Being a Step Mom! - Milwaukee,WI

You have no legal rights to the child. I've seen in some cases where the judge will kick the step family out of the court room because they don't have any legal rights. You may be able to be somewhat of a character witness, but of course you are going to be considered biased. Of course you will support your husband and paint a great picture of him. I agree with Emm M also that it does take a lot to change a custody arrangement. Unless the child is in danger or the current arrangement is not working for her, then a judge is not going to change things. In summary though you pretty much have the same legal rights as a babysitter....none. Not trying to sound harsh, but that is how it is.

In my experience your role is not looked at for arrangements nor for opinions. You are basically looked at to ensure that you are safe to be around your step daughter, which it sounds as though you are. The arrangement and everything is still considered between your husband and his ex.

Good luck!

The judge will care - especially if your influence will be more positive than the bio-mom. But I don't think you legally have any rights. I was a step-mom and we got custody of my hubby's 10 year old also. Honey - it's a challenge - but you can do it. Good luck.

you may be a character witness of sorts but really only the biological parents have a say. Generally unless the real mom is a very very bad mother the agreement can't be changed much. or if the mom is willing to give up most custody. My friends ex husband was verbally abusive to the kids and the court still insisted that the custody be joint. it takes a lot to gain full custody unless one parent just gives up. Her father is the one with the say. Just like you can't take the child to the ER and sign off it has to be a legal parent. My ex brother in law had his wife take my nephew to the ER when he couldn't breathe and they wouldn't treat him until the hospital directly got a hold of my sister. IF you guys do go for more custody be sure to keep her head high it may be a very very long and terrible fight and very frustrating. Good luck.

I am a stepmom to a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old girl. They each have different moms (long story). We went through court to get custody of the girl and I did testify in court a couple of times but it really just comes down to the judge and what he believes is in the childs best interest. I am not sure what state you are in but in Nebraska they now have to go through mediation first before they even go to court to try and solve it.

Your thoughts/feelings will be relevant in how it impacts the "home" as far as her father goes. So if he's trying to get custody changed your attitudes/etc...may be relevant to the judge in determining what home-life would be like in her father's care, but that's about it. You might provide input - but you have no legal role in the process.

No, sorry you don't have a say. She has two parents and the custody and how future living arrangments are between them.

I've been a stepmom of two who are now 27 & 24 since they were both in diapers. You have an important role in your stepdaughter's life. Mine now call me "mom" and we are very close.

The judge and family court do not care about you, though. (We were in court several times, and we learned the hard way that our family court system is not a solution to anything - but can cost extreme amounts of money, energy, and emotion. Do not expect it to use logic or "common sense" - not one bit.) I was expected to sit silently in the back of the courtroom, dressed conservatively, and looking "nice". That's all.

Here's a resource written by a woman that I have met and respect: http://becomingastepmom.wordpress.com/

As far as the difficulties with legal, medical, school things that others have mentioned. I didn't run into that. I had the same last name as my stepchildren and never admitted that I wasn't their "mother" and I signed them into school, out of the hospital, and wrote them permission to go on a trip to Mexico, for example, and no one ever questioned me.

Good luck!

Listen when you get custody of her its like your adopting her so when u adopt her she is now your precious angel so u must judge how she should. Be raised