a good girl and that she is loved. Today She told me that she was an awful girl because of these two boys at the school. I just dont know where to turn or what i should or could do to help her with this.

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answers from San Francisco on

Yeah, tell the teacher or another adult. I work at a school, and just the other day handled a bully. I told him in no uncertain terms that he would NOT call this girl a name again. I doubt he will, and if he does there will be hell to pay.

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answers from Charlotte on


3 moms found this helpful


answers from Memphis on

Bullyin can escalate once bullies are made aware that your child needs adult intervention. If it's physical, adults should always intervene. Ways that you can help your daughter handle this issue include encouraging the following:

Here are some things you can do to combat psychological and verbal bullying. They're also good tips to share with a friend as a way to show your support:

Ignore the bully and walk away. It's definitely not a coward's response — sometimes it can be harder than losing your temper. Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and if you walk away, or ignore hurtful emails or instant messages, you're telling the bully that you just don't care. Sooner or later the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you. Walk tall and hold your head high. Using this type of body language sends a message that you're not vulnerable.
Hold the anger. Who doesn't want to get really upset with a bully? But that's exactly the response he or she is trying to get. Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions. If you're in a situation where you have to deal with a bully and you can't walk away with poise, use humor — it can throw the bully off guard. Work out your anger in another way, such as through exercise or writing it down (make sure you tear up any letters or notes you write in anger).
Don't get physical. However you choose to deal with a bully, don't use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing). Not only are you showing your anger, you can never be sure what the bully will do in response. You are more likely to be hurt and get in to trouble if you use violence against a bully. You can stand up for yourself in other ways, such as gaining control of the situation by walking away or by being assertive in your actions. Some adults believe that bullying is a part of growing up (even that it is character building) and that hitting back is the only way to tackle the problem. But that's not the case. Aggressive responses tend to lead to more violence and more bullying for the victims.
Practice confidence. Practice ways to respond to the bully verbally or through your behavior. Practice feeling good about yourself (even if you have to fake it at first).
Take charge of your life. You can't control other people's actions, but you can stay true to yourself. Think about ways to feel your best — and your strongest — so that other kids may give up the teasing. Exercise is one way to feel strong and powerful. (It's a great mood lifter, too!) Learn a martial art or take a class like yoga. Another way to gain confidence is to hone your skills in something like chess, art, music, computers, or writing. Joining a class, club, or gym is a great way to make new friends and feel great about yourself. The confidence you gain will help you ignore the mean kids.
Talk about it. It may help to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, or friend — anyone who can give you the support you need. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when you're being bullied.
Find your (true) friends. If you've been bullied with rumors or gossip, all of the above tips (especially ignoring and not reacting) can apply. But take it one step further to help ease feelings of hurt and isolation. Find one or two true friends and confide how the gossip has hurt your feelings. Set the record straight by telling your friends quietly and confidently what's true and not true about you. Hearing a friend say, "I know the rumor's not true. I didn't pay attention to it," can help you realize that most of the time people see gossip for what it is — petty, rude, and immature.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Honolulu on

When things get like that... the offending students parents need to be notified, and they get sent to the school counselor. That is what my daughter's school does.

If it were my daughter, I'd tell the Teacher. AND the Teacher should be SMART enough to protect the "privacy" of the reporting child or parent.
The Teacher cannot handle these kids. The Teacher needs to be notified... the kids are creating a very hostile environment for the class, and the Teacher needs to be put on notice that you (the parents) expect something to be done about it. If not, these kids will RULE the school and intimidate other kids and scare them. THIS is not okay, is it? Do you want these terrible kids to RULE the school..... and harm your daughter? I think not. That is why Parents have to be vocal too. THIS situation warrants that. Be brave. If it were me, I would have spoken out, and to the Principal.
Sure, this happens in life... but it has to be dealt with. And/or the offending kids, get reprimanded.

Next, DOCUMENT these things... to protect your daughter if in the event you need to provide proof of the perpetrators and the innocence of your girl. AND BECAUSE she is getting affected/damaged by it... mentally and emotionally.

YOU need to tell the Teacher... of these problems. Unless the Teacher gets formal complaints... probably nothing will happen. AND these kids do need to be reprimanded... they are "BULLIES."
MOST schools, have a Zero-Tolerance" policy about bullying. And this includes students/faculty/teacher perpetrators.

Something like that happened to my daughter, in 1st grade. (my daughter was actually shoved). I spoke out and reported it. The Teacher actually THANKED me... because, these girls had a reputation about being bullies/causing trouble, but NO parents complained about it. So, the Teacher said, with my formal complaint (A Letter), she could then DEMAND a reprimand for these girls... AND the parents were notified. She was grateful, and said it is GOOD, when parents take note and report these things. It gives the teacher/school 'reason' to discipline these kids and provides PROOF, to the offending kids parents, of their child's gross mis-conduct.
I also, requested that my daughter NOT be placed in the same class with these girls the next year. And the Teacher did so. ALL the Teacher's know about these girls, in my daughter's grade level... even they say its horrible, how they act and torment other kids.

If you are afraid of writing a letter, remember that they can black-out your name and your child's name. Schools have a responsibility to protect the privacy of kids/parents.

My Daughter was so "proud" of me taking care of the problem... she told me and said I was her "hero." My Husband, also really was proud of me... and he said that its good I was vocal about it... not just letting it be my daughter's problem. You NEED to step in, and stop it.
Or it will escalate.

All the best,

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Stationed Overseas on

Your first stop is the teacher. I'm assuming these 2 kids are in the same class/grade. The teacher may not even be aware there is a problem. Being a teacher myself, it's easy to miss this stuff. Kids are sneaky they do it at recess or in the hall when teacher's aren't in ear shot.
If that doesn't help or you don't get a response you like your next step is the Principal of the school. Most schools seem to have no bullying policies in place. However if they don't know there is a problem in the first place they can't enforce the policy.
I suspect your daughter is probably scared that if she tells on the kids that are picking on her things will only get worse. But along with standing up for herself (telling them off) she needs to make sure the adults are also aware so that they can help.
I was picked on as a kid and it led to tons of issues as a teenager. It's not fun. There were no bullying policies in place in those days either. I hope you get this worked out before it goes too far.
Take care.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Raleigh on

S.H. (and others) are SO right. Your daughter needs help and so does the school! Kid bullies grow up to be adult bullies. My son was tormented in school for over a year (the bully has a new target this year) and we have had (unrelated) issues with the parents for almost 2 years now. Nip it in the bud!

Also, I started my son in karate classes. Not that I advocate physical violence but it has built his confidence to know that if he were ever to get into a physical situation that he couldn't walk away from, he could defend himself. And I have told him that if that ever became the case and he used martial arts, that no matter what the school consequences were, he would not get into trouble at home.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I would go to the teacher and the school social worker ASAP. My mother in law gave me the best advice she told me to talk kindly and nicely but firm to the child themself if noting is happening with the teachers and social worker.The parent will always defend their chhild. I waited too long ( like 5th Grade, when it started in 3rd). I saw a girl and told her the rules of the school again and told her if she went against those with my son she would be in very big trouble with the school and our family and so not to do it again. ( She keep kicking my 3rd grade son in the testicals and she is in 5th I was beyond livid by the 4th time it happened). Good luck



answers from Greensboro on

Is she in the 1st or 2nd grade? Drama can really start with this age group and they are trying to define who they are. You need to let the teacher know how your daughter is feeling and without saying any names ask the teacher to be tuned to any bullying that is happening to your daughter. If there is no help from the teacher, go to the school counseslor tell her what has been happening and what steps you have already taken and if no help is given there go to the head of your school. Most schools have a bullying plan in place(you might want to review that 1st) I understand your daughter not wanting your help, because this will only lead to more teasing. At this age the boys are trying to look and act cool and be the big man. The girls are starting to look at boys, clothes,hair and each other. Sometimes if a kid puts another kid down infront of his or her friends it will make the more popular. Also let you daughter know you will talk to the teacher(not infront of the class) and she (daughter) has done a good job but that maybe the teacher will have some new ideas for her(daughter) to try. Make this all +++++ for your daughter.



answers from Nashville on

hi, this kind of thing makes me so mad and breaks my heart. if it were my daughter i would be there when the doors open monday morning. first tell he teacher then head to the principal. you don't need to go into this fighting mad but calm and concerned just like you have written. these kids need to know they can't get away with this behavior. if all this doesn't work, find out who their parents are. i bet they would have a fit if they knew their kid were doing this. good luck, mom of 7. R.



answers from San Francisco on


Time to make an immediate appt with the teacher (early in the day), ask for a meeting with the parents of the bullies and the school principal’s. If you are not satisfied with the outcome, go straight to the school board.

Bullies start early, usually from what the behaviors they are seeing from home. It can either be stopped at an early age or escalate into a pattern that eventually develops into a criminal situation. Your child should not have to put up with being bullied or think that she is an “awful girl”.

Keep us posted….Blessings.



answers from Raleigh on

While your daughter might feel some embarrassment about your needing to get involved, she really needs your help now. That depression and her sense of self are telltale signs that she is internalizing now. I would go to her school counselor and ask for her/him to act as intermediary as you meet with each of the bully's parents (separately), telling them what has happened and is going on right now. That may or may not help, as it's been my experience that most bullies are bred by bullies, who aren't sympathetic. However, if the counselor is aware of the situation, and can give the teacher(s) the 'heads up', they can be more aware and able to nip it in the bud if it happens while they're around. Meanwhile, you yourself can exude a confidence in your daughter that hopefully will transfer over to her in time. Tell her that she is beautiful, smart, and unique. Praise her good attributes, help her to develop good 'self talk', and even a deeper sense of compassion for the 'underdog' because of what she's been through. Show her how to triumph through this, and she might one day show others.



answers from Goldsboro on

Hi E., I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this. I would let the teacher and the school know. Nowadays, schools take bullying very seriously due the Columbine Shooting back in 1999 I think. I know your daughter wants to handle it herself but I don't think she can. She may be able too but unless she stands up to the boys who are teasing her and making her feel bad about herself, it's not going to stop. I think you should and need to step in. Your daughter has every right to go to school and not be teased. I wouldn't stand for it myself. I hope this helps. Good luck!! I hope they leave her alone on their own but I don't see that happening. I was teased as well, and it didn't stop on it's own. Back then, they didn't care about bullying like schools do now. I hope things get better with her and you too. Take care, God bless you both! J. A.

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