Best School Organizing Stategy for Teens

Updated on March 11, 2016
K.S. asks from Littleton, CO
10 answers

My daughter is a sophomore, and is doing fine in school. My big concern for her is that she hasn't found a system for remembering due dates, etc. that is working for her. Her school gives out a nice planner/calendar at the beginning of each year, she isn't great at using it, hasn't been since middle school. We've tried a dry erase calendar in her room to keep track of projects, fizzles out. She thought she would like using her phone to enter things as reminders or whatever on an app, same thing- doesn't use it consistently enough. I'm not sure what else to try! I thought about just post it notes- that sometimes worked for me when I was working, put each task on a note and line them up or on my computer or whatever. I'm not sure if that would work for her.
She doesn't usually forget what homework she has, so that's good. But she will forget if a test is coming up and have a system to remind her to study in advance, not freak out the night before. And also random things, like if she was sick for a day and missed an assignment, she will forget to ask for the assignment and that she needs to turn it in. Or if she had a question on a test she got back and she'll forget to ask the teacher. Help! Worst of all is that I remember things, so she is probably getting used to me saying "remember to ask Mrs. X about your missing assignment" (I know, bad habit. I didn't used to have to do this but I find myself doing it more, when I should really be letting her do this ALL on her own).
What works for your kids? I need some new ideas, or ways to make the existing ideas work better. So besides telling me to stop reminding her and saving her (which I know you will do and I completely deserve!!), any suggestions??
Thanks ladies!

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much for the wise words ladies! I'm going to take your advice. I'm hearing loud and clear that she does have tools that will work, she just isn't using them. So we'll re-try the planner and I will ask her to get it out as she starts homework, so that I can see (subtly) that she is using it. And maybe we'll add in a phone app to send reminders for time specific things. And thanks for not making me feel awful for the bad habit of reminding her, I appreciate that and the positive notes (I was bracing myself!!). To stick up for myself a little, I did say in my post that I didn't used to have to remind her of things (maybe there was just less work!!), so this is a new habit, not a lifelong one or the reason that this is starting- she's never been great with the planner, but the reminding thing is new. Still a bad idea, but new.

More Answers

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

It seems to me that the problem is getting her in the habit of checking her "to do" list on a consistent basis, not the type of device used to keep track of them. It is simply a matter of her getting into the habit of checking whatever system she chooses to use. I would sit her down and have her choose her system. Then tell her to make a habit of checking that device each day at a certain time, say 4:00 p.m. I would remind her the first week or so, but after that, it is her responsibility. If her grades start to suffer because of missing assignments, that should wake her up. I do think you need to let her be responsible for this because in just two short years, she'll be off to college and on her own in terms of studying.

5 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

The problem is not that she doesn't have a good system. The problem is that she has many options and won't use any of them.

IMO the best system is one that has her actually have consequences from failing to write stuff down. Having to stay after school for extra help or for "detention" (and miss an activity or have to walk home because there's no bus) is a very strong motivator! She hasn't had to deal with the downside of her failures, because you are bailing her out and reminding her incessantly. At her age, it's time for her to have a relationship with her teachers that doesn't involve parents - it's a good preparation exercise for when she's out on her own, either in college or a job (neither of which wants parents reminding students/employees of what they need to do). You've said that you really know you have to do this - so I'd just sit her down and say, "Look, this system isn't working, and it's not good for you in the long run anyway. You don't forget X and Y (parties, dances, what time the movie starts) because they are important to you. You need to make these other things important. And someone who is so distracted and can't remember that she was out sick and needs to make up work just isn't focused enough to, say, get behind the wheel of a car, where you just don't have the luxury of "forgetting" to use turn signals or observe the speed limit or move over for an ambulance." Then step back and allow it. Honestly, no horrible life-long consequences will come from a kid who gets a 0 for the day for no homework.

Let her work out something based on discussions with the teachers or her other friends, and let her choose a system or, frankly, choose to fail. Unless there is a significant learning or cognitive issue here, you have to let her fend for herself. You're working at this much harder than she is.

5 moms found this helpful

T.D.

answers from Springfield on

you could try yet another idea of gettng her to be organized or let her freak out about tomorrows test and suffer a few bad grades from absent work not turned in and she will understand the importance of using reminders. she will eventually find something that works for her. for me i didn't get it together till i was living in my own place and a sticky note on my front door was enough for me to be reminded of a test.

4 moms found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

My daughter started using a planner in elementary school and I never checked up on her in middle school or high school. It was her responsibility to make it happen or she would receive poor grades...with poor grades she couldn't play ball or get a good student discount on our insurance.

Let her figure out what works for her, it shouldn't be "we, we, we" at this point.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I don't get it. When she is given a due date where does she record it? The planners work well for this she just needs to get in the habit of using it.

Does she ever forget a friend's birthday party? If not, then she is telling you school work is just not that important to her. Make sure she understands her grades will effect the cost of her car insurance, which colleges she will get into and the scholarship money she will receive.

2 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

there's no magic button. she's got lots of good tools at her disposal, but she hasn't chosen to use any of them. and it's no surprise, since clearly you've made this your problem, not hers.
i'd start there.
khairete
S.

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

She REALLY NEEDS to learn how to use that planner!
There's no point in trying to re-invent the wheel.
She's only got a few years left before college and you can't hold her hand through that.
Our son learned to use his planner in elementary and middle school and he's mastered it for all the things he's got going on in high school.
Stop reminding her or tracking her assignments for her.
It's better she learn how to sink or swim now rather than latter.
She's not going to get with it until she HAS to.
You need to stop being her safety net so she can get her act together.

1 mom found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

What method does she use to remember other things (the date that the new movie is coming out, when she and her friends are getting their nails done, etc)? Figure out what kind of learner she is. Is she a visual, an audio, or a touch learner? Does she remember a date when she hears it, or does she write this stuff down somewhere, or does she set out a tangible reminder of some sort?

That method, if it works (if she never forgets that her friend wanted to borrow a dress on a certain night, if she never forgets that she's supposed to be at the mall at 7 pm on Friday) should be the way she remembers school work.

I suggest that you tell her that now that she's almost able to drive, and almost old enough to have more freedom, that you will no longer, as of X date (like a week from now) not remind her about homework. But tie it in to privileges that she wants. If her work isn't done well and on time, there's no way she's getting her license or having permission to use the car. There's no way she'll be permitted to have a smart phone any more (assuming you're paying for her phone). There's no way you'll drive her to friends' homes or to parties and give her a curfew and more freedom. And it's not only about the grades. It's about being responsible, proving herself capable of managing the details of her life (and right now, school is her priority whether she intends to go to college or not). It's about showing that she's reliable and able to manage details. So, she can assume personal responsibility for her school work, or you will continue to manage every aspect of her life, including not allowing her to drive, not allowing her to go out and return home by a curfew, not having a phone with internet access. Her choice. And you've got to follow through. You can show interest after the fact ("how did the test go today, dear" instead of "don't forget you have a test on Tuesday").

1 mom found this helpful
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L.Z.

answers from Seattle on

About that planner...what if you check it each evening and make sure she's writing in it. I have to do that with my middle schooler, since she would also prefer to wing it and not write things down. We started a thing where she has to record the info in her planner and earns screen time if she does it. Sometimes she will use post-its on the front or inside flap of her folder for things she needs to ask the teacher.

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N.P.

answers from Chicago on

my daughter uses the calendar feature on her smart phone, she has it give her reminders according to what should be done when -- so she puts in ''notecards for speech due'' on say the 15th then on the 19th it will say ''speech due''

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