Bipolar Daughter

Updated on April 26, 2010
A.U. asks from Riverside, CA
20 answers

My daughter Dena was dignose with bipolar at age 21 she is now 27 and takes her meds my question is I can't deal with this situation, I get mad at her and I get nervous alot, I am 55 years old and my menopause is bad right now so everything bothers me, what can I do??

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So What Happened?

I want to thank everyone that responded to my question, I really didn't think that anybody cared out there in the computer world! I have taken Dena to get therepy and she goes to Dogon Behavorial Medical Group in Riverside, they are very helpful and I recommend them to who is dealing with bipolar issues like mine. If any body wants the info email me at [email protected] and I will gladley give you the info. God bless you all and thanks once again. AlmaRose mother of Dena :)

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answers from Los Angeles on

So sorry for what you're going through. My only advice is exercise. It helps me deal with frustrations much better since I can't fix the other person. Also a doctor friend of mine said it really helps women who are going through menopause a lot. Find a good gym with some classes. I think it will make a big difference.

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answers from Tulsa on

I am bipolar (I'm 57) and my 17 year old son is bipolar so here's from a double whammy aspect. I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until 7.5 years ago but was since a teen. My son was diagnosed when he was nine.

My suggestion is to find a support group in your area. There is a website called where you can view established support groups in your area or sign up to be notified when a new one is started. You can also contact your local/state mental health department for a list of meetings.

At a support group meeting you'll get to voice your concerns, problems, anxieties...anything that is on your mind. Everyone is nonjudgemental. You'll also get to meet other parents who's children have a similar diagnosis and find out what works for them. While most bipolar support groups are for youth or adults who have been diagnosed as bipolar and family members are rarely invited, there are support groups for parents of children with disabilities or special needs. Bipolar fits that category.

Many a time, when my husband and I left our monthly meeting, we'd draw a breath of relief beause we didn't have it so bad. It is said that if at a meeting everone wrote down their child's diagnosis, and all the hassles that come with it, place that information in the middle of the table, and upon leaving...being told to pick and choose from the pile in the middle of the table...ALL parent's would chose their own. It's what's familiar.

Another thought is to attend a conference on being bipolar or relative of one. I've icluded some links below that you might find helpful.

Here is a good site to learn more about being bipolar...
Here is a good site for knowing what NOT to say to your daughter...

To sum things up I need to say this...your daughter has a disease...other than medication and therapy she has little control over the disease. Would you be so angry with her if she was diabetic? Get on your daughter's side...view the disease through her eyes...and become the type of mother who your daughter can turn to when she has her inevitable ups and downs. Being bipolar is like continually being on a roller coaster, except you never know when that next twist or turn will happen.

Your menopausal symptoms probably aren't helping much right now. Are you receiving medical help for your symptom? Are you taking a hormone replacement medication? Maybe you need to address this issue first so you'll be "in the right place" to be a support for your daughter.

Good luck and God bless.

W. Q

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

My mom has bypolar and have had to distance myself from her.
Just take some time to be apart.
Tell her this so she doesn't think that you do not love her anymore.

I wish you the best of luck with this.

God bless.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so glad you reached out, you are definately not alone. There are a lot of resources out there for parents in your same situation. I would suggest that you reach out to your local mental health association or the Riverside County Department of Health. Hang in there, help is on the way.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

Are you interested in natural things to help regenerate and feed your body back to health? God Bless! J.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

Have either of you looked into 'biomedical' ways to help with this? I have known of several adults and many children that when their diet was changed and certain supplements were introduced, the symptoms minimized and even went away. Some of the culprits in diet were dairy and wheat. Supplements that helped included omega 3s and amino acids. These can be determined by testing and by trial and error. Another thing to look into is heavy metals - doing a challenge test and see what shows up there.

For you I recommend getting Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Dr. Christiane Northrup. Get a different perspective on what menopause is, and how it works, and what to do about your symptoms - don't mask them with drugs or surgery yet.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My step daughter was mildly bi-polar. It takes more than meds as they've been using "crutches" to work in this world and sometimes we can help them keep those dysfunctional ways by allowing it (that's called "enabling"). Counseling is a good idea for both of you.

You no doubt know that bipolar is genetic so they always expect to find parents or grandparents or aunts/uncles to have it -- usually undiagnosed. Any change you have mild bipolar or were raised rather dysfunctionally by a bipolar parent? Just things to watch out for. Bipolar is like ADD in that the symptoms can vary widely as well as the strength of the problem.

YOu didn't say if you get mad at her because she is causing it or if your hormones make it difficult for you to be around anyone. So, it would be helpful to try to honestly figure that out. You both deserve peace and harmony so go seek your answers from mental health experts. They of course have many clinics who will charge only as a percentage of your income (and many insurance policies cover it to some degree). Some won't cover certain issues but will cover others that are closely related (Generalized Anxiety for example).

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

I hope you get some good answers. I know someone in the same situation, but come to find out her daughter just had depression and her meds are working.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

Step back for a minute and consider that she probably feels angry and nervous a lot too. BP is incredibly frustrating and often times people who suffer deal with the everyday question of 'why me'. So in addition to dealing with the disease they also have to deal with feelings of self defeat and guilt. There is nothing you can do but be supportive and for most people who deal with BP it's pretty hard to find. If you are feeling angry about her situation think of how YOU would like to be comforted and reassured....then do that for your daughter. The daughter you love is there. Don't let the disease cloud your vision.



answers from Chicago on

If you find out an answer I will be very happy. My son is nineteen was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and then my other son came back from the service, told him it is all in his head and he stopped taking his meds. I am 52, had a hysterectomy after uterine cancer, still get hot flashes and cannot take hormones. I feel nuts sometimes. Everything is bothering me, too!! Sorry, this isn't any help, but I do empathize. My son does work, goes to school and is even in a college play, but boy he is up and down. I get mad, too. And I am always afraid I will get cancer again. So, I sure hope there are some fantabulous answers out there!!!



answers from Los Angeles on

Hi Dena. Try surrounding yourself with the most amazing positive people you can, who can help you deal with what you are going through, which must be hard as a mother. Perhaps that will counteract the emotions with your daughter. Designate one of your friends that is willing to be your buddy coach and allow you to vent without judging the situation, and then leave you with a statement of strength that can get you through the day. If you don't have a friend who can do this (really, not many friends are capable themselves to be positive in today's world), there is a free online community called Compass, and you can connect with my profile at Sometimes just posting your struggle for the day and getting encouragement from others can help you reframe what you are going through so you can use it in your life for good, and for others. Already you are looking for resources to help you -- I think that shows such love for Dena, and most importantly, YOURSELF. You must make sure to give yourself a lot of self love when dealing with this. Treat yourself well, keep your energy up, and if you like to journal, I have found this to be very helpful in my life as well. Hope this was of some help to you.



answers from San Diego on

Please find a support group for yourself. As a counselor I have seen the effects of Bi-polar. You wouldn't neglect her if she had cancer and bi-polar is a disease and not her fault. Create boundaries and just try and have empathy and compassion. If it is hard on her imagine what it is like living with bi-polar. It s is very very hard. I wish both of you well. Just pls find support for yourself!



answers from San Diego on

I have a friend whose son is bipolar. She and her husband could not deal with him living in their home anymore. When he was in his early twenties they went to the state for help to move him into his own apartment and to be looked in on a couple of times of week. They help him shop for groceries and help him with his medications. Check with your state to see what might be available. I know much has changed but you might have some resources available. Much luck to you.



answers from Los Angeles on

Almarose69, I am so happy you came to us MAMAS for advice, and I so understand how you feel. Have you ever thought about researching homeopathic/natural remedies for how you and your daughter are feeling?

I highly recommend contacting Judy Cutler who is truly an amazing Nutritionist and would definitely be able to help you and your daughter naturally.

Here's her data:
Bio Tech Solutions
9736 Hillhaven Ave
Tujunga, CA 91042
Phone (818) 353~7454

She definitely can work with you both via phone if you live too far away from her office.

I'd also recommend checking out 2 organizations validating why going the natural route is best for you and your daughter:

And, please watch:

Psych Conflicts:

Making A Killing:

CCHR: Depression Mental Health Screening Test Puts Kids' Health at Risk

CCHR Says Top APA Psychiatrist Needs Lesson in Disease vs. Disorder

CCHR: The Difference Between Medical Disease & Psychiatric Disorder

CCHR Antidepressant Drug Spoof: Tripolar disorder

'GENERATION RX' Extended Trailer

The Psycho Pharmaceutical Industry with Former Pharma Scientist, Shane Ellison

Dr John Rengen Virapen, Whistleblower of the Psychopathic Pharmaceutical Industry, Speaks Out

Psychiatric Drugs & the Brave New World: featuring Jim Marrs

Whistleblower Allen Jones/Mental health screening of kids

Fight For Kids: The Candace Downing Story

CCHR PSA: Psychiatric Drugs and Violence

CCHR PSA Warning on Antidepressants/Child Suicides

Why we need a Mental Health Declaration of Human Rights: Read it here:


"The Drugging of Our Children"

I also truly recommend reading "Doped Up and Duped – nearly impossible to find independent studies of psych drugs with no Pharma ties."

Please feel free to contact me at: (323) 906~2784 or via e~mail me at [email protected]

I'd love to help you and your daughter however I can.

With love,
L. (MAMA to 2 year old Dylan Orion.......29 September 2007) : )



answers from Pocatello on

I would go see your doctor and tell them what is going on, you may need to increase/start on hormone replacement therapy if you aren't on it to get you through. If you and your doctor decide that that is not for you then there are several herbal remedies that can help with menopause too. Talk to someone at a local health food store, they can help you locate something that will help you with your moods.
As for the emotional side of things, I agree with the other postings... Please seek some counselling. Counselors are there to help with so many things even if you think this is a small issue or only related to your menopause, if it can help keep you happy and keep your relationship with your daughter intact it would be worth it.


answers from Raleigh on

You need to find a good therapist for you to go to. Bipolar disorder affects the whole family, not just the person who is bipolar. It is a struggle every day to live with someone like that, but I think that if you get the help that you need, you will see how your daughter is still your daughter and that you can deal with her issues in a better way if you have helped yourself first. Good luck, I understand what you are going through!



answers from San Diego on

Relax... I know it's hard to do! Put things in perspective. Daughter won't change much, so accept her for who she is. Not saying go along or listen to everything. In trying times, step away, go for a walk or a coffee, get away to bedroom, lock door and breathe. Make sure you do things for yourself to relieve stress...



answers from Albuquerque on

I would find a counselor who could help you through these emotions and help you find a way to curb your anger and anxiety towards your daughter. I'm sure both you and your daughter are doing the best you can in this situation. Sometimes we just need to talk to someone outside our inner cirlce. A third party is always helpful.

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this and I hope you find a great way to deal with this difficult situation.



answers from San Diego on

Depending on what you feel comfortable with, I would look into ways to help YOU deal with your menopause. There is a great book called "What your Dr. may not tell you about menopause/perimenopause" by Dr. John Lee. You can get it on & it has a lot of info to naturally help you cope with the changes you are going through. For a lot of women, a few simple changes (diet, exerise, bio-indentical hormome creams, enough sleep) help tremenously.

You may also need meds for your own aniexty, so going to a counselor or Dr. who can understand you will help. When you are feeling more in control of yourself, then coping with your daughter should be a easier. Maybe then you could look into programs that would help her become more independent.

On a personal note, I was starting to really go WACKY--some of the meds (the pill) made it WAY worse & my mother told me about this book. I quit the pill & started the bio-identical creams, which have made a big difference! However, my oldest has been having a rough time of it & I still wasn't coping well, so I did add a mild anti-anxiety-depression med. Sometimes helping yourself 1st is the best thing for your family. Good Luck



answers from Los Angeles on

Hello Almarose,
I work with emotionally disturbed youth and we have them complete a worksheet called ANTS: automatic negative thoughts. We get these when we feel sad, mad, or nervous. We have to sort through these thoughts, pay attention to worthy ones, ignore the others. Try this exercise:
1. Write the ANT down
2. Ask yourself: Is this thought true?
Am I 100% certain this thought is true 100% of the time?
How do I feel about the thought?
How would I feel without the thought?
3. Turn the thought around to its opposite idea.

Write this out on a piece of paper and you will be amazed at the relief you feel.

Not a total solution, but a good strategy,
Take care of yourself,

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