Bossy Older Girl Trying to Get My 3 Year Old to Act Out Sexually with Dolls

An 8 yo girl should not know about sex and if she does, its because she has either seen it (her parents or movie) or something has been done to her, or she is around older kids and picking it up from them. Regardless, if it was me, I would speak to her mom and simply tell her what happened, say you are concerned about her daughter and felt like she needed to know. Then I would keep giving the girl the evil eye and maybe she'll stay away on her own! Good luck!

You must speak with this girl's mother. She needs to tell her daughter this is not acceptable social behavior. Personally I do not feel you are overreacting.

Hold on a sec. While I dont' think you're overreacting, and you have an obligation to protect your daughter first and foremost, and you did absolutely the right thing, I am appalled at the mothers who are lashing out at 'bossy', who is EIGHT YEARS OLD! Eight-year-olds only act out what they are taught. Obviously this girl has been through some trauma in her life. Calling her a 'mental mutant'? How completely insensitive! This poor girl needs a hero, and since you've witnessed this behavior it would be irresponsible of you to not point it out ot her mother at the VERY least, and preferably call social services. I understand that it must be impossibly hard to not become frustrated with this girl, but whatever she is going through at that very young age is not her fault. She needs help. It's rude people like these Moms here who just turn their heads and judge who are the reason why little girls like 'bossy' fall through the cracks of society. Good job for protecting your daughter from 'bossy', and if you feel that your obligation ends there, I'd even be ok with that too, but to judge this poor girl who has obviously been through some serious traumas in her young life... that's not OK.

I don't think you are overreacting, but I don't think you handled it in the best way possible. I say that gently, because in the moment I would have probably reacted the same way. Now that you know this is out there with little kids it is time to plan your reactions ahead of time.

I say that because your daughter clammed up when you asked her about it. your raction frightened her, and she did not know why or what it was that was so wrong. This little girl wasn't telling her to do things that made her uncomfortable, she was doing things that made YOU (rightfully) uncomfortable so it was confusing for your daughter. Again, I'm not faulting you for this, you reacted the way a reasonable mother would react.

OK, IMHO it is time to tell your daughter that sex is something married adults have, not children, and is private. I do think that it is important to cast in a positive light, as a gift from God that brings children (if you are a God person, if not, fill in your own details). I think that if you cast sex in a negative light and kids hear talk about it, see it on TV, media, etc. it becomes a very confusing thing, like a forbidden fruit. If the promise is that it is a good thing that good MARRIED people do, then the message is to wait until you are married.

People who talk about sex (to her) are doing are being rude and she should come straight to you when that happens and tell you about it. In another, separate conversation, I would talk to her about touching and if someone touches you in private ways that is bad. As she gets a little older you can tell her that private touches are for married people and children are not allowed to do that. It is very bad when big people touch children like that and she needs to get away and come to you or her teacher or a police person or whatever.

I would certainly seek out that child's mother. Remember that she is also just a child and needs guidance and patience and love. Frankly, if that does not go well, I would put a call into CPS as well. She might also need protection and intervention.

Good luck.

I agree that keeping this girl away from your daughter is key! However, it sounds like she is exhibiting some grooming behaviors (the neighbor girl) if you live in a small complex, talking to her mom may not be the best option. I know you would hate to do this, but as a teacher myself, I would place an anonymous (sp) call to social services. This girl is obviously been in a situation that is not appropriate and is acting these things out, she may be in trouble herself.

i dont think u reacted enough. u should tell her mother about that. the girl is avoiding u because she knows she was wrong. maybe her mom is totally unaware of that behavior. even if she dont care she needs to know. dont allow her to play with ur daughter. she's to old.

FIRST OFF....WHAT????? That is beyond messed up and incredibly weird. You reacted better than I would have. I would refuse to have my daughter around a kid like that ever, especially if she is being bullied by them. I would have told the 8 year old to stop interacting with my daughter and to find kids her own age to play with or she would be in big trouble. I might have contemplated calling child protective services if this 8 year old girl seems to be home alone a lot and obviously exposed to some pretty nasty stuff.

You are well within your right to be appalled and to react the way you did. This neighbor girl is way out of line and I would put it to a stop by pretty much pretending she does not exist. That is just wrong...I really feel for you.

I do think you are overreacting a little. The girl is 8, she might use the word sex but not really know what it means. My 6 year old mentioned sex the other day and defined it as "wearing clothes that are too small" - she had obviously heard skimpy clothes referred to as sexy and came to her own conclusions. Just using the word doesn't mean she intends it the way an adult would. It sounds like this girl has no one on her side. I agree any and all interaction between your daughter and her should be supervised, but maybe you could calm down and talk to her. Talk to her mom about the incident and go from there. If it appears to be a misunderstanding then try including her in games with you and your daughter. Gently remind her no one likes a pushy playmate when she gets that way. Calling her names really doesn't help the situation and I'm sure your daughter has picked up on it. It's great your daughter has an advocate in you, but be careful what you're teaching her by your actions.

If there isn't any way to just keep this other girl from playing with your daughter, then you will have to be more proactive.

Either way, go see the other girl's mom, RIGHT AWAY. Tell her exactly what happened and that you do not feel it is appropriate in any way for her daughter to play with yours in that way. Try not to be 'accusing' - to a certain extent, this older girl is at that age where girls like to start playing 'kissing' ect (although using the word 'sex' at all is really icky IMO, even if the 8 year old doesn't know what it means!) but it maybe something she picked up at school that her mom doesn't know about.

Hopefully this other mom will be reasonable and sit her daughter right down and have a talk with her about what is ok and not ok 'play'. I would also talk to her about the pushing, etc. and just say that maybe her daughter 'doesn't know her own strength' but that since your little girl is so much younger, you are concerned.

Try to set your daughter up to play with other kids her own age and encourage this other mother to do that same. A lot will depend on how the other mom handles this, but in the end, you may have to just tell her and her daughter that they aren't welcome to play with your little girl anymore because the other child is playing too rough.

If the other mom refuses to deal with the situation, then I would talk to some other moms in your building ( I lived in apartments for years, both single and with my son, so I know this can be a challenge, even in a friendly building!)

Talk to the mothers of kids the same age as your daughter and explain your concern to them and ask if they have had any similar issues. At the end of the day, the more grown-ups monitoring the situation the better. No one wants to just be a gossip or be mean, but if the mom of this 8 year old won't direct her behavior appropriately, other moms might have to step in. Sometimes it takes a village, lol.

Anyway, if you can make sure your daughter is with kids her own age and other moms are watching out, there is less likely to be trouble with the older girl. Hopefully too, even if her mom doesn't take YOU seriously, she will not want to look bad in front of all the moms in the building.

Good luck!

Whoa. You didn't over-react. I'd visit bossy's mom, tell her what happened. Tell the little girl yourself that she is no longer allowed to play with your daughter -- and tell your daughter, too. I'd be hawk-eyeing the situation constantly and if it requires you removing your child from the area when bossy arrives on the scene, so be it. But make sure to let your daughter know it has absolutely nothing to do with her, but that bossy is older and needs to play with children her age. Something is going on in that household and it doesn't sound good.

WHAAAAAT? That is ridiculous!!!! I'd be having some words with Bossy's mommy. NO WAY would I let my little girl anywhere NEAR her! How does she even know what that is at age 8? I am totally appalled for you! I think that if Bossy comes out while the other kids are playing they should all just ignore her. Involve all of them in some type of activity that doesn't include that little girl. It might be mean, but it's way better than your 4 year old knowing about sex! Geez!

Hi, I would definitely not allow my child to play any longer with this older child. Does your little girl go to preschool yet? If so try to set up some play-dates with friends from there. Is there any type of neighborhood play group you can join. You may want to take your daughter to the local library to the storytimes there, they are often geared towards younger children your daughters age and would be a good way to for her to make new friends.
You are a good mom :>

No, you didn't over-react. I would have done the same thing. Follow that up with a visit to her Mom and repeat what you heard. You can say it as a matter of concern because when a child of 8 play acts sex, someone may be abusing her. At best, she herself has likely been exposed to inappropriate play, viewing, or conversation about sex, and mom to mom, you felt obligated to let her know. Then tell the Mom you are sorry, but you have decided that your daughter is not allowed to play with children that much older than she is. Ask that she tell her daughter she needs to seek out playmates in her own age group and leave your daughter alone. Then I'd go beyond the evil eye and flat out TELL the neighbor girl the next time you see her that your daughter is not allowed to play with her. You can leave the sex talk part out at this point, since you've already covered it with your daughter, but I'd just tell your daughter that you have decided that this girl is too much older than her, too bossy, and not an appropriate playmate. It's too bad you are close neighbors, but I'd still be going way out of my way to avoid being in this girl's company. Eventually, they'll be out of the habit of playing together and accept that they aren't going to be able to be friends. And yes, keep up getting her together with girls her own age.

I agree you need to talk to the other girls mother, even if she doesn't care too much what her kids do. That way she knows you and how you feel. I use to live in an apartment complex and I wouldn't let my kids play with older kids, I told them if they were 2 years older or younger then I didn't want them to play with them. You have to protect your children, so what if you look like the mean mommy, your daughter will respect you for standing up for her and know she can be safe. I personally would tell the bully that you do not want her playing with your daughter that there is too much of an age gap, which there is.
Good luck!

I would have been very upset too. It sounds like you need to at least have a discussion with her mother, even if she does not care, she knows you are not comfortable with her daughter playing with yours like that. Also, it sounds like you are going to have to be more vigilant about keeping your daughter close (and not just in hearing range but sight range) so that if that little girl comes around, you may have to remove your daughter from the situation. So sad, sorry you are in that situation!

No. The older girl may be sexually abused and is acting out and if she has access to younger girls she may take actions that are inappropriate. Keep your daughter well away. Her parents might not be open to this revelation as it may happen at home. Or maybe one of the parents would want to learn about it. Hard to say, but yes, keep your daughter away!

NO WAY are you over reacting!! Good for you for taking this seriously!! I not only dont trust adult strangers when it comes to my kids, I also don't trust other children. Because of their parents!! This society has produced some very lazy parents, and as an end result kids are spending countless hours in front of sexually charged t.v. shows video games, and computer links. This girl should not be talking this way for her age, or trying to influence another child either. So I would be very worried and CAUTIOUS!! I hate to say this, but you dont know what else she might try doing to your daughter. Although it's not her fault, she obviously has some issues. I would address this with her mother, and if she does nothing about it, then I would clearly keep her away from your daughter! I would tell your daughter, she has done nothing wrong, but that this other girl is saying and doing things that are unacceptable, and therefore she won't be playing with her anymore. If it's a group situation, I would simply not take my eyes off of your child. And let this other little girl know you are "watching". At least that way SOMEONE will be!!

this other little girl has some very serious mental problems, trying to coerce the four year to masturbate with a doll, probably not the first time that this future mental patient has done it, either, . put as much distance between you, your child and this eight year old and her family as you can, move out of there first chance you get,the next time this little mental mutant approaches your child, tell her that she is to back off NOW, or you are going to call social services.just remember, chances are good, somebody put this eight year old up to coercing another child to masturbate with a toy, and then settled down to watch, where he couldnt be seen easily . scary, yes, but not all monsters live under bridges.
K. h.

You are not over-reacting, and unfortunately, you my be this other child's only hope. I'm a teacher, and have seen red flags before. It sounds like this eight year old has been exposed in some way to sexual activity. Whether that is just her seeing something on TV, or a movie, I don't know....however, since she is actively trying to get other children to "play" that way, it is very disturbing....and this child may not be the only "predator" in your building. First of all, report the child to either your local police or to DCFS (Social services), but you should also go onto the Megan's Law website...it will tell you if there are any convicted sexual offenders in your neighborhood....good luck! You are a great, and observant mother....I only wish this other little girl could have someone looking out for her too, it sounds like she needs it.