I certainly know where you are at in your life. My story began
in 2005 when my dad passed away. I all of a sudden had no help, no comfortable, familiar resources I could count on. I knew then I had to leave my job. I knew but refused to accept that. I was determined to make it work, I mean other people do it all the time right. Nanny, day care and 2 working parents. Well....it didn't work out that way. I was let go from my job due to a merger and downsizing 2 years after that
in 2007. A job I had for 17 1/2 years. A job I did well and was respected for. A., I didn't know what I was going to do with myself. I worked long hours and was good at my job. I went from an execuitive position and suits and heels to jeans and t-shirts and sneakers or flip flops. I had prolonged the inevitable for selfish reasons and I think God was being kind in showing me the door with this. I guess I wasn't responding and short of hitting me with a brick, God had to show me a bigger sign. I was happy at work, proud, making money and didn't want to give that up. Yet, deep down inside I knew I was holding on to something I could no longer do. My kids were at home, by themselves, no supervision other than the oldest child which was 17. I'd get home, nothing was done, no h.w. no baths etc....point here is I needed to be home. There is no one like a mother when things need to get done. I had a nanny for a while but then all my money was going to the nanny and in a fateful turn of events, she moved to another state anyway. I reluctantly gave up my job and when all was said and done, I came home to children I did not know. The attitudes, the tempers, the laziness......and I realized I hadn't raised my children. My mom and dad raised the two oldest, my dad and nanny raised the youngest. And as grandparents of course, they spoiled my kids completely. I came to know that you cannot have the best of both worlds as a woman. Yes, you can work, but you cannot know your children as well as you'd like to. Or yes you can be a full time mom and have a direct bond with your children but have no career. It is a true blessing if you are lucky enough to find that balance. This was such a harsh and brutal reality check for me though. In the past year, I have had to slow down, relax and remember that I am no longer part of a stress filled , corporate world that I could walk away from at any time for the next big paycheck that could be offered to me. I was now in the real world. The world that looks to me for decisions and rules and limits and snacks at 3:30 and dinner at 7. This world I could not run from, they needed me. Especially my littlest one. She was 9 going on 10 at the time and this is such an impressionable age....the molding years. It is indeed VERY hard to let go A., especially when you work as many years as we did, but you know what, after you've been home for a while and you see that your home is in order and your childrens needs are being addresses by you the way you would like them to be and everyone is having breakfast properly, the house is clean, laundry is done. And you aren't rushing out of work early feeling guilty to get home in time to shuffle the kids around to their activities(if they have activities due to you not being available), address h.w., make dinner, bathe them and then be exhausted. It will take a while, but you will adjust, I promise. I get cranky now and again, because I feel I don't contribute to the human race and I give myself a pity party.....but when I see my little one's face at 3:00 when I pick her up and we have an ice cream cone together on the way home and dinner is on the table for my older kids when they get home and I'm there for help on h.w. or studying and reminding them to organize themselves....guess what, I am contributing to the human race.
You'll get through it and above all remember at the ages of your children, they need their mom more than anybody and there's nothing more that will give you peace within than knowing your family is taken care of properly. Keep your chin up and let go. Remember.....God does things for a reason, I firmly believe that!! Oh Boy do I believe that!!
By the way....on you interviewing your replacement, do it with an open heart, just look at it as passing the torch because you have bigger and better things to look forward to....your children. Good luck!