Birthday Parties - Warren,MA

Updated on November 22, 2010
R.K. asks from Warren, MA
10 answers

My sister called me to ask what day and time I was planning my oldest son's birthday party because his birthday and my niece's birthday are only 11 days apart. I told her exactly what day and time I was having his party and what does she go and do sends out evites 3 days after me for her daughter's on the same day and time even after she called to ask because she wanted to make sure they were not planned fore the same day. I am so annoyed by this and of course I'm sure the grandparents will go her party because its her first birthday! Why on earth would anyone take away from their nephew's day? Its bad enough his birthday often gets lost in the holiday shuffle and now this so is often small party will be even smaller this year. I haven't decided whether I should call her out on this or just let it be I'm really hurt that she called and gave me this whole big line about how she didn't want their parties to fall on the same day so that she could have everyone over (including us) and then goes ahead and does it the exact day and time I gave her :(
edited: Yes most people recieved mine already and have not gotten hers yet. I did speak with one of my cousins already and if she is not working her and her girls will be coming here.
For Christy J her exact wording on the phone was "when are you having Aaron's party? I do not want to schedule M's party for the same day. Oh you are having it on the 12th I guess M's party we will have hers later in the month or Thanksgiving weekend" so please tell me from this conversation that this was not purposely done! Funny how she is as soon as we bought our house her apartment was no longer good enough and they started house hunting and now because my son's birthday is planned for a certain day she ruins it by planning her daughter's birthday the same day! Our family should not have to pick which child's party they should attend. She knows that because my son is with his dad every other weekend that this is the only weekend we can have his party.

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So What Happened?

Well I did rsvp that we won't be attending it was an e-vite so if she calls to ask why I'll let her know.

More Answers



answers from Dallas on

So strange. She may have been calling to see, not because she was going to plan around yours, but because she only had one time that worked for their family and it just so happened it was the exact time/date.
could be that she chickened out telling you, or that she knew you wouldn't/couldn't change your date and neither could she. Life is really busy, this time of year.
If you want, you can call her and ask, but what would that achieve? Both of you miserable on your children's special days? Just let it go and mention to her that next year the two of you need to do some better planning so all the family can celebrate each birthday. :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

OMG!!!!! You HAVE to call her out on this!!! She did this 100% on purpose and you need to find out why. You should also tell EVERYONE what she did. Esp your parents. You are in the right here-she needs to change the day.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Sounds like she is in competition with you and needs to try to "one-up" you. I would try the opposite approach from confrontation, since she is passive-aggressive. I would completely ignore what she did! Just have your party, don't call her up about it, nothing!! That's what she wants! Have another date with the grandparents that is on or near your son's birthday. Tell him how fun it is that he is having 2 birthday observances - one for his party with friends, another with Grandma/Grandpa. Ignore the cousin's birthday - send a card for her actual date, and the heck with the rest of it. Don't penalize the niece, but obviously your sister in law has structured this so you cannot attend her party. DO NOT call your SIL to ask why she didn't RSVP to you, etc. Whoever comes to your party, comes. You will be teaching your children good manners and taking the high road. It's not good to teach them competition over who was first, who is more popular, etc. This is your SIL's weakness, and we it's way healthier for us to be sympathetic or dismissive of other people's shortcomings than to obsess and become more like them.

The urge to tell her what you really think it natural, but the best way to get to her is to not let her see that it bothers you! Don't give her the power over you - hold on to it by controlling your own reaction. You can't do anything about her competitiveness except to ignore it or pity it. If she brings it up, you can have some response planned like, "I'm sure you had your reasons for contradicting yourself and planning a party for Susie so that she couldn't come to Jack's party -that's too bad because we had a blast!!

Finally, I would make sure that your son's birthday is NOT lost in the holiday shuffle no matter what. Scale back the holiday prep if you have to, make it more enjoyable for yourselves anyway. Always make your son a priority since it's obvious you're going to have to do it without help from the rest of the family like your sister-in-law!!

You don't have to go to every fight you're invited to, says a wise friend of mine. So don't engage this SIL when she's obviously itching for a confrontation! Ignore ignore ignore! Be matter-of-fact, say that she knew when your party was and specifically called about it, but she must have had a very good reason for scheduling her party at the same time.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

She might have completely goofed up. You need to make a phone call to her and straighten it out so she can have tme to change the date for her party. Just find out, first before assuming that she purposely planned her party on the same day as yours. If she did do it on purpose then she sucks!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Yeah, I would ask her why she even bothered to find out from you when you were planning the party. After that, I would just let it go.

I think your sister put your relatives in the terrible position of having to choose which party they will attend since they can't do both. I don't know if I would point that out to her though - I think I would be taking the high road and try not to feel bad if people decide to not come to your son's party and go to hers instead.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I would ask her why she did it - but try to be really non-confrontaional about it. Maybe just tell her you are confused... that you really were looking forward to her LOs birthaday party and were glad that she was going to make sure it did not conflict with your son's, but then you saw the invitation and are not sure what is going on...

It could just be she put the wrong info on the e-vite, you never know...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I would totally want to know why she even bothered to ask you about your son's party when it clearly didn't matter to her whatsoever.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I'd be pissed too but you don't mention how old your boy is versus her girl. If there is a great age difference or if your boy is school age, you may want to consider throwing parties for his friends and classmates. I know this really sucks what she has done but I wouldn't put too much energy behind it. Make your son's birthday great for him and his guests. Since your invites are out already, she looks like an idiot especially since others already probably see through her too.

I feel sorry for her. She is so busy trying to keep up with you and outshine you that her life must be very sad in her own eyes. How truly pathetic for her. I even feel sorry for her daughter too having a mom like that. Truly pitiful.

Keep you head up and enjoy your party for what it is. A celebration of another year of life for your son, maybe after his party you can go and wish his cousin a happy birthday too.



answers from Chicago on

Understandably you are very angry, I would be too. I have been in similair situations with my sister countless times. I think the bigger thing to do is try and let it go. Make your sons birthday party as special as it can be with a friends party. Maybe have a family get together on another day so his grandparetns can help celebrate it too, invite your sister and her family to that family get together. I know it is aweful feeling like you sister, your sons aunt, would purposely take away some thing from your sons birthday celebration, especially after asking you about it first. Try not to let this come between you and your sister though.



answers from Tulsa on

She sounds like my SIL who always plans her granddaughter's party on my child's birthday even though it is not that child's birthday. Did you actually send your invites out? If so, I would talk to your parents and calmly explain they should come to yours and why. Perhaps if they skip hers, she will change it.

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