Breastfeeding 13 Month Old

Congrats on making it (and surpassing) breastfeeding for 12 months! I've heard kids self wean at all different ages. My mom says I was 8 months when I decided I'd had enough, and yet my daughter is now 18 months and still nurses before she sleeps. Maybe it is time to consider giving up the pumping, especially if it is getting stressful. Your body will accommodate to her needs. If she isn't nursing as much anymore, it just means that you have met her needs, she is well fed, and she is content to move on to other things- which is "bravo" to you!

Nursing is really great. I nursed my first child until she was 18 months and my second until he was 2 1/2 years old. I have to say that it is sad to stop nursing but be glad that you will not have to wean her yourself. She is doing it naturally! The best way. Be glad! Weaning is really hard when the baby is so attached to nursing.

Congrats from me as well for breastfeeding so far! There is *never* no nutritional value to breastmilk. Think of it as insurance for the days she doesn't eat her veggies or protein or whatnot.

Is she taking a bottle of breastmilk but not nursing? Is she on cow/goat/soy milk? Does she drink anything else, and is it from a bottle or a sippy?

My feeling is your daughter is probably so busy exploring her world right now that she forgets during the day. Pump to relieve pressure, to make your body more comfortable. If she nurses at night she's probably getting what she needs.

Pumping is tough, and I think it's something your body has to be acclimated to. I wouldn't take it as any indicator of how much your daughter is getting by nursing. When I was pumping regularly (my firstborn only got pumped breastmilk), I could get ounces and ounces. Now I pump maybe once or twice a week, at most, and last night, after missing bedtime, I got barely half an ounce.

Give yourself a pat on the back and a break. If she's weaning, it's okay to mourn, but she may just be shifting to just night nursing, or she may be in a busy period and come back to daytime nursing in a few days or weeks. Wait and see.

I know you got plenty of responses, but I wanted to chime in. My son did the same thing at a year and I cried. I fought to nurse him for almost 6 months with a low supply and then we got into a good groove and HE wants to stop?? He was doing 3x/day (morn, nap, night) and now just nap and night (occasionally during the day too, when it seems he wants to be cuddly which isn't often at all). Too many things going on and I know he now does it for comfort so I changed my perspective and it has helped. We stay @ home and he has only had one cold so far EVER (knock on wood) and I contribute that to the BF, so I wanted to get him through the winter hoping it'll keep his immune system stronger. I think it is. The perspective... now when he wants to nurse I stop everything and hold him and watch him and rub his back or head and drink in the moment. This has always been "our" special time and it's me who was being selfish not wanting to give him up to the world. The world is so much bigger for him now though @ 18 months because of his bit of independence and he is well adjusted and running and playing and it's because he has built confidence. He still runs to mom 100 times a day to kiss his hand when it get pinched or to give me a fly-by-hugging. Those are our special times more now and your daughter will do the same thing. I know it's hard and I know it's sad, but being there as much or as little as she needs builds a child who feels safe and will know mom is always on her side. Keep your chin up and think of the all the great you've done for her and all the great yet to come!

Hi P.,

I totally feel your pain! My daughter is 11 months old now and when she was 9 months old she went on a complete nursing strike. I kept trying to put her to breast to keep my supply up, but she would actually arch her back, turn her head away and laugh at me. Talk about feeling rejected!! Whenever this happened I would pump to keep things flowing, and I would get maybe an ounce or 2 to come out. This was very unusual for me because I had been pumping for months and getting 5-8 ounces out several times a day (pumping is a necessity because I work FT). Anyway, after her repeated rejection, I think my body got the message that DD didn't want as much milk. I continued to pump, but got very frustrated with it because nothing was coming out.

I have since made peace with everything. A couple of weeks ago I completely stopped pumping (I have been so happy to be done with it!!). I've also been able to get my daughter to accept the breast first thing in the morning and before she goes to bed. Somedays she nurses well, somedays not, but we are both satisfied to keep this connection going, however brief it may be some days...

I wish you luck with everything. Congrats on getting to 13 months with the BFing!! I know how hard a feat that is! I also understand the mother's heartbreak of a self-weaning child (BTW, every child weans at a different age. I am told it can happen anytime after the end of the first year or not at all until mother decides to call it quits). As much as we mamas don't want to let go of breast feeding, at some point we have to let our babies grow up and enter their next phase. No matter what you decide, don't stress about the nursing or pumping (or lack thereof). Your body and her body will adjust to whatever you decide.

P.,

Babies wean at any age. My friend's daughter self weaned at 10-1/2 months. I have another friend whose daughter nursed til she was 3-1/2 years old. Each baby is different.

I have had the same thing happen with pumping but -not getting anything - but when my daughter nursed it seemed like she was getting whatever she wanted. I figured it was stress and being over tired - I think it was being tired. This happened over Christmas week and then my daughter got sick and only nursed for 5 days and she got all she needed. It was like nursing a new born again.

You can check www.kellymom.com for advice about ways to increase your milk supply and also contact the ladies of La Leche League. www.llli.org

I hope you find the any your are looking for,
L. M

Good for you! I'm still breast feeding my little one, too, but she is now 22 mos. My mom told me I weaned myself at 1 year and so I was waiting for the signal, but it still hasn't come, consider yourself lucky! Let go of the pumping and just let your little one and nature take it's course. She may want to "nurse" for a little while longer even though you know she isn't really getting anything, just like my girl. The comfort and the closeness are still there, just not the nutrition, and that's OK. Or maybe she is just really feeling independent right now, which means you are doing a great job of instilling self esteem, but does mean she doesn't feel the need for nursing. Either way, you are doing a great job of mothering your baby! Good luck!

Congratulations on a job well done! Your body and your daughter are both indicating you've done a great job and can take a break now.

But please, understand this is a normal stage of growth for your daughter. In no way is "it too late and it's time to accept that she doesn't want me anymore?" - It's not about her not wanting you - it's about her growing up. And yes it can be sad - but for you, not for her. My younger son is 3 and self weaned at 16 months - some days I still miss those wonderful times of nursing. My older son is 24 and married. That was also a time when I was happy for his growth and independence and sad for myself (only a tiny bit - but I am being honest here).

I want to say that you have done a great job so far ans should be congratulated, working and breastfeeding is not easy. My son weaned himself at 11 months and I was not ready! Don't think that she does not need you, just think that her needs are changing. I would stop pumping if there is no use. It doesn't trigger milk production like nursing does. Try to maintain a few quality feedings and then loose the rest (if that sounds reasonable) my last feeding to go was my goodnight one, but after a while he was more interested in bed. Your daughter loves you and you have provided her with a wonderful start to her life, and she is starting to get ready for the next part.

Best of Luck, Nat

P.,
Remember. you are producing a lot more than what a pump will show you. Babies/toddlers are much more efficient than the pump at getting milk. My daughter is 24 mts & I often wonder how much she is getting, but she does. I don't know much about this next offering but I wanted to share that I have heard that some parents misread their child's need to wean. This happened to a friend of mine. Her daughter "weaned" at 10mts, but then she found out later it was a common misinterpretation based on less nursing due to interest in the environment. Now she is wondering if she accidentally weaned her daughter.
K.

Hi P.,
First off let me start by appaulding you in such a run of success. It is very difficult for many to breastfeed especially that long. I do want to comment without comming off hte wrong way, everyone is different. I just wanted to say, there is no nutritional reason to continue to supply breastmilk for a toddler. After the age of one it is no longer needed. If your daughter is content without it then I wouldn't stress about it. If anything it is easlier for you because many have to wean their children off of breastfeeding and it can be hard for the babies. I would say, if she is healthy and happy not breastfeeding then she is on to the next milestone in life. I do understand the wonderful close bond you carry with a child who is breastfeeding but there are many other ways to get that close bond without it as well. I wish you luck with it and good for you in your success!
C.

Hi,

I agree...all babies are different! My son breastfed until he was a little over 2 and I was pregnant with my daughter and gradually trailed off. My daughter only lasted about a year and I was having the same issue: my milk seemed to trail off. And rest assured, she'll still want you in plenty of other ways!

B.

Don't be upset. This is a sign that it is time for you to stop breastfeeding. You wrote: "is it time to accept that she doesn't want me anymore" -- YES, your baby doesn't want to breastfeed with you anymore. Of course your baby WANTS you and loves YOU - what you have to accept is that she is growing up and you must allow her to do that. Some people have a horrible time weaning their kids. You shouldn't be upset - just thank God that your daughter is ready and doing it on her own. Good luck.

No need to pump--at this age, she's nursing mostly for comfort anyway. My daughter is 21 months and still nursing, but only when she wakes up upset or is tired or sick. Your child is old enough for (and in need of the nourishment from) regular milk. But she's not too old for nursing. She may not need you for nutrition, but she still needs you for comfort!

And don't be sad--being there for her (to nurse or anything) when she wants you to is all she needs!

Hi P.,
I was also so sad when I had to stop nursing my daughter (for medical reasons). It was such a wonderful experience and I really loved it! I decided that if we weren't going to be close by nursing, I would substitute a ritual that felt meaningful to me and felt like a way to continue being close - so I hold her close to me, put my arms around her, and sing her a special little lullaby every night before bed. Now, she is almost three (May) (we stopped nursing when she was 20 months old), and she loves the lullaby, and so do I. It provides a familiar routine if we are travelling and are away from home, and it is a lovely way to snuggle close - often she will lean her head against my shoulder and I just cuddle her in close! It's also a nice way to communicate loving feelings to her, which as a very independent 2 1/2 year old, is a good thing (some days are a little rough and we have lots of testing going on).
Anyway, sorry to babble on about us, but my point was that I created a ritual for us that felt good to me, and my daughter seems to like, too.

Breasfeeding is such a warm,loving emotional relationship, of course it is sad when you and your child are out of synch. It sounds like your daughter is getting what she needs,and if she is still nursing at night, you probably are still producing enough milk for her at night. I also had to give up pumping as I got almost nothing when I pumped.

Keep up the good work, and keep offering. Try not to take it so personally if she isn't nursing well - of course she loves you and will always need you - just she is getting bigger and more independent and may not continue to need you in the same way she did when she was a little baby.

Can you find a local chapter of La Leche League to get some more support for yourself?

Good Luck!
Warmly,
E.

Breast feed when it is enjoyable for both of you. Pump so that you will still have some milk when she wants it. Don't worry about quantity at this age, since I assume she is eating well. Breastfeeding at this age and older is as much (or more) to maintain that special connection between baby and mother as for nutrition. When she isn't interested, don't force it.

My son kept breastfeeding until he was 2 1/2, but my daughter was done at 12 months. I wanted to go longer, but she wasn't interested so eventually I stopped offering. I recommend that you continue offering as long as your little girl wants to nurse - but know that you have done a great job continuing until now.

Of course it's emotional, and it's hard not to feel rejected or substandard. But these are pressures we women put on ourselves, and they aren't always healthy for us! As much as you are sad about giving this up, try to see the other side. It's bittersweet, but as she is giving up nursing, she is acquiring independence - something we want all our kids to do, but I feel a particular joy at seeing little girls grow into strong big girls and self-assured teens, and beyond. Every time you feel a twinge of regret, look for something positive and exciting about her new capabilities and skills, and revel at the curious way she is exploring the world. She sees something new and different every day, and if you look, you will see something new and exciting about her!

I nursed my son until he was 26 months. In his second year he only nursed mornings, and evenings (until I put a stop to that one). I thought that my breasts wouldn't have enough milk, but the quality of the milk you're producing for a 1 year old is quite different than for a newborn. I had the feeling that the milk really would only come in when he nursed. No big boobs for me anymore (I'm very small chested).
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Having a schedule for the feedings will help. It was my son's way of starting the day by nursing.
As for your doubts that "she doesn't want" you anymore: not to worry: breastfeeding doesn't make you a better mom, or vice versa. She'll need you for a long time. It's just your interactions that change.

Good luck!

I think the truth is babies wean when they're ready, whether it's ten months or twenty.

She COULD be having trouble nursing because she's teething? Could be she doesn't like something you ate! lol

Either way, pumping is a good way to keep your milk supply up. As you probably know, however, the BEST sucker, is your baby, not the machine, so don't expect to get all that much when you pump!

My advice to you...which is the same advice I'm giving myself...is to let go of the control a little and let baby lead the way.

My son is nearing 10 months and I know that sooner or later he's going to wean himself off of me, it's just a fact of life. No matter how much I sometimes HATE breastfeeding, it still is a bit heartbreaking to know he won't need me forever! Seems silly, but there it is!