Behavior Chart Examples and Details on How to Use a Behavior Chart Properly

Around that age our son had trouble listening to us.
It wasn't that he was ignoring us.
It was that he was so concentrating on what ever he was playing with that he simply didn't hear us.

It got a LOT better when we did the following:
1 - get his attention
2 - have him look at me in the face (sometimes I'd have him get up and walk over to be in front of me)
3 - have him not talking while I am talking to him
4 - have him repeat back to me what I just told him (this is the time for any questions if there are any misunderstandings or wasn't sure what I was asking him to do).

Once we were SURE we had his attention and he heard us clearly and understood what we were saying - we had no troubles with not listening anymore.
We never needed a chart.

A.,

I'll tell you what we do, in a nutshell.... we have a simple 'star chart'. I put 100 dots on a chart/piece of paper, and then we let him know what he can get stars for. We usually pick the two areas we want to see improvement in (example, quick cooperation and cheerful attitude ) and then give stars for when we see the desired behaviors. Right now, we are working on not calling out/needing us after we tell him it's time for bed. Five stars for each night of quiet. etc.

When he hits the 100 stars, he may choose a fun family activity (we do it together) from a couple of choices we offer. This makes sure that the 'reward' for his pleasant behavior is not a toy or money, it is the 'natural' consequence of fun family time.

When we have our hard moments, we don't remove stars. I want that chart to be ONLY positively oriented. Instead, logical consequences prevail. Not listening at the park? We leave, immediately. Not doing what's been asked? Come back and do it. etc. "Oh, no, it's not a playtime. You need to put your shoes away first." Uncooperative? "You may sit in this chair until you are ready to..."

Making him focus on losing stars will only keep him negatively focused and make things more of a power struggle. Addressing problem behavior in the moment and acknowledging good behavior helps keep him more positively focused. And, as I said, when the reward is doing something fun with a parent/both parents/family, it becomes a fun thing for everyone.

So, it would be less "if you don't brush your teeth, you lose...", it's "wow! You went in and brushed your teeth THE FIRST TIME I asked you. It makes things so nice when you follow directions right away-- lets put a few stars on the chart!" See the difference?

For what it's worth-- we never say "you could have earned stars" or hold this over his head. We only bring it up when he has earned them.

ETA: I really like what B suggested, too. Making sure they ARE actually listening is that all-important first step.

B. has good ideas! Be sure she is looking into your eyes when you ask her to do something, and have her repeat it back to you, then have her DO it immediately following that exchange. Don't let time elapse, not even five minutes. At four, kids still can have trouble being asked to do something in the future -- even if the future is only 10 minutes away.

As for charts: Be sure that she does not see the chart as punishment. Make it fun and let her help design it; she should participate and pick out the stars or other favorite stickers she wants to use, so it's not like it's imposed on her because she's "naughty." Keep it upbeat and focus instead not on "you will lose a star if you don't do X" but on "you will get a star if you DO X and that puts you one star closer to Reward Z."

Because you must use rewards if you have a chart. No kid will focus if a chart is for its own sake. Make rewards small, but .desirable and most of all achievable. And start very small!

For instance: Do not make her wait a whole week for her first reward. She's new to this and every day is eternal to her. So: If you put away your toys today and tomorrow and the next day, you get a star each time. That is three stars. When you have three stars, you get Reward X." Make X a very small reward, yes, but a reward. "You just got your second star! That's great! Just one more!" Keep up the three-stars thing for a while until she gets the hang of it. Then you can work up to: If you get six stars instead of three, you can have Reward Y." Bigger reward such as a desired outing. She may balk at first and prefer the smaller but more frequent rewards--go with that if it's what motivates her and don't push "But you should wait and get more stars!". Whatever you do, don't .make her wait and wait to amass too many stars or she will lose interest; she can't yet really connect her behavior today to a reward in two weeks' time. She may say she can - but that won't add up to her doing what she needs to do today and tomorrow.

(And as an aside, is she expected to brush teeth on her own? At four some kids do but need supervision. I wouldn't have tooth-brushing be a thing that is subject to a chart and rewards but something that has to happen as you stand there with her, morning and night, and brush your own teeth alongside her and then check her teeth.)

I would have her GET stars for doing things -- but would not take away stars for NOT doing things. Do you see the difference? "Oh, you didn't put the toys into the toy box before bedtime. OK, so that's no star for today but I am sure you can get a star tomorrow!" as opposed to: "You didn't put the toys away so I have to take away the star you got yesterday. Sorry." The latter approach will make her feel defeated and takes away from the success she had in earning the previous star. She'll start to feel that she can never get enough stars --so why try?

She may argue and complain and insist on getting out of bed to do the chore, or put the toys away when she wakes up at dawn and beg for yesterday's star; how you handle that is up to you. But I would not remove stars for a child this age; I'd only give them when earned. An older kid could lose them and understand it, but I would not start out on a reward chart system for a four-year-old by taking away, only by adding (or not, if the thing is not done).

Please don't have more than a very, very few items on the chart. Don't make every little task subject to the chart. Choose your battles with care. Maybe no more than two tasks to start! And be very specific. Don't say "clean up your room" because that totally overwhelms kids, even much older ones than yours. Pick the one chore you want her to do: "Put stuffed animal toys in the red toy box before bedtime." See the specificity of that? She knows exactly what to put where and when to do it. "Put the toys away" could mean two toys or all the toys, under the bed or thrown in the corner. Be very specific.

It is extremely typical for kids her age not to listen and not to heed things. Don't overemphasize it. Be sure to get her full attention and have her do any desired action immediately and with you there -- she is only four. Yes, she's old enough to start learning, but be sure your expectations are very limited, age-appropriate, specific, and supported by positive reinforcement for doing a thing more than punishment for not doing it. And if the chart does not work with her after a long, consistent try, it is not an admission of defeat if you give it up. I found charts worked best between about the ages of four and six, but if she's not ready for it, wait and use one later.

Please read a book on child discipline. Any book.

Exactly what B said.

I would suggest starting simple. Make a very simple chart with just a bunch of blank squares or use a piece of paper that just says "Following Directions" or even use a blank coloring book page of a picture he likes. Then stock up on stickers and do something like this…

1. You and your husband should decide on a goal of stickers to be reached. Be reasonable. Think about it in terms of one week…like if you think he could easily earn 3-4 stickers in one day then pick 30 stickers at your goal for the week. You can always increase or decrease in the following weeks if necessary. Also choose a "prize" for meeting that goal. Keep it simple, especially at the beginning. Go for something he would like…a trip to the library, an extra story at bedtime, 20 minutes at the park, something from the $1 section at Target, etc.

2. Discuss with your son that this chart is to help him follow directions the first time. This phrase is a clear expectation of what you want him to do. Tell him he will get to put a sticker on the chart every time he follows directions the first time.

3. Practice. Do a few practice directions with him right then and there. Show him that no matter what he's doing he needs to stop what he's doing (or at least respond in an appropriate way) and follow your directions.

4. The first day (maybe 2) cut him a tiny bit of slack. Maybe give him a reminder if he's not doing it the first time. But, after a day or two, just give him the directions once. If he doesn't follow them the first time he doesn't get to put a sticker on it and maybe he needs to go to time out (that's what I'd do).

5. Review the chart at the end of each night, praise what he did well and remind him ways to improve.

6. At the end of each week, count up the stickers and reward the goal with whatever prize you think is appropriate. If he doesn't meet the goal then I would continue to praise him, practice some more, and set a new goal for the next week.

Not sure if your kid goes to school/ preschool/ daycare/ MDO. Any of these might already have a rewards/ behavior chart/ system in place. Ask. If you can borrow from/ add onto the existing system it will be easier for your kid to abide by.

Mine couldn't care less about the sticker chart when he was potty training. He told me he felt he had enough stickers. The taekwondo studio offers some cards for superior behavior at home/ school/ the studio which can be cashed in for a small trophy. My kid doesn't really get it, or care for the pubic commendation.

We have a small poster with images of a kid brushing his teeth, using the toilet, having a bath, wearing pyjamas and sleeping, at the bathroom door at his eye level. It helps remind him of what comes next.

If he is not listening to our requests, we simply count and do time out. I haven't actually done a time out in over a month or so. He turns it around by the 2nd count. This coupled with a lot of praise for doing things right seems to work in our house.

Best,
F. B.