Behavior - Alamogordo,NM

Updated on June 01, 2010
L.M. asks from Phoenix, AZ
15 answers

How do We discipline our 5th grader who got bad grades the whole year, because he had a problem w/ staying on task (talking & drawing) instead paying attention, or doing work. His Teacher & I stayed in touch by phone & She would sign her initials w/ assignments he had for homework. I ALWAYS help him on homework & made sure it went back the next day.Eventually, It seemed like he got the impression that it was my responsibility to make sure his homework or (book reports) were done on time. WHAT DO WE DO?

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F.C.

answers from Tampa on

Have you had him evaluated for a Learning Disability and/or ADHD? I would hold off on discipline until you have him evaluated. Remember ADD/ADHD does manifest (appear) differently in everyone :)
Good Luck

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N.S.

answers from Chicago on

Check out the book "Learning How to Learn." It's great with teaching about study barriers and why kids have trouble staying on task. It also demonstrates how to study a subject. Even the most gifted of children have trouble when it comes to a study barrier!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

I don't know how much time you have/want to devote to this over the summer, but the sooner you teach him that he needs to take an active role in his education, the better and easier life will be throughout his future school years. Here's what I would do:
I wonder if you can either borrow some of his textbooks from the school for the summer or go to a teachers' store and buy a fifth grade workbook with each subject represented inside. Your goal for this summer will be to make sure he's learned what he should have learned during the school year as well as teach him that doing his best in school is his responsibility, not yours.
I would set small goals for each day. At the beginning, he needs to accomplish it before he goes to play. Once he does well at that, you can expand it to be finished before the end of the day, or whatever you feel is a short enough time but will give him some practice to manage his time effectively.
If you have saved any of his homework from the year, you could have him correct it, or find an assignment in the text or workbook that is similar. If he doesn't learn the fifth grade material before the fall, he will really struggle next school year, even if he is a better student in class.
It will probably take a few days of not reaching the goal and not being able to play for him to figure out that you mean business. You can stress to him that had he done his job as a student during the school year, he would have much more free time this summer. Education is so important!
Good luck!

M.R.

answers from Rochester on

If he does not seem to have trouble learning, just prefers to spend time doodling, get him some sketchbooks and art supplies for the summer. I don't think that would be rewarding "bad" behavior, but some children are more imaginative and have a harder time focusing on things that seem pretty pointless to them. Instead of taking that needed childhood (and adulthood) outlet away, make room for it somewhere. I doodled in my textbooks all through college and illustrated the margins on all of my physics lab assignments (and pulled a B+ in that one). He needs help focusing but does not need punishing. I would also make sure his summer is as active as possible with regular trips to the library to keep his mind awake, but not necessarily give him summer homework. I am curious, too, what bad grades are. My mom always put pressure on me to do better since I was very lazy and content to get A's and B's without any effort (she thought I should put effort into school and get perfect grades but I didn't care enough to bother). She said she had to struggle herself to get C's. Hopefully he'll do better next year, but if his grades are in the C range, that is pretty average.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

If it's not already required buy the school, send him to summer school. It's amazing sometimes what a wake up call that can be.

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

He is only in 5th grade. You need to stay on top of the assignments. It's your job to make sure that he is motivated to turn them in. I still keep track - even in high school - and I remind them often of what is due when. The kids are busy and things get pushed aside -- just like what happens when we are grown up... Most of the time, they are on top of the assignment, but once in a while, they need the reminder. I usually ask them how such and such a project/paper is coming. And they'll tell me that the research is done or whatever...
YMMV
LBC

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L.A.

answers from Reno on

I'd ask to have your son evaluated for potential ADD/ADHD or other learning disabilities to rule those out. Once you have done that then you can work on other strategies. Hang in there ok:)

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G.D.

answers from Flagstaff on

In 5th grade it would be ok to give him a decision of summer school or holding him back until he gets caught up or even for the entire year. By 5th grade your son should be doing homework and getting it to school by himself. If he truly can't (like my son) he may have ADD. Then you could remind him, yet don't do it for him. Kids with ADD do better with routine, so everyday after school set up his homework time. After a few weeks try not to remind him of doing homework when he gets home, let him figure it out. Same with getting homework to school. Even if he doesn't have homework every day, make sure that he brings something every day so it becomes a routine. Make sure that there is a place for him by the door that after he finishes his homework, he puts it there to remind him on his way out to bring it.
Try to remember that school is not for everyone and the academics are not what is important. It's being given a task, being able to complete it and turn it in. This is why I choose not to discipline or reward for grades. Eventually your son will be living on his own and need the skills to show up for work, listening to directions and following through. To me, these skills are more important then being able to name all the states in the USA.
Good luck.

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M.T.

answers from Dallas on

A friend of mine tutors & part of her program is to teach good study habits and skills. Maybe that would help. Maybe he's not feeling motivated enough to do it on his own. A year of bad grades with teacher and parents closely monitoring his academics could just have him in a stuck place mentally. Perhaps taking you out of the picture just slightly could help him find himself & work through his problems more independantly.

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T.S.

answers from Phoenix on

First of all, let me just say that as a former 5th grade teacher, I encountered this a lot. It is very "normal" behavior for kids that age, and just as frustrating for parents and teachers. 5th grade just seems to be a huge year for emotional and physical growth (often when the hormones start kicking in...scary, I know!) and also added responsibility. What you and your teacher set up to check on him is great, but you can try to work on getting him to realize (without embarrassing him) that this was a way to keep tabs on him because he wasn't taking the responsibilty himself. Remind him that school is his job and while you are there for him to lean on and help, you've already been there and don't need to do the work. :) It helped all of my students to keep a daily agenda with their assignments in them (they were responsible for writing those assignments down. and had to write "non" next to a subject that they had no homework in). For a few kids, I would initial the books for them so mom & dad knew that the information written down was correct. The students had to come to ME to do this (making it their responsibility.) Yes, I still kept tabs and communicated to parents via email, but as far as the student was concerned...it was all up to them. Most got tired of having to come to me (and deal with questions from their classmates) and would be more diligent about keeping on track. Some took more time. You are right in wanting to make sure he builds these skills now, as 6th grade gets pretty tough for a lot of these kiddos who have slacked on their study skills. Just keep working to get as much control into his hands as possible and hopefully he will see this as a compliment and a show of trust, encouraging him to keep it up. Some kids honestly just take longer, but trust me when I say that if they know you will rescue them, they'll let you. :) Hang in there! You're doing all the right things, I would just maybe start shifting that responsibility back on him, bit by bit, so he feels accountable and proud of his own work.

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L.Y.

answers from Wausau on

I would start with having him evaluated. Even a child that is gifted can have a problem with staying on task! Are you on summer break now or do you have year round school? If you are on summer break I'm not sure that you can punish him...it seems 'after the fact.'
It sounds like you and the teacher were working well together. Try to have him write assignments on a large calendar (his only) as to when large assignments are due...book reports or projects. Then he needs to bring his homework to you to check, work with you. Post that on the calendar if he doesn't then he doesn't earn some sort of reward...movie, etc. Is anything in place for 6th grade in the school? Our school now has mandatory after school tutoring and must meet with the principal or guidance counselor and set goals (I can't remember if it is monthly goals or quarter goals). It started in the second semester of this past year and almost everyone involved were helped. (Those that it did not help are because they really chose to do nothing!)
Be sure meet with the 6th grade teacher right away and get him evaluated...it can take a while so you want this process to happen ASAP.
Good luck.

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

L.,

It has been my expereince as an educational advocate that kids don't have this presentation because they are lazy. If you wan't to think it is just bad behavior, you can, but I have seen many kids who would rather appear to be not doing what needs to be done than they would (or could) say that they have a learning barrier that keeps them from success. If you have never invested in an educational evaluation of his processing and executive functioning skills, you might be surprised, and a little sickend by the results if in fact he has a learning problem that was out of his control. I would suggest that you have one done over the summer, and act on it as soon as school begins to get him the kind of help that he needs to overcome it.

Many kids are really very bright, and can pull them selves up to compensate for a learning difference for a long time, and are overwhelmed in the mid to upper grades when they just can't do it by sheer power any more. It is more common than you think.

If you would like to read about some of the issues it could be, read "The Myth of Laziness" by Dr. Mel Levine. You will probably see your son in his descriptions.

M.

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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J.J.

answers from Phoenix on

I wouldn't discipline a child now for something they did back in September. A consequence should come that quarter when grades come out. Or, even better, weekly so he knows you are keeping tabs on things. It sounds like you've been doing a good job of keeping in touch with the teacher. In 6th grade, the teacher usually gives the child more responsibility of doing things themselves. Maybe have a talk about responsibility. Does he have many responsibilities at home? Maybe feeding a pet, clearing the table, loading the dishwasher, doing laundry? These are all things he should be capable of doing. Maybe have him show you he can be responsible by doing these things over the summer. Give him a list and post it somewhere he can see it to get his chores done. Boys don't mature as soon as girls, so this could be an issue too. Good luck.

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G.A.

answers from Phoenix on

With my 5th grader... who mind you has learning issues but is very smart.
We(my son and I) had a sit down with the two teachers he had(regular teacher and the special teacher) and we came up with a plan.

We all agreed together, that my son will start paying attention more in class and do the work in and at home that needed to be done. Or he would start losing some of his at home privileges.... like playstation, bicycle riding time and going to friend's homes.

The regular teacher would make a note on the top of his homework on how the day went as well as sign the top.

This made it so that I was not responsible for making sure his work was done other than to say if you got homework to do you better get to it. It was HIS responsibility to do his work so he did not lose privileges.

This worked great for him. I plan on letting him know that if I have to this will be done for the next year also.

Hope you can find something to help your son make his school life successful.

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