Breastfeeding Aversion

Updated on January 18, 2011
M.M. asks from West Mifflin, PA
53 answers

Is it JUST me, or does the thought of breastfeeding turn anyone else's stomach? I mean, to each their own and I respect every woman's right to do what she feels is best but I have never felt the desire to do it and reading questions about latching, pumping, let down, etc. literally makes my stomach clench! Am I the only one that feels like this? Is anyone honest enough to admit it?

Yes I have kids.

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So What Happened?

OK. Maybe the phrase "turns my stomach" was a little exaggerated. I wouldn't leave the room if someone chose to BF, although most of the women I know have the good sense and decorum to do it privately.
Also let me say that I did give it a go and it was not a negative experience. I didn't get hurt, or "wimp out" after not trying enough. Not that I NEED to explain this to anyone, but for the sake of information I will share. My son latched on like a pro. I tried it thinking if it was some magical "ah-ha" moment, super bonding, nirvana experience, I would continue. It wasn't and I didn't. That certainly doesn't make me a bad or non-loving mom.
And, as for the BFing Bullies that responded, as one poster noted, this question wasn't really about you, so just "turn the channel", as I was advised to do. I was asking if anyone ha similar feelings.
For the record, I have a healthy (less than 3 ear infections in over half a decade), intelligent, (gifted range) happy son. So much for those theories. I appreciate the honesty of a lot of the moms who responded. You're right, formula is not poison and it doesn't HAVE to be a distant, sad, second choice (poor mom, couldn't BF). For me it was the best choice and I have no regrets. Have not looked back. It was the best choice for me and my baby. Maybe more moms should be just that honest with themselves.
I am sick of seeing posts begging for help and mercy regarding BFing and only to see responses llike "don't give up" and "It's so hard but don't stop." Seriously, some moms are (mistakenly) looking to this site as validation and a little nod for stopping when and IF they CHOOSE to.
I'm not a big fan of the "shove-it-down-your-throats": BF advocates. If you're looking for one: Here's your medal. Sadly, it doesn't make anyone better than anyone.
I had a LOT of personal responses from moms who feel like I do. But guess what? Surprise! They were afraid to publicly voice their opinion on this site! And that is very sad.
Yes--I have breasts. Yes I like them. No, I have no weird ideas of sexuality. Just prefer to keep them as "sports models"!
It seems that in current society, the new battle of the moms is BFing. It used to be SAHM vs. Workiing mom.
I find it disturbing that on a support site for ALL mothers, I would receive such negative responses.

More Answers

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M.F.

answers from Phoenix on

If you truly feel that way, then don't read the breastfeeding questions. Personally, it turns my stomach a little to read this post, as it just comes across as hostile toward women who are trying to learn more about and become more successful at giving their babies the best start and the best food they possibly can. If reading about poop turned my stomach, I just wouldn't read the questions about poop. I definitely wouldn't write posts about my disgust and make someone feel badly about asking a question for the sake of their children.

13 moms found this helpful
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N.H.

answers from Harrisburg on

I think breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful things and it's one of the things I miss about when my kids were babies.

To be completely honest, your question kind of offends me...

11 moms found this helpful
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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

Thank you for sharing this post because it provides all of us to reflect on our convictions and beliefs about our decisions & choices for nourishing our babies. I certainly support everyone's right to voice their opinion. And I truly believe that we need opposing viewpoints in society in order to determine what is best for each of us. However, your perspective is one that I just do not understand though no matter how hard I try to wrap my head around it. In trying to understand, I think of other somewhat related examples......perhaps thinking of some of these other examples will help you train yourself to at least not feel sick when you think of or see a mother feeding her baby the amazingly beneficial substance that her body produced for the sole purpose of nourishing and providing antibodies to her young. Not to mention the health benefits to the mother....highly reduced risks of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, diabetes and osteoporosis.

......Suppose that blood makes you very light-headed and nauseous.....If your baby fell & cut her/himself badly, would you have a problem putting your hands on the cut to apply pressure to stop the bleeding?

....You must have seen other mammals (puppies, cats, pigs, cows, ?) nurse from their mothers at some point in your life - either "live" or on TV or video. Does that make your stomach turn?

I have to add my $.02 - since you shared your perspective - it turns my stomach when I see or think about a very recent newborn being fed formula when I know the statistic that only 1% of woman truly do not produce enough milk. Sure its hard, sure it comes with challenges ... but what part of parenting isn't? When you give your baby their first pieces of solid foods at 6 months, would you give McDonalds? Of course not! Why not? Because we KNOW that McDonalds is not nutritious for anyone, least of all for a 6 month old who requires lots of healthy foods, vitamins & minerals to grow their little bodies. And because we KNOW that a 6 month old's chewing, swallowing, digestion systems are not mature enough at 6 months old to safely & effectively manage a McDonalds hamburger & fries. Well, really, an infants digestive system is not really designed to effectively handle formula at 1 day old either.

I wish you luck with getting over this aversion ... but perhaps unfortunately you wont .... perhaps it is just as ingrained an aversion as mine are when I see a formula fed very young infant ... I have a couple friends who formula fed their infants and I really have had to distance myself in the early months of their baby's lives because it bothers ME so much.

10 moms found this helpful
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K.D.

answers from Dallas on

All I have to say that if you tried it and were successful, you wouldn't feel the way that you do. Our society has over sexualized the breast, and honestly, I think there are many women out there that just have to get over the thought "this is weird." Thats just the way that it is. Its something that you have to do to understand it, otherwise you never will.

8 moms found this helpful
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T.F.

answers from San Diego on

Proud breastfeeding mama here!! I breastfeed my son until he was almost 2 years old. First few months were difficult but once we were both in a routine it was smooth sailing. Loved every minute of it. I think it was harder on me then him when we stopped. Would do it all over again in a heart beat. Shouldn't knock it until you have tried it.

I have a feeling your in box will be over flowing by morning with more responses like mine.

7 moms found this helpful
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W.T.

answers from San Diego on

I certainly think you aren't the only one, but wonder how you've managed psychologically to get so far away from something so non-disgusting and natural that it makes your stomach turn.

Usually if something evokes such a strong "stomach clenching: response there are definitely some issues you could get to the bottom of.

I assume you didn't breastfeed, so I'm wondering if this is just your mind's way of alleviating any guilt by saying, well gee, the thought of it grossed me out so I guess it was the best decision for me and my children.

I agree with another poster...there are women out there who want to breastfeed, but are looking for support. Unprovoked questions like yours certainly do no good except to polarize the issue.

7 moms found this helpful
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T.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

I nursed my son until he was 14 months old and so many times I wanted to quit because it was hard and something new. Now that he is 2, I am so glad I did. That's what your boobs are for. I get bothered when I see women feeding their babies formula (we have a few new babies in the family) and so badly I want to ask why they aren't breastfeeding. But, I keep my mouth shut and don't ask. There are so many good things babies get from mothers milk that you just cannot get in formula. I look at it as 'junk food'... fake food/processed food for your baby. So instead of thinking about all the 'gross' things about it, when you see a woman nursing, think of all the good things she's doing for that baby. And it's free!

7 moms found this helpful
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K.M.

answers from Boston on

Plenty of people are honest enough to admit it and I know several people who are very outspoken in their position. Two of them told me they were offended by the attempts of the hospital staff to persuade them to express and feed colostrum to their babies and they both refused. One of them thinks that breastfeeding is vulgar and disgusting and should not be done in public by anyone at all, she also believes that people with good manners would not breastfeed even in private.

I breastfed all my kids. I don't expect others to do so, although I don't understand why they don't want to since I have never had any negative visceral reaction to it. In fact, when my first child was born it was one of the things that I most enjoyed in our first moments together.

I don't think a woman can or should be forced to breastfeed, it is just one of many reproductive choices and I am pro choice. On the other hand, I do object to anyone telling a woman that she should not breastfeed, since it is by definition the natural way to feed any mammalian infant. (In the UK it's illegal to tell a woman who is nursing in public to stop.) I support any and all public health efforts to educate women on the benefits of breastfeeding, since the data in favor of breastfeeding are incontrovertible, and marketing against breastfeeding has been ongoing for generations.

Formula is a modern invention, it's been around for less than a century. But even before then, women in certain cultures were encouraged to put their babies out to nurse with wet nurses, in England and America it was considered a mark of the upper class (because only wealthy people could afford to pay such a nurse). Choosing not to nurse is a choice that well predates the introduction of baby formulae.

So no, you are not alone.

Edited:

Having read Jane M's post, I am compelled to elaborate on the genesis of both wet nurses and formula...I don't think it was because women didn't like to nurse or didn't want to, true choice and free will are a modern phenomenon. Rather, I think there were many big, societal forces at work...

...wet nurses have been around for a very long time, so I can't comment on them globally and in all cultures, but in the Victorian era, remember that women were still legally subordinate to their husbands, and that to a great extent the upperclass feminine ideal was weak and delicate. Women's sexuality was spuriously medicalized ("hysteria" was a diagnosis for which one treatment was clitoral manipulation by a physician...you read that right, it's shocking...and women took arsenic to maintain a pallid appearance.) In this context, ladies were expected to cede their infants to wet nurses so as to avoid too much physical taxation, not to mention the fact that they would be more easily impregnated sooner without the suppression of ovulation caused by nursing. In the meantime, if men wanted more sex than their handicapped wives could tolerate, they could just go see a prostitute. So, while it was a mark of affluence, it was also another expression of how men determined their women's sexual and reproductive agendas. Whether women at the time saw it that way or not is perhaps unknowable, it would require a PhD to read umpteen diaries searching for references that may not be recorded.

As for formula, early formulations met with limited success. It wasn't until Rosie the Riveter was needed in the war effort, that formula was extensively promoted to women and greated attention paid to the welfare of infants drinking it. It was a matter of patriotic necessity.

After that, two other factors: the medicalization of birth, and the women's movement, increased the momentum for the adoption of formula. My mother tells me that many of her friends delivered babies by scheduled C-section to accomodate the golf schedules of the doctor, and that women were encouraged to feed formula for reasons we now know are false. As for the women's movement, It's is certainly the case that formula decouples the needs for the infant from the schedule of the mother, and many women can work more hours, days and types of jobs if they don't nurse, thus promoting economic equality.

However, the preponderance of data breastfeeding is by far the superior way to feed an infant. It's a free country, but women who don't nurse should consider whether the reasons not to outweigh the health benefits to themselves and, of course, their children. Perhaps stepping back from it, however difficult, can help overcome the fear and aversion and at least lead to greater understanding.

I loved doing it, even when I was breathless from the shattered glass pain of blocked glands, or got bit by razor sharp little teeth. Even when I got sneers and stares from people who don't approve or understand. I didn't flaunt my breasts in public, I just fed my babies. It's just one of the ways I show my children that I love them very much. They can pay me back later, I want a push-up bra for Mother's Day.

7 moms found this helpful
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J.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

I'm wondering the reason for this question..are you expecting and thinking about breastfeeding or are you trying to breastfeed now and having some problems? I read alot of the posts and the only thing I don't like about your question...is the "turn your stomach" part. I believe very strongly in breastfeeding for my children but I do understand that it's not every Mom's choice. I don't judge anyone else's choice on how to feed their baby. It's their baby, not mine...so my choice is just that. What upsets me sometimes, are other Mom's that try to convince you that formula is just as good for your baby....and I'm sorry but I don't believe that. I don't believe it's bad...I just believe my milk is the best for my baby. Or they make judgements on the fact that you DO breastfeed with words that make breastfeeding Mom's feel bad about their choices. I think some people responded harshly to your post b/c of how it was worded. I still remember being pregnant with my first child and being out with friends for dinner and all of them (who btw KNEW I was planning to breastfeed) kept talking about how "disgusting" it was to breastfeed. I was very offended and didn't respond with alot of things I could've said...but I felt that it was unnecessary for them to use those terms. BTW, I can't tell you how many times I've heard women say they didn't breastfeed b/c then they'd have to give up drinking....I'm sorry but that turns my stomach! Most women I know who chose not to breastfeed at all or for as long as they'd like normally just said that "it wasn't for them" or some other reason that was about them....not the act itself. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world and I'm wondering about why this would "turn your stomach". Like someone else said, there are plenty of other things related to caring for a child that would "turn my stomach" like blood, or explosive poops or as someone humorously said "pushing a baby out my hoo ha. But somehow providing my child with the best nourishment and bonding out there isn't one of them. I think other women probably do feel this way and it is your choice, but maybe you should think about the reason that something so natural and beautiful would "turn your stomach". Not sure if you're expecting a baby or even trying to nurse right now...but depending on your situation...you may find that if you tried it that it comes much more natural than you thought!

5 moms found this helpful

L.H.

answers from Savannah on

Oh dear god. YOUR BABY IS GOING TO DIE.

Ok just kidding. That was sarcasm :)

It doesn't turn my stomach - it just hurts like hell and I hate how sensitive and painful my breasts feel ALL THE TIME even when I'm not nursing. I had to put a washcloth over them just to take a shower. I would cry through feedings because it hurt so bad.

I am so fed up with all of the mean things moms say about other moms who use formula. I'm sick of it.

Formula is not poison. Its not liquid Satan.

Yes, he was latching on correctly. Yes, I gave it longer than a few weeks. Yes, I realize breastmilk is super healthy. But you know what - I have to keep my sanity. I cannot cry in a room for an hour because my breasts hurt so bad I can't even get dressed.

We use formula. And my kids are smart, healthy and never get sick. I am having another boy in about 7 weeks and have no intention of making him go hungry if I don't have enough milk for every feeding, or if I have cracked nipples, or if I get mastitis.

Do not feel bad. You are not the only one out there. I don't know if you were just posting a curious question or if you are nursing and having a hard time - but either way - ITS OKAY.

They have a La Leche League, I say its about time for a Fa Formula Foundation.

Sorry to any of you who feel as strongly as I do in the opposite direction - no hard feelings. I know lots of you who are very cool about not being mean or pushy. But to anyone who has ever been snooty to a mom who wasn't pulling out her nursing cover at Starbucks, shame on you!

5 moms found this helpful
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H.A.

answers from Dallas on

Honestly - nope. It made me nervous, worrying I wouldn't be able to do it, worried that my baby wouldn't thrive and I would have to use formula and not by choice.

I was raised by a mother that breastfed, so I was around it. That may have helped, since it was familiar to me. It's always seemed natural, what my body was intended to do -- just as normal as having a baby through my nether regions. Honestly, when I read this.. I wondered if you had similar insecurities about sexuality and your body.

I understand it's not for you. I have a very good friend that didn't breastfeed. To each their own.

4 moms found this helpful
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V.N.

answers from Harrisburg on

Breastfeeding is totally natural. I don't see how it could turn someone's stomach. Of course, you probably can't see how it doesn't turn mine as we have completely opposite positions on this.

I'm currently breastfeeding my third child who is three months old. I nursed my first two until nine and ten month respectively. Though each experience brought its own trials I would never go back and change them.

Breasts were made for this purpose. If it does bother you so much then I would highly suggest not reading questions about it and if it is impossible for you to ignore those questions then perhaps a mothering forum is not the place for you? That may come across as rude but I'm just adding my $0.02

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A.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

This is an honest question but I can't help but think that it's a pointless discussion. Like another a previous poster said, it's best that you don't read breastfeeding posts because it bothers you so much.

On the other hand, the poster who said that it turns her stomach when she sees someone feeding a baby formula, MADE ME SICK. How dare she stand in judgement of another mom.

It's time we all say "to each his own" and really mean it.

4 moms found this helpful

B.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Do you drink cows milk? Where do you think that comes from? Its breastmilk from a cows nipple, that is pumped and the cow lets down milk. So if you drink cows milk.... well there you go, you are drinking breastmilk from a cow.

I had a pretty big aversion to breastfeeding with my oldest, but was convinced to try. It was awful, but I stuck with it. my oyungest came out and latched right on. He was a born nurser, we never had a problem.

Everyone is different, but I really hope you don't tel la new mom that her nursing makes your stomach turn. Sometimes opinions are best kept to yourself.
I also hope, for your own mental health, that you avoid breastfeeding questions.

3 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Nashville on

I know one girl who said that same thing. I don't understand it at all. I might have thought it was kind of strange when I was much younger and didn't have any kids yet, but to me it is totally natural. And no, I am not one to breastfeed in public or be a nazi about it. But it is just the natural way to do it, to me.

*Added
____@____.com, pushing a baby through my hoo-haw is much more disturbing to me!

3 moms found this helpful

K.C.

answers from Barnstable on

It is unfortunate that the USA has the highest rate of formula feeding in the developed world. It is a testament to women being treated as sexualized objects, rather than seen as beautiful and powerful WHEN they breastfeed.

For M., it ultimately is a personal choice. But I can guarantee that if she was raised in a home where her mom breastfed and her sisters breastfed and her grandmother breastfed, like so many other nations (including our own up until the mid 1950s), such an absurd notion like using your boobs as they were intended would not be so horrible.

Interestingly enough, the magazine that showed women as sexual objects with few brain cells, PLAYBOY, came out in 1953. Not long after, women started to "hide" when they breastfed. Up until this time, ladies would just "whip 'em out" in front of anyone, anywhere and no man batted an eye.

In my state, Massachusetts, you bug or harass a breastfeeding mom and you get slapped with a $500 fine. I love my state :)

Boobs Are Best. If they weren't, there wouldn't be a human race. Claim your power to grow and feed another human. Don't let Victoria's Secret's models or some wild sex scene make you think you can't do both (I like my tiger print bra and so does my son - well, he actually likes the pink bows) :)

And it isn't the BFing moms slamming the formula moms. It is that the BFing moms want their fellow moms to really realize what they are choosing between. Breastmilk is the finest food in the known universe and it is FREE - you make it whether you want to or not. If you compare formula against breastmilk (heck, if you compare the finest grain-fed beef in the world against breastmilk) nothing comes close. Science is still trying to identify over 100 nutrients in breastmilk and they are stumped.

Breastmilk protects BOTH mom and baby against numerous diseases. It is worth roughly $100 AN OUNCE. And here is the best part - ONLY WE FEMALES CAN MAKE IT. No wealth CEO, no brilliant scientist, no alien from Mars. Just us females. We powerful creatures.

Breastfeeding Empowers the mother AND child. It takes a woman and makes her say, "I can be that beautiful, smart, sexy, determined, wild, tattooed, PhD, Stay at Home, Working Full Time and give my child the absolute best for us both."

All women should have a chance to feel that high.

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M.W.

answers from Portland on

If it helps any, I breastfed both of my kids but at some point in time with both the thought did cross my mind that it was totally absurd that my child was sucking on my boob in order to survive and I have felt totally grossed out by it. Of course I eventually came to my senses.

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H.H.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am a true believer in respecting everyone's choice in parenting the best way they can. I don't believe you are and I don't understand how in one breath someone can say they respect a choice and in the next breath say that people should breastfeed in the privacy of their own home. How is breastfeeding different than bottle feeding? Should you only bottle feed in the privacy of your own home? How can you be angry about the pro-BFing camp shaming people when you are shaming women for BFing in public in a way that is not to your standards? BFing is natural and women should not feel ashamed to do it anywhere and any way they choose. It seems like people like you and some of the people who agree with you are creating the BFing vs non-BFing issue. We should all honestly support each other in our choices and not just give lip service.

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K.N.

answers from Philadelphia on

Thank you for this post. I always thought there was something wrong with me for getting grossed out by breastfeeding. When I was pregnant, this was thing that I was most nervous about. I'm definately not one that would ever consider breastfeeding in public so I think the idea of being imprisoned in my home or having to excuse myself to another room when we had company scared me. Also the idea of pumping and hooking up to a machine turned me off. The idea of going back to work and having to worry about leaky boobs and pumping during my work day also terrified me. I did breastfeed my son and did not enjoy it at all. It was very stressful and very time consuming. I was so much happier when I could hold him and cuddle him while giving him a bottle. I breastfed for 2 months and lucky for me he was easy to wean. I think he actually preferred formula - gained more weight on formula, spit up less with formula. The real reason I breastfed for 2 months was because of all the pressure and everything you read that implies you're a bad mother if you don't.

My mother did not breastfeed me or my brother. No physical reason, she just didn't want to. We are both smart, successful, happy and healthy adults who have a great relationship with our mother. Neither of us have any health issues and I know I have also felt a very strong bond with my mother. I think my brother does to but it's just different type of bond being a boy vs. girl. I've read that in the 70's formula was the 'in' thing so I doubt she ever really struggled with the decision like mothers today do. She was one person who very supportive of me not breastfeeding for the recommended year. She didn't understand it and I can't blame her - she has two great kids without breastfeeding them, what's the point? I know I'm rambling now but again thank you for sharing you opinion . I'm happy to know I'm not the only one.

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A.C.

answers from Houston on

Sounds to me like you are just trying to stir things up. If one looks at your profile this is the ONLY "question" you've asked...and you've only posted one answer. Something smells "phishy" to me.

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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

Sorry, no. I would do anything to give my children what is best for them instead of the 4th-best option (formula is 4th behind 1) breastfeeding, 2) pumped and stored milk, 3) donated milk by either direct-donation or from a milk bank).
There are lots of things I never thought I'd do before I had kids. There are things that I'm totally comfortable with, but if it's best for my children, I suck it up and do it. They are FAR more important than my silly ignorance.
But maybe that's just me...

And, FTR, it's not a "theory" that breastfed children are smarter and healthier. It's a fact. That doesn't mean that formula-fed children are all stupid, just that OVER ALL this is the case. Your anecdotal evidence doesn't disprove years of research:)

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K.J.

answers from Kansas City on

We're mammals. It's a natural thing. Nobody says you have to like it yourself, but it's silly to get grossed out by it. So, I wouldn't call you a bad person for reacting this way to it. I would say you're being silly, but everybody's silly about something. So, nothing to feel bad about.

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B.G.

answers from Harrisburg on

OK, you have got to be kidding me people!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe some of the responses here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula. I have 2 children and each of them were breastfed for a few months but then we went to formula (similac) and they are perfectly fine, healthy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. To be honest, I am offended when women are walking around or are in random places in public breastfeeding their babies. Other people don't want to see that unless you are a breastfeeding mother. The formula now is SO great and there is nothing wrong with giving that to your babies rather than breastfeeding. I can't believe that there are still people out there that would put mother down for choosing to bottle feed. If you want to breastfeed, go for it but do it in your own house, not in front of the whole world.

I just read your response, you go for it. I totally agree with you and I have NO problem voicing my opinion. I am sick and tired of the people out there that think BFing is the only way to go!!!!! Because it IS NOT!!!!

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

UPDATE: Regarding "what happened".... WELL DONE M.!

I respect everyone's right to choose what to do...... Some moms have been very mean to you on this post.... try to let that go. Most would not be so blatant to your face.

I too have the aversion to BF. I remember as a young teen with the older, marreid relatives walking around with a boob hanging out in front of everybody and it was plain gross to me.

For those who want to do it, great, I don't want to see it.

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R.P.

answers from Allentown on

I just wanted to say that I have 4 kids. I only breast fed the youngest. When I had my first child, I was kind of like you. I would have never done it. It kinda grossed me out. I didn't mind other people doing it. It just wasn't for me. Although I have to say it was a little weird seeing my older sister breast feed and her boob was just hanging out at one point. I guess it was how I was raised, I don't know!!

Anyways, maybe by baby number 2 I was just a little curious. Seeing other mothers doing it, hearing about how good it was. But I still wouldn't have done it myself.

By baby number 3, I kinda wanted to try it but still wasn't really sure. Well, my husband (at the time, now ex-husband) was completely against it. I kinda resented his strong feelings about it. But I wasn't sure if I even wanted to do it.

Well, baby number 4, I did it! Well, kinda. LOL! It was VERY hard. I had 3 other children and this baby ate constantly. I was literally imprisoned. He ate for an hour, then slept for an hour day and night. The doctors had me supplement with formula because he wasn't getting enough. Finally my milk stopped coming after about 4 months. I'm glad I was able to do what I did. I would've liked it to be as perfect as others but it wasn't.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I felt very similar to you. I think that if you can breast feed, than you should. If you don't want to then people don't need to be mean.

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B.R.

answers from York on

I think you are just getting a reaction from the pro- BFing camp because you didn't post a genuine question. You have kids that you gave formula. You say you are confident in your decision. Why bother asking your question? How is it helping you? Maybe you're not as confident as you claim? I think people suspect your motives. Are you hoping that moms stop posting their BFing questions on here so that you don't have to be grossed out? You can skip reading those questions, you don't need to shame the questioners. (I know you said that you respect their right to choose to BF. I respect your right to give formula, but I bet my saying so doesn't make you like this post any better.)
I'm really grossed out by nail polish, especially on the hands of people preparing food. I literally cannot eat what they prepare. Should I go around telling people this or just politely say I've already eaten? Maybe I should post my question online since it would be rude to confront the people who are really bothering me.

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J.T.

answers from New York on

I don't mind your question, I just don't really understand it. In my opinion the only thing that matters is how YOU feel about the topic of breastfeeding and its obvious from your post that you are sure that is not for you. I think that what most of the readers object to is the negative tone of your post and I am by far a BF nazi. My mother always said "if you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all!" That's sort of the point here. If you're confident in your decision not to nurse, why do you need other moms to validate your feelings? Especially if you risk demeaning the decision of other moms who choose to nurse. I don't feel other moms are not being honest about their negative feeling regarding nursing. Did you ever think that maybe they just don't think its necessary to announce it to the world or are simply confident in their decision. I have two children, one which I did not nurse (my son who is 18 and was smart enough to get into Rutgers even after all that formula) and my two year old daughter whom I did nurse for 18 months; I guess she'll be going to Harvard...lol). Anyway, I feel all the moms out there should try and be more supportive of other moms rather than judgemental even if we don't always agree with each other. Raising kids is hard enough without everyones two cents.

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C.M.

answers from Austin on

I never had the desire to BF. So I didn't. My kids are fine. They are healthy and smart. There isn't anything wrong with me. Personally, I don't understand why it's anyone's business what I do with my boobs. I skip the BF posts because I don't care. I won't be drawn into an argument.

Updated

I never had the desire to BF. So I didn't. My kids are fine. They are healthy and smart. There isn't anything wrong with me. Personally, I don't understand why it's anyone's business what I do with my boobs. I skip the BF posts because I don't care. I won't be drawn into an argument.

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P.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

My kids are 10 & 13. I never had the desire to BF, but was bullied into it by the "nursing natzis" we encountered at childbirth class. Child 1 was born on a holiday weekend and I got no help at the hospital. Turns out for me...BF was more painful than childbirth itself. When I phoned for help, they suggested I get on my hands and knees and try to feed him from above. ENOUGH ALREADY. I'm not a cow! Went straight to formula after that and guess what...my kids were both extremely healthy and both are now in the gifted program at school. I think each person has to make their own choice but either is fine for the baby!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hello,
Thanks for your truthfulness. I am responding after your "so what happened" update. I have also read through the responses so far and I'm sorry you were unkindly attacked by some of the BF Nazis. Last time I checked, we have choices about a lot of things and breastfeeding is O. of them.
You've asked a very honest question and I'm not surprised by the fact that you got some private messages from ladies too ashamed to admit this publicly. That's probably the tip of the iceberg!
I tried it, I didn't like it so I used formula. My son is fine. Healthy, Bright. No issues.
I think the moms on this site need to be a little more sensitive to this issue. It's NOT for everyone. Why do something that stresses you out? That can't be good for a baby. Best wishes!
I had a similar experience. While I was pregnant I didn't have the need or desire to want to breastfeed.

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A.C.

answers from Pittsburgh on

i can honestly say that with my first it bothered me a little bit, but after him being sick all the time with ear infections i swore that my next children would be nursed. i was an avid nurser, i nursed my daughter till she was a little over 2 and my son is 20 months and still being nursed. i can do it anywhere and everywhere and it ddoesnt bother me. it is a great bonding expeireince and i am so glad that i chose to do it and regret everyday that my first didnt get the same experience as my other 2.

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J.Z.

answers from Dallas on

This is pretty offensive. We're FEEDING OUR BABIES. It's natural. Just because you've let society warp your idea of what boobs are for doesn't mean we're disgusting.

"most of the women I know have the good sense and decorum to do it privately"

Good sense and decorum? How about pain in the &$#? What if YOU had to find a different room to go to everytime you needed to feed your newborn? It'd be pretty darned inconvenient, wouldn't it?

ALL moms try to do what's best for their babies, and personally, I'm doing this because 1) I know it's good for her and 2) we don't have the money for formula anyway. So really, open your mind up a little bit and stop being so unsupportive of fellow moms who're doing what they have to for the babies.

"I find it disturbing that on a support site for ALL mothers, I would receive such negative responses."

Hypocritical.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

I have two kids, both of whom I breastfed, and both of whom I was SO HAPPY to ween. I never loved it. Honestly, I never even liked it. Do I think it was the right choice because it helped make my kids healthy? Yes. But it was never comfortable, never that "magical bonding moment" and yes, the thought of nursing again makes me uncomfortable. Should we have another I will nurse again, but you are not alone in not liking the process. After all, if everyone loved it, formula (or wet nurses) never would have been invented in the first place.

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E.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I don't think it is just you-- but I think it is fairly rare for people to have as strong as a reaction as you seem to. I had a neighbor one time who had 7 kids who felt the same way as you do-- she just HATED the idea of breastfeeding and found it repulsive-- she would literally shiver at the thought. I think it is hard for anyone who doesn't have an aversion to understand someone else's. If this is causing you problems in your life (breastfeeding is pretty much everywhere these days), I would get some help to manage my anxiety around the issue. Otherwise, hey, to each her own.

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L.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I did it, but I hated it!!!! 6 weeks with the first and 3 weeks with the second.

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A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

hey fellow mama,
i'm sorry i didn't catch this question sooner. i will stand up with ya girl. i tried it, gave it a good go. lasted about 2 weeks. i guess i'm a horrible mom too (don't tell my son that) because it did NOT feel natural to me, it did NOT make me feel closer to my son. i think my problem was that it took me awhile to bond with my son, as a first time mom. i too expected the big "aha!" moment, seeing my son when he was born, breastfeeding...SOMETHING. there was no aha moment. and ya know what i blame the media and today's society for that. no one EVER says to you, you know, at first you may not know what to make of this thing you gave birth to. it may take awhile for you to really feel that magical bond and love that comes with being a mom. nope, we're expected to fall magically in love as soon as we see our baby, and we're supposed to feel all bonded and in touch when we breastfeed. sorry, it didn't happen. however, after awhile, of course, i fell head over heels for my son, and now am one of those obnoxious mothers who still talks about her child all the time as if he is a newborn. lol. i am sure i drive other people crazy about it.

but back to the BF question. i admit i like my boobies for OTHER things, and just could never quite get used to them being used for that. but i also have no issues with formula feeding. how many kids are fed formula and are just fine? millions. mine included. i am not sure why bf moms feel the need to get on the soapboxes, but they sure do. and i 'll tell you what - in my experience there are more who do it for a few weeks and then stop, than carry it on for six months or five years or whatever bf moms seem to preach is "best".

in the end it's up to each mom. personally, i think it's a lot easier to breastfeed if you're not working full time and carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders like so many of us do these days. i actually have more respect for the woman who works full time, breastfeeds, and DOESN'T feel the need to judge others and push her own beliefs down everyone else's throats. but that's just me. to have the luxury of staying at home and doing nothing but focusing on your little one isn't really praise worthy, just good fortune. we all do what we can with what we are given. personally i feel as hard as i work to keep our family afloat, i more than make up for the bf thing. "I" should get a medal. i don't. and i also don't preach about how much better i am because i work my butt off to support my family. but there ya go. we each do the best we can with our situation. you leave me alone and i'll leave you alone. pick a fight though and don't come cryin when i don't back down...! you go mama!

(ps, i tried pumping ONE time and was so turned off by it - i felt like a dang milk cow! i actually felt humiliated and just...degraded. that probably didn't help in my quest to breastfeed...lol.)

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

i also wish i'd seen your question sooner, although i chose to nurse all three of my kids and it was the best phase of my life so far, i certainly don't feel like it's the ONLY way to go, i've learned over the past 18 years of motherhood the ONLY right thing to do with ANY parenting decision is what FEELS RIGHT TO EACH MOM, whether it's bottle or breast feeding your baby is a beautiful intimate thing, choose whichever way makes YOU feel that way! i sincerely hope you don't let any of the militant breast feeders take away the pleasure from you!

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A.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Ok so I tried to bf and I had a hormonal problem where I dried up! Also to Sarah D, Give it a break I know plenty of moms whose kids I graduated with who were bf and they were not as smart as me and I was formula fed! Not saying I am a genious, but I am pretty darn smart! Just bc You are bf does not mean you will be smarter then the kid who is formula fed! I tried so hard to give my babies the breast and it was not my fault the doc tried a lot to keep me going but when nothing worked and they were screaming bc they were hungry I did what was best for them I FED THEM! As long as you feed them and love them then it doesnt matter what you give them! Let me just say that regardless if you bf or formula if you love your child then that is all that matters! I understand why she would ask this question... she wants to make sure she isn't the only one out there and trust me sometimes I feel as if I am the only one out there and then I get reasurance that there are others! Other young moms who are happily married and going to college! I love the reasurance after all the critisism I get! She asked a simple question all anyone had to say was yes or no, not critisize her for her question. M. M back to you! No I do not have an adversion to it, however I do get slightly uncomfortable if a random person I am talking to just pulls out her boob and I don't know her! I have had a complete stranger do it and feel as if maybe I should have gotten a heads up. If it is one of my friends I am fine with it, but its just the thought of a stranger doing this. I get it and never give them a hard time, and I keep talking to them as if nothing is going on. Everyone has there own opinions and choices.

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M.G.

answers from Philadelphia on

If you don't like the TV show you come across while channel surfing, you just turn the channel, right? Just don't read the posts about nursing. I think that aversions like this are socially created due to cues from a person's environment (family, friends, society). You're entitled to think whatever you want, and I'm sure others may feel the same way. Nursing is very difficult at first and requires a tremendous amount of selflessness. It's not supported well in society so it also requires a great deal of confidence to go against and rise above the negative structure in the U.S. (lack of support in hospitals, local laws, marketing from formula companies, etc.). It's fine to be averse, but it's not fine to judge or express your disdain to a nursing mom...she's working very hard for her child! (disclosure: my first child was formula fed, and my second child was mostly nursed so I have been on both sides of this and am not trying to judge)

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T.M.

answers from Pittsburgh on

UPDATE!!!
Well Put!

ok, I only read a few of the other responses. I think the world would be a much better place if everyone was just nicer to each other.

I am preparing for baby number 2. While I was pregnant with my first had I many people tell me their opinions that it was the only was to go. meanwhile I kept to myself that I never had the desire. but I also felt like I couldn't let people know my own feelings. then one friend told me she felt the same way, it was instant relief.

while on with number 2, I still feel that I cant share my feelings because people can be and are very mean about it.

Everyone is entitled to the their own feelings, however when sharing I think its necessary to use politeness, for example I wouldn't mentioned the stomach turning. if its not for you its not for you and thats all. take comfort that you are not alone. its not for everyone. and those that responded with harshness and criticism should be brushed off. again I think the world would be better place if we all respected each other.

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H.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

I'm days late on this response, but about 2 years ago, I posted a question on here that was asking about if there were any benefits of breast milk after the age of 1 year. I received 87 responses, and the mamapedia (mamasource, at the time) deleted the question because it was too controversial. I had people telling me that they were nursing their 2 and 3 year old, and was told what a horrible mother I was. The breast feeding nazi, (yes, I said nazi) need to accept that not everyone thinks like they do, and they need to refrain from the harsh responses. If they don't like a post, they need to move on to the next one, and keep their thoughts to themselves.

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M.L.

answers from Tucson on

No, you are not the only one. i have two boys. My first one, I hated breastfeeding. The second boy, I breastfeed for 13 months and loved it. One of my good friends is totally grossed out by breastfeeding and I just laughed at her. I didn't take it personally. That being said, she never said anything rude to me and I did feed him in front of her. Whatever floats your boat is my opinion.

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J.H.

answers from Philadelphia on

Yes, I also think there is a "ick" factor to breastfeeding. I pumped for a month or so for my 1st since he was a preemie and I *hated* it! If it was easier to pump and then bottle feed I would have done that because the fact of having a baby on my boob also makes me cringe. I'm so glad I didn't try to breastfeed me 2nd because the way he ate would have driven me *nuts*! He was a snacker.

This poster wasn't criticizing anyone for breast feeding, she was just saying it creeped her out. And she didn't ask for breast feeding mom responses. She asked if there were others that felt the same way. She isn't less of a mother as some of the responding posters seem to feel about bottle feeding mothers. And she doesn't say she has to leave the room because she's so offended by the way another mom chooses to feed her child.

And all the preaching iosnt going to change anyone's feeling about bottle feeding just as you would never bottle feed if it went the other way. There sure isn't a lack of that information out there! And we are all well aware of what boobs are for, we just don't choose to use them that way! And that doesn't mean we shouldn't be on a parenting forum!

Her aversion to breast feeding doesn't represent some deep psychological damage, I don't like my belly button touched, it doesn't mean I'm disturbed about belly buttons. Some of us just aren't as "granola" as other mom's but that doesn't mean we don't love our kids as much as the breastfeeding moms.

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B.A.

answers from Minneapolis on

It is OK for you to feel the way you do. Accept that bottle feeding works for you. For myself I found breastfeeding to be so much easier and nursed both my children until age 2. The thought of making, heating and dragging around bottle and formula make me anxious to this day. So the answer is do what works for you and your baby - that is what counts.

Relax and enjoy your children.

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L.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

Well, M.... next you could ask about spanking and REALLY stir up some trouble :)

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...

answers from Phoenix on

My 14 year old daughter kept saying the exact same thing every time I would nurse my 3 week old. I just kept telling her that it's not okay for her to keep telling me how grossed out she is. She's not grossed out anymore and is accepting now.... reading the ingredients on infant formulas turns my stomach more...

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D.S.

answers from Dallas on

I haven't read the other responses so sorry if I repeat :-)
It doesn't gross me out but I would prefer that people didn't "flop it out" ( and yes, I have seen some do that) in the middle of everything. I actually BF both of my kids & plan to with the 3rd but everyone has their own choices to make.
Also, I just wanted to say that I loved the comment about keeping your breasts as"sports models." It cracked me up!!! Have a blessed day!

Edited: Oh - by "flop it out" I meant that literally. I've BFed in public places & people have had no clue that's what I was doing - seriously they thought the baby was sleeping.

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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

yap your not the only one we are many

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S.N.

answers from Philadelphia on

I felt that way before having kids. And while pregnant with my first. Maybe not to the point of it turning my stomach, but I definitely didn't think it was for me. In fact, I doubt I would've even tried breastfeeding if my husband wasn't SO pro-breastfeeding. I wasn't prepared for how much is hurt. Much more so than labor and delivery, even. I don't know why I stuck with it. (My husband was quick to tell me it was OK not to breastfeed once he saw how much discomfort I was in.) Anyway, I ended up breastfeeding both my kids for about 10 months. I'm glad I did. It was a unique experience. But I was never comfortable enough to do it in public, though by my second child I was at least comfortable enough to do it around family and friends.

BTW -- I was always told that breast milk protects against ear infections, etc. Well, both my kids were breastfeed, and they both had so many ear infections they ended up with tubes. My youngest didn't have a drop of formula until she was 10 months old and had her first ear infection at 7 weeks.

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M.W.

answers from St. Cloud on

I think it's rude for you to say that most women you know have the good sense to nurse privately! I nursed ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE and was PROUD of it! Did I just open up and show the world, NO. You can nurse discretely with a blanket, larger t-shirt, or nursing cover. Most people didn't even know what I was doing! Our son was 16 months old at my grandparents 50 Wedding Anniversary and my moms cousin came up and was talking to me and thought our son was sleeping! Nope, he was nursing!

I don't mind when people formula feed (although I usually wonder WHY they are........since all the studies say breastfeeding is better for the baby) BUT I don't go around condemning them and asking them to leave the room to bottle feed!

I've had a few bad experiences with nosy people coming up and condemning me for breastfeeding. One was pushing around a severely handicapped teen in a wheel chair and she told ME what to do with my baby! I think she had enough to worry about without telling me to stop breastfeeding my child! BUT, overall, BREASTFEEDING WAS A POSITIVE AND REWARDING EXPERIENCE THAT I WOULD NEVER GIVE UP FOR ANYTHING!

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J.J.

answers from Allentown on

I breastfed my kids because my mother did not. She thought she made the right decision at the time, was happy with her decision, never regretted it until many, many years later, like 20 plus years after having kids. She helped me with breastfeeding my kids because she regretted it so much. It is good you feel so good about your decision now, but that could change. I hope it doesn't because my Mom has had a hard time with it now. She constantly says she wishes she had felt differently back then. I am just posting because of my Mom's experience. I am glad you feel so good about your decision though and hope you always feel that way. I am sorry you feel badly about those of us who choose to breastfeed, I would hope people would not feel the need to breastfeed or bottlefeed in private, that just seems silly to hide a child away while eating, whatever the delivery method. I think everyone has a right to choose what is right for them and their child and should be happy and content enough to do it in public and not critise those who differ. It goes both ways for whatever you choose. I wish people would remember that. I didn't read the responses but suspect there are some heated things on both sides so I try to avoid reading that sort of thing, but wanted to respond to your post. In response to your first question, yes I felt that way as a child and young adult. My feelings and responses was due to the culture I was raised in and lack of education on the subject, but it sounds like you are not in the same situation. But back then I could have related. Blessings,
J

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M.T.

answers from Dallas on

Wow 41 responses =s hot topic! LOL!
It's funny I responded just a little while ago to a post that was directly opposite to this one. I suppose there will be trolls on every board unfortunately.
My response will be pretty much the same here. I am a mother to 3 boys and each exclusively breastfed. I felt it was my calling as a mother to provide the most natural nourishment that I could, that brought me to breastfeeding. This is what ((I)) chose to do for myself and babies. No one had to talk me into it or sway my decision one way or the other. Along those lines I would never attempt to tell any mother that she absolutely should or shouldn't do something. It's not my place, it's hers alone, I can only offer support with whatever decision she chooses to make.
Clearly, if I am a nursing mother the thought of breastfeeding does not "turn my stomach." But I will admit it is hard sometimes painful work and it takes a dedication that is indeed commendable. Do we need a medal for our efforts? Nah. We just need a quiet spot to sit and feed our little ones, we won't bother you at all, in fact we will probably just give you a glance and a smile when we notice you walking by. We will probably give you a glance an a smile when you choose to sit in a quiet spot and feed your baby too, even if you are using a bottle. No harm no foul!
I say compassion and support for all who choose to love and nourish their sweet babe, no matter which method the choose.
Like you stated above "to each their own" and that is the absolute truth of the matter. To all of the 41 posters (including myself) in the future. Don't feed the trolls! LOL
Good day and here's to a bright, beautiful, sun shiney weeked to all!

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T.R.

answers from New York on

Thank you for your post. I believe its a woman's choice how she chooses to feed her child.I am currently 8 mos along and honestly never considered breastfeeding. The children in my immediate family have never been breastfed and all are prefectly healthy...so it was normal to me to not feel I needed to. I have nothing against women who breastfeed and respect that is a personal decison. What is weird is the most breastfeeding mothers become so agitated when you don't share there desire to breastfeed. My feeling if you want to do so ... if you don't do not. Its your child and your life... no explanation is really needed.

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