Big Mistake, Now What Should I Do?

Well, you can't suck the words back in, so I don't see what you can do. Once it's out there, it's out there. You could say it wasn't true, but then you'd be labeld a liar.

This is exactly WHY people should keep their professional lives and personal lives separate.

Whenever you are confronted with your private info, tell them that you told things in confidence and you would appreciate not being the subject of gossip because it is so painful.

Just be professional, friendly and pretend there's nothing wrong. This will blow over in a day or two.

I had a colleague once blow something out of proportion. She never told anyone why she was upset with me, but she was always making a big deal about the social things she did with other co-workers. I just pretended not to notice. Other people noticed, but most of them noticed her behavior more than the fact that she was trying to make a big deal of excluding me.

People notice when others are unprofessional. Sounds like your coworker was unprofessional. People might be talking about you right now, but I wouldn't be too surprised if the behavior of your coworker is what people will remember.

M.:

Don't fan the flames. Let them talk about you....really. If you hear them talking about you? Go up to them and say - would you like the truth? Or you can say - damn - if you are going to talk about me - let me give you the REAL JUICY gossip....watch them turn red and walk away.

Be professional. Don't let them see you upset over it. Really. Those that spread lies about you? they aren't worth your time nor your energy. They are pathetic, sad people.

The more you "Fret" over it? The more they will talk about it. Then the next person will give them something to talk about. Just don't be them. You can't control them or their actions. You can, however, control yours. So don't stoop to their level....

What can you do about your marriage? You can face it head-on and demand changes or you are leaving. Do NOT give empty threats. Tell your husband that he needs anger management classes and you both need counseling if the marriage is to survive. IF he refuses. Leave. You and your child deserve better. However, I would STRONGLY suggest that you go to counseling on your own so you don't make the same mistake twice in picking a "man".....

Good luck!

Sadly what's been said can't be unsaid. Just keep your head held high and don't share any more information with anyone you work with. It's almost never a good idea to share details of your personal life with the people in your professional life.

Just act professional, keep doing your job, and if anyone brings it up, just say it's personal and you'd prefer not to discuss it.

Your image is not permanently compromised. In time, some other drama will come up that will occupy the gossip-lovers, you'll be old news, and they'll move on.

Just keep your head high, and don't make the same mistake again.

That sucks. Lesson learned, keep home and work separate.
Going forward, I would not do anything but focus on doing a fantastic job at work. You can't control what others in the office discuss, but when they gossip about you it just makes them look unprofessional. If you happen to be in earshot of the gossip, or someone asks you about your marriage or other private matters, just say "I really prefer to keep work and home separate".

I do not think your image is permanently compromised. All you told this coworker was that there was trouble at home? It's surprising that anyone at the office cares (I am not saying this to be mean- of course it is a big deal to you, but it's not THAT juicy of gossip, ya know? I can see your image being tarnished over you sharing something along the lines of - We are swingers- I am having an affair- I pay the pool guy for sex- etc. Marriage troubles? Everyone has em at one point or another. Ignore the gossip- focus on doing a good job and focus on counseling and improving marriage if possible- soon enough the gossipers at work will move on to something more interesting.

Talk to HR, see if they can help squelch the gossiping. Just be professional, keep the focus on your work, and be cordial and friendly with colleagues, but cut off the conversation if it turns personal. Set the example for your colleagues of the kind of behavior you would like to see.

Well, now you know. The best thing you can do is keep your head held high. AND get a marriage counselor to work on your marriage.

If someone comes to you privately, THEN tell them that you made the mistake of talking to "Susie" in confidence, and she betrayed your trust. If some things were exaggerated or inconsistent with what you said, you should also say that. This way, the gossip will turn to "Susie" being someone that THEY can't trust. She will deserve it, too.

Tell that b%^&* whom you generously refer to as a "colleague" that your husband asked you why you were so despondent and when you told him what happened, he insisted on the two of you sitting down with a marriage counselor and that after a single session, your marriage is stronger than ever and the problems have been completely resolved just by bringing them to light. It may not be a bad idea to tell your husband that the two of you need to work on some things, through a pro that can sort out the bad stuff and get you back on track. All the best.

If you clam up about your personal life at work, stay away from all gossip, talk mostly about the weather, traffic, maybe some occasional sports scores - you might be able to live it down eventually - but it's going to take some time - maybe a long time.
Talk to a marriage counselor (someone who can help you decide how to resolve your issues) and work out what ever is wrong.

So sorry you are having to endure this. When it comes to people at work, you cannot trust them with your personal information. I have also had things like this happen to me. Only share personal information with very close friends and family members that you trust, and even then, make sure to tell them it is confidential and not to share it with anyone. I have shared personal information with friends in the past, thinking they would never repeat it, and was mortified to find out that they told the person I was talking about what I told them. I was so shocked and confronted them. They acted as though it was important for the person to know. That ended a friendship and I never trusted anyone that was not extremely close to me with any personal information again. And as mentioned, even if I share something now, I make sure the person is trustworthy and knows that it is confidential. I have found that if you don't tell them it is confidential, they will repeat it. I am ashamed to say I have done this myself. Most of us relay information others tell us if we are not told it is confidential, even though we should realize certain things are not to be repeated. As far as work goes, it will blow over. There will be another drama in someone else's life soon enough. Many people have family problems and I would not worry about it too much. It only makes you human. I always avoid office gossip, do not participate in it or contribute to it. It is ugly and does no one any good, and it highly unprofessional. When I encounter an office gossip, I avoid them like the plague, because these people cannot be trusted and they are backstabbers. If they talk about others, they are probably talking about me, so I avoid them. Just remember, this too shall pass.

Don't kick yourself over it. You made a mistake. Now you learn from it. Maybe leverage it. Need something spread around the office "unofficially" without your name attached? Now you know what channel to take.

Truth is, it is near impossible for a woman to escape gossip at work, especially if she's attractive or good at her job. Your image has been slightly tainted but can be restored if you handle this coolly and professionally.

Ignore the chatter. Do not acknowledge your colleague's opening up her mouth nor any of the gossip. Never speak of your marriage to anyone at work ever again since it will only open up rumours about your personal life again. Just do your job. And do you your job, expertly. Seriously, impress the heck out of your superiors. No manager worth his or her salt will care about anything else.

Hang in there -- and best of luck working things out at home.

"Been there, done that." No matter what you say, they will draw their own conclusions and stick with it. People love to gossip, twist things around, get stuck on what they believe to be the "gospel truth," refuse to believe people can change, and don't understand how sometimes things that you didn't mean to say, where said in a state of intense emotion and really are not what you meant. I've tried giving them a false bone about myself to chew on, which was kind of fun to see how gullable people really are. Gossipers really aren't happy people. Gossip makes people feel powerful, because they it makes them feel someone is worse off then they are. I have found the best thing to do is to "take their power" away by making the gossip you hear come from them seem worthless. Ex: A female coworker comes up to you and says "Did you hear Heather is cheating on her husband!" You respond, "Oh really? How do you know?" They respond, "Trisha saw her having lunch with Jim." You respond, "So...that doesn't mean she's cheating on her husband, a lot of co-workers go out to lunch together....You go to lunch with Sue, but that doesn't mean you and Sue are Lesbians."

How hard this must be for you. I'd look surprised when someone says something to you and say "WHAT" "Who said THAT" "Oh my goodness, that's funny, really?"