Bipolar? - Lewisville,TX

Updated on March 21, 2010
S.M. asks from New York, NY
9 answers

I believe my husband is bipolar. He has very bad mood swings and it disrupts the entire day/evening/etc.
He aknowledges his moods, and trys very hard to "work on it" and mostly comes back and apologizes after... but does not want to take medicine or see a therapist.
If there are any ways to help him from someone that is bipolar i would be interested in hearing.

Other than him, i need help learning how to cope with this. Although i have been with him for years, i guess i though it was something that could be resolved or fixed and seems like that is not possible.

During his moods he says very hurtful things- ie " i hate you" i dont want to be with you, you are a slut... blah blah.

i used to get very upset, then i tried getting angry back, i have tried to act like i dont care- but deep down it really affects me.

he will come back and say he doesnt mean these things and he loves me. but i am hearing hurtful things at least once a week. i want to know how to deal with this- is anyone else bipolar and say things they dont mean? should i really not be bothered by it because it is only the "disorder" speaking?

pretty confused- because obviously im not in his head, cant seem to help him, and then on top of everything i get my feelings hurt.

thank you!

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So What Happened?

okay still needing some input but wanted to respond to the first response i got.. i guess i didnt put enough detail into it. (Thank you for your feedback and no its not too harsh)

**Thanks so much - didnt think about going to see a therapist for myself, but i will look into an inexpensive one for myself- i agree that if i go it will help (at least to vent:) and possibly encourage him to go as well. I will continue to discuss options for him and appreciate all of the feedback! **

So- he is does feel depressed, sometimes only moments sometimes weeks- he has self hatred at time and then other moments weeks its like he can see the light and is happy and content.

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answers from Dallas on

I meant to send you a PM about my bi polar husband but I think I sent it to the
Wrong person...did I?

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answers from Boston on

I'm sorry that I don't have a better answer, but this does not sound like a classic case of bipolar disorder. Bipolar is more than moodiness - it is prolonged periods of depression followed by prolonged periods of mania, and being mean and hurtful is a marker of neither. I'm not saying that he doesn't have some other variety of mood disorder, but my inclination would not be to excuse his behavior because you think he might have a disorder of some sort. And honestly, even if he did have bipolar and refused to see a therapist and/or get medicated, I wouldn't excuse the behavior either because he isn't taking responsibility for his behaviors, which is not cool to say the least. I think at the very least you might consider therapy to help think about why you stay with someone who says such cruel things to you. I hope this wasn't too harsh; I really did mean it to be helpful. Good luck.

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answers from Honolulu on

He needs to get a professional evaluation.
BECAUSE the point is... he nor you, knows what is "wrong" nor how to cope, not how to fix it.
In the meantime, he is mean/hurtful/verbally abusive... and this is NOT good for your daughter. Nor for your marriage.

The longer it goes on... the worse it may get... and the more it will negatively affect your Daughter, their relationship and yours. A child... a girl, is only going to get a bad impression of what a "Dad" is by this. And it can then teach her to seek out the same kind of mistreatment... from a guy. Think about that, the long term effects of what it will do... for you ALL.

Thus, seek help. If not, it will only be guesswork, and more damage will occur.

All the best,

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Rochester on

bipolar has it's up and down's but he needs a doctor..He does not to take medicine but a good therapist would help ..your mental health is important to if he will not go then you good to save you sanity

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answers from Raleigh on

My husband is bipolar, was diagnosed at the age of 13, and while he has the disease under control, I would say that the key thing to look for is the depression and the mania. In some bipolar people depression can last for a short period of time, but most have a minimum of 3 days of deep depression (i.e. he WILL NOT get out of bed other than to pee and eat...he won't go to work, and he will barely acknowledge that I am in the eye contact whatsoever). The other end of the spectrum is mania which is a time when he is super hyper and will have a hard time sleeping. My husband is much more talkative during this time, but is also more likely to argue with me over stupid things. I actually find that if he is going to be rude and say things that he shouldn't (and he does), that it normally happens during his depression cycle. From what you have described, I would think that he has a behavior disorder and not bipolar, but either way, if he doesn't get himself help, you need to leave. My husband was not helping himself for awhile and when I told him he either needed to "shape up or ship out" (in a much nicer tone of course), it forced him to focus on himself and get the therapy that he needed. Good luck, and if you have any more questions, please feel free to private message me!

P.S. After working on himself, my husband has been depression free for 3 years! Praise the Lord! Just goes to show that taking your meds and working through your issues can make a HUGE difference!

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answers from New York on

Hi Bethany, I know that you said that your husband will not see a therapist, but would you consider seeing one. A therapist can help you learn to cope with your husbands disorder. With professional help you may beable to respond better to your husbands outburst and it will help you increase your confidence and so that you do not question yourself and will feel less confused. Best to you.

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answers from Dallas on

First, I am sorry for the hurt this has caused you, however, Bipolar affects many people and many people with the right combo of medication and cognitive therapy lead happy and healthy lives. The biggest obstacle, especially with men, is to get them to seek treatment. I would tell him what you have said to us. We have bipolar in our family on my husbands side and I have learned there are different types and degrees of bipolar, which used to be referred to as manic depression, usually there are periods of depression and then in mania he would be likely to stay up all night, buy things in excess, and have racing thoughts. I would tell him you Love him, And his mental health and yours are at stake. BTW Tipper Gore put bipolar on the map when Clinton/Gore ticket was new and she has bipolar controlled with meds as many people have came out with their diagnosis, it is now very mainstream. Take care

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answers from Portland on

This doesn't sound like the few cases of bipolar disorder I've observed (one is my sister). A medical evaluation is probably the only way you'll figure out what's going on with him.

Whatever his problem, I agree that it's not good for you to simply tolerate it. It is apparent from your request that his moods take a toll on you. Your boundaries and sense of your own needs have probably become foggy after years of tolerating his emotional assaults.

Can you get counseling for yourself to help you understand that you have the right to draw clearer boundaries for the sake of your own mental health? I think from there you'll have a better idea of what YOU need to do. It often happens that when an overly compliant partner gets stronger, the "sick" one realizes that (s)he must change to preserve the relationship.

My best to you. Please go get what you need to make the most of your singular, unique and precious life.

1 mom found this helpful
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