Bedtime Is a NIGHTMARE! ANY Advice Is Helpful

We did a combination of pick up/put down, making a better routine and slowly leaving the room a la Supernanny. What is the nighttime routine?

My mother taught me this, it worked great. During Dinner time, no TV, no loud talking.

Then a very warm bath, still no outside noises like the TV, loud talking on the phone etc.. Lights low in her room, lights off everywhere else that she can see.

Speak calmly and quietly, no horse play in the tub. I used to have to remind my husband "for every minute you get her her riled up, it will take 2 minutes to calm her down." As you wash her, use a soft wash cloth and use strong strokes like a massage, this will wear her out. Especially her back, arms and legs.

Make sure her room has a soft light, quiet music. Use the bath towel to dry her off using strong strokes again. Quietly dress her. Read her a story very quietly. This is not the time to engage her and ask her questions, again speak in low tones and a monotone voice.

As you read the story, rub her back. Then kiss her good night. Leave the music playing quietly. Sometimes a slow moving fan will work..

Try to be quiet around her bedroom until you are sure she is out..

What's her sleep schedule like? Does she nap during the day? Is she over tired without a nap? Kids sleep needs change. She may be trying to drop a nap or go to bed later.
Try the quiet routine first. Then take a good look at her nap schedule and how tired she seems and make adjustments.

Sleep train with music.
Play soft, no words music that is at 60 beats per minute, which matches resting heart rate. Within minutes of listening to this type of music, your DD's heart rate, respiration rate, and blood pressure will lower. This creates the necessary physical state for sleep to occur.
Play the CD at every nap and bedtime. Repeated use creates a biofeedback loop, so that your child learns to associate the music with sleepiness. Within just days, your little one will fall asleep more and more quickly, as the stimulus/response pattern deepens.
So the more you use this technique, the faster and more effective sleep training with music becomes.
Because this system is physiology-based, it works with all temperaments and parenting styles.
Google my screen name to find a CD.
BeFit-M.

Creat a calming bedtime ritual. I used to give the kids a warm quiet bath (low light in the bathroom), then we'd sit together and read a book - I'd sit indian style and they'd sit on my lap leaning against my chest. We started the process 30-60 mintues before bed-time depending on the child, the age, and how the day was going.

It was a sweet time for M. & child, it created a love of reading, I'd pray with them as I tucked them in. I learned from their day-care teacher that kids calm down in different ways to fall asleep - usually either light brushing their forehead, tummy or back. You have to try each until you figure out which works on your kid.

Now my kids are 14 & 17 and II can't tell you how much I miss those times together. As they got older they would read to me, or we'd alternate pages or chapters. I shared bed-time reading with my kids until 6th or 7th grade.

Even now, I will down, next to my kids, on top of the covers and lay there in the dark for a few minutes and they will talk away. Seems that they talk most at bed time. I get to hear about their day.

Could she be napping too long during the day? My youngest stopped napping at around 18 months so I moved her bedtime up. We have a routine and its dinner, one show, bath, pjs and teeth brushing and bedtime stories. We read cuddled up for about 20-30 min each night. Lights out by 8:30 although I try to aim for 8:00. Bedtime is bedtime I am tired, I've done our routine, I just close the door and no more water, hugs, I just want to tell you something, etc. My older two just go right to sleep, but my 2.5 year old will fight me a little. I think it's the age but she gives up after about 10 min. I also think it helps to make sure they are getting plenty of physical excerise every day. Good luck!

We used Ferber, it worked for us.

Best,
F. B.

Is your routine to just kiss her good night and put her in bed and wait for her to conk out? That might be the problem.

Babies/toddlers have a real fear of the dark. They have a real fear of being left alone. I guess you can call it separation anxiety. Please understand you can't talk her out of it. Babies have needs and it's our job to meet them where they are at right now. This phase will not last forever.

I used to co-sleep with my infants/toddlers. My kids are 13 and 9 now. There are books that talk about the benefits of co-sleeping (Three in a Bed). Meredith Small wrote "Our Babies Ourselves" and I think she wrote about how babies have evolved to be WITH a mother during sleep.

Dr. James McKenna runs a co-sleeping lab and publishes papers on the benefits of co-sleeping. He's a researcher and he used to be against the idea. His research convinced him otherwise.
http://cosleeping.nd.edu

How about a compromise? How about you rock her to sleep? With a book? Even if she is screaming in your arms at first. Let her know you won't leave until she is ready for you to go.

Make the whole thing a WONDERFUL bonding time to look forward to. A positive ritual.

I have never understood the parental practice of putting a baby in a crib and expecting them to just roll over and conk out. That's now how babies work.

Have you ever seen this video? Father goes into baby crib.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLErNXIYjMg

I believe babies/mothers were meant to co-sleep. Our society insists on cribs, separate rooms, etc… and then kids/parents have "sleep problems."

True, co-sleeping isn't going to work for everyone, but what you are describing isn't working either.

Have you seen the MOMMA'S GONE CITY blog with her photos of her 2 yr old son THEO and new puppy BEAU?
http://www.mommasgonecity.com/2013/11/wishes-granted-theo...

Read it. As you can see, she was rocking her toddler to sleep. Toddlers need the cuddles and comfort to doze off. The puppy, left alone in the crate to sleep, hated it. Cried and cried… and then something amazing happened.

SEE! Mammals love company and cuddles! Then they can relax. Not all mammals, but most little ones do.

My toddlers NEVER napped for 2 hours.

I think your daughter is screaming because she has an unmet need. She's trying to communicate it to you the only way she knows how.

Does she still sleep in a crib? If so, I would do the bedtime routine with her (brush her teeth, read a book, etc) and then put her in her crib and say good night. Walk out of the room and let her cry. She WILL cry, but it will get better and better, if you stay consistent with your routine each night. It's hard, but it will happen in due time.

For ours(age 2) bedtime means nothing. He'd scream. He isn't tired ____@____.com he wanders around until he crashes. Usually by 9 or 10. No screaming.

And if he naps, 11! Naps are rare though.

I put the other kids to bed (age 4+) and that goes well.
2 and under is tough!!!! They have no concept of bedtime. They just want to play.

Do you have a routine? Ours is bath (if it's bath day), jammies, brush teeth, short story then bed. We do bedtime pretty much at the same time, but once the teeth are getting brushed our 2 yr old knows bedtime is close. Sometimes with all of our boys my hubs has gone in with his man voice and just said 'that's enough, go to sleep'. Unreal how much that can do, no even a yell just a strong deeper voice. It's like dad super powers or something. Also we use a sound machine with our 2 yr old we started when we transitioned him from his mobile that played lullabies. Something with soothing music or repetitive sound helps so much, we put it on white noise, it's awesome. Good luck!

OK, I know people say TV is bad before bed but this is what we did and it worked. Bath, TV time on M. and Dad's bed (childrens movie or Dora or something), book and bed. I'm mean, you go to bed and you stay in bed. My kids have always gone to bed about 8:30 or 9:00. I know some folks like to put their kiddos to be earlier than that but mine just weren't ready.

M

ok-so.....during the day, start talking about the evening, what you will be doing and what the events will be leading up to bedtime, and talk about having a good nights' sleep so you can get up and do so-and-so; metaphorically, paint a picture. Everyone learns differently-take time to explain the process and create a ritual. Dinner, play, bath, story, bed-it is not easy, but develop something and do it for three nights-I hope you see a change!