Behavior Issues for 5 Year Old

Updated on October 23, 2007
C.H. asks from Omaha, NE
9 answers

My 5 year old son started Kindergarten this year and his behavior has changed so much. He has become very aggressive and acts out sometimes uncontrollably. He will go out of his way to be mean to someone. I knew that when he started school that he would pick up some things that I may not care for but this is a little extreme. When he comes home from school all I hear about is who was getting in trouble that day and what they did. He also has a child in his class that, I think, is autistic and my son seems to be tying to act like him (I think because of the attention this child gets). I am ready to tear out my hair because I do not know who my child is anymore. Has anyone ever had this problem with a child starting school. Any suggestions on how to get through this phase (I hope it is just a phase). I am even thinking of counseling for him. HELP!

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L.B.

answers from Sioux Falls on

I think the best thing to do is to sit down with him and find out why he acts out. It could be a couple of things, like he is being bullied as well and takes it out on someone else because he doesnt know how to express things otherwise. Another thing that is helpful is the sticker chart. Have the teacher give him stickers for his chart for when he is behaving and have a reward system set up for so many stickers, starting with per day, then moving it to per week and per month. Acting out can be for many many more reasons too. Communication with his teacher is very important. (another reason could be boredom) Good Luck!

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T.N.

answers from Saginaw on

C.,
My daughter who is now in the second grade had the same thing in kindergarten. She even got suspended on a friday. She got every punishment we could of think of like cleaning the yard, being grounded, talked with her about good choices and bad plus sat in her room...... none of it seemed to work cause the following monday she went right back into the classroom and did the exact same thing. Its crazy and fustrating for a parent. The only thing that seemed to work with her is....... I made her write sentences. yes it sounds crazy but i did.... What i did was wrote out a sentence like ( I will not touch anybody ) Really simple sentence. She had to copy the sentence on a piece of paper. I only started with 25 sentences the first time. Each time she misbehaved like not keeping her hands to herself... she got 10 more sentences added on to it. She got up to 75 sentences and things seem to stop. Also it helped her learn words and writing. I gave her the choice to either make a good choice or bad choice in school to behave. It was all in her hands. She is a kid that loves attention. She walks into a room and everyone knows her name in minutes. I left the choice up to her. It actually works for all the kids. Also i put her into a program called the school success program. She worked one on one with a counselor from the community health right in the school. The counselor actually helped her decide what was good for her by setting up goals. This year she graduated out of the program and alls i get is ++++++++'s on her report card for behavior. Infact tables have turned and she is doin way better then her older sister who is in the fourth grade. GOOD LUCK!!!

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S.S.

answers from Omaha on

Kindergarten is a huge change for some kids. My son is 1st grade this year. Even after having him at OPS for PreK, Kindergarten was like a whole new world for him. He wasn't "special" anymore- those were his words. And of course he likes to play, and play time was limited. Don't punish him when he gets home- I will assume they are doing that at school. Give him some reflection time Talk to him one on one when he gets home, The psychologist with OPS suggested that you not ask how his day was, but tell him about yours and let him tell you about what happened, you may be able to direct the conversation by asking if he had art or music or PE. There are so many suggestions I have for you, email me and we can get the boys together to play so we can talk. I don't want any mother to go through what i had to last year. Kindergarten should be fun for everyone- not devastating as it was for me.

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T.M.

answers from Rapid City on

Oh C., I wish I had some solid advice for you. They do change once they get into school for sure. Sounds like it's not been a good change though. Have you talked with the teacher to see if he's acting out at school too? There is nothing wrong with him going to the school counselor. That might be a really good start for him. I've had to do that with my boys from time to time. It's helped out a lot. Great thing too is they do it during the school day. They can give you some really good feedback on what the problem is.

Blessings to you and your family!!!

T.
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M.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Try switching him to another kindergarten class in the school.

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K.D.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I have a 4-year old who picked up some terrible behavior issues from a neighbor he was playing with. But for now, I have the luxury of being able to limit his time with this boy and I only allow my son to play with him when I can keep a close eye on them and stop any inappropriate behavior from either of them. Anyway, when I noticed my son was behaving poorly at home, I quickly told him that that sort of behavior was unacceptable no matter how the neighbor boy acts. And then if it continued, he was sent to time-out and when that didn't work, to his room for the remainder of the day because I wasn't going to stand for it. He quickly learned that he wasn't going to have any fun in his room by himself all day. Also, we had many, many talks about how and why that sort of behavior was wrong. I think it took about 4 weeks to finally sink in that while the neighbor boy might act out, he was not allowed to act that way. Now, when he sees the neighbor behaving badly, he tells him that he's going home or to play with someone who's nice and he does. And on the rare occasion he does start to imitate the neighbor, a quick, "No acting like the neighbor!" and he stops immediately.

Now, I can only hope that he still responds to me when he starts school full-time. :-)

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M.M.

answers from Des Moines on

My children are now 18 and 19, we all go through the same thing. I was a single mother for 10 years with my two kids and the biggest thing I can recommend (which I was bad at) was being consistent. If you say no you have to hold them to it. This may sound silly, but watch Super Nanny for some ideas...if it works at home...it should work at school...the game where they put stickers up when they are good and after so many stickers they get something may help. PS: I am an independent PartyLite Consultant who loves PartyLite because it is very flexible, you can make your own hours, work as much or as little as you want and its FREE to start. And, that is where I get my socializing in....let me know if you are interested, I would love to work with you. Take care Kim

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S.F.

answers from Benton Harbor on

I think your first step is to go to your sons school and do some observing.There are some key things you need to watch for:
Is your son acting the same at school as at home?
If yes,
What does the teacher do?
Does your son respond appropriately to the teacher?
Are other students acting similarly?
Are other students giving your son attention?
Let me just say that if you don't like how the teacher responds to your son, you may as well just switch classrooms right now, cause talking to them will only change what they say, and not what they do. It is generally true that teachers are more responsive when parents are there, so don't expect more when you are not. But if you do like the teacher response, try to copy it at home.

If your son is not acting the same at school:
Still see if other students are acting similarly
Ask the teacher if she noticed behaviors in the past - there is a good chance that your osn, or a different student was copying, and the teacher nipped it in the bud.

It is important for kids to spend time with people of all ages and abilities, and copying certain behaviors will happen all the time, we just complain when they are bad behaviors, but that is how kids learn. If your son is still only picking up negative behaviors, then you need to find a classroom where there are more positive influences.
Even if itmeans finding a private school, you don't want to let these things get out of hand. YOu don't want your kid to be the "bad" kid at school, or the parents that have children who are good influences, might start limiting their time with him. It sounds harsh, but its true.

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T.B.

answers from Rapid City on

Counseling is awesome! Life is rough for kids these days.

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