Boys Play Fighting in House

Updated on June 04, 2008
D.S. asks from Chicago, IL
5 answers

My son's cousin is four years old boy and he likes to play fight with my son who is five. My son does not enjoy this activity , just tries to defend himself. I know that boys enjoy fighting but my son isn't one of those. Also his cousin takes it too far as in he sits on top of his neck and back and bounces up and down. My son had a neck problem when he was a baby that took several months of physical therapy to overcome. Also, my son tells him to stop and he doesn't. His mom doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with her son doing this until I say something but it keeps happening every time we see them and I don't like it. Also the boy doesn't stop when I tell him to. The four year old boy takes karate ... I thought they teach discipline and control in karate along with the fighting but now I just don't know. I really enjoy our getting together with them until this happens. What should I do.

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answers from Chicago on

It sounds to me, like that little 4 year old, is a bully. Why should you and your son be compromised, to accomodate such ignorance? I would say, that, although the mother and son think that this activity is okay, you and your son do not. I would definitely stick up for your son, and I would say something. Without a doubt! There are plenty of other activities that 2 boys can be involved in, that is more healthy and stimulating.Do not ignore this unhealthy behavior, and handle it with finesse.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

If a child is hurting yours, you have every right to physically seperate the two, especially if the other mother is not doing anything to teach her son that when another person says stop he needs to stop. Many people may disagre, though if they don't want to teach their children to listen then it's your responsibility keep your son safe from physical harm. You could also teach your son to stand up for himself. Sometimes just saying stop doesn't work and you have to make it happen. Discipline and control are part of martial arts, though it takes time to learn this trait. You should definately talk to the mother about this problem and tell her that while you enjoy getting together with them, if the behavior doesn't stop you aren't going to be able to spend time with them until her son learns to listen. many boys love to play fight, and I personally think it's good for them, however they also need to learn when enough is enough and sometimes it takes a good beating from the child whose had enough to learn it. One day that boy is going to go to far with a child whose not as nice as yours, and he'll learn a very hard and painful lesson.



answers from Chicago on

I would step in and say something. I like the idea of re-directing the activity to something else, too. "Ok, that's enough fighting. How about if you/we play soccer?" If it continues and your son is asking for the boy to stop and he doesn't, I would go over and say, "Johnny, Joey asked you to stop. Please stop." The mom should catch on.

And, as the Mom of two boys (although younger), I understand that boys like to wrestle and fight - but that's not an excuse for one to bully another like that OR for a Mom to allow it. Just my opinion.




answers from Chicago on

Those are all good answers. I have two sons myself, now older, so I know about this. But I was thinking perhaps take it a step further and find out who the karate instructor is and talk to him/her. Those kind of people can be very helpful and if the little guy looks up to him he will stop. Finally you might just have to avoid being around them. That would be sad, but it is a choice that might have to be made.


answers from Chicago on

I would speak to the mom about it and tell her what you told us. I wouldn't put it that there is something wrong with her son though. Say something, "Sam doesn't like to play fight. I brought some other activities for them (soccer ball, action figures)." If the boy persists, stick up for you son. Seperate them - time for a break. The last thing you want to see is your son getting fed up with this younger kid and punching him to make him stop.

Teach your son to speak up for himself, even if that means that he has to shout at this kid or physically keep this kid at arms length while he comes to get you.

Unfortunately, until the 4 yr old matures a bit, you're going to have to supervise their play if you want to avoid this type of behavior.

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