Boundaries with Baby Two on the Way?

I think the problem you're experiencing is because you're disciplining without regard to cognitive milestones. Before age 2, children don't necessarily understand "cause and effect discipline" (example: if you do this and it causes 1) a time out 2) bop on the bottom, etc.) really young children don't necessarily understand that a certain behavior was wrong or that it is linked to a certain response.... She does something, you put her in a different room, but that doesn't mean she understands that what she did caused her going in that room.

I was expecting to read about a 7 or 8 year old, not a 15 month old!!! We didn't even START using time-outs till our girls were 18 months. At such a young age it's easier to distract her when she does something you don't want her to. Tell her 'no' very firmly and then get her doing something else.

It really sounds like you're expecting an awful lot of such a young baby. If she wants to play with the laundry, give her a pile of socks to play with or washclothes to fold. Get her involved in what you're doing instead of shooing her away. This will be good practice for when your new baby arrives as well.

She's real young... to have those expectations... and to have the cognition... for cause/effect.

The book "What To Expect The Toddler Years" is a good one.

Time-outs do not work.... for many kids.

Keep in mind... that children even at 4 years old... do NOT have fully developed "impulse control" yet. So they do things... again.

And as the others said... kids don't think 5-10 steps ahead... not even 1 step ahead.

I agree with Karen. Your daughter may be advanced in some things but yet still too young to anticipate consequence or other reasoning skills just yet. She seems too young for time out to me.

I concur. She is too young to understand time out, consequences, going to her room or compromise. At her age, a stern No with eye contact is about the only thing you can do. I'm not sure what you mean by "compromise" - maybe it's what we used to call "substitution" when she picks up a glass vase off the table, you say No and give her a toy instead - is that what you mean? She's also too young to be playing much unsupervised so other than safety boundaries (which can't be compromised) what kind of unacceptable behavior are you experiencing? Does she have difficulty with transitioning to nap, to bed, to her high chair? Sometimes, at this age, making a routine is helpful or singing little songs (like clean up clean up clean up the toys..) is helpful. You will have your hands full in another couple of months so it would be good to get into a routine now.

It may help to understand children's behavior as strategies to meet their needs. Pretty much ALL human behavior makes more sense when viewed this way, actually. But with very young children, their strategies are not usually too effective, and often seem confounding or infuriating to parents.

This is because the lives of most toddlers already contain as many negatives as they can reasonably be expected to bear. They have little-to-no impulse control. They are physically incapable of doing much of what they would love to do, they are prohibited from touching/handling a thousand desirable objects a day, they are repeatedly pulled away from activities they want to do, and seldom allowed to explore any activity to their complete satisfaction, they are scolded frequently, often for concepts they can't yet grasp, and they don't even have the language yet to tell their parents why this is all so exasperating.

With all that in mind, Dr. Harvey Karp of Happiest Toddler on the Block uses positive approaches to connect emotionally to a young child. They are strongly emotive little beings, and they feel real relief when an adult "speaks" to them in a way that takes their needs into account. Here's how Dr. Karp achieves this wonderful connection: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... .

Once children, even older ones, are sure they have been heard and understood, their stress levels drop and they are more able to take in what the parent is trying to communicate. Though I don't currently have such a young child in my life, I have gotten great feedback from parents of toddlers who are trying the Happiest Toddler approach. For somewhat older kids, you can continue this positive parenting with the brilliant techniques taught in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.

I used modified time out for my daughter at this age but it wasn't for undesirable actions , like taking books off a bookshelf. I used it and it was effective as a cool down time when she was throwing a fit or trying to bang her head--a spot full of pillows. Even with her now as a 2.5 year old I don't use a true time out with a set time very often. She is probably to young to truly understand cause and effect. I would suggest childproofing more if she just gets into too many things--don't let her in the kitchen if the oven is on or set up a barrier by it until she understands. She is really too young to understand what is on and off limits at this point. I run a daycare in my home and I have one big room where very little is off limits and me and the children spend the majority of out playtime in there. If you don't want to put all your adult stuff away try putting a basket of books and toys in each room so she has something to be distracted with if she starts itching to mess with your stuff. And time out shouldn't really be seen as a punishment to children--that's not the point. It is time for them to reflect on their actions and or to calm down enough if they are out of control. Hope this helps--it can be hard to have an early tester!

Let her do what she wants when possible like pulling the books down. You can help her pick them up when she's done. I can't count the number of times I put away the plastic bowls and lids in the cabinet! Use distraction often. The more you use it, the easier it gets. When you can tell she is about to have a meltdown over something, suggest a favorite activity like Playdough, a walk or a book. When she is doing something that is absolutely unaccetable then say no firmly and stick to it. If she is as stubborn as my youngest, you will probably have to pick her up and move her to another area. My youngest is such a headstrong and determined child, but I don't want him to lose those qualities. I want to help him develop them into something positive. Good luck!

Time-outs do not work at this age.
There is no cognitive connection between an event
and some "consequence" that follows.
You may have believed that she was learning not to do something
because you put her into time-out immediately after whatever it was,
but, I can say with 99.9996% certainty, that she was not making
any connection in her mind.

And of course "popping", even for dangerous behavior,
isn't particularly helpful.
You need to have a different tone of voice, an alarm sound,
when something dangerous is about to happen.
Not a consequence after the danger.
Something to circumvent the danger.

As for behavior . . . sounds like you're doing a good job
with positive reinforcement and 1-2-3 and compromises.
Good job, mom!!

Oh. I just saw there's a "What Happened" entry.
Will stop here and maybe resume later.
===================================
OK. You've had great advice and apparently you have taken it to heart.
Please remember that, even when it's (apparently) the smartest toddler
you have even seen, she still does not understand certain concepts --
if this, then that; touching this item is always wrong, even when mom
can't see me; etc. I agreed with pretty much everything said here.
In particular, probably more child-proofing is in order,
BEFORE baby arrives.
You will not be able to police DD's activity as closely as you have been doing up to now. Please make her environment as child-friendly as you possibly can, so as to reduce -- or eliminate -- the need to say NO.

Wishing you well w/new baby and smart toddler.