Behavior - Thomasville,GA

Updated on August 31, 2011
R.R. asks from Thomasville, GA
7 answers

Hi everyone! I have a 5 yr old who is in kindergarten. For the past 5 days he has gotten a note from school saying he will not follow directions. I am at my wits end with him. When we try to punish him for his behavior he pitches fits kicking and screaming. He will say that he is going to be good but then the next day he's right back at it again. It's not just at school he acts like that at home too. We have tried taking away things, putting him in time out, making him go to bed early and everything else I can think of. Nothing seems to work. He is a good boy and I know that he can be good at school because he has done it before, we have gotten good notes saying he had a great day. I don't know what to do anymore please help

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

Take a few steps back. Each day, instead of focusing on the notes, have some downtime prepared. Pack a snack bag and head to the park so he can get some wiggles out. Or have some coloring books and a new box of crayons just for the house on the table to work on. Or set up some of his cars and have a road rally.

Don't talk about school at all. Just love on him evne though he was rotten at school. When you get back home or are done w/your activity, go through your evening routine and then the next downtime, usually at bedtime, ask him about school. But instead of saying "let's talka bout this note", ask him "did Johnny do anything funny today?" or "Did anyone talk to Sally today?". That'll get him focused on what was going on in his class but still not focused on him. Keep him talking and see if he mentions any incident that may have tripped him up, or if you see patterns in his day that trigger emotions.

Or, he could just not like so much structure, direction or even the teacher!

I guess this is a roundabout way of askign directly how his day went and what's bothering him. hth and gl!

2 moms found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

The teacher needs to deal with his behavior in school and you need to deal with his behavior at home You cant punish him hours later for something he did at school it just starts off your evening with "he's a bad boy so why should he behave now?"
Figure out what works at home and then share your ideas with the teacher. Have you tried a behavior chart where he gets a sticker or star or smiley face for each afternoon or evening that he behaves. Make it very specific.
Work on only two behaviors to start. Not Following directions is kinda vague, and often indicates he cannot process language as well as other kids his age. Play some new board games with him and see how he does with directions, following rules and taking turns. Refusing to follow clearly stated rules is a whole different thing. Find out exactly what the problems at school are and if they are behaviors you can work on at home. The class should have some very consistent (and positive not negative) rules that he needs to understand and follow. Maybe you could find out what the rules are and have similar rules and use similar wording at home. For instance instead of No hitting! a good rule is Keep hands to your self or be nice with friends. Instead of don't interrupt teacher and parent, the school would use "raise your hand" at home you could make a rule "we take turns talking and say "excuse me" You need to set him up to succeed with his first behavior chart and praise him for any good behavior! Bad behavior gets less attention, just doesnt get praise, or rewards

1 mom found this helpful
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K.B.

answers from Orlando on

We had a son like this when he was younger and had to bring in a behavior therapist. Her advice was always to use positive reinforcement with some kind of a sticker chart. For instance, he gets a sticker for each good behavior, everytime he listens the first time you ask him to do something, or each good report from school. Then when he gets 5 stickers, he gets a small treat or toy. You may even want to give him a small treat everyday the first week (to hook him in) and then gradually increase the amount of stickers he needs for a prize. It will take a while, but pick a strategy and stick with it. Eventually, he'll forget about the treats and prizes and it will just come naturally or you may just have to remind him every now and then. Good luck!

P.S. May be have his hearing checked just to rule that out. My daughter was being really sassy and not listening...turns out she has a lot of fluid in her ears and may need tubes.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.M.

answers from Portland on

It sounds like all the attempts at correction so far have been "top-down" and focused on punishing. Try getting your son involved in the problem-solving. If he's respectfully coached on how to address his own behavior, he very likely will get a great deal farther than if he feels pushed or cornered into it. A fantastic book to help you understand and apply this new approach is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. I've used these techniques to very good effect for three years with my grandson, since he was 2.5.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.M.

answers from Tampa on

I think I want to take a look at that book I have seen a number of parents recommend - the How to talk so kids will listen...

I had / have the same issue with my child. She was a young 5 when she started Kindergarden - her birthday is a week after school starts. We struggled through the year with her behavior, she was constantly on yellow - and sometimes red. Rarely did we see green. At home it was a constant battle - defiante, mean, calling ME names - time out didn't work much, there was NOTHING she had that taking it away would work, loosing previldges - nothing would phase her..

A lot of her attitude was just - I don't want to, I don't care. Mid year and after many meetings with the teacher, she deteremined it was a maturity issue - that was also streaming over to her learning. The teacher tried positive reinforcements with skittles etc... which worked for some things, but not for all. (both of us trying at home with learning too) In the end, she is repeating kindergarden this year. I have seen a change in her in the end of the last school term and over summer. I'm hoping that she will turn a corner and is mentally mature and will do much better in school.

If you do find something that works, like that book.. please let me know :)

1 mom found this helpful
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R.S.

answers from Tampa on

Children keep going through stages of testing what they can get away with. If you are very consistant at home in giving him consequences for his actions, then school should follow. But I would start at home. Even though he says he will never do it again, tell him that is great, but there are still consequences for what he already did. This helped me as a parent to implement the consequences and him as a child to better understand it was not just Mommy being mean. There are times for grace, but when you have a pattern, this is not the time. Good Luck.

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S.S.

answers from Miami on

HAve him evaluated by a pediatric OT for Sensory Processing Disorder and Auditory Processing Disorder. Behavior is telling you one thing..........his central nervous system is not modulating input correctly.