Birds and the Bees- What Age and How

Updated on February 03, 2012
G.G. asks from Aurora, IL
9 answers

At what age to you need to have the Birds and Bee' talk? Ideas on how to approach it or how not to approach it? What has worked?
Do you wait for them to come to you?

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Santa Fe on

Agree with some of the others, it's not a one-time thing. I've watched a lot of birth videos and other pregnancy and birth-related things, and my boys have seen some of them, so unless they've forgotten, they know that mommies have a place where babies come out, and my older son (7 y/o) has said something that makes me think that he thinks they're created somehow by the daddy kissing the mommy (which is funny to me, because I remember thinking the same thing, when I was about his age). I haven't told him what *really* happens yet, but he knows that it takes a daddy and a mommy to make a baby, and that the baby grows in the mommy's tummy until it's ready to be born, and then she pushes it out. We'll deal with the "how the baby gets inside the mommy" question later, when he asks more directly. :-)

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answers from Los Angeles on

My son asked me at 3.5 how the baby got in the "uterus." I told him that it was like us growing sunflowers, Mommy had a seed and Daddy watered it. He was fine with that explanation. Then, at 5.5 he asked again, but with the emphasis on HOW did the baby get in the uterus. I explained everything very matter of factly. Erections, vaginas, ejaculation, ovulation, implantation, etc. I didn't add any emotional aspects to it. I will do that later, but it is what it is. His reply was, "That's gross." I replied, "Well, you can think that now and maybe you will later, but you might think it's neat later. Either way, it is what it is." He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok, thanks mom."

We also have a book that he started going through, that I read as a child. It's by Peter Mayle: "What's Happening to Me?" A Guide to Puberty.

My mom grossed me out with, "God sees that 2 people love each other and are married, so the husband and wife kiss,....." OMG I just wanted the facts...not some theatre interpretation of it. Just the facts ma'am!

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answers from New York on

It's not a one-time talk - it's a constant discussion. Age appropriate as questions come up. My older child wanted to understand when I was pregnant with her little brother. She was not yet 3 but had some basic understanding that there's a part that comes from dad and a part that comes from mom when they're loving each other. She knew there's a special place in mom's body where a baby grows and a special opening where babys come out. My kids are 15 and 12 and we continue to try to instill our values into them as it regards sex - driving in the car at night is a good time.

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answers from New York on

When my kids were in elementary school, I gave them a great book to read and then we discussed it. I think it's called "Where Did I Come From" and the author is Peter Mayle (I think). My kids are teenagers now and we are very open in our discussions.



answers from Boston on

As soon as they start asking questions, I suppose. I don't think kids should be in the dark about reproduction only to have to learn everything about it all at once later in life. I think of it as an ongoing process.
My daughter is not yet four but knows about ovaries, fallopian tubes, eggs, the uterus, the placenta, fetus, umbilical cord, contractions, etc. We mainly focus on HER body parts, since she has a right to know about her own body (she had been asking about babies, that is why we started the conversation). We've talked a bit about boy parts but she's not as interested. Look around for a book that has an approach that you agree with. We use It's Not the Stork, which is written for 4 year olds.


answers from Austin on

Start early using the proper words for their private parts. When they ask you any questions about how babies get here tell them the truth in there language. Do go to the library or book store and pick out 2 or 3 books that are age appropriate to read to them and then talk about them.

I told our daughter out and out the entire situation, using the proper words. I stopped every once in a while to ask if she had any questions.

At the end, I asked her whatshername thought, and also told her this was information that parents should tell their own children, so to not share it with her ffriends. She looked at me and said, "Do not worry, I never want to even think about it again!"



answers from Dallas on

I started talking to my daughter as a toddler when she would ask questions. I was honest, open and answered accordingly.

I personally feel it is very important to communicate and be open about everything and for her to know there is no shame with our bodies, etc.

My mom was quite prudish and I am very opposite because I did not want my child to have views like my moms.

Yes, at this point, some conversations have been very explicit but I prefer to talk to my daughter and find out answers if I don't have them vs her hearing from people at school. Daughter is 17 now and dating, it is even more crucial to have open communication.

If you feel uncomfortable talking to your children, do it while you are driving or walking in the park. Don't make a huge deal about it, just be open and honest.

Around 4th grade, the school nurses have discussions with the girls as a group so that they are not unprepared about puberty. Of course the nurse talk is not enough but it is all some poor girls get.

Good luck


answers from Richmond on

I waited until my kids started asking questions, then I kept it age appropriate. I am honest with them, and they usually get bored with all the technical, medical talk and leave the conversation, LOL!! My girls were about 4 and 6 when they started asking, since I was pregnant with their baby brother.

Once they hit school age and hear a lot of stuff from kids on the bus or playground, they'll have more questions. Again, I'm completely honest with them, since it's nothing to be ashamed about. I'd rather them not be misinformed by their peers ;)



answers from Washington DC on

You start early and you have a series of age-appropriate talks. It's not just sex. It's love, puberty, relationships....American Girl has a book that used to be called The Care and Keeping of You. That or similar is a good jumping point for a girl about 8 or 9. Even at 3, I've explained little things like how babies grow in their mommy's tummy. I haven't been asked how they GET there yet, so I haven't told DD that. But I didn't tell her the stork brought her cousin. Older kids sometimes benefit from talks in the car, where you're a captive audience and no one else can hear you and they don't need to look at you. I wouldn't wait for the child to come to you. I'd also find out what and when the school is going to teach, and use that as a jumping point.

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