Behavior - Lisle,IL

Think about her developmental stage. For toddlers, you should try to tell them what to do instead of what to stop doing. It is much harder than it sounds. Instead of "stop climbing on that" say "put your feet on the floor" instead of "No hit" say "put your hands in your pockets- or arms down" Think about how many steps it is when you say "don't" anything. They have to think of the action, stop it, reverse it or find a new one and judedge correctly what is acceptable to you, and then carry that out...at 18 months? No way! Tell her what you want her to do, and she will be more successful, sucess breeds success, and when she is doing better in general, the better she will be in other areas too.

Choose a disciplinary technique, then do it every single time she miss behaves, and don't skip a single beat. If it is time out in her room or the play pen, you do it at the drop of a hat and she will get the idea in a matter of days. Stop talking ot her about it, just do it, do it often, and do it every single time. If you are in public, leave, even if it is someplace you want to be. Soon, you will be able to take her everywhere without worry. Your actions are the only langague she is listening to here.

M.

Holy cow, M.! Your daughter's doppelganger is my 18-month old son, Jon! Everything on your list fits! Thankfully, Jon's at his most "toddler" around me and his dad (usually at dinnertime). His school does "timeouts" (with limited success). At home, when he throws a toy after he's warned not to, we take it away (with limited success). When he looks like he's going to hit, we give him a bear hug (with limited success). When he does hit or throw food, we say "we don't hit/throw food" (with limited success). The most effective techniques for me have been empathy ("Yes, it's hard to be a little boy. I know you don't want to do x, but you need to."), little kid tricks ("Let's bring your toy car into the kitchen, and it can have dinner with you."), empowering him (to brush his teeth, use his spoon, take off his shoes), giving him a heads up ("Your nose needs wiping."), and distraction (singing, asking questions, making funny noises). I will also admit to just standing there and complaining to him until he starts to look sheepish and uncomfortable (that's the catholic in me going for the guilt trip...which actually kind of works!). I think the food-throwing is the worst and hardest to manage. The key is to catch him just before he starts, say "All done? Say "All done," and then ending dinner before the food starts to fly. Again, all of this is with limited success because he's a toddler. I just keep telling myself that 99% of his life is controlled by creatures much larger than him, and so when he finds the 1% that's totally within his control, he's going to seize the opportunity. It doesn't make him behave differently, but it makes me feel better!

Ugh there is so much different advice out there too, it's HARD to parent a toddler! I have a 2 1/2 yr old boy with his own idea of how to do everything. I've found the tantrums are so hard to deal with, they make me mad (they started at your daughter's age and I'm sorry to say have gotten worse.) We call them "fits" and they are an immediate time-out. At this point I have to put him in his room, shut the door, and walk away for a bit and calm down. Ignoring the tantrums can be effective but that's really hard to do sometimes, and impossible when you are in public. I think it's all about power/attention with these little guys, and walking away reaffirms that you are the one in charge. And I've had to leave plenty of stores mid-trip for fits, I refuse to subject the general populace to my son's whims. It stinks but I guess gets the point across. Good news is that as she gets older you will be able to at least reason with her more and explain what she is doing wrong, at this point we insist our son tells us why he is in timeout and apologize so he knows what was unacceptable behavior. GOOD LUCK!

go to the library and rend "1, 2, 3 Magic". It totally changed my way of parenting and how I handled bad behavior from my kids and since we've implemented the techniques taught in that video, very seldom do my kids hit eachother (they know it is an automatic time out). The video is boring, but awesome. Prior to watching the video, I would never have attempted to take both my kids out to lunch by myself. Now, I have no problem doing so. They are extremely well behaved.

Good luck.

if she has given up morning naps - start them up again. I have found over my years that 90% of the behavior issues in all ages are due to not enough sleep. It's like a miracle cure. At that age your child should be getting 12 hours at night, and 3 to 5 during the day. I rarely have a daycare child give up naps prior to 20 mos old since I realized how much the behavior was tied to the sleep, and since I have made sure they do get that sleep I have had wonderfully behaved toddlers (and older kids!)

I agree with the PP--whatever you decide to use as discipline---stick to it and be consistent!

Time outs never worked for my son at that age, but taking away his favorite toy certainly got his attention.

Consistency is the only thing that will get through. Don't yell b/c she will think you are playing. Each and every time she does something wrong, say "no (insert action)" in a firm voice and immediately put her in timeout. She's almost two, so a solid 3-5 minutes of isolation. You may not realize it, but she's getting some kind of attention and feedback from your responses to her tantrums. Don't react- just act with consistency and remember that this too shall pass!

My son just turned two and we went through this too- I think dinner was entirely unpleasant for about two months. However, each time he threw his food or refused to eat, he got a time out (even with company at the house). Now, all we have to say to him is "Do you want a time out?" and he stops whatever he is doing. Toddlers thrive on attention and interaction- being removed from it (in the room with nothing but a light on and NO interaction) is torture and eventually it will work!