Beer at a Kids Party?

Updated on June 21, 2013
C.R. asks from Turlock, CA
43 answers

My daughter will be turning 3 in a couple of months and we are having a birthday party for her. My husband and I will be inviting all of our family and some freinds. I dont want alcohol at her birthday party but he dose. I grew up with my family always having alcohol at our parties and im ok with it ( my uncles know their limit). But his family and some freinds get too drunk. I also want my husband be engaged with our daughter. But his freinds and cousins will want him to be drinking with them. What do I do?  Any solutions, advice or suggestions ?

Forgot to say.. that even if we dont buy any his freinds and cousins will bring some and if we do have some as soon as they run out I know for a fact that their will be a couple of them running to buy more.

Their will be about 60 adults and 60 children under 15

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J.C.

answers from New York on

I'd have it. It's a party. If you wanted it to be a kids party than you should have invited kids only.

60 adults - I'd be like, what no beer and hard lemonades?

8 moms found this helpful
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P.K.

answers from New York on

Lets face it, the three year olds birthday is an excuse to to have party. If you were having a birthday party for a three year old you would have a few of her friends. So,on that note, why would not have some beer and wine.
If you had a say BBQ with all these people, would you serve alcohol. I am thinking you would. Enjoy.

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M.H.

answers from Chicago on

I grew up and a relativly dry house. I will admit I forget that people have alcohol at parties.

But I feel, that a kids party should not have alcohol. But, I am not a big drinker. If family stays later, then perhaps after the kids are down, but not druing hte party. it is what 3 hrs?

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More Answers

S.S.

answers from Dallas on

First, WAY too many people for a 3 year old b-day party. I have never known any 3 year olds to have 60 friends or even 60 cousins.
Combine that with 60 adults who will be bored after about 30 minutes and it will be worse if you DON'T let them have a drink or two.
You should seriously scale this down or admit to the fact that this isn't a birthday party for your daughter, it's a reason for you and your husband to have an all-out block party of sorts.
For a 3 year old, it should be a party of about 5 friends (and their parents), cake, ice cream, a couple of games, and presents. 2 hours and done.

8 moms found this helpful

M.B.

answers from Tampa on

Chuckie Cheese serves beer. I don't see the problem and I don't drink

8 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I find it interesting that the wording of your question is done so that it doesn't sound like a family party, mostly adults, a few kids that belong to adults but a kids party, like just the child's friends.

Even reading the title I was thinking this would be about 18 year olds who's parents bought them beer for a graduation party or something.

Quite surprised when I read it is a family party that you want to have no beer at because it will make the guests bored and have no other choice but to pay attention to you and the birthday girl. Personally I like happy people at parties. People that are paying attention to the birthday girl because they want to, not because there is nothing else to do.

I have never been to a family/friend child's party where there wasn't an assortment of beverages because in my circle it would be seen as rude and cheap. Not in your case mind you but these are the parties we get invited to.

So have the beer. Before the party sit down with your husband and say I understand why there should be beer but I need you to respect my concerns as well. Have fun but when I need you to be present be present. Don't use the beer as an excuse to check out of the purpose of the party, to celebrate your daughter's birthday.

You guys are grown ups, this shouldn't even be an issue.

7 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

We have beer and/or wine at most family get togethers, including kids' parties. Seriously, don't you think Chuck E. Cheese would go out of business tomorrow if they didn't serve beer?
But that doesn't stop the adults from engaging with the kids, especially if you're hosting and it's your birthday child.
Does your husband automatically switch off and start ignoring his daughter when he starts drinking? THAT would be a problem for me, and something I would discuss with him before the party.

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M.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

Is that correct--120 people? That sounds more like a wedding reception than a 3-year-old birthday party to me. Is it too late to have a smaller party? Is it traditional to have your husband's friends? Our parties when our kids were younger were just immediate family, grandparents and godparents. We've always had adult beverages available, but the parties are smaller and the drinks are consumed in moderation. No problems. Maybe it's too late, but part of my solution would be a smaller party. It sounds like it's more for the adults than your daughter. A three year old won't be able to appreciate a party that size and might even get overwhelmed and crabby. Sorry--JMO.

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C.V.

answers from Columbia on

It doesn't sound like you're having a birthday party for your 3 year old. It sounds like you're having an adult party, and your daughter will just happen to be turning 3. His friends and cousins are attending? Yeah....that's not a 3 year old's party.

I'd do the birthday party from, say 1pm-3pm. No alcohol. And then do the adult "after party" once it's over and let them have their beer.

Remind them all that this isn't about them....it's about her.

ETA: Also, we usually have wine and beer and drinks at any occasion in my home...but nobody drinks to excess. So it's different.

7 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Well this is not really a party for your 3 yr. old. This is more of a gathering of the family.

If it were for your child, it would be filled with children under the age of 5.. and the parents of these children would be there. The Grandparents would also be there. Maybe the cousins that are her age. But not a bunch of adult relatives just there to visit with each other and drink.

What you are hosting is a family gathering and you will be singing Happy Birthday to your child at some point. But she is not the attraction in reality.

There is a huge difference. I know, I am Hispanic and we have had to explain this to my husband.. His family is very small. They can all gather for every major event around the dining room table.. And that is what they do.

In my family. we need to bring in the lawn chairs, set up all of the picnic tables out on the deck.. And people will come and go for at least 6 hours if we have some event with everyone.

And so we have learned to celebrate Birthdays in smaller groups of immediate family and the grandparents..Nobody gets their feeling hurt.

We just do not have the space or money to do this for each persons birthday. I also did not want to overwhelm our child.

We celebrated with our daughters friends from the neighborhood. and their parents who were also our friends. Sure, we may have had a cooler with beer or a Pitcher of Margaritas (they all walked to our house).. But NEVER did any of this turn into people getting drunk.. The main focus was making sure the kids were having a good time with games, activities and birthday cake.

Then we celebrated with grandparents if they did not attend the little kids party, Usually at a family friendly restaurant.

So decide.
Do you want a small Birthday party for your 3 year old and on another weekend have a family gathering with family and all of the drinking? You all can sing Happy Birthday at some point, but in reality, you will know not to expect your husband and the relatives to pay much attention to the Birthday Part?

No right or wrong.. Just what are you envisioning?

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Sorry, but there is nothing more boring than a little kid's birthday party. No disrespect to *anyone's* awesome kid, but there, I said it.

Kids Parties= boring for the adults. Sorry, but it's true.

I'd just let the beer drinkers have a drink, and if you don't want alcohol, next time go with a smaller group and have parents drop off. This sounds like the family is gathering together around the birthday girl and that they have their traditions. My other guess is that your daughter will be having such a fun time with cousins and other kids that this isn't going to be a 'connection' time with dad so much as a free-for-all.

Talk to your husband about strategies for dealing with those who drink too much or stay too long, but I wouldn't make this my hill to die on, esp. if they are pretty much going to get the beer anyway.

In the future, if you want no alcohol, be prepared to host at a venue that doesn't allow alcohol, like some bouncy-house place or the rec center.

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L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

My policy has always been that if it an event for children, no alcohol is served. My youngest graduated from high school and we had iced tea and lemonade at her party. Ditto for when the oldest graduated 2 years ago.
It is a problem with some of our friends, but I don't much care. The event is for the kids who are not of drinking age -- therefore no alcohol is served. If no alcohol is served, I don't have to worry about kids sneaking, drinking, and driving.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

ETA: I read your update.
Now, this is a 3 year old's, party. Birthday party. It is NOT an adult party.
AND... at this age, typically, the PARENTS OF THE INVITED CHILDREN, also attend the party. Unless you stipulated that it is a drop-off, party.
Then, you will also have, not only family and family friends there, but the parents, of the invited children. And they will see you/your family and your friends, getting DRUNK. And bringing beer to the party. So if that's fine with you and Husband, well fine.
But this ain't a keg beer party, for adults. It is a 3 year old, birthday party.
Quite frankly, the adults who NEED to drink beer, are acting like over grown children.
60 adults are invited, and there are 60 kids under 15, invited to the party.
That is a TON of people.
------------------

Since his family and some of his friends cannot... handle... alcohol and drinking... and get too drunk, then NO. NO alcohol at your child's, Birthday party.
And yes, Daddy should be Daddy. Not drinking buddies with the guests.

I am okay with beer at kids' parties, BUT the part where you said that some of his family and friends "get too drunk..." then that is the signal to say NO DRINKING at my child's party.
C'mon, they can go drink at so many other places anytime. It does not HAVE to be at a 3 year old's, party.
Right?

6 moms found this helpful

M.T.

answers from Phoenix on

60 Adults but no beer?Its boring for the adults to be at a kids party.

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K.B.

answers from Detroit on

Have you actually spoken with your husband and expressed your concerns? As in, "I'm concerned about how some people we know get when they've had too much to drink and I don't want that at our daughter's b-day party. This should be about her, not the drinking." What does he say?

If you don't have beer at the party, the people that are the problem may not decide to come anyway. In which case you will then see where their priorities lie. Your husband should be mature enough and man enough to stand up to them and let them know he is not going to be drinking with them this time - they can go out together after the party is over.

Personally, I don't think beer and wine is a big deal for a family party if it's the norm in some families and everyone can control themselves, but it's an issue when a select few ruin it for everyone else. I certainly would not have it if was going to be all friends from school/neighborhood and same-age kids plus their parents. It's a 3-year-old's b-day party - not a college kegger.

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K.H.

answers from Phoenix on

We always have alcohol at our daughter's birthday parties. If you're worried about drunk people, I might limit what you have to beer and wine.

If you want your husband to be engaged with your daughter, then you should rethink the massive size of your party. With that many people invited, her birthday is going to be pretty downplayed.

4 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

C.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

I would make a compromise with my husband.

Your friends and cousins can come over AFTER the our daughter's party - have your own party. We will take keys from those who are to drunk to drive or call them a cab.

This is a party for OUR DAUGHTER. Not for you to party with your friends. That can be later. Don't like it? Then we will have Jill's party somewhere else and you can go with your friends and cousin to party.

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J.B.

answers from Houston on

How about a couple hrs of of party fun with visiting,games, presents, cake etc, then offer some alcohol? Maybe just get enough for everyone to have a couple drinks? If anyone complains I am personally not above saying, 'hey guys, this is a G rated party, but there is great sports bar right up the road!" Then if after all the bday festivities are over they want to go party elsewhere, so be it, good luck!

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D..

answers from Miami on

Wow - this is a big party. Do you as a normal course have these big parties? If you do, it really has nothing to do with it being a birthday party. She's only 3. She'll have plenty of kids to play with. What's important is that you have plenty of help watching all these kids. And it's the adults' jobs to make sure that there are designated drivers.

If your husband's family members are SO irresponsible as to drink and drive or ignore the kids running around in favor of drinking, you shouldn't have these parties. You are not going to get your way to prevent family members from bringing their own beer. You're just going to get a lot of ill-will from his family if you try to fight that. What you do instead is not have these kinds of parties.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

I don't have wine or beer at my kids birthday parties, but I don't invite any adults. If I did invite adults I would probably have wine and beer. Why don't you have a kids only party for your daughter, then you can have an adult family and friends party some other time.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

This sounds more like a party to which children are also invited. We serve margaritas at my son's birthday party. It used to be our summer pool party. Since he was born it is our summer pool party that also has a bunch of kids in attendance. Of course there are still many stone sober adults watching the kids in the water.

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K.P.

answers from Dallas on

No alcohol at a kids birthday party its just not appropriate. Any other party is fine but not at a party designed for children.

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H.G.

answers from Lancaster on

In my opinion, if people are known for running to the store if there's no alcohol at a child's party, they have a drinking problem. I, personally, don't serve alcohol when I know some of the people coming are known to over-indulge. Sounds to me that your husband's family has some drinking issues and your DH is OK with joining in. No reason to serve alcohol at a 3 year old's party.

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☼.S.

answers from San Diego on

How many kids will be at the party? Is it specifically for kids? We've had our daughter's birthday parties at our house and there was beer. The party included our families and our close friends with kids. No school mates. We had a party for our daughter at a park and invited our family, our close friends w/ kids and my daughter's entire class and we didn't have beer. At that party I imagine only a handful of our friends that are dads would have had one beer at most. So what will the ratio of kids be at your party? Will you be inviting adults to the party who will *not* be bringing a child? I'm not sure why any adult friend would be going to a child's bday party without a child in tow, personally, because that really would mean that they are there only to party. And if that's the case, perhaps those people should be left off the party list, know what I mean?

BTW, if your child does have a lot of little friends coming to this party, she's going to be focused on them, not you or dad.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

If it was just going to be an hour of cake and ice cream and pin the tail on the donkey for a handful of people, I would say no. But that many people is an epic shindig, and when that many adults get together, alcohol is an acceptable part of the deal.
Is your husband not capable of engaging with his daughter with a beer in him? Can he not tell his friends and family, "Hang on, I'm watching Precious blow out her candles." Are you really worried about HIM getting wasted?

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Well, I don't have a problem with the drinking. I have a problem with the adults getting drunk and acting like idiots. If you are truly worried about his family and friends doing that...even after they are told not to...save the alcahol for when the kids aren't there. Have an adults only party with his family and friends, once the kids go to bed. Just make sure there are enough sober adults to tend to the kids, and drive.

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K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

Just don't buy any.

Then if people who come MUST have beer they can go get it themselves & you politely ask them to be responsible?

I think that asking your husband nicely if he & his friends & family could go ONE time without drinking it would be mean a lot to you!

We're not big drinkers so this has never come up for us before?

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

In my husband's family they have one year old birthday parties and beer. They have fifteen year old birthday parties and beer. They have barbecues and have beer. He was shocked to learn that in my culture they have beer at funerals. They (hubby's family) do not.!!! Go figure. I'd either separate the two parties or live with it and don't worry, he can handle his drunk friends and since there are that many people it is kind of hard to split up the two parties unless you send separate invitations for the drinkers for about three hours later. Then they will show up already drunk anyway. I have never seen a party where hubby is totally engaged with the three year old if there are that many people. Or the one year old, or the fifteen year old. Could you compromise and have a fourth of July party and mention you will also celebrate the birthday? As another poster said, Chuckee Cheese has beer, if you are sure there is a particular drunk that comes tell your husband to have a discussion with that person beforehand. And sadly it is funny, but you said your own relatives seem to know their limit, perhaps that is just something you weren't paying as much attention to. To tell your husband, especially if he is paying a good portion of the party to not drink with his friends will surely incite a problem. You could have a talk before hand and tell him what is acceptable, such as do not gulp down twelve shots of tequilla as you fall over a lot.

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K.D.

answers from Milwaukee on

I wouldn't buy a ton of alcohol but I think it's fine for everyone to have one or two if they want. Have a reasonable amount on hand and when you run out-you are out. It's not a bash and everyone should be able to handle themselves appropriately-and tell him in advance that while you understand he will want one or two himself, this is his daughter's party and he needs to actively participate and be ready to handle his friends and relatives if they start to get out of hand.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with those that say that 60 adults at a 3 year old's party, is a party for the adults, not the 3 year old. And why do people think that beer and wine are any less alcohol than anything else. It still gets you drunk.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't think there should be alcohol at children's parties. I've seen it before and I don't think it's horrible, but I just don't think it's necessary. Why have something at the party that the birthday child can't have?

If these guys need their beer so badly that they can't make it through a two hour children's party without it, they are better off staying home.

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E.T.

answers from Albuquerque on

When my kids were little I always had beer and wine at their birthday parties because all the parents showed up (so the party was both for the little kids and their parents, my friends). But no one ever drank more than they should... so it was no big deal.

If you think the birthday party will turn into a drunk fest or a bunch of men standing around outside belching, then yeah - I might be tempted to skip it too.

You wanting your husband to be engaged with your daughter is a different issue. Do you think he'd ignore her and the party to hang out with his friends? If yes, maybe talk to him about that -- rather than making this about beer.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

Beer at a children's party is not a good idea. Is this all adults and just your child or will there be a lot of other children there? The focus should be on celebrating your child, not hanging around with his buddies. If you want to compromise: Have the birthday celebration first. Then have a BBQ or something later where beer would be ok to serve.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

This is what we used to do when our kids were younger and we invited both adults and kids to party. The first part was the kid party, with games and cake and all that, and then we would fire up the BBQ and the party would go on, well past the time the kids were in bed. Everyone always had a great time.

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

first, 60 adults and 60 kids is WAY too many people for a 3 year olds birthday. That's more people that I had at my wedding!!
We do not drink. We didn't even have alcohol at my wedding. No reason other than we just don't like it and didn't want to pay for it. I recently went to a birthday party for a 5 year old and the choices were either beer or juice box. That's not leaving many options for adults who do not like to drink. I had a juice box with the kids. I feel that water or soda or juice are plenty of good options. I don't know why people need alcohol to have fun at a party. Makes no sense to me

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L.M.

answers from Dover on

It's a 3 yr old's party. I say no alcohol unless it's AFTER the party has concluded.

I have family on both sides (as does hubby) that have problems w/ alcohol and I have a few that don't drink AT ALL (talk about one extreme to the other). We never had drinks at our kids party and we have rarely had them at our own gatherings (didn't supply but may have a drink or two). We did just allow it out my son's college graduation party but he's 21 and no one got out of hand.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I would just tell him you would like that party to be alcohal free. If they want to hand out after the party is over and have a few drinks that's fine.

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S.R.

answers from El Paso on

We've never done beer at the kids' birthday parties. Now, that's not to say that we don't have a cookout here and there where we invite people over (kids and all) and we have beer or wine or whatever (for the adults, obviously!), we just haven't ever done it at the kids' birthday parties.

See if he'd be willing to compromise by having a "guys' night" or something with his friends & cousins on a different day and leave the drinking for that day only.

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

Save it for after the party when your friends are gone. Make it perfectly clear to your husband and his family that they cannot drink until after the party. I see nothing wrong with having beer at the event, but if his side doesn't know their limits, then that is no time or place to get their drunk on.

Good luck!

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

When our kids were little we made it clear - no alcohol at the party this is a kids party. Everyone always was fine with it. We do however usually have some beer or wine for the other types of parties that we have or go to.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

What time of day? I would serve it but that will be expensive!

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K.S.

answers from Denver on

This is a tough one. I am like you- I would love to have some get togethers with no alcohol, I don't drink very often and hate to watch others get drunk, especially around kids. So I just don't get the big deal. However, I have learned that it is a big deal to my husband- he wants to be a good host. He could certainly live without alcohol, but does enjoy drinking with friends. He is more worried about upsetting others, though.

So for holiday parties, etc., we have agreed to have beer and wine, but no hard liquor. People can, and still do, get drunk- but it's different than doing shots and getting wasted. Not perfect, but I can live with it.

For you, it sounds like you would already just do beer. I would talk once more with your husband about your concerns. But I would not make it a battle. If he really feels like there should be beer there, try to find some way to compromise. Maybe you don't have it out for the first hour or so (offer soda, etc., and if people ask- say "we're breaking out the booze at 5" or whatever).

I think I am just pretty defeated at this point, and don't want you to pick a losing battle. I have learned that people who drink just can't seem to live without it- and are completely rude and disrespectful to the hosts to get it. I said that we only serve beer and wine at our parties, but there have been times that people brought us a bottle of liquor as a hostess gift and damn if I haven't found that people went and got it and opened it. It's really rude and it makes me want to entertain less. But when we do entertain, I just decide not to worry about it anymore, it isn't worth it. What I do make sure of is that my husband doesn't get drunk in front of our daughter- I do have some say over that! :-)

Good luck and enjoy the party.

J.S.

answers from Hartford on

That's not a child's 3 year birthday party. That's something else. If you want a party for a child that's free of alcohol then you need to have a much smaller party with a manageable guest list. Invite your child's close cousins and a couple of little friends, and just have cake and juice. You can have the party at a splash park or children's museum or something where alcohol is not allowed.

Do that before your big bash. That way, you can at least try to control the alcohol by buying what you're willing to buy and keeping track of what others bring by keeping it all in one area. As guests arrive take their keys and lock them up somewhere. Anyone who plans to drive home needs to stop drinking a minimum of an hour before they leave, or they'd better plan on sleeping over. As the hosts you and your husband have an obligation to make sure no one leaves drunk, especially with children.

You'll have the keys for everyone, so no one will be able to go out for the infamous beer run down the street. If they want to go they'll have to walk.

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