Bff's Destination Wedding Is Too Expensive for Us. What Are Your Thoughts?

I got married at a 'destination' spot on a relatively short notice (6 mos to budget for >2500 is short notice). We knew a lot of people wouldn't be able to make it, but we really wanted to have our wedding there. The only people that were able to make it were my parents one of my six sisters and my brother. I think that your friend is being unreasonable to expect you to pay >$2500 to be able to attend her wedding -- especially with less than 6 months notice! Just have a talk with her and give a GREAT shower like another poster suggested. Good luck with everything!!

I can relate to both sides of the situation. I got married in Jamaica in '05 and my best friend of 15 years did not attend. She had the money but her travel partner dropped out at the last minute leaving her to travel to Jamaica alone. Her dad begged her not to take the risk and she didn't. I was upset at first but I got over it because I didn't want her to travel alone and I couldn't have lived with myself had something happened. So she gave me the BOMB bachelorette party!!

A.,

First off, that is a tough position to be in, but congrats on your new leaf to eliminate your detb...I know it can be a hard thing to do, so you deserve some props. Second, let me say that a similar thing happened to my hubby. One of his best friend's got married in Hawaii and we just could not afford at the time to go...I was pregnant and we had a ton of stuff to start saving for, not to mention the money for actually having the baby!? His friend understood...but it was hard. They made plans instead to go celebrate together about a year later with just the two of them going on a ski trip. Look...you cannot be held accountable for her decision to have her wedding in a far away exotic location. Most people have weddings locally where they live, etc. So when you ask people to make plans to spend $2000 to go to their wedding, that is not a fair thing to ask. If you want to have a wedding in BFE, then be prepared that many people won't be able to make it. If you are clearing debt and doing good, keep it up and just don't go. Make it up to her by going down and throwing her a shower (ONE is plenty) and by getting her a gift that costs a couple of hundred dollars, etc. That should more than make up for it. Then maybe plan on going to Houston to visit her and celebrate with her or something later in the year. Do not feel guilty for her planning issues. Hope that helps!

The way I see it, you have a choice of 2 "regret it till the day I die"s....regret missing your friend's wedding because you were following God's instruction to be fiscally responsible, or regret staying in debt because you wanted to "keep up with the Joneses"....Dave Ramsey says "Don't even bother keeping up with the Jones....they're broke!!"
If your friends can not afford to pay your way to their wedding (and I do NOT mean by them LOANing you the money), and you know you can not afford to go, DON'T. Seems to be it would be far less expensive for you to throw them a wedding reception here after the wedding. Let me also ask you this....why are *you* throwing 2 bridal showers for the bride? If she wants a 2nd shower, it should be up to another group of friends (college sorority sisters, for example) to throw one.

I'm currently reading Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover", and if you would like to talk about it, I'd be very happy to share stuff I have learned (and still learning) with you!

Don't let your friend's pressure for an "evening of pleasure" ruin a "lifetime of financial peace" with your family.

~J.~

I got married in Anguilla(near St Marteen) this past August and neither of my 2 best friends were able to make it. The flights were around 800 per person and the hotel we were staying at was 500/night so I completely understood. We only had 2 other couples go and that was fine with me. I did not have a maid of honor or official bridal party but I had a beautiful beach ceremony and the wedding was more about me and my husband rather than the guests. It was wonderful and I wouldnt have changed a thing. Now,my girlfriends and sisters were all able to attend the showers and bachelorette party so that more than made up for the fact that they weren't able to attend the wedding.The bachelorette party was in Jamaica and only cost $350 p/person for air and hotel since we bought it on funjet.com. It was all inclusive so the food and alcohol were free. We had a blast and incorported my lingerie shower with the bachelorette weekend.
I would just tell your BFF straight up that you love her dearly but there is no way you can afford her wedding as well as the showers and bachelorette party. Perhaps you can organize an out of town bachelorette party to make up for it? Funjet and worryfree always have cheap deals. You can go somewhere tropical...or do Vegas! :)
Or perhaps there is an alternative all inclusive Mexico hotel you can stay at that is not as expensive as the one she is staying at to cut down on cost? Try expedia,funjet and worryfree! farechase is another really good one.
and you are MORE THAN WELCOME to check my site for deals. I'm a part time travel agent. :)
www.tripsbyalex.worldventures.biz

Worst friend ever- very inconsiderate. It's your wedding, but respect that others cannot afford to spend that kind of money to attend. If your friend wanted people to attend, they would have done it somewhere more feasible. Let them have the time to enjoy this lavish event on their own.