Behavior Advice

Hi R.,

You might want to ask his teacher if he is getting into trouble because he finishes his work too quick as compared with his classmates. He may be bored out of his skull. The teacher may be able to assign him some extra work or let him have a book at his seat to look at when he gets done with his work. Since his grades are good, it is a real possibility that he just doesn't have anything to do. No amount of chores at home will change anything at school if he just doesn't have anything to keep him busy at school.

Good luck!!

As a parent -- here are some questions to ask your son's teacher because as a teacher and parent her repsonses about his behavior seem very vague.

When are his most fidgity times -- morning, afternoon, during seat work, during group time on the floor, independent work time, or during something he might not want to do or understand how to do...

How does she respond to him when he isn't doing what she wants him to do? And if it is not effective (which if the behavior is continuing, it obviously is not), what else has she or can she try that you can reinforce at home...

What is think time? What is the purpose and what is he supposed to do -- is he doing it while he is in think time or is think time not a consequence that affects him

How many times does she speak to him before he goes to think time -- how many warnings and how does he know he has been warned.

THese are a few to start you....I am not a believer in the 'color dot or card' system -- it is often not enforced consistently, nor do the kids always know and understand what exactly they can get a 'red dot or card' for --

Be easy on your son (is my advice) -- reward him for the green dots -- more time with you, pick dinner, more computer time, something that is not materialistic. I would stop the punishing at home -- it doesn't seem to be helping, does it? And for a second grader the school day is in the past and he may not even be relating the two -- it is too late for such consequeces...

Every teacher hates to hear this -- but maybe he needs a little more challenging work -- if he is academically on grade level or above, he may not feel challenged (don't use the word bored -- teachers hate it!) -- OR maybe she can find some leadership roles for him to help keep him busy when he is not focussed.

Hope this helps...
T.

After reading other response to you -- I have to add -- don't jump to testing or doctor's or labels -- I am a teacher -- don't go there yet, especially if this is the first time you have heard of this behavior -- it could have to do with where his seat is in the classroom, who he sits next to, etc. etc. --investigate -- find out what all the teacher has tried and if all she has tried is the dot/card system, ask her to try other things -- not ALL kids respond to this behavior management system. Schools often have Student Support Teams or something similar that you can request your son be taken to - this is not for special education -- it is simply a team of teachers (at least where I teach) that talks to you and the teacher and offers suggestions for the teacher and you -- things that might not have been tried before, etc.

DON'T JUMP TO LABEL YOU CHILD -- PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

R., Wow, I felt like I was reading my own message. I have a 6 year old with the same issues. I had him tested by a sensory integration occupational therapist. I do not believe that he is abnormal, but I needed some advice to help him follow the rules at school better (without medication). It turns out that my son needs more sensory stimulation than the average child. We have been able to use lap buddies (beanbags over his thighs), elastic bands around the base of his chair(that his feet can constantly play with) and special pencil toppers to chew on with great success. All of these things are cheap, easy to use and make a world of difference. They have really helped my Sam sit for longer periods of time, pay attention to instructions better and focus on the task that the class is doing while they're doing it. You may want to talk to the therapist at your son's school to see if any of this is available. I hope this helps! H. C. (mother of two very active boys)

Hello R.,

I have been learning a lot lately about the effects that nutrition has on children's behavior, and learning abilities at school. I don't know if you've heard of Dr. Sears, one of the country's leading pediatritians, but I have a 15- minute DVD where he gives "9 steps" to a healthier family. He talks a lot in that DVD about the nutritional needs of children and how it effects their physical health, behavior and learning in school. He talks about how from having a lot of colds, to having conditions such as ADD, these issues can be remedied with good nutrition.

Dr. Sears also recommends a product called Juice Plus+, which combines 17 fruits, vegetables, and grains into a capsule. For young children, they have chewable tablets and gummies.

My 3 year old daughter just started taking the gummies and she loves them. I feel really good about her getting such wonderful whole-food nutrition.

If you'd like to see the DVD, or learn more about Juice Plus+, feel free to send me a private message.

I hope things get better!

Sincerely,
R.

Ruth Ann,
I would consider having him tested by his dr for ADD/ADHD. I had the same problem with my son his first year in 1st grade and he ended up testing possitive for ADD. I know how scary it is to think about having to give your child meds but there are other ways you can try but you would have to speak to his dr about them. Diet is one way that some parents I know control their childrens behavior. If you contact his school they will tell you if they can do the evaluation process while he is there. Most schools offer this as a service now because of the NO Child Left Behind Act. Our schools here call it a child study, where his teacher, you, the school psychologist, nurse, and a few others get together to discuss what is going on with your son. That is where I would start.

I wish you the best of luck and if you need someone to talk to just let me know.

Have you ever thought of taking your son to see a behavioral health specialist. Please don't be offended but your son may be ADHD. Not all children with ADHD have bad grades or anything. It's mostly the behavior they have a problem with. Look into finding one and having your son evaluated. It'll atleast give you peace of mind to know if he has a legitmate "medical" reason for his behavior.

I completely agree with your doctor that diet and other options should be used. Diet is one of the largest factors affecting behavior and ADHD issues and is it also one of the easiest to fix. I applaud you for your efforts and keeping your child protected.

I think it is wonderful that you are fighting the school. No child should be labeled that early! I am undergoing a similar situation......and I am not getting responses. It is so frustrating! This week, I made an appt. to see the pediatrician for a sick visit and mentioned an appt. I have w/ him in a week concerning the behavior. He had me fill a form out (that I know is for add/adhd) and then told me that the office now has a counselor and she will call me. Four days later, still no call. These are things I am dealing with now! And need solutions to NoW! I have gone to the library, read books, joined this website (no responses), working on getting a playgroup together and ? joining girlscouts? hoping it will ease my daughter. She is absolutely terrified to go to bed at night. I think it is great that you fought to get your info and the school. "Power to the Mom"

MY SECOUND SON WAS LIKE THAT AND THE SCHOOL LABELED HIM. DON'T LET ANYONE PUT A LABEL ON HIM!
TRY NOT TO GIVE HIM ANY KIND OF SUGAR IN THE MORNINGS...MILK AND CERIAL IS BAD, TRY TOAST WITH JUST BUTTER AND EGGS..JUST NOTHING THAT HAS ANY KIND OF SUGAR IN IT.
ALSO, MAKE SURE HE'S GETTING 8-10 HOUR'S OF SLEEP EACH NIGHT.
DON'T EVER LET HIM THINK THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM...WHEN HE IS OLDER HE WILL PLAY INTO IT. MY SON IS NOW VERY SMART AND HAS TWO CHILDGREN AND MARRIED, HE IS MAKING GOOD MONEY TO SUPPORT HIS FAMILY.
STAY STRONG AND SEE SOMEONE ABOUT HIS DIET, NOT HIS HEAD!

Hi R.,

I battle all the time because people who really don't understand ADD/ADHD want to label my son or want to treat him differently. Especially my ex-husband's present wife. My son is 16 years old and it has taken me a long time to find out what works with him when it comes to learning. I had started my son at Catholic school and they but all wanted my son kick out because he was not "NORMAL" for their curriculum. Fortunately, the public school I had him go to I was blessed to have his teacher who had two daughters with ADHD and she was ADHD. So she set up her classroom as if all her students had this condition. My son excelled as well as her other students. His reading increase, math skill were improved and his self-esteem had taken a positive run. Allow your son to grow with his sister. Let him help with what is easy for him. Don't put in a position that he too struggles. This will not help or your daughter. It also helps to get your son involve with after school activities such as an organize sport. I put my son in youth football, he rebel a little he hated the practice, eventhough he was not the start player, in fact he wasn't even a good player. I just loved the structure and he learn to listen and process instructions, and he learned the consequences of not following through. I would also help him with counting money. This gave him a hard time. So when I would go grocery shopping he had to count the coin change and if he was correct he could keep it. If not, It would go in the piggy bank. He learn to count change and I was going broke, but well worth it, LOL. Good luck and keep your battle going it is your son not the school.