Birthday Cakes - Do We Outgrow Them?

Updated on November 14, 2011
R.M. asks from Fulton, CA
39 answers

Okay, so, I didn't grow up in a normal family, so I don't know what's normal about a lot of things.

Do you make sure you always have a birthday cake for all family members, no matter their age? I blew it, I didn't get a cake for my daughter (19), though I did get a nice gift.

It just seems that at some point you don't have to do everything up to the hilt, especially if you're really busy.

So, do you always make sure there's a cake? How bad did I blow it?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thanks again ladies! Great advice, as usual. And thanks for making me not feel like too much of a failure.

After reading the responses, I think I will make (or buy) cake from here on out. Cake makes people feel special, it seems. And I like the idea of sending one to college, too, in the future.

Dad and I just took an elaborately decorated mini-cake to her work and sang loudly in public. Hopefully that made up for our failure as parents.

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.M.

answers from Chicago on

well I don't mean to make you feel bad but I'm 40 and my mom gets me a cake every year. The years I have lived away from home she finds a bakery and has it delivered to either my home or work for everyone to share.
I rarely eat sweets, but there is just something special about birthday cake.

Having said that - I know PLENTY of people who don't have cake every year.

Having said that..... I know that mom/daughter mani pedi can fix almost anything!!!!!!

6 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Everyone needs a birthday cake! I'm 41, and it's one of the few times a year I allow myself to unabashedly revel in cake and icing! You can always get her one now! You don't have to throw some huge party or anything, but a cake, a gift and a card are always nice!

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

it depends upon the person... not the age.. e.g. My mil could care less about a cake, whereas I enjoy having one.... or , well it's my excuse for having one.. :)

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.U.

answers from Detroit on

I always get a cake for my hubby and he's 44! I love cake too! You are never too old for cake! And in our book, it really doesn't matter if it's home-made or store bought or even says Happy Birthday on it - cake is cake. It's always a good time for cake!

7 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Seattle on

In our family, everyone gets a cake.... whether you're 8 or 88. Even being deployed and in the field (aka family/ not at home, and in the field means no cooks or chowhall, or you get a cake/cupcake from the chowhall)... we'd mix up the hot chocolate powder into "pudding" and use a match (or bit of fuse!) for a candle to blow out. Don't use fuse, btw. It doesn't blow out.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.G.

answers from San Diego on

I make sure my hubby and kids always have a b-day cake. Sometimes more than one if there are muliple celebrations which there usually is. However, my hubby has NEVER done the same for me.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from El Paso on

There's always a cake for everyone, except me... LOL. I don't make my own cake, so there isn't one. My husband and older daughter are only a day apart on birthdays, but they still each get a cake. Probably a little excessive in that case, but oh well! :) I do try to make one the weekend before and one the weekend after so at least we don't have 2 cakes sitting around at the same time.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Aww, poor kid! I'm sure you can smooth it over, but yes, I'd say that most of us don't outgrow the cake! AND, at 19 I'm sure she'll get over it and understand that you were busy, etc., it's not like you forgot her birthday!

My birthday was just a few weeks ago and my husband kept asking me what I wanted...all I wanted was a cake! ;) To me, it makes me feel special and a cake really makes the birthday a birthday. Kinda cheesy, but I like it!

I don't think that you have to go all out at that age, but yeah, I'd maybe get her a extra yummy cup cake to make up for it!

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.S.

answers from Dallas on

never too old for cake lol but we might not always do cake, sometimes a different special dessert especially for my husband or I who might want something different than cake lol

however, I dont think you blew it not getting a cake, I'm sure she understands, & maybe you could still pick up a special dessert for her?

3 moms found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Redding on

I dont even know when the last time I made a birthday cake was. So, yep, I've outgrown them, lol.
If I had little kids around me at their birthday time, I'm sure I'd make sure there was a cake.
I think it's for youngsters and extra-oldster's only.
It's fun to try to put 90 candles on cakes and watch a senior get all excited like a little child.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.C.

answers from Joplin on

it doesn't have to be a cake, but we make sure there is "dessert" my son is getting older ( 16 in December) and he wants a pie. But no, I do not think you out grow the desire to have a birthday cake, my sister and I take turns over who gets to do it for my mom, we do not do a ton of store bought cakes, we bake a lot ourselves, even if it is just a box mix.

3 moms found this helpful

☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I suppose you could say that I have outgrown birthday cake. My taste for cake has really diminished as I have gotten older, and also I have been battling my weight for about a decade now. Getting cake on my birthday has become one of those inconveniences that I have to be polite about.
My DH preferes an alternative like pie or brownies.
We of course, have cake for our son!

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

Everyone gets a cake in this house. Doesn't matter how young or old.

You didn't blow it mom! It's hard planning for everyone and everything.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.K.

answers from Dallas on

Never too old for birthday cake!

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

I always do cake for everyone. In my family, we have multiple birthdays a month and even two of mine share a day. I have a cake for each birthday person on each day. Growing up, my mom always had a cake for me when I was living at home no matter how old I was. At the same time, however, it's not that big of a deal. If it bothers you now looking back, you can make it a point to do a cake each time and you can even do one today for your daughter. Cake is always yummy!! Especially chocolate cake!! MMMMMMMMMMMM

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.M.

answers from Topeka on

I had birthday cakes for my daughters and son as long as they were living at home...I don't normally have cakes unless we are actually going to be with them on the day of their birthday now. My husband I and quit having birthday cakes for each other long ago...with just two of us at home we do NOT need an entire cake in the house!! MY MIL thought I was HORRIBLE when I told her that I wasn't getting a cake for my husband for his 66th birthday when they came to celebrate with us...lol. I felt guilty so I bought a cake on the way home from work.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Houston on

I do always make sure there is cake for a Birthday, even for myself! But I am big on cakes and parties specially Birthdays!
My little girl's birthday is the same week as three of my best friends, they are always invited to the house and I have a special cake for each one with their names.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Well, we're a "birthday" family so we do try to have cake for everyone...all depends on what's "normal" for each family, I guess!

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.K.

answers from Milwaukee on

ALWAYS a cake!!! You didn't blow it...belated is better than never!!! :-)

2 moms found this helpful

M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm starting a home bakery so making cakes for family is almost like a buisness opportunity for me. It helps my portfolio grow and it's rewarding to see they're faces when they're cake is revealed. For the kids I always do a cupcake tower with a small top cake. Cupcakes definantly lighten the load of slicing and clean up. So I guess my answer is yes we are cake people but only cause its my obsession in life.

2 moms found this helpful

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

There is always a cake. yum yum. In fact, we Skype with my husband's family and sometimes I make a cake here and we show them, sing happy birthday, and then eat it. lol
I don't know how badly you blew it because I don't know how into cake your daughter is. I would be horribly sad if there wasn't cake because I LOVE it.
L.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.S.

answers from Houston on

Yes...some kids outgrow them. I don't think I have. I blame my parents.

When I was a tween/teen, a cookie cake, was great. Now that I'm older, a special $10 cupcake from the wicked expensive gourmet bakery down the street, cheesecake or brownies are my preference.

My parents, on the other hand, want a cake no matter what. They want candles and their name on the cake - the works! I could never get away with just giving them a brownie or some special cake like Angel food cake. It has to be a chocolate layer cake w/3 tons of frosting (yum) and decorations.

Forgive yourself and tell yoru daughter you just saved her from consuming 1000 calories which she won't see till she's older.

2 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

I did not get my 19 yr old a cake this year, his bday is Sept 30, and he's away at school. I just sent him a card and money.

LAST year, I could not BELIEVE I couldn't spend the day with him since it was his 18th, strangest thing to NOT be with your kid on his bday, all new to me last year. So I went and got him and brought him home for the weekend closest to his bday, and yes I did a cake.

I guess every family is different, right? I HATE it when they grow up. Bleck.

:(

2 moms found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

we do "something" but it's not always cake. this year my hubby wanted to do endless shrimp at red lobster lol. my husband's birthday is 1 week after my son's so he doesn't usually get cake. i think every family is different - after 19 years you and your family are probably a lot better judge of what is "normal" for you than we are :) lol. it will all have to do with your daughter's expectations and what she's used to. ya know?

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from San Francisco on

Cake (or other fave dessert) has become a tradition in my family. My mom made my favorite pineapple upside down cake for my bday since I was a young girl. She stopped making it for me when my daughter turned 10 and suggested that I teach my daughter to make it and carry on the tradition. We now look forward to it every year. Everyone gets to pick their favorite dessert for their bday.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I feel that everyone should celebrate their birthday in a big way. It is the only day of the year when you get celebrate yourself. Even one of those Pepperidge Farm 3 layer cake, serves 9 decent size pieces, add candles and sing Happy Birthday works for me. My younger daughter doesn't like cake of any kind so I will get or make a cheesecake, her favorite. You can still add candles and sing.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.1.

answers from Des Moines on

In my family, there was always a birthday cake for the kids. My mom still sends b-day cakes to my brothers in college (from a local store to be delivered.) After college, no unless you live in the same town and would be seeing them.

2 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Yes, cake for every birthday unless the person requests something else like pie, dessert, cookies.. My husbands Grandfather lived to 103 and we always had Birthday cake and ice cream!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

I.G.

answers from Seattle on

Yep, always a cake. No matter if it's my daughter my husband or myself. As adults we have forgone Birthday presents, but we never skip the cake.

2 moms found this helpful

V.C.

answers from Dallas on

I do not like store bought cakes. So have asked for something different on my BD.
My son was just home to celebrate his 20th BD (I feel your pain, Theresa N!) I made a homemade cake. He only ate one bite of it. I didn't mind since I knew he didn't really care for cake either. But it is something we do so we can all sit down and visit. I have a special "happy birthday" plate also that the person gets served on.
But I don't think you blew it at all!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.C.

answers from Washington DC on

We always have cake or some special dessert if the birthday person wants it. The ONLY time we haven't was last year on my hubby's birthday, he was out of town for the entire week of his birthday and didn't get home till several days after it. AND we were in the process of packing up and moving, so while he was gone I spent the entire time packing our house up.

I always make birthdays special. Each person gets to choose where/what we have for dinner and we then do cake and ice cream and sing happy birthday and presents.

I remember all to vividly the number of times my parents forgot my birthday and how horrible it made me feel. I'm the only kid in my family who didn't get a big party for their 16th or 18th birthdays because everyone "forgot" about it or were too "busy" with the other holidays to plan one for me. (My birthday is very shortly after the winter holidays). Because of that I'll always make a big deal out of my kids and hubby's birthday's.

If they want a party they are getting a party. And all 3 of my kids birthdays are within a month of each other (May 16, May 23 and June 26).

1 mom found this helpful

C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

the cake is a big deal in our family. Its just not a birthday with out a cake! I just turned 31 and I had a very nice chocolate cake with raspberry filling and I had a teal frosting with fondant white flowers all over it. It was beautiful! So, you can never be too old for a cake

1 mom found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Boston on

This year for my husband i didnt make him a cake or buy him one, he was whining and I bluntly stated "you really dont need a cake" while giving him elevator eyes.... i have not heard the end of that since and this was 8 months ago....

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

OMG - I think the last time anyone made or bought me a birthday cake I was probably 10. I am pretty sure I had one at my Sweet Sixteen but maybe not - really don't remember. Now, I do like to order something decadently chocolate on my birthday (depending of course on the restaurant).

I just read all the answers - apparently I am the only person in the entire world who couldn't care less about birthday cake.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Chicago on

You don't *have* to have cake for a birthday to be special. It just depends on the person.

Relax mom, you didn't blow it! You gave a nice gift and I'm positive your 19-year old daughter isn't hating you for not getting her a cake!

Why don' t you just ask next year? We don't have cake on my birthday because I'm allergic to eggs so we have pie :) And not necessarily ON my birthday.

You're okay mom. Don't sweat it!

1 mom found this helpful

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

We don't outgrow them, a friend of mine has a father who recently turned 109, bless his heart, and he had 2 cakes, one where he goes for therapy and one at home.

Depending on the person's likes it can be cupcakes, or pie, or Bananas Foster as another friend's 24 year old requested last week for his birthday.

And I'm sure she loved the mini-cake and that you and Dad sang : )

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Boston on

Always a cake, always. It's one of those things that my mother has insisted on. Sometimes we roll our eyes and wonder whether or not we really have to get together and have some cake once again for one of my siblings (or her siblings, who don't have spouses or children) but it really it a nice tradition. She also insists on taking pictures of all of us at the table, with the birthday person, and the cake - something else we've always teased her about.

One of my brothers passed away last month. When I went through pictures to make a photo collage, many of the photos from the last 10 years of his life were - you guessed it - those "birthday at the dining room table" shots and I was very grateful that we had them. At least once a year, there are some photos taken of each of us and all of us.

While it doesn't literally have to be "cake" I will always make sure that my kids have a moment where someone sticks a candle in something, sings them a song, takes a picture and they can make a wish and share their treat with others.

1 mom found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

You NEVER outgrow birthday cakes. Even now that I'm married with a husband, my mom makes me a birthday cake every year whether my husband gets me one or not. She does that for me and each of my brothers. I do it for my husband here at home, but his family is more like you... after the kids hit 20 they stop celebrating as a family and inviting everyone and just have the people who live in their house.

But honestly, if my family ever did that my feelings would be deeply hurt and I know that if I did that to my parents, my grandparents, or anyone else on my side of the family including my good friends, they would be just as hurt. If your daughter's feelings are hurt then you can still make it up to her with a cake and family celebration.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.Y.

answers from Chicago on

Cake no you never outgrown it....when I am 90 I want a cake with 90 candles.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions