Behavior - Pocatello,ID

First of all, You are doing a great job with them, its the toughest job in the world being a single parent and you dont have someone to tag team with to help. Secondly, as sad as this is, they probably have different personalities that clash. My sister and I acted as though we hated each other when we were growing up (now we are very very close)and somedays I thought I did hate her. She was the explosive type and I was more laid back, but I loved to make her mad. (I dont know if it was a sick obsession or just the devil in me lol) Mom was very consistent with us and we both got into trouble, even if it was the other's fault to start it. No we fought until we left home, (this is not a downer, please) but today we are best of friends. I know its hard to listen to the fighting, so try to find ways for them to have their own person space, even if they have to share a room at night. They also are at the age where you can talk to them and explain to them how their fighting with each other makes YOU feel. If they dont have chores to do, line up somethings other then TV and toys to keep them busy--my kids love helping me and we make into a game while spending some time together cleaning up. But give them chores they can do on their own too. My son unloads the dishwasher every morning since kindergarden. My daughter who is only 2 sets the table. Good Luck and I hope I have help.

I'm sorry things are rought right now.

is there any way to find a different job?

the one thing my mom passed along to me before she died , when i was 23,, was you'll never be on your death bed saying i should have worked more. becausae she felt she worked too much(10-12 hr days) to get to a VP status of a bank, when looking back she wished she would have spent more time with us. and it was my sister who went the way of drugs and inappropriate behavior with boys at an early age, in rehab before she was 18. and a son at 19. my mom felt if she was around more, maybe she could have had a better influence on my sister..
or tought us both more about what type of woman to be and what not to put up with..hahaa.
i don't blame her,, and would try to assure her before she died she was a good mom.. but i think as moms,,it's hard to not feel guilty..

as far as thier disciplin, i have a few friends who have taken parenting classes and have said they learned so much. i'm looking into finding one for this summer.. when i have time to go..
my biggest problem with my kids is i'm not consitant as much as i'd like to be.. do you think this may be an issue for you too?
Good luck. i wish i had more concrete help for you:-\
can't be at all easy being a single mom with two boys. .
it's not easy with two toddlers and a husband..haha.
if you ever need to talk.. let me know
T.
garyntina at cox dot net

I do the time-out. If I were in your shoes, I would sit down and explain to the boys that there's going to be a changing of the guard. Say "I love you too much to allow you to engage in socially unacceptable behaviours. So they're going to stop today!" Don't yell, I swear it amuses them. Go over the list of things that are unacceptable in your home and their consequences. (I allow no violence). Go at it like work. It's your job to make your boys good members of society. It's not personal, just work. If Andrea kicks her sister, she goes immediately to time out. Any non-violent behaviour, she gets one warning, and then if she persists, she goes to time-out. I put my kids in the chair and set the timer for 1 minute for every year of their age.
I tell them when they go to time out that they what they did (I name the transgression) was unacceptable, and they need to think of a better way to handle the situation. THen, when their time's up, I kneel on the floor so I'm eyelevel (I'm very tall, and can be imposing), and ask if they've thought of what they can do differently next time. (ie: Next time my sister makes me mad, I should tell her, and then if she doesn't stop I should tell an adult.) YOu have to help them at first, but then eventually they get it. My kids don't understand shades of gray yet, so I use the "It is never ok, to hurt another person" aproach. Or "Children must always treat adults that love them with respect."

And then there's the most important thing. Decide where your lines are, and everything that isn't extreme, LET IT GO! YOu're a hard working single mom and you DESERVE a little peace.

Change your hours. That is the biggest problem with kids they need mom home as much as possible when they are. Find a different job easier said than done I am sure. But for the sake of the kids and being home with them makes a world of difference they need stability and being home in the evening for baths, homework, supper time means a lot to every child. IT did my kids. I quit a job that i would be making over 20.00 and hour for now to be home in the evening with my kids its something i will not regret because they feel more secure since I made this change 7 years ago. Good luck!!!

Hey S. :)
I first wanted to say good job to you! It is a very hard thing being a single mother and trying to make ends me yet making time to spend with your kids. It IS a lot harder than most think, especially if you dont have anyone one around to help. I myself work the night shift, and hardly see my son. I do have some help as my fiance comes to town on the weekend and spends time with him, and I have one day off during the week. I did talk to my boss about not getting off so late a couple nights a week, and they worked with me. But as has been said..easier said then done. My son and daughter (8 and 4) act the same way around each other. But they are slowly starting to enjoy each other. I recommend (when you do have the quality time) to sit with each of them, play games, draw, crafts anything to get their attention away from each other and focused on one thing, then you will start to see they want to be around each other more :) GOOD LUCK P)

If you're working from 2-11 then they probably are looking for some attention from you. Yes, we all have to work and we don't always have a choice as to when, but have you tried talking to your boss about switching shifts or maybe alternating 3 days/2 evenings.

Plus, you're oldest is getting to see your example because of how to behave because he's away at school, then your away when he can be home.

I know that probably doesn't help a whole lot, but my mom was a single parent since I was 11 (sister 7, brother 3), and she used to work a 10-7 shift, but found it just didn't work well for us, and found something else. Because in grand scheme she felt that our stability of a away time/home time/down time was more important. You'll never retire/be on your deathbed saying you wish you'd worked more and you don't want to regret not spending the time you needed with you kids.

good luck

S., this might be a hard thing...This may be a sign post that you need to change things to spend more time with those boys, no change is easy change, but there are alternatives out there, I would love to chat with you S., you are so young, and obviously a busy working mom, I'd love to share with you a little bit about what I do, and we could see if it is something that may be a great way for you to spend more time by working more flexable hours, the ones you choose.
Please feel free to call me and we can chat about it.
###-###-#### or my cell ###-###-####
Bless ya,
M.
____@____.com

hi their! sounds like my kids lol! i have 2 boys ages 13,11 and 1 girl age 12 and my boys are like tht and i had to take things away from them and i made them work towards getting a toy back on promise they show better behavior i have gone through the same things with my kids and i know where u are comeing from but i am a sty at hm mom and the husband is always working so its kinds switched on my part . have them earn a toy or tv or something they like. have them earn that back on the promise to be good and if they arent hold it a little longer and tell thm till i see a change u dont get it. just keep doing the repetion with them they will get tired of it good luck!

Hello S.,
I have 4 children, 10 yr old boy/girl twins, a 7 yr old girl, and a 4 yr old girl. My kids used to do the same thing your boys are doing now. It wasn't until I realized that it was consistancy that was needed when it started getting better. Personally, there were times when I was just so fed up with the fighting I thought if I just let the kids work it out themselves from time to time without stepping in then maybe that would make life a little easier. Boy was I wrong! Since they didn't get in trouble every single time they did something they seemed to get worse and not accept the punishment they were given and got rather sassy. So I changed my ways of doing things and now try to make sure everyone is held accountable for their actions every single time. Now, that goes for when they do something good as well, not just with punishments and discipline. I have found that with my kids it is a matter of consistancy and constant reminders of the consequences of their actions. I can't let even just one thing slide because if I do I know what the consequences of my own actions will be...and that is unruley, mouthy kids.

I don't think it's a matter of needing to change your schedule. It should be more about teaching your children the proper way to act at all times.

Hope this helps a little.

L.