Beyond Frustrated! *Vent*

I agree that she is not ready. My son finally potty trained this summer. He was 3 1/2. I spent months trying to convince him to try, bribed him with everything under the sun. He was not ready. One day he woke up and just was. He knew what to do and did it all by himself and there were never any accidents. I honestly think it was better this way then following them around waiting for them to pee on the floor. He has always been a kid that follows his own time table. I would say, put her back in diapers, when she expresses more interest in potty training and following through you can try again.

Because you're trying to potty train her too early.

Putting her back in a diaper would not be a step backward. It would be the logical thing to do. If you could be guaranteed that she will be potty trained at three years old, would you be willing to just put her back in a diaper and let her wait another year?

This really falls under the category of "small stuff" unless you have a real need to have her trained, such as a day care won't take her unless she's potty trained.

If you think this is hard, wait till she starts driving.

If you're tired, put her back in the diaper, and give her a few months, and enjoy the peace and ease. As I always say, I can promise you she won't be pooping in her pants at her high school graduation.

I think potty training is hard because people start before their children are ready.

One afternoon I was venting to a friend of mine about the frustration and woes of potty training. It started so well and then seemed to go down hill. My son was a bit older than your daughter. She told me to stop...stop potty training and go back to diapers. I thought she was absolutely insane. What about the progress he had made? What about the fact that it started so well....so I had proof he could do it. A few weeks later we had the same conversation. I blew her off. Then after one incredibly frustrating day, I was upset and fuming over a pee accident. I had a revelation...pee on the floor almost has me in tears. This is crazy. So I FINALLY took my friend's advice. We went to pull ups. My son wouldn't wear the diapers any more, so we compromised on the pull ups. There was a little argument on his side, but when I let him pick the characters and showed him the big kid on the box, he didn't fight it as much. After the pull ups, it was no more reminders. No more bribes. No more talk about pee or poop. Now if HE asked to go, we went. And if he made it, we made a huge deal. But I no longer stressed over it. About two months later (maybe three) we tried again. I was calmer and more relaxed because I lowered my expectations. My son was a bit more mature. The second shot at it went MUCH MUCH better. He was trained in less than two weeks. I really wish I had taken my friend's advice much sooner. So I give you that same advice. Take a break M.. Save yourself some frustration and heart ache. They say to "choose your battles"...I think I would put this event on hold and fight it another day. Good luck!

Welcome to the terrible twos. There will be major regressions when kids potty train young. 2 year olds are super distracted, so to expect them to be fully trained is to expect too much. What you can expect is for them to get 90-95% in the toilet consistently.

They will go backwards with major changes, and they will regress if you pressure them. DO NOT PUT HER BACK IN DIAPERS. Pee and poop go in the potty, end of story. Consistency is key here. Unless you want her in pull-ups till she is close to 4, do not undermine her confidence by fully regressing. Babies wear diapers, toddlers use little potties and training pants, and preschoolers use the big potty. There is nothing complicated here; it only becomes a problem if you expect her to be fully trained like you, when she isn't even 2. Accidents will happen. In fact, expect her to pee herself when she is upset even as old as 4. They lose control of their bodies, and that's that.... My point, you can't really expect 100% in a young toddler. You can expect 95%.

In any case, stop with the bribing. Pee and poop go in the potty. Don't making pottying anything different than other normal physical need things. When we are hungry, we eat, when we're tired, we sleep. When we feel pressure here and here, we go to the toilet. Don't show frustration, don't make this a power struggle area. Tell her she is a big girl and that she is responsible for her pee and poop. Then let her have accidents. She doesn't want to have accidents, but she will like to fight with you. 2 year olds take great pleasure in upsettting their mommies. So don't let her. What she really wants is to please you, but negative attention can be exciting. Don't feed the negative attention, and the terrible 2s aren't so terrible.

I know it's hard, but don't let it get to you. She is most likely doing amazing, but you are expecting too much. Don't keep track, just support her: "oops, I'm sorry you peed your pants, next time we will get to the potty on time." Support and love is what helps them get to the 95-99% range --both of my kids got there by 2 years, including night training. With that said, they still had occasional accidents (when upset, when so distracted --my 4 year old pooped herself at her 4th bday party because she didn't want to miss out on a second of fun).

Lots of folks on here are going to tell her she is too young and is not ready. Please do not listen to them. There is a potty window between 15-24 months. If you take it, your kid can be 95-99% trained by 2. The rest of the world trains before 18 months, only in Pampers loving America do we allow our toddlers and preschoolers to sit in their own fifth.

Accidents are only frustrating if you let them frustrate you. If you see them as a natural part of the process, they become no big deal.

Here's my suggestion. Stop trying to make this something for YOU. This is only about her. She is not ready to potty train. Indeed, she is very young. Your timetable is not realistic.

Put her in pullups if she won't keep a diaper on. It's NOT a step backwards, mom. You pulled the trigger far too early and you are NOT going to win this. You shouldn't be winning, actually. This is her game, not yours. The only way to win is not to play the game. She needs to be psychologically ready and physically ready, and she is neither.

Dawn

IME, potty training is pretty easy O. they're ready.
So, if YOU are sure she's ready, just be patient & hang in there.
Cause if she's not ready, your wasting your time and setting her up for failure.

Sorry but it sounds like your DD isn't ready yet. You could use pull ups to cover the accidents and then just try again in a few months. Since she isn't 2 yet she is still very young. We didn't even start trying with my DS until he was almost 3.

Your frustration may also be impeding her sucess with this. Kids can sense pretty much anything so I think if you lightened up a bit you would probably see better results.

Good luck and perhaps if you took a break for a week and then started again you would find her more agreeable. 2s and 3s are such a tough age.

You asked for suggestions and many suggest she's too young... Just bc that's not what you want to hear doesn't make it not possible. I gotta wonder if it's worth it if you're beyond frustrated. I can't even remember anymore how old my kids were when they were potty trained. One was on the older side, one was young but like I said, I don't even remember anymore what age it was. In the grand scheme of things, not that important. I definitely didn't want to make it stressful for anyone. I'm not bashing you vs suggesting you step back and decide if this is really worth it.

Buy some off brand pull ups and just chill out about it. Stop pressuring. Stop worrying if she pees or poops in her pull up...don't say a thing about it. Don't act annoyed or bothered by it at all. She's fighting it because you're pressing the issue.

Ask her gently if she'd like to go potty when she normally does, but don't push the issue. Try "I need to go potty...do you need to go too?" But don't ask her over and over. It's no big deal.

Let her in when you're going so she can see what happens. Talk to her while you're going...a running commentary. "Now I'm going potty/poopy. Okay, I'm all done, now I'm going to wipe my bottom. Now I'm going to pull up my underwear. Now I'm going to flush. Now I need to wash my hands." And so on. You're the teacher, and kids learn by example. Break it all down for her to see that even Mommy goes potty. You know she likes to do the things Mommy does.

Every time she DOES decide to use the toilet, praise the heck out of her. Brag to daddy and grandma and grandpa on the phone where she can hear. Tell her how proud you are. Tell the friggen dog and cat (to her, they're people too!).

Just tone down the stress and be patient. She's 2. She has plenty of time to learn before you start hearing "isn't she a little old to still be in diapers?"

She may be ready but she is not willing. When you are "beyond frustrated" it is time to take a break. Buy her some cute pull-ups and move on with your lives. She knows what to do and will do it on her own toddler time. In the big picture does it really matter when she is trained?

If she is trained, just doesn't want to go to the potty, she needs an incentive. It needs to something that 'only a potty trained girl' can do. With us it was spending a week with grandma and grandpa without the parents. As soon as my parents told them that they would love to have them as soon as they were potty trained, as they are too old to change diapers for a week, each of the kids trained without hesitation.

You seem to realize that the "move" has caused her to regress. You're probably right.

If she is old enough to clearly communicate, then ask her why. "Honey, you were doing such a good job on the potty, and mommy is so proud of you. Why won't you do the potty now?" Also consider that in her little 2 year old mind, peeing in her pants is a really good way to get your attention, positive or negative. You're probably busy with the new place and she wants her mommy and she'll do what she need to get you. Try and focus on her. Lots and lots of positive praise, constantly praising her for every little thing and see if her potty training improves.

Personally, I don't think she's too young for potty training and it can be done. You just need to give her the time and attention necessary to get the job done right!

Best wishes and try not to get annoyed with the accidents, it's all a part of the process :)

Mom of 3 kids potty trained at or before age 2!

I'm with Julie G, and Robyn R, Victoria... Some good advice here from the ones who aren't just saying to give it up because you started too early.

It's easy to just go "oh, you started too young, thats the problem". I don't think thats it. I think it's just that for some kids, it takes longer. With my first, it took like a week once a I fully committed to consistently training. Within a month, she was accident free almost always, all day, anywhere. 2nd child, same method, it is taking 6 months and we have had some major regressions and issues. Both times I started a few months after they turned 2.

I can relate to what you are going through because I went through a potty breakdown myself recently with my 2 year old. As I said it's been 6 months, and we are still at like 60% accuracy here. My expectations were much higher after my first breezy experience with my oldest. In an effort to push it forward, I started engaging in bribes, begging, timers, which led to POWER struggles. and a complete regression where my daughter peed her pants the entire day. I felt the same way about going back to diapers... it felt like such defeat. Especially after 6 months. My mom suggested going to cloth diapers instead so it wouldn't feel like going too far backwards, and because she thought my daughter would really not like the feel of them. I couldn't find any easily that day so the next day I just went into a total "not my problem" mentality with my daughter. Stopped harrassing her. Pee'd her pants? I didn't care anymore. Acted like I didn't really notice right away and just calmly took her to the potty and said "better luck next time". Acted completely nonchalant. AND it started turning around almost immediately and we are back to where we were (which is still only 60% but I'll take it). I took the power struggle completely out of it and it is better for all. Yes there are accidents, daily, but more success than accidents. I just tell myself "well I wouldve been changing a diaper anyway, I'm just changing underwear". I still sit her on the potty and try to make her take natural breaks (before starting a new activity, leaving the house, sitting down to eat, etc). If she protests I act unbothered and say 'ok thanks for trying" and send her on her way.

I think anyone who potty trains their kid has those moments where they don't think they can clean up another "accident". Take a deep breath and keep plugging along.

(btw, my daughter is totally able to be trained if she wants to... she NEVER has accidents outside the house and is very good at holding it, telling me, etc... it's only late in the day, after her nap, in the evening when she decides to "give up" and not bother to try anymore. It is definitely all within their little control once they have the concept down. I am finding this child much more stubborn and passive agressive than my older one... ha!)

My daughter was trained and in panties on her 2nd birthday. I agree with Julie G that there is a "window" that many parents miss, and if you miss it, things take a lot longer. You caught the window, and your daughter knows that pee and poop go in the potty, that is her new normal. The only problem is that you moved and rocked her world.
That is a big change and it is normal for there to be some "issues" after a move. For some kids it is with pottying, for some kids it is sleep issues, for some kids it is _________.

I'm not sure which way I would go on it. If she doesn't like the diapers and is adamant she doesn't want them, that MIGHT be what I would try. But it would be an absolute last resort.
I think I would try backing off a little, though. Give her some room to be in charge in her new environment. When you say, bribing her with candy, what exactly does that mean? For my kids, I kept a clear ziplock bag on the kitchen counter, filled with individually wrapped fruit flavored life savers. Each successful potty trip enabled them to immediately go in the kitchen and choose a candy for immediate consumption.
Candy was not an everyday thing at our house, until the lifesavers were introduced. They absolutely LOVED having control over choosing what color/flavor. They eventually bored of the candy and stopped asking for it after potty trips, but in the beginning it was a wonderful incentive. And it was instant gratification, that and the HUGE potty celebration dance I did with them. :)
Try not to let your disappointment show when she has an accident, just be as matter of fact as you can. Help her clean up, and remind her periodically that she might want to try using the potty b/c it's been awhile. Don't pressure her about it and try to time it in between "events" so you aren't making her stop something fun.
Good luck.

I have potty trained 6 of mine (2 came potty trained) and a few of my friends kids, all within weeks of their second birthday. However, before two is almost impossible. Before that age the child isn't really trained, the parent is.

While physically some kids are capable of staying dry they are not capable of doing some of the other things needed to be truly successful. They have to want it as much as the parent. They should be able to undress and dress themselves, a little help is okay. They also developmentally have to want be independent. Not only that they should be able to access the potty on their own.

Potty training isn't just about the ability to hold it, it's about wanting to do it. My last one made that very clear to me.

She was stubborn, completely capable, but unwilling to work with me. I remember when she was about 2 years old. I decided we were going to give it a go, and a go she gave it. Within an hour she had managed to pee on a puppy! She knew what she was doing; you could see it in her eyes and hear it in her laugh. After cleaning the pup up and explaining that we do not pee on our pets, I got her to use the potty. Great! I thought. Until she decided to tip a kitchen plunger I had upside down and pee in it. The final straw was when she tried to pee in a cup.

She was ready. She just wasn’t willing.

So I stopped for a few months, she was the only one of mine I didn't have done right around 2, more like 2 1/2, but when she was ready it was easy. It really required no work from me. Potty training should pose challenges, it just shouldn't be 'hard work'.

My daughter will be 4 in April. I thought she would be fully potty-trained by Halloween a few weeks ago, but even she is still having some accidents. It is definitely and ebb and flow process and one you just have to let run its course until that lightbulb goes off for the child. It is such a developmental milestone. My son showed no interest in the potty until he was 3 and didn't become fully potty-trained until a few weeks after he turned 4. Then it just clicked one day. I can literally count on one hand how many accidents he has had and it's almost been a full year since he figured it all out.
It sounds like your daughter is doing a very good job, but if a break is what she needs right now then don't feel bad about giving her one. She is still way ahead of the game on this. Good luck!
A.

There are many signs of readiness - check out this link to see if she meets all of them. I think the move pushed her backwards, which is totally to be expected. I would back off and then follow her lead. Put her in a pull up if you think she'll remove a diaper. Just let her know that right now, you can't have her pee and poop in her pants or on the floor - it's too messy - so she's going to wear a pull up and when she wants to try big girl panties again, you'll let her.

FWIW I do think that before 2 is too early, but you seem to have made your mind up that it's not. Perhaps it wasn't for her, but compounded with the move, it was not the right time. My sister started her daughter at around 20 months and it ended up taking over a year with stops and starts, etc.

http://life.familyeducation.com/potty-training/toddler/61...

The Brazelton book may also be of some help to you. It's a short read and has great reviews.

Moving into the new house could have easily caused your daughter to regress. There could be too much for her to process right now, too much stress for her to cope with and too much to learn. She may be appearing to be emotionally energetic and happy, but the stress shows in other ways such as regressions.

I don't believe she's too young at all to toilet train. Two of my daughters were toilet trained between 18-24 months on their own. I didn't have to do much more than let them take the lead and make sure they had a Mushy Tushy on the big toilet and a stool to step up onto. I did take into account the fact that accidents would be common due to stressors and life changes for a couple of years, and that any small regressions and/or accidents wouldn't indicate a lack of readiness... in fact, sometimes it only signified a UTI or bladder infection.

It was my middle daughter that took a long time to toilet train, and she showed interest as soon as she started walking (18 months). With her Autism, it took a long time with many, many regressions over the years. That's just how it is with ASD. So I don't really count her toilet training as typical although she did want to be just like her big sister, and later just like her little sister.

I have to two kiddos... the first completely 'trained' himself on his 3rd Birthday (daytime only). We tried a bit before that, nothing real concrete, and on his Birthday - he just did it. I think because we didn't push him, he was able to be successful with it when he was ready.

My daughter, who si 18 months - already shows interest. Holy cow!! but even with that, I know she's not ready to be out of diapers yet. it takes time and as most have said - their willingness to do it!

Hang in there and take a step back! When everyone is ready, it'll work!

A break sounds like a good idea. Both of my boys were super easy to potty train, but I waited until they were 2.5+. The day we put big boy pants on my oldest, he had one accident (on the way to the potty). That was it--no more accidents. It took my second until day two. He had a couple accidents the first day and one the second. My youngest is 2y 4m right now. We are driving 1500 miles at Christmas, so we'll start him in January. I'm hopeful he'll take a day or two.

You can potty train at any age. Typically, it happens quicker and is less frustrating (for mom and child) when they're a little older.

Perhaps she can sense your anxiety/stress/frustration?

Good Luck!!

Every child is different. So some are ready at 2 and some aren't. Mine wasn't ready till he was 3 and then - tada! When my son was training, his daycare teacher said go to pullups as they are not diapers and encourage the skills of pulling pants down/up. She will still have control, but you will have fewer messes when it's not working.

But you DO need to back off. I think it's less about the terrible 2's and more about all the changes she is going through. She is 2, she may not be COMPLETELY ready, and you JUST moved a few months ago. She is adjusting to a LOT of changes and adding potty training onto this big shift may just be the straw that broke her little camel's back. Adding the potty training is just one more stress for her on top of all of that.

Think about it - how relaxing and easy was the move for you? Now put that into a 2 year old's head who has no control or say in the situation and can't really communicate all she's feeling about it. Just a different perspective to help you not feel so frustrated.

And the terrible 2's are more related to communication and them realizing they are separate people from their parents. It's tough because so much is going on in their little heads. Have her pick the designs for the pull ups. Get her involved.

I happen to agree with you. I think the trend to wait to potty train is incorrect - but what do I know? I'm 50, and well past that. Both of my girls were potty trained by their 2nd birthday, and it wasn't mommy trained, they were fully capable and independent. My 2 sons were a little different, a little harder.

What I reminded my daughter about a year ago when she was frustrated with her son was that potty training a kid is like training a dog. It doesn't happen overnight, it takes persistence, and you have to out stubborn them. It takes at LEAST 6 months. Their bodies have to learn a new skill, and it has to become instinct to hold it until they get to the potty. My daughter's pediatrician told her to just keep up with rewards, don't punish, and she liked the idea of making him responsible for his own accidents. He had to take off his wet clothes and place them in a special basket, go get new underwear and pants and re-dress himself. Reminders, reminders, reminders. Potty before leaving anywhere, potty before receiving anything they ask for, potty before a TV show starts, potty before I'll read you your book, etc.... I also told her that once you start, you CANNOT stop - that means they have out stubborned YOU.