Beware of the Biteing Toddler

Updated on July 30, 2007
L.S. asks from Grove City, OH
12 answers

Ok so this is the second time i have talked to you all about this. My daughter is 19 months old. She was biteing about 6 months ago and then she stopped and i thought was the end of my worries. Well for the last month or so she has been biteing kids left and right. She most of the times bites when she does not get her way, or get a certain toy tht another kid is playing with. I mean it is bad sometimes she brakes the skin. You know i give her a love tap on the butt and put her into time out. Well lately a friend of mine keeps saying that i need to bite her back. But i kinda feel that is like fighting fire with fire. Anyone else gone through this? PLEASE HELP

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B.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Ok..my son is the same way. He's two years old and in day care all day. If someone tries to grab his arm and lead him away from something he will try to bite you. I've learned from experience and many bites that biting back actually does work. I didn't want to do it at first but when I get bitten I bite him right back<not hard> exactly like he bit me. He gets that sad look on his face like he knows he did something wrong.Just last week at daycare his teacher told me she went to take him somewhere and grabbed his arm, and he went to chomp down and she said"no" and he instantly stopped what he was doing. So the improvement is there.

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K.N.

answers from Cleveland on

whatever you do don't bite her back, she will outgrow this behavior and it is serious but biting her back will not fix it. you could try having her bite on something with a strong unpleasant flavor like a clean towel with vinegar on it or a lemon or onion, i have no idea if it works it's something i came across somewhere, but it's worth a try. good luck.

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D.H.

answers from Cleveland on

I would not bite back. I don't feel that that will teach her anything. Small children are just learning how to talk,so with language just developing it is natural for some children to bite or hit when they are fustrated.They don't have the words yet to express themselves. I have delt with this many times. I know how hard it is.Just stay close when she is playing with a friend and keep up with the time outs and when she tries to bite or does bite remain calm(I know it is hard to do!) tell her how she is feeling,"I see you are really mad, but it is not okay to bite" And quickly and calmly put her in time out and than give the other child attention. I wish it could be easier,but in time this will pass! Best of luck to you!

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C.M.

answers from Dayton on

I bit my daughter back when she was young. She is now 17 and has no emotional scars from it. She is a hardworking student and employee. She is a respectful daughter. She has great ambitions for her life. I know this has nothing to do with biting your child or not but she does not even remember the incident. She knew though after she bit me and I bit her back that it hurt. She never did it again.

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P.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hello L.. I'm not sure this will work, but it worked for me. If any of the children bite another child I would ask them to stop, if they didn't stop, I made them bite themselves. The point was to show them that it hurt and why we don't bite others. It worked for me, the kids didn't do it again. None of them bite anymore and there was no mental scars from biting themselves. I hope this helps. Good luck and take care.

T.K.

answers from Cleveland on

Hi L.!

I absolutely, 100% agree with everything Kristina W. stated. Biting is just a developmental stage. Your daughter cannot express herself with words yet. So she bites.

My son does not bite other people. However he throws tantrums when he can't figure something out or can't get something to do what he wants, and he will bite himself or his toys. Even though he does not hit others, I reactly very calmly, get down on his level, and ask him what he needs or what he wants a toy to do. If he still can't express himself or calm down, I usually distract him with another toy, or do something silly with the one he's playing with.

I always, always, always talk to my son constantly about biting, pulling hair, etc/ and how it hurts, and to use his words. I have to be very diligent about being consistant so he gets it. There's no slacking when it comes to kids. Being a parent is the toughest job out there!

I hope you find something that works for you and is agreeable to your parenting style. Good luck! Just remember, it's a phase, and it will pass!

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K.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

Biting is typical toddler behavior..toddlers bite because they can not express what they are feeling in appropriate ways. Once toddlers can talk the biting usually stops. When your daughter bites who ever is with her needs to tell her that it is not ok to bite her friends and then tell her what she should have done instead like..." sara needs to use her words when she is upset... TELL your friend that whats wrong but dont bite" you could also introduce a few simple signs to her to use in these situations. childen usually pick up signs faster than verbal communication. Whatever you do be consistant do the same thing every time she bites.

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G.N.

answers from Cleveland on

I have a 19 month old also and he is my second. My first never did the biting thing. This one however is the opposite. When he does bite me I either bite him back or tap his butt. Since then he really hasn't been biting and if he does it has been himself. If he wants to bite himself that is ok with me as long as it isn't someone else.

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H.M.

answers from Cincinnati on

I worked with that age in daycare several years back and at one point had 5 biters in a class of 6 kids. Biting is one of the hardest behaviors because it is potentially very dangerous (if the skin breaks and isn't cleaned well, etc) and much less socially acceptable than say, hitting. Some things that we tried with biters was to squeeze a lemon in their mouth (an unpleasant taste in the area of the offense can help get their attention) of course this is a pretty mild approach, especially if the kid likes lemons, other people suggest hot sauce or something that just tastes terrible but is edible. That's the best pc response I can give other than watching her like a hawk, especially in situations she is prone to bite. Some people think they bite because they're hungry so offer them a snack if the biting is happenning at about the same time in the day. My mother-in-law says my husband constantly bit his sister and then she finally bit him and he never did it again. I am not going to advocate that one way or another, neither of my children have been prone to biting so I can't give any personal accounts there. I don't think that your friend is trying to be mean but I know plenty of moms of biters who swear it was the only thing that works. If you do it though, you have to do it immediately after she has done it. She is not capable of remembering what happened 3 hours ago at daycare. So in the meantime - be prepared to apologize to upset parents, although the daycare should not be telling the other parents who bit, if they do find out ...just apologize and let them know you are working hard to fix it. I agree with the others that it is a developmental stage that partially stems from frustration about communicating so give her words to use, like "hey that's my toy" or whatever fits the situation and hopefully that will help speed up the process. Good luck - I know this can be hard.

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D.H.

answers from Cincinnati on

I've read the first two Moms and I too believe in a non-violent way to resolve all most anything. I've never even love tapped my children on the butt...the calm down chair has always worked. Here's the big BUT....I do believe in the bite back method. Every child...neice, nephew, cousin, god-child...who has ever bitten nothing else seemed to work. They tried everything you could think of under the sun. My nephew Hunter was the worse...broke skin...threw fits then bit over toys...everyhting you are saying. He got bite twice once by Mom and once by Grandma and by gum that was it. Never happened again. So....I guess use your best judgement.

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K.J.

answers from Columbus on

I have seen this a lot! I work in a Peds office and hear moms and dads complaining about this. We suggest that you DO bite back. Not hard, obveously, but we have 6 Doctors that practice the "bite back" method. This will give the child a real idea of what is like. They immediately will know once YOU bite them, that they dont like it or it hurts their feelings. It works, better than any other disipline I have heard of (for MOST kids). I hear from moms that it is hard, and you might feel bad about it. But if it works, it will be a good, harmless lesson learned. What kid wants to have their mommie bite them??? I say DO it. If my 8 month old is ever a bitter, I will def. bite back. If that doesnt work, then I know I will have to search for another way.

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A.S.

answers from Toledo on

My daughter started biting, so then my son did too--luckily they just bit each other so I didn't have to worry about other kids. I had to stop them, I tried soap even. My mom said to bite back--I did--they both stopped. It does sound terrible, and I wouldn't do it in public, but it was my last resort. Good luck!

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