Birthday Party RSVP Hell...

I think that next year, you can be the mom who volunteers to put together a class contact list so that you have the names and contact info for parents. The school can't give out this info, but a parent can gather and share this for those who are interested in giving their info out. Then you can do an e-vite, bypass the teacher and get a much better response rate.

That said, you're in a bit of a bind for this year. If I were you, I would go to whitepages.com and start looking up names to get phone numbers and would start calling. It's totally possible that the invites got lost between the cubbies and the house and the parents didn't see them at all, or they assumed that it was RSVP regrets only.

I don't understand why people assume their other kids are invited either, that's just rude.

Ugh. Manners are dead.
How rude!
Lets hope this isn't the "new" way of doing things.
I'd get in yellow pages.com and try my hardest to FIND a phone number for each & every O. of them and call & flat out ask for a yes or a no. Tonight!

I teach at my daughter's school and we only had 3 kids from her kinder class come. Lots of people just don't do birthdays anymore.

My son recently brought home an invitation that was handed out at school. By the time it came home, it was a week after the party. We didn't RSVP because I didn't get the invite.

In the future:
1 - Only invite kids that your child knows well enough that you have contact info.
2 - Mail invites, or hand them to parents. Don't distribute at school.
3 - Having teachers hand out invites and asking them to send follow up emails was a serious lapse of judgement on your part. Apologize and get off the crazy-parent list.

No RSVP they are not included in the head count. I would not hunt them down. Maybe when they show up and you act so surprised to see them n then tell them sorry but if I let you stay I will need another life guard etc.
they will learn a lesson. People just assume even if they do not RSVP it's ok to show up. Not!!!!!hate to sound mean but this is happening a lot.

What's the deal with siblings. I have four kids and never ever did I expect one of my other kids to be able to stay at a party. Nor did anyone ever want to bring sibling. They would drop their kid off and pick him up later.

I'm irritated just reading this.
The hell of invitations, right?

For people/kids that just show up... just tell them "Oh sorry, I didn't know you were attending, I did not get your RSVP. We don't have enough food/goody bags for everyone and I already paid the venue....and the Lifeguards are only for the attendees I received RSVP's from."
In other words, they are crashing the party.

Next time, only have a small party, and invite your kids' friends. Not... the whole classes. Although your intention for this party, was to invite all. And that is nice. But what an invitation mess it turned into.
Hopefully, your kids can have a nice party... despite.

I'm not sure why everyone is blaming the parents if the invitations were given to the teachers to hand out to the kids. Probably half the kids lost the invitation or forgot to give them to their parents. You're in a bad position because you aren't in direct contact with them and you don't know if they even received the invite. Just plan for the people that responded and try not to stress.

I would just do cake and maybe ice cream, and some juice boxes. Get a cake that serves 30-35, that should be plenty and if there's extra no biggie. If you plan to make a cake yourself, maybe just make one for each of your kids. Kids get cake first, only if there's extra offer it to adults and most adults don't want it anyways. Given that it's a swim party, I think you're fine with just cake because swimming and eating don't really mix. You could always just buy snack bags of goldfish crackers given that it's a swim party.

I recently went to a bday party that was held at a pool. It was a great time, lots of kids there all just having fun playing in the water. The mom served cake and juice boxes and then they opened presents, and then all went back to playing in the water, then it was time to go home. For goodie bags, it was just a simple bag of inexpensive candy...so make a bunch and if you have extra just use it for Easter (think Easter egg hunt in the backyard).

Is there a deadline that you have to let the staff know so they can plan for lifeguards? If so, overestimate a little, they can always let someone leave early if needed.

Don't stress too much, because no matter what the kids are going to have fun in the pool...even without enough cake and goodie bags. In the future, maybe just invite all the boys/girls or 3-4 of their close friends. Good luck!

At this point, you have a package of 36 and 11 have RSVP'd. I think you are fine with the package you have.

In my most recent experience, there were a few late RSVPers. Those who asked or mentioned (yes mentioned) they were bringing siblings did bring them. I don't recall anyone outside of that showing up with extra kids. Only 3 or 4 boys came even though the party was at the park.

I am going to guess that those that are attending are mostly in the younger child's class. I think by the time the kids are in 2nd or 3rd grade, they are partied out.

Now that we have had the class party, we probably won't need to have another. It is a lot of work even though it was a simple party. As for party favors, I went to the dollar store and the kids dug them out of a tub. I didn't bother to wrap them or bag them. One mother who just had a party threw her hands on her hips and said she should have done that because those stupid bags were making her crazy.

Really, a slice of pizza, hot dog, chili dog,or chicken fingers, a slice of cake, and a cheap prize and the kids are happy.

I so feel you on this subject! We are ALL busy, but no one is too busy or special to text or call or email with a "yes, we'll be there", or "no, we can't make it". Not to do so is utter & complete douchebaggery as far as I'm concerned. I think it mostly happens because the parents are too lazy to RSVP or take their kid to the party, or they are waiting for something "better" to come along. Ugh!!

This is why, thus far, we have done home parties, park parties, or forgone the party altogether and done a special family trip instead. It sucks, and yes, we all want to give our kids the big, fancy, party, but it's not worth the wasted money. DD will be 7 in April and we're either doing another special outing/trip or a park party.

I don't think I would bother the teachers with sending reminders. Of course they will say "yes". What other choice do they have? They're not going to tell you no.

Well, I sure can empathize. Last year I invited 40 kids (the two Pre-K classes at his school). Only about 6 formally RSVP'd. I chased down about 10 more in the parking lot to get replies. Never heard from the rest. About 25 kids showed in total. I overbought on food/supplies, but was able to use all that stuff later. Fortunately, there was no limit on kids at the venue, so that was not an issue.

This year I invited 15 to a party at our house. I think 5 sent back a reply this time. 1 RSVP'd the morning of the party. Another RSVP'd after the party was over. Mind-boggling. In any case, 12 showed. Again, I overbought but nothing went to waste. It did wind up being a great party.

Next year I'm only going to invite 5 or 6 of his closest buddies. No more big parties. Too stressful. I always RSVP and can't figure out why most people can't be bothered to.

Good luck. I kind of doubt you'll go over the 36-limit, but I would recommend if you do a big party again, don't do a venue that requires a head-count. :/

It is the new way of doing things. If they don't call i would expect they are not comming. But and this is a very big But no one pays attention rsvp dates I've gotten calls on the day of the party lol. We invite around 20 kids at times half show up and usually a few siblings.. We really do not mind siblings comming as long as they tell us. So I'd wait to about 3 days before and add bout 5 more spaces to the total number you have received.

I hate this and this is why my DD will only have a party with kids whose parents I can reach to invite directly, even if the parties are very small. I think at this point you will have to talk to the pool and ask what the consequences for you are if x or y happens. Do you pay more? Can they say that so and so is on the guest list and paid for by the party but additional siblings are not included? It gets hairy when you expect 40+ kids and have no idea what the actual turnout will be.

I would try for food that can be expanded (even if portions are small or something like being able to order another pizza) and skip the goodie bags unless you are certain of the ages and quantity of children.

If you decide this is the last school party, consider taking the kids and 1 best friend to an event like a zoo or museum for future years.

This is not really helpful, but I think if you send out invitations too early before the actual date of the party, people just forget about it--especially with a three day weekend in there. Do you really need a 10 day lead time for the RSVP? I usually do 2-3 days. If I had gotten an invitation almost three weeks ahead of time, I know I would likely forget about it unless it was an Evite, which sends an automatic reminder.

Most won't RSVP because they are waiting until the day to decide.
It stressed me out. I would call the head guard and ask if someone can be a backup guard in case more show up. I once paid and extra $20 to have a spare employee and we needed her.

Wow, I didn't realize it was that serious. We spend so much $ on gifts for kids we do know, that we never reply or attend the parties for kids at school. We just can't afford it.

We do not attend "school" parties unless they are actually friends that we do/would see after/out of school.

My son is in kindergarten this year. Last week there was an invite in his bookbag to a little boy's party that is in his class. I think it is nice to invite the whole class (that way no one feels left out on Monday when the other kids are talking about the party at school). I am lucky that my son's birthday is in the summer so, I don't have to worry about that.

I do think that it is rude when people don't RSVP. I find that most just ignore that line on the invite though. I think you should be okay with the 36 kid package though.

So sorry to hear this. Common courtesy is unfortunately a thing of the past. I've experienced this several times with my own kids not only with their "friend" party but also with my own relatives for the family party. It's a real shame. We've cut parties down to the bare minimum with only immediate family and close friends. Best of luck to you. :)

I would bet that a vast majority of those invitations are crumpled up at the bottoms of backpacks. Without any contact info, there's not much you can do at this point. There's still a week, though, so you might still get a few folks who RSVP with a "I'm so sorry, I just found this invitation - is it too late to be included?", but most will probably see that they missed the RSVP date and never bother responding at all. Since you bought a 36 kid package and you only have 11 so far, you're probably fine as far as keeping it below that number. For take home gifts, have enough for the kids that actually RSVP'd and maybe 3 or 4 extra just in case.

And, yeah, those people who assume it's ok for siblings to attend? Rude, rude, rude. Some people are just so freakin' entitled, it kills me!

Just do a simple party next time and don't do this again. People just don't rsvp at all anymore. Just do cake and plan some games and free play time. The kids will be happy and you'll be happy. If you don't have many show up then you get to have cake a few times for dessert that week.

You don't even have any idea of the parents even saw the invitation. I often don't see them until the party is over. My hubby goes through the school bag when the kids get in the truck after school. If he sees one he plans on giving it to me to deal with. Then he forgets and I never see it.

SO just don't do this any more. Don't waste money on goody bags, kids do not need to get a reward for coming to a party. Parents don't even like their kids to get them. They make them throw them away as soon as they get out of sight about 80% of the time.

Honestly, I don't see what the problem is. You send out invites and asked for people to RSVP and the did. You have 11 people going to the party. So are you upset you inited over 40 and not all of them are coming? I have never seen the appeal of inviting the entire class to our kids bday party. If you have a poor turn out, your kid is upset that not the whole class is coming to the party. Maybe next time be more realistic and only invite the kids that your kids are actually friends with. Otherwise, you are well below what you paid for so who cares if they bring their siblings, you should be covered. Good luck.

I think the response is typical. I had a friend who threw a b-day party and invited the classmates and none of them RSVP'd nor did they show up which kind of hurt the mom's feelings.

However, he was new to the school and I think kids get so many invites already that parents have to really be choosey as far as what they will attend, since everyone's time is precious, especially on weekends. Sometimes it's possible to get 2 b-day invites for the same week and have parties every single weekend so you have to pick and choose and the parents get a little wiped out. After the new year money can be tight and some parents cannot afford to buy the gifts for various parties either.

Fortunately she invited several old friends and they of course all showed up.

Maybe some of the parents are skittish about the swimming; if their kids don't swim or whatever, you never know.

I agree about trying to get a class list at the beginning of the school year and coordinate with the room mom and that way you can get emails and phone #'s for followup. It's good to get to know the parents in class personally.

In the meantime, have your kids just ask their classmates. My son is the type to just ask other kids if they are attending a party because if he's going he likes to know who all else will be there, at the "social event of the season" type of thing. A lot of the kids will chat at recess about the parties and ask, hey are you going on Saturday?

So your kids can just ask, hey, are you able to make it to my party. Most kids will be blunt and honest and respond yes or no and maybe will say, no, I have a lesson that day or I have another party or we're going to Busch Gardens, etc., then you'll have your answer (or at least a better estimate).

I stopped doing the big b-day parties years ago for my son and we instead choose to take a family trip to Disney to commemorate my son's bday. We just get together with a friend or two for ice cream, cake, mini golf, etc. My son didn't need all those presents and I just felt it was getting too out of hand and overwhelming.

I encountered the RSVP situation that you're describing, but on a smaller scale, where maybe 1 of the 15 parents didn't RSVP and I am kind of type A and extremely organized. And I had invited all friends so not any classmates back then.

I have realized that most people are not as organized and do things last minute. But I like it all planned and done in advance and don't like surprises like what you're encountering.

So his previous parties turned out great, but I did have a parent cancel out and not show and one or two I had to remind personally because they tend to forget even though they gave an RSVP I had emailed them again... you get someone who is sick that day too, etc. You just have to go with the flow. I have heard from a ton of parents at school who invite 40 or more kids to their parties that a lot of them do not RSVP. It just seems to be the norm. Evites are awesome - next time I would get those emails.....!

Oh, someone in a previous post mentioned next time don't give the location of the party, and put on the invite, details will be given upon RSVP. That actually made me smile because you are forcing them to give you an answer because they don't know exactly where the party will be - brilliant...

Good luck - have a fun party!

Unfortunately, like Karen A. said, common courtesy has been lost. It is sad, really. People make plans with you and then don't show, they don't bother to RSVP, etc. I have had many parents schedule a dinner with their kids and my daughter and when I show up after getting my daughter excited that she will see her friends, they aren't there and my daughter is left heartbroken. She has already asked about the playdates they promised right in front of her and I have nothing to tell her other than they must be busy and let's do something on our own. The rudeness is appalling and as depressing as it sounds, I don't get my hopes up anymore and instead, I expect constant disappointment, and they never disappoint in doing that, so this is why I have never done big parties. I don't have the money to spend on food that won't be eaten, or the patience to deal with rude people who can't bother to text "sorry, cannot make it" or something like that.

I went to a party not too long ago where the mom had purchased boxes and boxes of chips and other goodies and not many kids showed. It was at a park, and other kids in the park approached the party and asked for food and to be allowed to join the wet slide she had rented. The mom was so frustrated with the extra food that she handed it out to these and other kids around the park and allowed them to join the party. Pretty crazy, having strangers become part of the birthday party, huh?

I suggest doing a family party (what I do), or a party with a small enough group that if they don't show, you're not out hundreds of dollars and you can still consume the food you would normally have fed them with; otherwise, you may end up in this position again. Another thing is, a lot of these kids' parents won't have the courtesy to invite your kid when their party rolls around. I have also noticed a lot of parents bring their kids and don't even bother to bring a gift. How rude would it be to not RSVP yet show up and not even bring a gift??!

I just went through this with my son in Pre-k. We told him he can invite who he wants So at 1st we had a 15 kids package that we had to move up to a 25. I gave out the invites to parent's I would usually see and those I did not I put in the take home cubby with stuff that goes home with child . I also took into account that kids have siblings so you have to count them in also. Of my 25 invites my son invited 14 from his class. Being my son's Birthday falls right after New Year's during the winter break. I had no means of talking to the parent's that I did not know to confirm. I had to get a means of communication with parents especially during the big vacation . So what I did before the winter break I gave the teacher a list of the remaining parents and asked her if she could please have them put a contact number for me to confirm. Which was helpful because the parent's wrote their #'s or email. All the teacher did was hand them the paper and let them know it was to confirm the Birthday party. I had those parent's that my son would play with their kids out of school who were good on calling me for the R.S.V.P. and his close friends.
But those parents I did not hear from I contacted and they told me they would get back to me, others did not return my calls or email. So I had 4 no show kids and 3 that came with out the R.S.V.P. But I did have goody bags for them just in case because you don't want to be short.
But it is stressing and frustrating doing the school inviting thing. You just don't know who is coming who is not. I think people could be more considerate and take the time to confirm and not leave you guessing.